


Harley Quinn: Queen of Crime

by LittleMissZatanna



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019), Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Canon-Typical Violence, Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, Comedy, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Harley/Ivy will come later in the story, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Joker/Harley is only in the first chapter, Romance, Slow Burn, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, Tim Drake is Red Robin, but not too slow, lots of characters, non-graphic nudity, outdated pop culture references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 151,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24217474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissZatanna/pseuds/LittleMissZatanna
Summary: When Harley Quinn finally comes to her senses and realizes her and Joker's relationship was one-sided, she teams up with Ivy and makes a vow to become the queen of Gotham City's criminal underworld. But rival crime lords and somewhat incompetent helpers may make things difficult for her.
Relationships: Grace Balin/Pamela Isley, Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 13
Kudos: 118





	1. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker and Harley's relationship seems to be on the rocks. But Harley seems to be oblivious to this fact. So Ivy decides to take things into her own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically I started watching that new Harley Quinn cartoon (I'm a little late to the party, I know) and decided while I liked it on a lot of levels there were a lot of things I thought I could improve about it. Plus I'm a huge fan of Harley Quinn to begin with and I wanted to write a fanfiction about her for a while now. So this functions both as my remake of the show and also as me wanting to just write fun stories about Harley. I dunno, this might end up as a hot mess but I really had fun writing this first chapter. Hope you enjoy too!

When you're a costumed criminal, every day is like an adventure. That's how Harley Quinn felt about her life. And she wouldn't have it any other way. Why would she? Everything she needed was right in front of her. She got to wear an awesome jester suit, spend time with the man she loved most in the world and best of all she got plenty of money out of it. In her mind, it made the time she occasionally spent in Arkham completely worth it. There was nothing that would change it. Even if the Joker occasionally kicked her out she understood, they just needed time apart. At least that's what she told herself. She knew that there was another fun day right around the corner.

On today's agenda was robbing a dinner function on a zeppelin full of rich people. For some reason, the people of Gotham had a strange fascination with blimps that Harley never quite understood. But whatever the reason, it was a great way to gather wealthy people into a room with no way to get out.

Currently, Harley was incognito. Dressed in smart business attire and wearing copious amounts of makeup to hide her bleached white skin. She'd been waiting for the signal for the robbery to begin but so far hadn't gotten anything from the Joker. So in the meantime, she stared out the window and admired the lights of Gotham down below. She may not have understood the appeal of zeppelins but she knew a good view when she saw one. But Harley didn't have to admire the view for much longer. She heard a very familiar voice coming from behind her.

_"Enjoying the sights, puddin'?"_

Harley twirled around and saw what she instantly recognized and as the Joker in disguise. It was rather obvious since he'd refused to change out of his signature purple and green suit but he attempted to hide his identity with a black wig and the same heavy makeup Harley had on. He even went the extra mile and pencilled on a fake moustache. On pure reflex, Harley pulled the Joker into a big hug and gave him a kiss on the cheek which left behind a lipstick mark.

"Mistah J! I knew you'd find me!" Harley happily chuckled.

"Not so loud…" Joker whispered. "Do you want to mess things up already?"

Harley shook her head. "Sorry. I'm just real excited about this."

"That's no excuse for being sloppy. Every clown puts plenty of effort into his act." Joker looked at his reflection in the glass window of the zeppelin and straightened out the bowtie. "Now then, do you remember what we rehearsed."

"Yep. You shout _'It's Showtime'_ we jump up on the table, take out our guns, rip off our disguises and rob the joint." Harley recited, looking up at Joker's face for approval.

"Good girl. You're not as stupid as you look." Joker ruffled Harley's hair the same way you would to an obedient puppy. "Now then. On the count of three we attack. Got it?"

"Oh yeah, I got it." Harley nodded again, a smile filled with glee spreading across her face.

"Excellent." Joker turned around and took a few steps away from Harley. "One… Two… Three…" He paused for a few more moments, Harley leaned forward and waited for her signal. _"It's showtime!"_

Joker's abrupt shouting ceased all other talking in the room and turned all eyes toward him. With that, Harley did a cartwheel across the floor as the Joker stepped up on to a table. Soon enough, Harley joined him atop the table with the guests on the zeppelin looking at them and seeming incredibly confused.

"Ladies and gents, I'm afraid there's been a change of plans for tonight." Joker reached into his jacket and produced a pistol while breaking out into a short bout of his trademark maniacal laughter.

"Yeah, let's make sure this all goes nice 'n smoothly. Or else we'll be makin' sure the Hindenburg has a sequel!" Harley giggled as she took out an oversized gun.

"Let me do the jokes, Harl. You're a bad improviser." Joker removed his wig and began wiping the makeup off his face.

"Yer the boss!" Harley nodded, shedding her clothes to reveal the red and black jester suit she had on underneath. After wiping away the makeup she slapped her domino mask over her eyes and pulled up her jester hood.

"Now everyone, I'm sure you know how it goes. Please surrender your valuables to us and we won't hurt anyone."

While Harley surveyed the terrified crowd she noticed a pair of security guards in the back pushing their way toward Joker and Harley's table.

"Hey! We got some heroes!" Harley shot off her gun at the two guards. A pair of flags with the word Bang! written on it were fired from the guard. The tips of each flag were sharpened into a weapon. One guard was hit in the shoulder with the first flag weapon and the other was hit in the leg, both fell to the ground clutching the injured areas in pain.

"No, no, that's not how you shoot someone, Harl." Joker shook his head in disapproval. "Aim for the centre of mass. Like this!" he fired his gun off casually to the side, nailing a man in a tuxedo standing near him right in the chest.

The man bled profusely and collapsed, clutching at his chest wound. A woman in a red dress standing right beside him screamed and bent down to check on him. "My husband! You just shot my husband!"

"My bad." Joker shrugged and shot the gun again, this time hitting the woman with the sharpened flag right in her back. "There, now you have matching wounds!" he began cackling, to which Harley joined in. "But seriously folks, there will be a lot more of that if you all don't begin handing over your money."

"That's right! Cash, jewels, fancy gold watches, hand 'em over!" Harley nodded. "There's nothin' you can do to stop us so ya might as well do it now." to punctuate her point, she prodded the nose of a man who just happened to be standing near her with the barrel of her gun.

With their demonstration complete, the patrons of this event began gathering up whatever valuables they had on their person. Seeing this, Harley glanced over at the Joker and happily clapped their hands.

"See that, puddin'! This is goin' great. Best date night ever!" Harley pulled the Joker into a hug.

"Yes, yes, it's all going just dandy…" the Joker nonchalantly broke out of Harley's hug and pushed her away. "A little too dandy if you ask me."

"What do ya mean?" Harley suddenly became aware of a shadow coming over her and the Joker. "Oh crap, is that…"

"Ah, finally!" Joker cheered and turned around.

Harley turned with him and saw a familiar bat-shaped silhouette coming toward the windows of the Zeppelin. "Oh shit, I thought we were finally gonna avoid this guy."

"But Harley, Batsy being here is what makes this so much fun!" Joker aimed his gun at Batman's rapidly approaching figure.

The silhouette gained more features as Batman got closer and closer to the zeppelin. He smashed through the glass as the civilians got out of the way and Joker and Harley shot their weapons at him. The sharpened flags broke upon impact with his armoured suit.

"Time to bring out the big boys!" Joker haphazardly tossed his gun to the side and reached into his jacket, producing a pair of much larger guns. Harley followed his example and discarded her gun, unstrapping her hammer from her back and brandishing it.

Batman landed and slowly but deliberately strode towards Joker and Harley. "When will the two of you learn? I will always be here to stop you."

"That's what makes it so much fun!" Joker began laughing once again as he shot off his gun at Batman, now firing real bullets. Of course a mixture of his nigh impenetrable armour and his acrobatics meant it did very little. Once Batman had gotten close enough he grabbed the edge of the table and flipped it, sending Harley and Joker onto their backs. The sudden pain did not stop the Joker from laughing and firing off his gun wildly.

Harley sprung back to her feet and cartwheeled her way over to Batman, swinging her hammer down at his head. "Yer not gonna get away with ruinin' our date night!" her hammer missed but she simply swung at him again. Harley's athleticism and acrobatics gave her a slight edge but Batman proved to be faster. After scuffling some more, he managed to yank the hammer out of her hands and break it over his knee.

"Dammit! I just bought that one!" Harley let out an annoyed sigh. She was kneed in the gut by Batman and keeled over backwards. But all of Batman's attention given to her left him susceptible to a sneak attack. Specifically a giant novelty-sized boxing glove to the face.

Harley watched Joker and Batman battle it out a moment while she regained her bearings. Even after so many years as a supervillain Harley never could quite get used to having the wind knocked out of her. So while she tried to remember how to breathe again, she took a moment to contemplate things.

"Puddin' can we get outta here?" Harley groaned as she stood up. "Batsy broke my hammer and we didn't even get any money from these schmucks. Let's get outta here!"

"Oh but Harley, I-" Joker was cut off by a blow to the face that only made him laugh harder. "I'm having so much fun!"

Harley rushed in and tried to aid in the fight, grabbing Batman from behind and attempting to restrain him. "C'mon! This date night was s'posed to be about us! Not him!"

"Fine! We'll do things your way for once." Joker nodded as he ducked out of the way of Batman's fist. "I have a new escape plan I've been wanting to try anyway."

"Awesome! Let's blow this joint!" Harley cheered, doing a backflip away from Batman.

Joker ran away from Batman, grabbing Harley by the wrist and guiding her over to the broken window that Batman had crashed in through. He jumped through the window, laughing madly and dragging an equally giggly Harley with him.

"Ooh, what's the plan now? Ya finally get that emergency Joker-copter up and running?" Harley beamed with delight.

"We don't talk about the Joker-copter, you know this. Instead I have..." Joker trailed off very intentionally.

In response, Harley looked down and saw them falling toward a hot air balloon shaped like the Joker's head being piloted by one of his many goons. Harley and Joker both landed in the basket of the balloon, causing it to shake a little bit.

"Whee! Now that was fun." Harley claps her hands. "Totally makes up for the big bad Bat comin' in and ruining our date."

"Oh, I was actually having fun with him. Having him crash our dates is half the fun." Joker stood up from the ground and pulled Harley up with him.

"Yeah, I guess… Except when he takes us to Arkham. I don't wanna go back to the bughouse." Harley sighed. "And he broke my new hammer."

"I'm sure he won't catch me." Joker cupped Harley's chin. "Even if he does it won't be for long. It never is."

"Uh, boss, don't look now but it looks like the Bat's got his own helicopter." the goon piloting the hot air balloon spoke up.

"What?!" Joker exclaimed, whirling around to see the Batcopter rapidly approaching him. In a fit of rage he stomped down, stepping on the goon's foot and likely fracturing a few toe bones in the process.

"Mistah J, correct me if I'm wrong, but ain't helicopters faster than hot air balloons." Harley fidgeted with her hands.

"Yes they are."

"So that means Batsy is gonna catch up with us."

"Yes he will."

"Which means we're gonna go back to Arkham for a while."

"Yes it does. Unless…"

Harley tilted her head a little. "Unless what?"

"I need you to jump out, Harley!" the Joker declared, throwing his arms up in the air for dramatic effect.

"Wait, what?" Harley bit her lip nervously and took a few steps back. "Are ya serious?"

"Dead serious, Harl! Bats won't let anyone die if he can help it. If you jump out, he'll save you and let me get away."

"But then I gotta go to Arkham?"

"That's right! But don't worry, I'll be there to get you out."

"Ya mean it?"

"Harley, have a little faith. Would I lie to you?"

After a moment of hesitant and glancing down at the streets of Gotham below her, Harley looked back at Joker. "Okay, I'll do it!"

"Great, then jump!" Joker encouraged her.

Harley nodded, glancing back and forth between Joker, the ground below and the quickly approaching Batcopter. "Just gimme a sec… This is scarier than I thought…"

"Oh for godsakes, Harley. Here!" Joker shoved Harley and sent her tumbling backwards over the edge of the hot air balloon.

Things were now happening too fast for Harley to process so instead of thinking too hard about how much hitting the ground would hurt all she did was scream. She screamed for what to her felt like several minutes but in reality, was likely only a few seconds. This ended when she felt a rope coil around her left leg and began pulling her up.

"Hey! I ain't street pizza! I'm saved!" Harley cheered. "Hoor-" her celebration ended when she was dragged inside of the cockpit of the Batcopter and abruptly handcuffed. "Holy crap you're good at this."

"It's what I do." Batman said with his usual serious tone.

Harley stopped paying attention to things momentarily and the next time she chose to be aware of the world again, she'd been taken out of her jester suit and was instead inside of Arkham Asylum wearing the standard patient robes. She was flanked by two guards and being led down the hall by head psychiatrist Dr. Joan Leland.

"It's depressing that I see you here as a patient so much, Harleen."

"Pfft, you just aren't havin' enough fun with your life." Harley cackled as she was led down the hallway. This response was only met with a disapproving shake of the head from Dr. Leland. As Harley was led down the hallway she noticed Ivy in one of the cells she was being led past. "Oh hey there Red, I'm back again!"

Ivy glanced up from the gardening magazine she was reading and nodded back at Harley. "Good to see you again, Harley. How'd they catch you this time?"

"Date night went bad. Batsy showed up and Mistah J pushed me out of a balloon."

"You need a better boyfriend."

"He means well!" Harley called out as Ivy's cell got farther away. She glacned up at the two guards behind her. "And guess what? He's gonna be here to break me out any day now."

One of the guards gripped Harley by the wrist harder. "That's enough out of you, Quinzel. You won't be hearing from your psycho clown boyfriend ever again."

"Oh, just you wait…" Harley giggles as she's led into her cell. "I'm gonna be out of here in a week. Two tops."

*******

It was long ago that Harley had adjusted to living life inside Arkham. A natural optimist, Harley tried to look on the bright side of things. She didn't have to worry about cooking and the exercise yard meant she got in good shape. Plus she always had someone she could talk to about her feelings. Plus sometimes her closest friend in the whole world, Poison Ivy, was there with her.

But with all that said, it was not her preferred place of residence. Luckily for her as soon as she was locked up in there she knew that the Joker was gonna break her out. After all, she was his number one gal and he'd just have to break her out. But soon, a month passed and she was still inside Arkham. That didn't deter her no matter how much Ivy told her that he wasn't coming. She loved Ivy but Harley always said she didn't understand her relationship with Mistah J the way she did. But soon that one month turned into two months, then into half a year, then into a full year and Harley had lost quite a bit of her hopefulness.

On the one year anniversary of her incarceration in Arkham, Harley decided to just mope around in the cafeteria with her face pressed up against the table. The world at large seemed to ignore her sorrow except for Ivy who sat next to her with a hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

"I'm never gonna get outta this hellhole…" Harley sighed, pressing her face against the table even harder.

"You can escape any time you want, Harl. Hell, Mr. Freeze broke out and was put back twice just in this last year." Ivy ran her fingers through Harley's hair.

"You don't understand, Red. Mistah J said he'd break me out. What if something terrible's happened to him?" Harley looked up from the table.

"Hate to say it, but I think he just doesn't care."

"No! That can't be true! There has to be somethin' keepin' him from saving me! Ya don't think the Suicide Squad got to him, do ya? What if that Waller bitch exploded his brain!" Harley grabbed on to Ivy, pulling her closer.

"We've both been part of Task Force X before, Harley. I don't think they'd want someone like the Joker. He's too unpredictable. That's not Waller's style." Ivy shook her head, gently holding Harley by the wrist and pushing her away.

"So where is he? Something had to have happened to him!"

"He doesn't care about you. I've been saying this to you for years."

"No! That's not true!" Harley crossed her arms and pressed her face back into the table. "I'm just gonna stay in Arkham 'til my puddin' breaks me out of here and there ain't nothin' you can do about it!"

Ivy sighed and stood up, patting Harley's shoulder. "I'll give you some time to yourself."

"Thanks Pammy…"

That night, Harley was having a fitful sleep in her cell. She rarely slept well so her bad dreams didn't totally bother her. But what did bother her were explosions waking her up at one in the morning. Sitting up in bed, Harley looked around and heard alarms going off around her and shouting coming from outside her cell. For a few moments, she was confused and thought she was still dreaming. But then she heard the wonderful sound of her cell door being ripped off its hinges.

"Puddin'! Ya came back for me! I knew ya wouldn't forget about lil old me!" Harley hopped up from her bed and rushed toward her door as it fell over. She closed her eyes and leaped forward, feeling her arms wrap around something. But her happiness was quickly replaced by confusion when she realized whoever she'd just hugged definitely had breasts. She opened her eyes and looked up and saw she was staring up at Ivy. "Oh, it's just you…"

"Sorry I'm not your knight in shining armour, Harl. But I'm sick of moping around in here with you. We're breaking out!" Ivy said as Harley let go of her and crossed her arms.

"No! I ain't gonna leave 'til Mistah J comes and gets me." Harley shook her head.

"I was afraid you'd say that." Ivy nodded, her expression not changing. "Well, I didn't spend all this time smuggling plants into Arkham and orchestrating a prison break for nothing…"

"Too bad, I'm stayin' here. Sorry Ivy, there ain't nothing you can do about it."

"Actually… There is."

Harley turned around and saw a long green vine with a flower on the end of it right behind her. The flower sprayed purple pollen into Harley's face, making her cough a little and an abrupt feeling of drowsiness took her over.

"Pam… What the hell…"

"Sorry Harl, but it's for your own good."

That was the last thing Harley heard for a good long while. The next thing she knew she had passed out and her body collided with the floor. The following events were a complete mystery to Harley. All she knew was that when she came to again, she was lying on a rather comfortable couch.

"Whoa… Where am I?" Harley rubbed her head and slowly sat up. Looking around, Harley realized that she was inside a rather nice living room in someone's house or apartment. This came as a pleasant surprise, usually she was used to staying in abandoned buildings or in her cell in Arkham Asylum. "Hello? Anyone out there? Is this purgatory?"

A door from across the room opened up and out stepped Poison Ivy, now clad in her green leafy leotard instead of her old asylum uniform. "Glad you're finally awake, Harl. Here, I grabbed your outfit on the way out." she tossed the jester suit over to Harley, landing right next to her. "Welcome to my new apartment."

Harley picks up the jester suit and stands up, looking around. "Wow, this is a nice place ya got. How long have you had it?"

"I started renting the place earlier this year for when I broke out. Sending rent payments to a place you've never been to while you're in prison sounds impractical, but now my hideout has running water and electricity. So I think I came out on top in the end." Ivy happily smirked as she got closer to Harley.

Harley casually started taking off her asylum uniform. "Ah, it's gonna feel so good to get back into my real clothes. Then I can go back to Mistah J and go see what the hell happened to him."

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Harl, I keep telling you, he doesn't care about you. That's why he didn't break you out."

"Ya just don't get our relationship. I'm sure he had a perfectly good reason." now that Harley was in her underwear she picked up her jester suit and began looking for the zipper. It'd been so long since she wore it she'd nearly forgotten how to put it on. But before she could properly get dressed there was a knock at the door. "Eep! Don't let 'em in Red, I'm indecent."

Ivy saunters on over to the door in looks through the peephole. "Oh, it's my landlady. I should probably let her in."

Harley yelps in surprise and hurries to get into her jester suit.

"Relax Harl, another woman seeing you in your underwear isn't the end of the world." Ivy slowly began opening the door and was greeted by the face of her landlady, a young brown-haired woman in overalls with her hair in a neat ponytail.

"Great to finally meet you face-to-face Ms. Isley. I thought I'd give you a little welcome present." the landlady handed Ivy a fruit platter underneath a plastic covering.

Ivy accepted the offering but eyed it dubiously. "You realize this is the worst gift possible for someone like me?"

"Yes, I realized that in the elevator." the landlady sheepishly nodded but grinned anyway. "My name's Jenna by the way. If you wanna be formal you can call me Ms. Duffy. We've met before, actually. You probably don't remember me though."

Before Ivy could even respond, Harley squeezed herself into the threshold right next to Ivy. Her jester suit was only halfway on but she had an enthusiastic smile on her face. "I know ya! Jenna Duffy. You're the Carpenter! You built me 'n Mistah J that giant spiky deathtrap. It didn't work, by the way."

"Hey, that's not my fault." Jenna pointed a finger at Harley. "I built the trap to your specifications."

"Oh yeah… I thought you looked familiar." Ivy smirked, grinning at Jenna. "You used to work with the Mad Hatter. And you built other criminals deathtraps on the side."

"That's behind me now, I'm not the Carpenter anymore." Jenna said in a hushed tone. "Look, you girls can do whatever you want with your free time. Rob banks, run guns, do a line of coke off a hooker's tits, I don't care. Just don't drag me into it. I'm a legitimate carpenter and landlady now. Understand?"

"Sure, sure, whatever. Thanks for stoppin' by Jenna, great to see ya!" Harley smiles, shutting the door in Jenna's face. She glances over at Ivy again. "Ain't she friendly?"

"I don't like her." Ivy shook her head.

"Ah, you don't like anyone. Well, except me of course."

"Hmm, that is true."

"Mind zippin' me up by the way? I always have trouble getting this thing on by myself?"

Ivy nodded as Harley turned around, showing off her exposed back. "You need to get a more practical costume." she zipped the costume's back up for Harley.

"Says the woman wearing leaves!" Harley giggled and turned back around. "Hey, ya got my little mask, right? I wanna be presentable when I go back to see my Puddin'."

"Oh Jesus Christ…" Ivy sighed. "I know I'm sounding like a broken record but I'm gonna say it again. The Joker doesn't love you. He left you to rot in Arkham."

"He had a good reason! I dunno what it is, but he had one. I'm gonna go back to him and he's gonna gimme a big hug and then we're gonna have awesome mind-blowing sex!"

"Eww…"

"Heh, sorry… Look, point is, I'm going to go see Mistah J again and you can't stop me."

"Fine…" Ivy sighed. "But I'm going with you… But I'm leaving if you two start fucking in front of me."

"It's a deal!" Harley cheered, throwing her arms around Ivy in excitement. "C'mon, let's go say hi to my Puddin'!"

*******

Miles away from the apartment Ivy had rented, there was an abandoned seaside amusement park that had been left to rot. Naturally, such a desolate place had been claimed by the Joker as his latest hideout. On this particular day, him and a small crew of his goons were inside the park's funhouse, which had been converted into the main living area. While the majority of his thugs had decided to play a game of pool together, the Joker and his newly appointed Number One Goon, a fellow by the name of Bob, were watching TV. They flipped through channel after channel, seeing short snippets of sitcoms, news reports and cartoons.

"Boring, boring, boring… God, TV was a mistake!" Joker yelled as he mindlessly flipped through the channels hoping to find something good.

"Yeah, it's like that Springsteen song. What was he said? 52 channels 'n there's nothin' on." Bob chuckled, shovelling a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"It was 57 channels, I don't even think he's a good singer and I know that."

"You don't like the Boss?"

"Overrated if you ask me. Music hasn't been the same since the '60s." Joker's attention was taken away from Bob and went back to the TV. "Hold on, this looks important!"

Joker put down the remote as a female news anchor talked at her desk while a graphic of Akrham Asylum was beside her.

_"Officials have released the names of the criminals who have escaped from Arkham Asylum during this morning's break out. Among them, the most dangerous unaccounted for escapees include Victor Zsasz, Edward Nygma, Pamela Isley, Victor Fries and Harleen Quinzel. If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of any of these people you are advised to contact the GCPD."_

Joker stared at the TV for a moment, grabbing on to the seat cushion tightly. "This is not good…" he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Huh? What's not good, chief?" Bob glanced away from the TV over to Joker.

"Well, turns out Harley just got out of Arkham. And I made a teensy promise that I'd break her out." the Joker explained.

"So what? Who needs that broad anyway.? It was nice to have some time away from her."

"I made that promise a year ago with no intention of following through!"

"So she's gonna be pretty pissed off?"

"Yes, very much so. Bob, I suggest you go gather the boys and tell them to shoot anyone who gets too close to the hideout."

"Right away, boss!" Bob stood up from the couch and turned around. "I'm gonna- Oh shit…"

"Hmm? What is it?" Joker began standing up and turning around but the next thing he heard answered his question for him.

 _"Oh puddin', guess who's back!"_ Harley's voice echoed through the converted funhouse. Contrary to Joker's expectations, her tone seemed happy and not at all upset about the year she spent in Arkham. Even so, Bob reached into his pocket for his gun just in case.

Down from the shadowy rafter of the funhouse jumped Harley Quinn, landing mere feet away from Joker and Bob as well as distracting the other goons from their game.

"Ta-da! It's me!" Harley went forward and pulled the Joker into a loving embrace, kissing his face all over.

"What a pleasant surprise…" Joker muttered, trying his hardest to sound sincere. "Bob, put away the gun."

"So, everything okay over here?" Harley smiled, pinching Joker's cheek a little bit. "Anything crazy happen while I was in the loony bin? You get trapped in any alternate dimensions? Drafted for any suicide missions?"

"No, of course not. What the devil are you on about?" Joker pushed Harley away from her. "And stop grabbing me like that.

"Sorry puddin', it's been a while year since I last saw ya, y'know?" Harley crossed her arms and scrunched up her face and seeming a little angry. "You promised you'd break me out? So, why didn't you?"

Before Joker even had a chance to respond another voice made its presence known. _"How many times do I have to repeat myself, Harl? He just doesn't give a damn."_

When Joker heard the voice all he could do was sigh. "Oh dammit… Harl, why did you have to bring her into this?"

A large vine lowered Ivy down from the ceiling. She stepped off the vine and glared at Joker. "Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room."

"I brought her for emotional support. And 'cause she's my best friend!" Harley did a small pirouette, turning from Joker and over to Ivy. "Now Ives, I think Mistah J deserves a chance to explain himself."

"Oh yes, this should be rich." Ivy smirked and leaned in closer to Joker. "Go on, explain to Harley why you left her to fester in Arkham Asylum for an entire year."

Joker nodded and without skipping a beat he launched into his explanation or as Ivy saw it, his excuse. "Why Harley, darling, I left you in there to protect you?"

"What?" Harley raised her brow in confusion.

"Yeah, I'm with her." Ivy nodded. "You'd better have a good explanation."

"Gotham's becoming a tough place, Harley. It's not all fun and games anymore." Joker dramatically put the back of his hand to his forehead like a southern belle about to faint. "Sure, Batman says he doesn't kill people anymore but there are other people in this city who could put you at risk. All these crime factions at war, violent new violent vigilantes, it's almost too much to take for someone as delicate as you. I was hoping the fine psychiatric professionals at Arkham Asylum would rehabilitate you into a better life."

"Puddin'..." Harley didn't know what to think, she took a few steps closer to the Joker. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever done for me!" she once again embraced him and began uncontrollably kissing every inch of his face. "But I ain't gonna leave ya! You and me are inseparable!"

Ivy stared in abject horror for a few moments. "Um… What's happening?"

"Hey, Red, thanks for helpin' me and Mistah J rekindle our love! You bein' here really helped!" Harley took a quick break from making out with the Joker to glance back at Ivy.

"I… Please don't credit me with this." Ivy slowly took a few steps away.

Joker began kissing Harley in return and lay her down on the table.

"Oh god, are you two about to have sex?" Ivy looked away in both disgust and embarrassment.

"Bob, would you be a dear and escort Harley's little friend out?" Joker chuckled. "We won't be needing her anymore."

"Alright sweetheart, let's go." Bob grabbed Ivy by the shoulder only to have Ivy step away.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna leave on my own…" Ivy grumbled to herself as she turned around and walked away.

"Bye Red, let's meet up again sometime!" Harley waved, still engrossed with Joker.

Ivy didn't respond and just hurried out of the funhouse and tried not to look back. She told herself that she didn't feel emotions but at that moment she felt quite a bit of anger and sadness bubbling inside of her.

*******

After a whole year of isolation within Arkham Asylum it now felt like Harley had unlimited energy. There was so much she wanted to do now that she was reunited with the man she considered to be her one true love. She almost didn't know where to start but she'd do her best to do as much of it as she could. So after the sex, Harley cleaned herself up and baked some chocolate chip cookies for herself and the Joker in preparation for movie night. Currently, she was dressed in a thin red nightie. A perfect mix of sexy and comfortable for tonight's fun.

Harley happily skipped into the funhouse, now completely goon free, carrying the plate of cookies with her. She put them down on the coffee table. Joker was already on the couch and flipping through the channels.

"I don't know why you wanted to do a movie night, Harl. The VCR is broken and there's never anything good on." Joker sighed. He sniffed the air. "Oh for godsakes did you burn the cookies?"

"They're a little black on the bottom but they're still edible." Harley picked up a cookie and took a bite. "Mmm! See?"

"Well what the hell are we supposed to watch?"

"I picked up today's newspaper and checked the TV guide. Guess what? One of those snobby classic movie channels is gonna be showing a bunch of old comedy movies. Those are your favourites! They're showing the Marx Brothers, the Three Stooges, Laurel and Hardy, it's gonna be great."

"That actually sounds rather nice." Joker moved a bit closer to Harley on the couch. "Alright, let's watch is. Now, what channel is it on?"

"Lemme see… I think I remember." Harley scratched the back of her head, trying to recall what she had seen in the TV guide.

However, before Harley could give an answer, the sitcom rerun currently on TV was replaced with static. Her and Joker both stared at it for a moment before the static went away and was replaced by a dark room with none other than the Scarecrow standing in front of it.

"C'mon! Really? Now this jackass chooses to do a broadcast hijacking?" Harley stands up from the chair and chucks her cookie at the screen. "Can't a girl have a normal date for once?"

"Now Harley, you're overreacting. Once he makes his demands he'll go away and we can watch our show. I'm sure we can still watch our movies." Joker chuckled. "Sit back down…"

Harley nodded and sat back down on the couch, crossing her arms and pouting as Scarecrow began to speak.

 _"Citizens of Gotham City. I, Scarecrow, Master of Fear shall be ignored for no longer!"_ Scarecrow declared, his voice sounding like it's going through a modulator first. _"I've concocted I new strain of my fear toxin that's powerful blanket this entire city within mere seconds. Driving everyone to complete insanity!"_

"Look at this idiot." Joker laughed, pointing a finger at the screen. "He's really hamming it up this time. And honestly, a new fear toxin? It feels like he comes up with a new one every time I see him."

_"I will unleash this toxin upon Gotham unless Batman comes to see me. For I am his greatest enemy!"_

This statement caused the mirth to disappear from Joker. He scowled and stood up, flipping the table over in the process. "How dare he!"

"Hey! My cookies…" Harley whined, glancing down at her now ruined baking.

"That burlap faced nobody thinks _he's_ Batman's greatest enemy? I will not let this happen! I'm going to find him and beat the straw out of him…"

"But Mistah J, it's our date night…"

"This is more important than date night! This is about my reputation. You think I can just let him say he's Batman's arch nemesis? No, I don't think so. I'm going to have to go to my bedroom, draw up some plans. Find a funny way to kill Scarecrow."

"How 'bout this? If I kill him for ya, you and me can still have our date night. Please? It's our first night together in a year..."

"Fine… If it really means that much to you. Get dressed and kill that idiot for me."

Harley hopped up from the couch and kissed the Joker on the cheek. "You got it, puddin'! See ya in a bit!"

*******

After dressing up in her jester suit again and grabbing herself a brand new hammer, Harley made her way across town in search of Scarecrow's hideout. Typically supervillains were rather predictable with where they chose to operate and after about ten minutes of sleuthing, she found an abandoned building that was a popular nesting spot for crows and several people reported strange sounds coming from over the last few hours.

"Alright, I can do this… Go in there, beat the shit outta Scarecrow, go back home, watch movies with Mistah J, have awesome sex as my reward!" Harley psyched herself up. "That creepy farmer boy ain't gonna know what hit him."

Feeling sufficiently pumped, Harley jumped from her vantage point on the building next door and through the window. She gracefully landed on her feet and held her hammer out in front of her. "Alright, listen up ya son of a bitch! You ruined my date night and now you're gonna pay!"

The room was poorly lit, fitting for Scarecrow's rather grim aesthetic. But Harley heard a pair of footsteps and he soon stepped out of the shadows. "Ah, Harley Quinn. What an unexpected visitor. But I'm afraid not the one I wanted."

Harley didn't get a chance to respond since at that very moment another window in the building was smashed through and in swooped Batman, landing right next to Harley. "Your threats against this city stop now, Crane!" he looked to his right, confused by the clown woman standing next to him. "Quinn? What are you doing here?"

"Long story!" Harley giggled. "I'm here to kill Scarecrow for ruinin' my date with Mistah J. Or at the very least put 'em in the ER."

"I don't have time for this. Both of you are going back to Arkham where you belong." Batman said, glancing back and forth between Harley and Scarecrow.

"Actually, I believe you've both fallen into my trap." Scarecrow chuckled as the room began filling up with orange coloured gas, making both Harley and Batman cough.

As she slowly lost consciousness, Harley tried reaching out with her arm to stop herself from landing face first. "Dammit… Gassed twice in one day…"

When Harley woke up again it was in much least pleasant circumstances than the cozy couch she woke up on previously. She tried to move and realized her arms and legs were both strapped down into a chair. When she looked down she realized her head was trapped inside of a square glass box with a hole cut in the bottom for her neck. There were two smaller holes in the side of the box with hoses leading into it.

"Okay, why am in a Saw movie?" Harley looked around and realized Batman was inside of an identical trap and that Scarecrow was standing in front of the two of them.

"You're insane, Jonathan! What do you want from us?" Batman snarled, looking into the dead eyeholes of Scarecrow's mask.

"I'm a doctor, Batman. And I'm interested in a question of morality…" Scarecrow turned around. "Now let's see… The subject shall be entering any moment now."

"Something about his isn't right…" Batman muttered.

"Shut up." Scarecrow shot a glare over at him. "I hear the subject coming now."

Harley tried to shake the horrible pounding in her head and she too heard footsteps drawing nearer and nearer. Into the dim lights stepped the Joker, carrying a pistol and pointing it at Scarecrow.

"Alright, you had better have a good reason for calling me out here…" Joker poked Scarecrow in the chest with the barrel of his gun.

"Oh but I do…" Scarecrow gestured over to where Harley and Batman were trapped.

"Harley? Batsy? What's going on here?" Joker turned his head, looking at each of them.

"It's an experiment of sorts. Who will you save, Joker? The love of your life or your nemesis? Whoever you don't choose will be exposed to a fatal amount of my newest mutation of fear gas."

After hearing Scarecrow's plans, Harley couldn't help but smirk. She knew her Puddin' would choose her over Batman. In fact, he would probably be delighted when he heard Btman's last breaths being drawn.

"Go on, Puddin'! Tell that straw-stuffed bastard who ya choose!" Harley happily closed her eyes with a big smile on her face.

"Er… Now, Harl… Don't be angry…" Joker took a few steps closer to Harley, chuckling a bit.

"Huh?" Harley opened her eyes. "What're you talking about?"

"I'm choosing Batman!" Joker declared, laughing madly.

"But Mistah J! I'm your girlfriend!"

"I know, I know… But I can't let this second rate loser be the one to kill Batman!"

"So you've made your choice… Very well." Scarecrow walked over to where Batman was trapped. "The Batman goes free and Harley Quinn dies." he pressed a button on the back of the chair Batman was strapped in. The shackles around Batman's wrists and ankles opened and Scarecrow removed the glass box from his head. As soon as he had complete freedom, he grabbed Scarecrow by the shoulder and threw him across the room where he crashed into the wall.

"Catch me if you can, Bat Brain!" Joker broke out into even more psychotic laughter as he turned and ran, pointing his gun behind him and firing at complete random.

As Harley watched this she could do nothing but watch in heartbreak and horror as Joker and Batman both disappeared. She felt tears welling up in her eyes but she had little time to think about this. Thick sweet-smelling gas began filling the cube. Not ready to give up just yet, Harley thrashed about wildly in her chair but it seemed to be no use. As she screamed and thrashed it seemed like someone had answered her prayers. The box around her head was lifted up, releasing the gas into the room around her. She coughed, taking in all the fresh air she could. She noticed a figure in front of her, likely the one who freed her from the trap. Harley expected to see Scarecrow or Batman in front of her. A very small part of her was hoping Joker had come back for her. But all her guesses proved incorrect. Instead, Harley found herself looking up into Poison Ivy's face.

"Red?" Harley blinked a few times, still feeling confused and woozy. She realized her restraints had also come undone and tried standing up but loses her balance, collapsing forward. Ivy caught her and tried helping her stand up. "Thank god you're here… Ya saved me from that fear gas…"

"I'm glad you're okay, Harl." Ivy smiles at Harley. "But, um, about the trap…"

Before Harley had a chance to ask any questions, she spotted Scarecrow stumbling toward them. "This is the last time I do something nice for someone…"

"Red! Look out! Scarecrow's up!" Harley exclaimed. "Quick, where's my hammer?"

"Yeah… That's not Scarecrow…" Ivy trailed off, looking a little embarrassed.

Harley glanced over at Scarecrow as he reached up and pulled off his burlap mask to reveal that it wasn't Dr. Jonathan Crane beneath the mask. In reality, it was Ivy's new landlady. Jenna Duffy, the Carpenter.

"What in the name of Scooby-Doo is goin' on here!" Harley exclaimed, looking back and forth between Jenna and Ivy.

"Okay, promise not to be angry at me… But I organized all of this with Jenna. I came up with the idea and Jenna put together the trap. You were never in any real danger. That fear gas you breathed in, it was just fake smoke from a fog machine." Ivy pointed up at the ceiling and indeed there were several fog machines feeding into the tubes.

"I only agreed to help 'cause I felt bad for giving Ivy that fruit platter." Jenna spoke up.

"But… But why?" Harley asked, looking up into Ivy's eyes. She felt tears on her face, it was only now that she realized she'd been crying.

"To prove a point, Harley… The Joker doesn't love you." Ivy said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No… No… It can't be true…" Harley collapsed to her knees and held on to Ivy's legs. "I love him!"

"But he doesn't love you… He left you here to die. Don't you see?" Ivy got down on one knee so she was equal to Harley.

"Yeh- Yeah… He thinks I'm some kinda bad joke…" Harley hugged Ivy and nuzzled her head against her shoulder, letting herself sob even more.

"Hey, don't cry. Look, he may not love you but I do. You're the only human I consider to be a friend. Hell, maybe you're even my best friend. And I'll take care of you no matter what." Ivy helped wipe the tears out of Harley's eyes. "C'mon, let's go home. I'll give you whatever you want. How does ice cream and late-night TV sound?"

"There's… There's an old comedy movie marathon goin' on." Harley smiled at Ivy and stood up. "Wanna watch that?"

"Sure thing, Harl." Ivy got up and held Harley by the hand. "C'mon, let's go home."

Ivy began leading Harley out of the abandoned building. As they left, both women were only focused on each other. The rest of the world could go to hell for all they cared. But their focus was quickly interrupted when Jenna run up and got in front of them.

"Great work girls!" Jenna gave them a double thumbs up. "But, uh, just so you know, that's the last criminal favour I'm doing for anyone. Anyway, let's head back to your place and have some fun."

"Yeah, no, you're not invited to that." Ivy pushed past Jenna. "It's kinda just a me and Harley bonding thing."

"Oh c'mon, girls! We're friends!" Jenna got in front of them again. "I just wore an itchy mask for you. Super uncomfortable, by the way."

"Maybe some other time." Harley gripped Ivy's arm as they passed Jenna again.

"Yeah, and we're not friends." Ivy added as the two of them left the abandoned leaving Jenna there on her own.

The Carpenter stood in the dark room, in what remained of her Scarecrow costume. She crossed her arms as she heard Harley and Ivy's footsteps getting farther and farther away. "Those… Those _bitches_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little worried I stuck too closely to the formula of the first episode of the cartoon. Especially with the third act where all I really did was switch out the Riddler for Scarecrow/The Carpenter. Speaking the Carpenter, I hope you like her inclusion. I'm a fan of underused characters like her. So expect more C-list supervillains to make appearances in future chapters. I'm planning to model the next two chapters after episodes of the show too but hopefully I'm able to change things up a bit more. After that I hope to do some original plots. I've already got a few ideas. Anyway, hope you liked this first chapter. I love Harley and I love writing and I hope to write more of this story in the future!


	2. Life of the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tired of Harley moping around all the time, Ivy takes her to a party hosted by Gotham mob boss Great White Shark in order to get her mind off of her recent break up with the Joker.

Nearly a week had passed since the incident with the fake Scarecrow and Joker leaving Harley for dead and Ivy was doing what she did best, making Harley feel comfortable. Over the past few days Harley had not left the house but Ivy tried her hardest to accommodate her friend. She went grocery shopping for Harley's favourite sugary cereals, watched all the sappy romantic comedies she could stomach and made sure Harley always had clean clothes. But all of Harley's moping around was beginning to reach the point of annoying Ivy. She still loved Harley, but there was only so much self pity Ivy could take.

So on one sunny Sunday morning, right after she awoke, Ivy told herself she'd try to get Harley motivated and cheer her up. Ivy got dressed in some casual house wear, a tank top, sweatpants and a pair of slippers. Once she stepped out of her bedroom and into the living room she found it in the state it had been for the last several days. The lights were off, the curtains were closed and Harley was curled up into a ball on the couch still clad in her jester suit.

"Hey Harl, you up yet?" Ivy sighed as she went over to the window and opened up the curtains.

Harley let out an annoyed groan when the sunlight hit her face. "Yeah… I wish I wasn't thought…"

"Still not over that asshole yet?" Ivy sat down on the couch next to Harley.

"Mistah J? No… Not yet… Y'know, we technically never broke up." Harley slowly sat up on the couch and stretched out.

"You kinda did. He left you to get killed by Scarecrow."

"Yeah, but it wasn't really Scarecrow. It was our weird ex-supervillain landlady."

"My point still stands." Ivy stood up. "Look, Harl, you've been sulking on the couch for days. Today is the day we turn things around. Now, I'm going to make us some coffee and find us something to do to get your mind off of you-know-who. Oh, and change into some new clothes. You don't need anything to remind you of him."

"I like the jester suit though… It makes me feel all cute." Harley sighed, standing up with Ivy.

"Well, you've worn it for two days straight and it needs to be washed."

"Alright, that's a good point. I'll go put on some new clothes. Lemme know when the coffee's ready." Harley walked off into the guest bedroom to go change into something else.

While Harley was off changing, Ivy brewed some coffee for the both of them while also browsing on her smartphone for anything fun for her to take Harley to. It would have to either be something low key or something where criminals such as themselves were welcome. Thanks to Ivy's green skin and Harley's inhuman paleness the both of them stood out in a crowd quite a bit.

Once the coffee had finished browing and been poured, Harley entered the kitchen wearing what appeared to be nothing but a bathrobe and an oversized men's t-shirt. Ivy couldn't help but shake her head as she handed off Harley's coffee cup to her.

"Harley, I bought you actual clothes. You don't have to dress like a stoner." Ivy took a sip of her coffee.

"Relax, I'll put on some real clothes once I leave the house. 'Til then, I'm lounging." Harley smiled and cautiously sipped on her beverage.

"Can you at least put on some pants?"

"Hey, I have my undies on." Harley pulled up the hem of her shirt to reveal that she had a pair of black panties on.

"Good for you." Ivy nodded and glanced back at her phone.

"Ooh, anything fun on there? Anywhere we can go today?" Harley went behind Ivy and looked over her shoulder.

"Yes actually, turns out a local mob boss is throwing a party." Ivy nodded, pulling up a website. "We're not invited, but we're bad guys. Crashing a party would hardly be the worst thing we've ever done."

"Sounds fun!" Harley took a big gulp of coffee in her excitement. "Who's hosting this shindig anyway? Penguin? Two-Face?"

"Some guy named Great White Shark. Must be one of the smaller guys. But whatever, a party's a party. And I know you like to party." Ivy pocketed her phone and sat down at the breakfast table.

"I dunno… I still ain't totally sure about that. What with bein' locked in Arkham and then Joker leavin' me behind like that… It's really done a number on my self confidence." Harley sighed, sitting down on the kitchen counter. "Maybe we can just have another movie night?"

"You'll never get your confidence back if you don't put yourself out there." Ivy got up and put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "And I'm gonna help you."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course I would. You're my friend."

"I guess I'm just not used to people bein' nice to me."

"Well trust me, that's gonna change now."

Harley gets off of the counter and takes another big sip of coffee. "Alright! I'm gonna go iron out my costume and organize my makeup bag."

"Hold on. Maybe you shouldn't wear your jester costume out tonight." Ivy gently put a hand on Harley's shoulder.

"What do you mean? I love my jester suit." Harley made a pouty face, seeming a little upset.

"I love it too, Harl. And believe me, you look great in it. But you're trying to reinvent yourself tonight. So maybe, you can try out a new look."

"Are you offerin' to give me a makeover?"

"Uh, yeah… Kinda."

"Alright, I'll do it! Ooh, I've always wanted to dye my hair. Can we try that?"

"Sure thing. What colour do you think would look good on you?"  
"Hmm…" Harley drank up the last of her coffee while she thought. "How 'bout pink or blue? Maybe pink and blue."

The news about the party, combined with the coffee, helped re-energize Harley after having spent a whole week of wallowing in her own sorrow. She was ready to get back out there just like Ivy said. She spent a few hours trying on various outfits in an attempt to figure out what would look best on her at the party. Ivy protested Harley's little fashion show a bit. After watching so many cheesy rom-coms with her this whole thing was hitting a little too close to home for her. But since it made Harley happy she went along with it.

Eventually, they settled on an outfit that combined the colour scheme of Harley's jester costume with something a bit more modern. Harley was still on the fence about it but it was the best outfit she'd put together that day. It consisted of tight black and red booty shorts, a black and red top that showed off her tight midriff and a leather jacket with the matching black and red colour scheme. She wore one red sock and one black sock with black boots over it. The final touches to her new look was to dye her hair. One ponytail was pink and the other was blue.

"Alright, you're looking pretty good." Ivy nodded approvingly. "What do you think?"

Harley stared at herself in the mirror and bit her lip. "Oh god…" she sat down on the bed and buried her face in her hands. "I look like a slutty juggalo."

Ivy saw how genuinely distraught Harley seemed in reaction to her new outfit. "Hey, don't say that… You need to work on your self esteem." she put an arm around Harley. "Look at yourself in the mirror. You look amazing, sleek, sexy."

Harley gingerly looked up and saw herself in the mirror again. The more she stared at her reflection the more beautiful she felt. "Yeah… I look good… More than good even, I'm drop dead gorgeous." she stood up and did a little spin to look at herself. "Maybe I can even get some action at this party! If ya know what I mean."

"That's the spirit." Ivy nodded and stood up. "Were you serious about wanting to have sex though?"

"Sure I am." Harley confidently nodded. "If Mistah J- If the Joker and me really are through I'm a free agent and I can hook up with anyone else I want."

"Wonderful! Just be sure to practice safe sex." Ivy said with the sincerest smile possible on her face. "In fact, bring your own condoms. Most men are fragile egoed idiots who think they're too good for protection."

"Sheesh, relax Red. You're starting to sound like my mom." Harley giggled. "You and me are gonna be the life of this party. C'mon, let's get out there and kick some ass!"

*******

Once Ivy got dressed in her usual green leotard, the two girls were on their way to Great White Shark's party. Well, they were on their way after a quick stop at a local corner store for the aforementioned condoms. But after that pitstop they made it to the luxurious West Gotham penthouse of one Warren White, alias "The Great White Shark". On the elevator ride up to the top floor Harley couldn't stop shaking with excitement.

"This is gonna be so amazing!" Harley stood on her tiptoes, leaning toward the door as it drew closer to the top.

"Deep breaths Harl, don't freak out." Ivy repeated for the third time during the two minute elevator ride.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just, this is the most excitement I've had in a while." Harley took a few deep breaths. "Think Selina's gonna be at this party? It's been a while since the three of us got together, did our whole _Gotham City Sirens_ thing."

"I think she's moved her whole cat burglar operation abroad for the time being. I checked her Instagram yesterday. There were pictures of her in Japan. As Selina Kyle of course. But then I checked the news and there was a report about a mysterious late night museum robbery in Tokyo. But who knows, maybe she'll come back home soon."

The elevator reached the top floor and as soon as the doors opened Harley stepped out into a hallway serving as a gate between the elevator and the penthouse. Ivy tried to keep up with Harley's boundless energy. "Oh boy, oh boy! C'mon Red, let's have some fu-"

As soon as Harley opened up the double doors to Warren White's penthouse she was greeted by a tall, morbidly obese man in a business suit on the other side. His plump body and bald head made the man resemble a rather large egg.

For a moment Harley and Ivy had no idea how to react to the strange man blocking their path but before either of them could say anything to him he spoke first. "Hello. Are you on the list?"

"I… Um… Who are you?" Ivy asked.

"My name is Humpty Dumpty. Mr. White is a dear friend of mine and he told me to keep the riff-raff out of his party. Are you riff-raff?"

"Nope! I'm Harley Quinn and this is my best friend Poison Ivy." Harley cheered, putting an arm around Ivy.

Humpty Dumpty took a clipboard out from his jacket and looked it over. "Oh dear, I'm sorry ladies. I don't see your names here. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… I hate disappointing people."

"Don't feel sad, big fella! Your, um, your list is wrong. Yeah! Me 'n Ivy were invited by the big Shark himself." Harley remained confident in her lie.

"You were?" Humpty cocked his head. "Well… I would have to ask him to make sure."

"Would a pretty young lady like me lie to a nice fella like you?"

"I sure hope not…"

"Good! Thanks for lettin' us into the party."

Harley confidently strolled past the very confused Humpty Dumpty with her head held high and Ivy following right behind her. As they made it into the party, Ivy chuckled and cast a glance back at the bouncer they'd bamboozled. "Nice work with the guy at the door, Harl. Now that we're in here we can really have some fun. C'mon, let's see if this place has a bar."

Ivy was of two minds right now. The fun part of her wanted Harley to have a good time, get a little drunk and have some stories to tell later. But the serious part of her wanted to keep Harley safe and cut off the hand of the first second-rate supervillain to try and grab her ass. But she told herself as long as she stayed close to Harley everything would go just smoothly.

They waded through the small crowd of fellow criminals and made it over to the bar which, to Harley's delight, served free drinks. Ivy ordered herself a glass of champagne while Harley got herself a mug of beer.

"This party's already off to a good start 'n it's barely started." Harley giggled. "Cheers!" she clinked her glass together with Ivy's before taking a sip. After taking her first swig of alcohol the lights in the penthouse went dim. "Wait, what's happening?"

A spotlight shone down from above and made its way throughout the party. Harley was enamored by the searchlight like a cat with a laser pointer. Her eyes followed it until it reached the top of a staircase on the other side of the room.

_"Um, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome the man of the evening."_ a voice Harley recognized as Humpty Dumpty's spoke up over a speaker system. _"Mr. Warren White; the Great White Shark!"_

The door at the top of the stairs opened up and out from it stepped an incredibly pale bald man in a navy blue suit. Harley involuntarily recoiled when she saw the man's face. At first she didn't realize what it was but after staring for a couple moments she realized that the man didn't have a nose or any lips, leaving him with something resembling a permanent sneer on his face. When the Great White Shark began descending the stairs and waving at his guests Harley also noticed he was missing part of his index and pinky fingers. Then when he smiled and turned his head Harley noticed gill shaped scars on his neck as well as the fact that his teeth had been sharpened. The man certainly lived up to his name.

"Psst, Harl, I recognize this guy." Ivy whispered, tugging on Harley's jacket to get her attention. "I thought his name sounded familiar."

"Oh yeah, who is he?" Harley whispered back.

"The year before you started working at Arkham this asshole investor got thrown in Arkham. The guy thought he was getting off easy by pleading insanity. Big mistake here in Gotham." Ivy couldn't help but chuckle. "He was pretty much universally hated by everyone in there. I think that egghead by the door was his only friend. Eventually one of inmates locked him in Mr. Freeze's cell. And well, that's why he looks so…"

"Ugly?"

"Yep." Ivy paused to drink her champagne. "He may be a douchebag but he hosts a good party. I know you're kinda in the mood to hook up tonight, but you might wanna avoid him."

"Yeah, that's probably for the best." Harley drank her beer as the lights came back on and the other guests went back to talking. "See ya later, I'm gonna mingle. See if there's anyone I recognize."

"Alright, stay safe. And if you need me, meet me back at the bar." Ivy smiled at Harley. "Oh, and don't give anyone your number unless you really wanna hear back from them."

"Okie-dokie! Do your best to avoid any weirdos too." Harley waved goodbye as she disappeared to the other side of the room.

"Don't worry Harl, I'm gonna be fi-" Ivy glanced to her left and saw someone sitting next to her at the bar and casting flirtatious glances at her. "Aw fuck…" she whispered and furrowed her brow in anger.

The blonde man beside her appeared to be another costumed criminal. He was dressed in gaudy orange and blue spandex with vertical stripes. The cloak with the large collar and domino mask did not endear Ivy to him any more. But despite her attempts to ignore him the man scooted closer.

"Hi there! I'm the Trickster." the man introduced himself, sipping on his cocktail and reaching out for a handshake.

"Didn't ask." Ivy responded almost automatically. But after having a second to process what had been said, Ivy did a double take and looked back to the Trickster. "Wait a minute, the Trickster? What're you doing here? I've heard of you, you're a Central City guy."

"Yeah, well, let's just say I'm on the run right now from a certain government agency and needed somewhere to hide out. I figured there were enough criminal scumbags here in Gotham that I'd blend right in." Trickster explained. "Not that I'm saying you're a criminal scumbag. I'm just saying there are a lot of them here. Besides, it's nice to be here for other reasons too. Some young punk back in Central City started using my name and my gimmick and all of a sudden the Flash only cares about him. Figure I could make a name for myself here."

"Didn't ask for your life story, pal." Ivy picked up her glass and started walking away. "Have fun at the party though." she faked a smile for a brief moment before hurrying away from the garishly dressed villain.

*******

On the other side of the penthouse, Harley had been attempting to strike up conversation with some of the other villains attending the Shark's party with the intention of possibly hooking up with one of them. Currently, she was in conversation with a C-list criminal calling himself, the Electrocutioner.

"Anyway, that's why Star City stinks. I'm never goin' back there again." Electrocutioner finished up an anecdote.

"Haha, I haven't really left the East Coast myself. Grew up in Brooklyn, moved to Gotham." Harley chuckled. "Y'know how it goes."

"Yeah, guess so." Electrocutioner nodded, snacking on some crackers he'd procured from the buffet table.

"Hey, wanna hear a secret?" Harley whispered to Electrocutioner, leaning in.

"Uh, sure. Why not?" Electrocutioned nonchalantly leaned against the wall and popped another cracker into his mouth.

" _Every_ part of my body is bleached." Harley said in a hushed tone before giggling uncontrollably.

"I don't get it." Electrocutioner mumbled through his mouthful of crackers.

"My anus is bleached." Harley bluntly explained, causing the Electrocutioner to choke on his food. "Um, you know, if yer into that."

"No offence lady, but I'd rather not think about your asshole while I'm eating." Electrocutioner turned around and began walking away from Harley.

"Okay, good talk." Harley tried to keep optimistic, giving Electrocutioner a thumbs up as she walked away. Once he was out of earshot Harley sighed and let her body droop. "Dammit, screwed up again… I can do this, I can have a good time here. Just gotta find the right crowd." Her head swivelled around as she tried to find some other people to talk to. It was then that she spotted a table in the corner full of people laughing, chatting and just generally have a good time. The first person at the table she noticed was the Great White Shark. And while she didn't think he was particularly pleasant to look at hanging out with the host would certainly make her popular.

She'd had enough beer to make whatever part of her that would have been nervous go away. So Harley simply walked up to the table and sat down in the one empty seat beside the Shark. Trying to act like she belonged, Harley looked around at the other faces at the table. She recognized every last one of them. They were some of the most infamous mob bosses in all of Gotham. The duality obsessed gangster with the split personality, Two-Face. The bird loving businessman with a collection of deadly umbrellas, the Penguin. The sociopathic mob boss with his face always concealed, Black Mask. And the final member of the table, disregarding the host, was the nervous Ventriloquist and his loudmouth puppet named Scarface.

Harley surveyed each of the men at the table with a big smile on her face. "Hey there boys! What's up?"

There was a silence at the table for a moment while all eyes were on Harley. Black Mask leaned in to whisper to Great White Shark. "Why's she sitting at this table? Did you invite her?"

"No I don't quite recall…" Shark replied in a hushed tone. He then turned to Harley and raised his voice. "Miss, um, Quinn, is it? What brings you to our table?"

"Well gee, you folks seem to be having a good time at this table. Figured I'd join ya!" Harley casually leaned back in her chair. "This seat isn't reserved, is it?"

"Um, I believe so." The Ventriloquist spoke up, his voice trembling. "Warren, didn't you say that it belonged to-"

"Whoever sat down next, that's who!" Shark laughed heartily. "Besides, the schmo I wanted to sit here probably isn't even gonna show up. I'm a good host and I welcome you to my table, Miss Quinn."

"Well gosh, thanks a lot!" Harley giggled and reached over to the penguin's plate and took a piece of fried shrimp off of it, popping it into her mouth. Everyone at the table except for the Ventriloquist, who just seemed nervous, and the Great White Shark, who just seemed happy, was glaring at her. But she did her best to ignore it and continued talking. "You boys watch TV? I saw a rerun of The Addams Family last night. _Hilarious_ stuff." she received no response but decided to keep talking. "My favourite is Morticia."

The awkward silence continued until Two-Face decided to speak up too. "I'm more partial to Lurch."

*******

Poison Ivy had never been a fan of parties. Even when she was a kid she hated it when her parents dragged her to dinner parties with their boring friends. Now that she was an adult she hated them all the same. The only thing that made it better was that now she was allowed to drink to make things slightly less miserable. Presently, Ivy had hidden herself away in a corner hoping that nobody would come up to talk to her. She nursed what was left of her champagne, not wanting to go back to the bar. But it seemed the world did not want Ivy to be left alone.

_"Hey there."_ Ivy heard a deep voice next to her speak up.

In response, she looked to her left and got ready to yell at whoever was there. But to her surprise she found herself staring at what could only be described as a giant orca-woman mutant, likely eight feet tall and weighing upwards of three hundred pounds. Not the type of person you want to snap at. "Oh, hello there… May I help you?"

"Just thought I'd chat." the whale woman remarked. "I'm Orca."

"Yes… I can see that." Ivy passively nodded.

"No, that's my name. Or my supervillain name. Whatever." Orca sighed, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall. "You're Poison Ivy, right?"

"Did the green skin give it away?" Ivy chuckled and took a tiny sip of her champagne. "So, what're you doing here? Did you get invited? I wasn't invited, I just kinda sneaked in."

"I'm kinda invited… Well, actually, Great White Shark hired me as security for here." Orca explained, scratching the back of her head. "I dunno if he hired me 'cause he was going for a marine theme or just cause I'm big and strong. Probably both."

"Uh huh…" Ivy trailed off, not wanting to be rude. "Now tell me miss, um, Orca… If it's not too personal, I'd like to know… Were you born a whale person or…"

"I injected myself with orca DNA. In hindsight, it was pretty stupid." Orca sighed. "But I was in a wheelchair before I got all mutated so in a way I came out on top."

"Why did you inject yourself?"

"It's a funny story actually. Y'see, I was a marine biologist but-"

_"Ivy, hey! Me again!"_

She recognized the voice and looked around, spotting the Trickster coming toward her carrying two drinks. As soon as she saw him she handed her mostly empty champagne glass off to Orca and began walking away. "Hey, Orca, talk to you later. I'm trying to avoid an idiot right now."

Ivy kept hurrying away from Trickster but it turned out he was just faster and managed to catch up, even if he did end up spilling his drinks a little bit along the way. "Listen, Ivy, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot here. Look, I got you something to drink. That's my apology." he handed off one of the glasses to Ivy. "I didn't know what you'd like so I just got you a Roy Rogers."

Ivy took a sip and grimaced. "It's too sweet."

"Well, I tried." Trickster chuckled, sipping his own drink. "And hey, I told the bartender not to give you a straw. You're all about environmental crap, right."

"How thoughtful." Ivy rolled her eyes. "Can you leave me alone, Trickster?"

"James."

"What?"

"That's my real name. James Jesse."

Ivy couldn't help but chuckle. "Are you serious? That's your name?"

"Stage name, technically. I used to be in the circus. My real name's Giovanni Giuseppe."

"Wow, that is somehow even worse. Thanks for the new drink, I'm leaving now." Ivy turned away and tried walking away but Trickster moved in front of her.

"Alright, I was trying not to show off but here's my party trick. You ready?" Trickster took a few steps back in preparation for whatever he was about to do.

"Not really." Ivy said in complete deadpan.

Trickster lifted his right foot up in the air and started stepping down only to begin levitating. "Ta-da! Now how's that? Ever see a man fly before? I invented the shoes that let me do this all by myself."

"Meh, it's alright I guess. Listen, I'm gonna go find my friend. She's got a sweet tooth, she'll really like this drink you gave me." Ivy turned around again and walked away, leaving Trickster awkwardly hovering in the air.

"Well shit… I wasted my shoe trick…"

*******

Back at the Great White Shark's table, Harley had managed to ingratiate herself to the crime lords at the table. Apparently, most of them did enjoy discussing old TV shows. Everyone had to have a hobby after all, it couldn't be business all the time. They were all laughing it up and having a good time. At that moment, Harley felt like she didn't have a care in the world.

"Oh, oh, that reminds me! Did you guys watch cartoons when you were kids?" Harley leaned forward, ignoring the etiquette about not putting your elbows down on the table.

"Of course, we all had a childhood once." the Penguin nodded.

"I didn't have a childhood. I was a tree." Scarface spoke up. "Then some asshole lumberjacks cut me down."

"Y'know what Mr. Scarface, I bet you'd get along great with my pal Ivy." Harley chuckled. "Anywho, boys, what was your favourite cartoon when you were a kid? Me, I loved watching Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, Popeye, anything with funny ultraviolence. Sometimes my parents would leave me in front of the TV for hours and hours..."

"Y'know what I liked? Jonny Quest." Black Mask remarked. "Now that's a show that kicked some serious ass. They don't make cartoons like that one anymore."

"Ooh, that's a fun one." Harley nodded. "But I liked the Herculoids more. The aliens in that show were so cool!" the table suddenly fell silent. Harley was confused and she looked at the faces at the table. "Did I say somethin'? Do ya not like the Herculoids?"

"Um, look behind you…" the Ventriloquist meekly spoke up.

Harley turned around and was confronted by someone she did not want to see tonight; the Joker. He had his usual insane smile on his face and was looking directly at Harley. "Well, well, Harley. Fancy meeting you here. I didn't realize the Shark invited you to his table."

"Well, um, he didn't, technically. But he likes me a lot." Harley spoke up. "We're having a good time here, ain't we boys?"

"We are, Miss Quinn!" Great White Shark stood up from his chair and went over to where Harley was sitting. "However, I invited Mr. Joker here to this table. So I'm afraid you'll have to go."

"Now, now, Harley can stay." Joker spoke up.

"I can?" Harley was legitimately confused.

"Of course, you're my sidekick after all." Joker chuckled.

Harley suddenly felt enraged and she stood up from her chair. "I am not your sidekick! Not anymore." she pointed a finger at him. "You left me to get killed!"

"Looks like you got out just fine." Joker's smirk widened. "Now stop being so hysterical and give me my seat."

"Fine… I suddenly don't feel like sittin' down anyway." Harley stood up and crossed her arms in a huff. "I'm gonna go find my friend."

Joker ignored her and sat down at the table. He glanced over his shoulder at Harley. "Well, you have fun. Oh, and by the way, what are you wearing? What happened to the jester suit?"

"I… I thought I'd try something different." Harley self consciously looked down at herself.

"Maybe you should try something a little more modest next time." Joker laughed a little and turned back to the table. "So boys! What did I miss?"

Part of Harley wanted to stay and argue more but a bigger part of her wanted to get out and find Ivy. In the end, Harley chose to listen to that second part of her and hurried away from the table in search of Ivy. After wandering around the penthouse a little bit she was able to find Ivy standing over by the buffet table with a drink in her hand. Harley felt relieved and got close to Ivy, tugging on her arm to get her attention.

"Hey, Pam, can we get outta here?" Harley whispered.

"Is everything okay, Harls?" Ivy whispered back, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Mistah J showed up and well… I just ain't comfortable now."

"That pasty bastard… I ought to go-"

"No, no, let's just get outta here. I don't wanna cause any trouble."

"Fine…" Ivy nodded and handed her drink off to Harley. "Thought you'd like this by the way. Some guy gave it to me, it's way too sweet though."

"That's okay, I love sweet." Harley took a big gulp of the drink. "Mmm… This actually does make me feel better."

"That's wonderful. Now, let's go home." Ivy held Harley's hand and began walking back toward the front doors. But as they walked away the lights in the penthouse turned off and a spotlight shone down again, this time on the table occupied by Great White Shark and his friend. "Oh dammit, now what is it."

_"Hello again. Mr. White has an announcement to make."_ Humpty Dumpty's voice came over the speakers again. _"Please pay attention."_

Ivy wanted to keep walking but Harley seemed captivated by this. She stopped walking and turned her attention to the Shark's table. "Hey, Red, let's watch this… I wanna see what he has to say."

"If you insist." Ivy nodded, turning around with Harley.

The Great White Shark stood up from his seat and raised his glass of wine. "Ladies and gentlemen! I just want to give a big toast to my good friends." he looked around at the men at his table. "Black Mask, Two-Face, Ventriloquist, Penguin, Joker…" the warm smile on the Shark's face slowly transformed into a mocking sneer. "You're all a bunch of assholes!"

His sudden insult caused quite a bit of murmuring at the table. The first one to respond was the Joker. "I don't get it…"

"Every single person I invited to this party, aside from you five, is on my payroll." the Great White Shark continued talking, laughing to himself a little. "And if they're one of the jerks who sneaked in, I'll pay 'em a lotta dough if they do what I say."

"What's the meaning of this…" Penguin slowly started reaching for his umbrella.

"They're all paid to kill you!" Great White Shark announced. "You think I threw this party 'cause I liked you fuckers? I threw it to take out the competition!"

"You… You're the worst person I've ever met!" the Ventriloquist declared, standing up from his spot at the table.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." The Great White Shark nodded casually. "Alright folks, kill 'em for me!"

It was at that moment all hell broke loose. The four intended targets of the assassination grabbed their weapons while the majority of the party guests went for the table with the intention of killing their targets. Harley had not been prepared for any of this so she opted to dive under the buffet table, being careful not to spill her drink. Concerned for her own safety and for Harley's, Ivy dove under the table with her friend.

"Okay, now I'm really startin' to like this party!" Harley giggled madly, taking a large sip of her drink.

"I'm not a fan of the chaos… But the possibility of Joker getting killed is nice." Ivy remarked. "Once it settles down out there we should go home."

The tablecloth lifted up and another uninvited party guest crawled under the table with them; the Trickster. "Oh hey, Ivy. Funny how we keep running into each other."

"Fuck, not again…" Ivy muttered.

"Who the hell are you?" Harley asked.

"Trickster, nice to meet you." Trickster reached out a hand for Harley to shake. "Are you friends with Ivy?"

"Her best friend!" Harley cheered.

"Well, I'm sure you're just as lovely as she is. Because let me tell you, Ivy is a very charming young woman." Trickster smiled. "Glad to see you're enjoying the drink I got for her by the way."

"Fuck off, Trickster." Ivy rolled her eyes.

"Come on, can't we talk?" Trickster put on a sincere smile. "This is a good time, right?"

The table suddenly shook like someone had just slammed into it. With all the anarchy outside, that was likely what had happened. Harley lifted up the table cloth and saw the Electrocutioner lying half-unconscious on the ground outside.

"Oh hey, you again! Remember me?" Harley waved at him.

"You're the chick with the bleached butthole…" Electrocutioner mumbled before passing out.

Trickster and Ivy glanced at Harley. Ivy seemed unamused while Trickster was just confused. All Harley could do was shyly giggle. "Heh… I was tryin' to flirt with him earlier." she put down the tablecloth. "Hey… I just thought of somethin'! That Shark fella said we'll get paid if we help him kill his enemies right. We could get in on that, right?"

"Hmmm… Could be fun…" Ivy nodded.

Harley glanced over at Trickster. "Hey, Trickster, wanna come with us and kill some crime bosses?"

"No thanks I… I've never actually killed anyone before." Trickster admitted. "Not really my style."

"Your loss!" Harley took one last swig of her drink and put it down on her ground. "Come on Red, let's have some fun!" She got out from under the table and Ivy followed right behind her. The assassination attempt seemed to have been going poorly. A lot of the guests at the party had been knocked out or had fled. The Penguin was over by the door firing off his gun at a few of Great White Shark's goons with his umbrella gun.

"Screw this! I'm getting out of here!" Penguin declared, sticking his umbrella up in the air as it began spinning around and becoming a helicopter blade. It lifted him chubby body off the ground and he smashed through the windows of his penthouse to his freedom.

"Hey, take me with you!" Black Mask jumped out the window and grabbed on to the Penguin.

"Okay, that's two down…" Harley remarked, watching the two crime bosses flee. "Tell ya what Ives, you take Ventriloquist and I take Two-Face."

"It's a deal." Ivy nodded, as the houseplants around the penthouse began growing at an accelerated rate.

Harley reached into her leather jacket and took out her gun. She cartwheeled herself over to Two-Face who was currently hiding behind a flipped over table.

"Hey ya, Harv! Havin' a bad day?" Harley opened fire at Two-Face, mostly missing him but one of the bullets grazed his arms.

"Yeah, a little bit!" Two-Faced reached into his shirt pocket and pulled at a grenade. He tossed it over at Harley but she just leaped out of the way. "I can't believe you were in on this! We were having a good conversation, dammit!"

"Sorry, I'm just here to have fun tonight. Besides, we're bad guys. We're supposed to fight!" Harley giggled, still firing her gun like mad. After a few moments she realized her gun was empty. "Uh oh… Crap…"

Two-Face saw his chance and took it. He got out from behind the table and ran away, lunging for the door.

Harley threw her gun to the ground and grabbed a pistol from an unconscious party guest. But by the time she was ready to attack Two-Face had escaped. She looked around for a moment and saw the Joker engaged in a firefight with the Great White Shark.

"Ooh, that looks like fun!" Harley cackled and ran toward where they were fighting, firing her gun at Joker as she ran. She jumped up into the air and landed on his back. "Surprise, Puddin'!"

"Get off of my back you little-" Joker yelled as Harley put her hands over his eyes to distracted him.

"Great work, Miss Quinn!" Great White Shark cheered, aiming his gun at Joker. "Hold still so can I shoot the bastard!"

Joker reached up and grabbed Harley by the hips, throwing her across the room and into Great White Shark.

"Oops, sorry…" Harley muttered as she stood up.

"It's alright, we've still got Joker surrounded." Great White Shark got up from the ground, training his pistol on the Joker. "He might as well give up."

Out from behind the bar stepped Humpty Dumpty, carrying a machine gun with him and pointing it at Joker. Joining him shortly Orca crashed on to the scene, her hulking figure towering above the others. The final member of this group to show up was Poison Ivy, sitting on top of a large vine.

"Hmm, Ventriloquist got away but killing the Joker will make it all worth it." Ivy smirked.

"Are we really gonna do this?" Harley whispered, leaning in toward the Great White Shark.

"Sure we are! Why wouldn't I?" Shark chuckled.

"Now, now… I wouldn't do that if I were you…" Joker took off his jacket to reveal he had what appeared to be several bombs strapped to him. "You see, the reason I was late to the party was because I expected that something was up… So I outfitted myself with several laughing gas bombs. Now, if any of you make a move, I will detonate it. The gas shouldn't kill me, but for most of you… Well… I hope you want to die laughing!"

Humpty Dumpty, Harley and Great White Shark lowered their weapons while Orca took a few steps back.

"Hmm… Seems like we're at a stalemate." Joker smirked.

"Not exactly…" Great White Shark smirked back.

"Wait, wha-" Harley didn't get to finish talking. She was interrupted when Great White Shark put her into a headlock and pressed his gun against her head. "Sharky! What the hell!"

"Alright Joker! I'll blow your girlfriends brains out if you don't take off that bomb jacket!" Great White Shark yelled at the top of his lungs.

"I'm not his girlfriend anymore!" Harley interjected.

"You can shoot her." Joker shrugged. "I really don't care. There are plenty of people I can replace her with."

"I'm serious, I'll shoot her. I fucking will!" Great White Shark's hand trembled a little.

"Then do it. No big loss from me." Joker chuckled. "Now let's see… Which was the killswitch for these bombs?"

Harley decided to take the situation into her own hands. She moved her head and sunk her teeth into Great White Shark's arm hard enough to draw blood. Great White Shark screamed and let go of Harley, accidentally shooting off his gun mere inches away from her face. She elbowed him in the stomach and fully broke free.

Ivy was angry about what Great White Shark had done to Harley so she sent one of her vines to wrap him up and threw him across the room.

"Mr. White! Oh dear, oh dear!" Humpty Dumpty dropped his weapon and ran across the room to go check on him. "He's fallen down! I hope he hasn't broken his crown."

Great White Shark sat up, rubbing his injured wrist. "That bitch bit me! I'm bleeding!" he looked over at Harley, Ivy and Joker. "Orca, Humpty, just kill all three of 'em! I don't even care anymore!"

Orca nodded and charged forward at the trio like a bull that had been stung by a bee. Joker and Harley dived to the side while Orca ran straight into Ivy, grabbing her with her large muscular arms.

"Oh come on! We were getting along earlier!" Ivy cried out, sounding more annoyed than anything else.

"Sorry ma'am, boss' orders!" Orca yelled back as she crashed into a wall in the penthouse, completely destroying it.

"My wall!" Great White Shark yelled. "God, this party is a disaster."

"Don't move Mr. White…" Humpty Dumpty held on to his boss. "Goodness gracious you need a doctor…"

Harley looked at the hole in the penthouse wall created by Orca. She began running toward the broken wall to check on her but before she could do that she was tackled to the ground by someone else, the Joker.

"Surprise!" Joker's laughter had somehow gotten more manic.

"Get offa me!" Harley yelled. "Don't make me bite you too!"

"You're a fool, Harley! And not the funny kind… The pathetic kind." Joker pinned Harley to the ground and took out his gun. "You've actually let that weed delude you into thinking that you're better than me."

Harley felt a sudden sensation of rage surge through her. With this newfound energy she broke out of Joker's grip and punched him in the face, screaming loudly in anger along the way. "Go to hell! Ivy's right! I- I'm able to make my own decisions without you."

"Oh Harl…" Joker's seemingly permanent smile turned into a rather unpleasant frown. "I love you. And in the name of love, I think I might have to kill you."

"Nuh- Not if I do it first!" Harley managed to stammer out. She realized she didn't have any weapons left other than her fists and her teeth but right now she was too invigorated and enraged to care. Her head a slight haze, she charged forward and rammed right into Joker and held on to him. But she didn't stop there, she stumbled forward with him until they both slammed against the large glass windows of Shark's penthouse causing the glass to break and then two of them to fall. Even the threat of imminent death didn't seem to scare either of them and they both continued to claw at each other's faces as they fell down from the top of the building, screaming and yelling at each other the whole way down.

All the excitement was preventing Harley from thinking straight and she didn't completely comprehend how dangerous the situation was. She didn't care about the rapidly approaching ground, all that mattered was scratching up Joker as much as she could before they both went splat. But before Harley had a chance to become a stain on the sidewalk she felt someone grab her from behind and lift her up, it felt like she was floating. She looked up and hoped to see Ivy rescuing her, possibly riding a giant plant. But instead she found herself looking up at the Trickster.

"What's-Your-Face, ya saved me!" Harley cheered.

"The name's Trickster, don't wear it out." Trickster chuckled.

Harley looked down and saw that Trickster was running on just the air, slowly descending like he was walking down an invisible set of stairs. She was completely dumbfounded by what was going on. "Uh… How're you doing this?"

"Oh, these are my special Air-Walker Shoes." Trickster explained, chuckling a little. "Invented them myself, not to brag or anything."

Harley looked down and saw Joker getting closer and closer to the ground. She felt a sense of joy and, in a moment of immaturity, she blew a raspberry at him. "See ya in Hell, puddin'!"

Joker still didn't quite seem to be panicked about his situation. Instead of freaking out like any normal person would, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the detonator for the bombs strapped to him. The bombs went off but instead of the laughing gas he'd promised they ejected a large amount of expanding foam, cushioning his fall.

"Aww, he was bluffin' about the laughing gas. Stupid Mistah J 'n his escape plans." Harley sighed and pouted. "C'mon Trickster, get to the ground so I can beat on him some more!"

"Hey, these shoes only go as fast as I can run." Trickster replied.

"Fine, lemme know when we're on solid ground again…"

After a few more minutes, Trickster made it to the ground and let go of Harley. She stumbled a bit and adjusted to walking on the solid ground again. "Aw man, he got away." she crossed her arms.

"Well, at least that Shark guy didn't kill you. He seemed really pissed." Trickster glanced over at the giant pile of foam with a Joker shaped dent in it. "What is this stuff? It smells like… Lemon meringue?"

"Knowin' him it probably is." Harley nodded. "Anyway, ya got a point about escaping Sharky. I'd hate to be trapped in-" a sudden realization hit Harley so hard that it made her freeze for several seconds. "Oh my god Ivy's still in there!" she rushed over to Trickster and grabbed him by the cape. "Quick! We gotta get in there before that whale turns her into a paste!"

_"Oh hey Harls, were you talking about me?"_

Hearing Ivy's voice nearly made Harley jump. She thought she was hallucinating again but when she turned around she indeed saw Ivy exiting Shark's building with Orca calmly walking right behind her. "Uh, Red, what's going on?"

"Harley, this is Orca. Her real name is Grace." Ivy gestured over to Orca.

"Hey." Orca waved to which Harley sheepishly nodded, feeling dwarfed by the enormous woman.

"Guess what? She's an environmentalist like me. She loves animals. Apparently she's just muscle for Shark on the side. Isn't that nice?" Ivy smiled with a surprising amount of sincerity.

"This supervillain gig kinda sucks. I'm just gonna go tell my boss that I kicked your ass." Orca turned around and began walking back to the building. "And try not to come around here again. If you do, I'll have to kick your ass for real."

Harley was still processing everything that happened. While she stared at Orca go back inside the building, Ivy leaned in toward Harley. "Is it weird if I say she's kinda hot?"

"Yeah, kinda. She's a whale." Harley nodded.

"I dunno, I'm kinda with Ivy." Trickster spoke up. "She's technically always naked too, so that's fun."

"Oh god, you're still here." Ivy groaned, glancing over at Trickster. "Leave."

"Heh, good idea actually!" Trickster nodded, beginning to back away. "We caused a lot of property damage and the cops are probably on the way." Within a few moments Trickster was running and his special shoes had lifted him up into the air.

"He actually has a good point. We should get out before Batman or the cops get here." Ivy took Harley by the hand and ducked into an alley with her. "Sorry tonight's party kinda went off the rails by the way. In fairness, I had no way of knowing the host would try to kill his guests."

"You kiddin'? There's no reason to apologize, Ivy!" Harley laughed as they made their way through the alley. "Tonight was the best night I've had in a long time!"

"Wait, really?"

"Hell yeah! I hung out at an awesome penthouse, had some great beer, flirted a little, ended up as part of a shootout… Oh, and I even tried to kill Mistah J! And guess what? I don't even feel bad about it!" she took a moment to laugh. "I want every day to be like this from now on. I… I wanna be a big shot like Shark! I'm tired of just bein' known as Joker's sidekick. I'm gonna make something of myself."

"I'm glad you're feeling better. Welcome back." Ivy smiled at Harley, putting an arm around her. After the adversity and heartbreak Harley had suffered recently, seeing her spirits this high brought warmth to Ivy's mostly empty heart. "Let's get back to my place. After a night like this we both need some rest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter turned out a lot better than the first. I did more of my own thing instead of just copying what happened in the show. I want to make i clear that this isn't meant to be a remake of the Harley Quinn cartoon, just sort of adventures of Harley Quinn in the style of the show. Although I am loosely basing the first three chapters of this story off the first three episodes of the show. Anyway, that's it for that's it for this chapter. I feel like I did a good job here.


	3. Villains for Hire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley struggles to be a criminal by herself. So she employs the help of an elderly supervillain named the Gambler and his group, Injustice Unlimited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little worried I made this chapter a little too esoteric. I feel like I included a few too many villains the average person wouldn't know about. But I read a bunch of Justice Society and Infinity Inc. comics recently and these were the characters I wanted to write about. So I've decided to provide quick character profiles for this chapter.
> 
>  **The Gambler:** Steven Sharpe III aka The Gambler is a Golden Age foe of Green Lantern and the Justice Society. He doesn't have any powers.
> 
>  **Hazard:** Becky Sharpe aka Hazard. Granddaughter of the Gambler and enemy of '80s superhero team Infinity Incorporated. Apparently she was adapted into the Arrowverse, I haven't seen the show so I can't really comment on it.
> 
>  **Icicle Jr.:** Cameron Mahkent aka Icicle Junior, son of the original Icicle (Joar Mahkent). He's probably the most well known character in this chapter, having appeared in places like Young Justice. But for the sake of consistency I'm listing him anyway.
> 
>  **The Fiddler:** Isaac Bowin aka The Fiddler, an old enemy of the Jay Garrick version of the Flash and the Justice Society. Apparently a genderbent version of him is in the Arrowverse, I haven't seen any of those shows though.
> 
>  **Tigress:** Artemis Crock aka Tigress, daughter of supervillains Sportsmaster (Lawrence Crock) and the original Tigress (Paula Brooks). Originally she was a villain who fought Infinity Inc. and the JSA but nowadays she's more known for the heroic version of her that appeared in the Young Justice cartoon. However for the purposes of this story I'm sticking with Artems's original villainous interpretation.
> 
> I might actually make these character profiles a recurring feature. Could be a good way to introduce characters so things don't get confusing.

Lately the life of Poison Ivy had been a little strange. Granted, she hadn't quite had a normal life since she'd been turned into a plant-woman. But even by her standards things had been a little hectic ever since the disastrous dinner party she and Harley had attended recently. After that night, Harley made the decision that she wanted to be a big time crime lord just like the Joker was. Partly because she wanted revenge on him and partly because it just sounded like a fun idea. And while Ivy fully supported Harley, she also did not really care for organized crime. She was more concerned with her environmental agenda. So while Harley was out heisting, Ivy stayed at home and tended to her plants.

On this particular day, Ivy had been spending quite a bit of time taking care of her plants. After watering them and making sure they had enough sunlight, Ivy decided that it was time for a little personal care. Instead of watching TV or checking social media, Ivy decided to try something new; meditation. Frankly with all the stress in her life, it really could be beneficial.

So once her work with the plants was done Ivy dimmed the lights, lit some candles, put on some relaxing music and sat down on the couch with her legs crossed. After that she closed her eyes and she stayed like this for a while, feeling much more relaxed. It was like all the tension in her body melted away. If she had the choice, she would have stayed like that for hours.

But the sound of an opening door and some footsteps signalled that she was no longer alone. Ivy opened her eyes and saw Harley walking into the apartment in a pretty bad mood. She walked with a slouch and was covered in water, shivering a little.

"I knew I shoulda worn the jester suit… Now I'm gonna catch a cold…" Harley mumbled to nobody in particular as she entered the apartment. She glanced over to Ivy and took notice of her state of mediation. "Oh hey, Red… What'cha doin?"

"Meditation. It's very relaxing. You should try it sometime." Ivy opened her eyes to look up at Harley.

"I don't wanna. I'm too tired…" Harley sighed, collapsing down on the couch next to Ivy. "Sorry, I've been havin' a bad day…"

"You can tell me all about it, Harls…" Ivy nodded, running her fingers through Harley's hair to calm her down. "How'd you get all wet?"

"I tried to rob a cruise ship." Harley sighed. "Then Riddler showed up and totally upstaged me. Things got even worse when Batman showed up. I had to jump overboard just to get out of there. Doin' a solo act is harder than I thought it'd be. Think you could help me out sometime, Red?"

"I'm not sure… There'd have to be some kind of environmental angle. I have a reputation to keep up."

"Yeah… I understand…"

"I might know another way to help you though."

"Ya do?" Harley perked up instantly. "What is it?"

"You dry off and change into some fresh clothes. I'll show you when you get back."

Harley nodded and hopped up from the chair, leaving a wet mark behind where she sat down. She returned to the living room moments later dressed in sweatshorts and a Gotham University hoodie. "Alright Red, what's the big plan here?"

While Harley was getting changed, Ivy had taken out her laptop and set it up on the coffee table. "Being a supervillain is hard work. But there are two things that can help you out. Either you have superpowers-"

"I'm immune to Joker's smiley gas." Harley interrupted. "But that's about it."

"... Or you have a crew." Ivy finished her earlier thought.

"A crew?" Harley raised an eyebrow.

"People who help you out on heists." Ivy explained, turning the laptop toward Harley. "This is Find-A-Goon. You can use it to hire members for your crew. I've never found much use for it, personally. My plants provide everything I need. But since you can't control plants, I figure it could help."

"Hmmm… I guess I could use a few extra hands on deck. Woulda helped with that cruise ship robbery." Harley scooted over on the couch to get a better look at the website. "Aww, it's mostly D-listers and nobodies…"

"Yeah, most people don't actively want to be goons. It sort of just happens when you're low enough of the proverbial totem pole." Ivy nodded, watching Harley scroll through the website.

"There's gotta be someone on here worthwhile…" Harley muttered. "Killer Moth… Crazy Quilt… Master Jailer… Jeez, these guys are terrible. Maybe I'm better off alone."

"Wait a minute scroll back up." Ivy suddenly interjected, pointing at the screen.

"What did ya see?" Harley asked, scrolling up on the website as Ivy requested.

"Holy shit, Dr. Polaris is on this website."

"Who?"

"Dr. Polaris. He's a B-lister, but a powerful one. He's able to go up against guys like Green Lantern and Flash. I thought he was supposed to be part of the Legion of Doom. Wonder what he's doing on Find-A-Goon."

"Guess the good doctor's fallen on hard times." Harley smirked. "I'll send him an email, see if he wants to work for lil old me."

"That's' the spirit." Ivy smiled, giving Harley a pat on the back. "You'll run this town in no time at all."

"Thanks for the encouragement, Red. It really helps." Harley glanced over at Ivy before going back to the laptop, eager to meet up with this Dr. Polaris. "Once I have myself a crew, I'm gonna be unbeatable!"

*******

Following an exchange on Find-A-Goon's direct messaging system, Harley and Dr. Polaris had come to an agreement to meet at a local Gotham bar known as the Stacked Deck. The next day at a little before noon, Harley made her way down to the bar. The Stacked Deck was known for being dangerous and was frequented by criminals. But that didn't stop Harley. She entered the bar with a pep in her step, carrying her signature hammer over her shoulder. Today she'd put on her classic jester suit. It was more of a hassle to put on but she thought it made her look adorable. Not to mention it made her look a bit more non-threatening. And when you're meeting with a villain who's supposed to have actual superpowers, you did not want to intimidate him.

Harley confidently walked into the Stacked Deck and turned a few heads as she walked in. Some were aroused by how she was dressed, some were just curious about what she was doing here. Harley elected to ignore all of them. Sitting at a table in a shady corner of the Deck was a man in shiny blue horned armour with an emblem resembling a magnet on his chest. Harley instantly recognized him as the man she was here to see, Dr. Polaris.

"Hey, Doc!" Harley waved to Polaris, hurrying across the bar towards him. "It's me, from the website!"

"C'mon, not so loud. You're not exactly making a good first impression." Dr. Polaris said, his face taking on a stoic expression. "I thought you'd be a lot more professional than this."

"Heh, sorry." Harley nervously giggled, pulling out a chair and sitting across from Dr. Polaris. She leaned her hammer against the side of the table. "This is my first time trying to put together a crew. Are ya really interested in working for me? From what I hear you're kind of a big shot. Or at least ya used to be."

Dr. Polaris smirked, clearly flattered by Harley's words. "Well then… I'm glad you're a fan of my work."

"I wouldn't exactly call myself a fan." Harley leaned on the table a bit. "I just know ya by reputation. Um, what exactly are yer powers again?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Dr. Polaris pointed to the magnet shaped emblem on his suit. "I have magnetic powers. Anything made of metal, I can control it. Watch this." he snapped his fingers and a fork that was resting on the table began to levitate seemingly on its own. The fork hovered over to Harley and slowly orbited around her head. "I can do more than just that though, trust me." with another snap of his fingers the fork fell back down to the ground.

"Alright, now you've got me impressed." Harley crossed her arms. "I definitely want someone like you on my team."

"Well thank you." Dr. Polaris smirked. "I'm glad you appreciate my talents. I've been having trouble being taken seriously ever since the Legion of Doom blacklisted me. It was easier before I joined those guys. Now it's like half the supervillain community is working against me."

"Yeah, my friend Pam tells me those Legion guys are assholes." Harley sympathetically nodded. "What exactly did ya do to get 'em so pissed at you?"

"Funny story, I tried to perform an… I believe the word is _insurrection_ , against Lex Luthor." Dr. Polaris explained in a hushed tone.

"Insurrection? What's that? Some kinda sex thing?" Harley cocked her head to the side.

"It's like a fancy way of saying rebellion. Point is, me and some other guys in the L.O.D. thought we could run the place better than Luthor. Turns out, Lex wasn't a big fan of that and most of the Legion either liked him or was afraid of him. So me and the other guys who hated Luthor were barred from the Legion."

"Kicked to the curb…" Harley sighed. "I know how that feels. Mistah J used to kick me out of the house all the time when I was annoying him. I told myself we just needed space, but… Well, I kinda realized he never totally loved me recently." she paused for a moment. "Sorry, this meeting's supposed to be about you, not me. So Doc, do you wanna be the very first member of Harley Quinn's Crime Crew?"

"Look, Quinn, I need all the help I can get now that I'm not part of the Legion." Dr. Polaris leaned back in his chair. "But I won't join up with any old crook who dangles a carrot in front of me. What exactly do I get if I join your crew?"

For several moments Harley remained silent. She had not gone into the conversation expecting she'd get this far. Now that she had thought about it, she did have very little to offer Dr. Polaris. But regardless, she started talking and hoped she had something convincing to say. "Well, I live in a really nice apartment. And I'm a psychiatrist. So if you've got any daddy issues you need worked out, I'm your gal."

"That second thing is tempting… I've been meaning to see a therapist." Dr. Polaris mumbled. "But there's just one thing I want to know, do you have any money to offer me?"

"That would be a no…" Harley looked down at her feet, feeling embarrassed. "I kinda rely on my friend Ivy for money…"

"Then that's no dice, Quinn. No cash, I'm not working for you." Dr. Polaris indignantly crossed his arms.

"Fine, be that way." Halrey huffed and stood up in her chair, picking up her hammer again. "I bet I can get any other goon I want in this place. Watch me!" she stood up on her chair and raised her hammer up in the air. "Hey, everyone! Who here wants to work for Harley Quinn?" her offer was met by a resounding silence.

For several moments, Harley felt dejected. Especially when she heard Dr. Polaris laughing to himself. But her spirits soared once again when she heard a woman's voice speak up. "I'll join you!"

The source of the voice came from the bar counter. Immediately, Harley jumped down from her chair and calmly walked over to the mystery woman. She couldn't resist glancing back at and flipping off Dr. Polaris along the way.

Sitting at a barstool was a woman clad in a black latex leotard with feather trims, red lensed sunglasses and a white wig. She enthusiastically waved at Harley. "Wow, Harley Quinn. It's great to meet you!"

"Oh, so you're a fan." Harley smiled. "What's your name?"

"Magpie, master thief and explosives expert." Magpie reached out and shook Harley's hand. "I've been in this criminal game for a while actually. Plenty of experience."

"Say, I think I have heard of you!" Harley nodded passively.

"You have?" Magpie's face lit up.

"Yeah, my friend Ivy said you used to offer sexual favours in Arkham. Traded 'em with guards and inmates for pieces of glass and metal."

"I… I don't do that anymore. I'm a little embarrassed about that part of my past. Look, can I be part of the team or not?"

"I dunno… I feel like ya don't bring too much to the table… I can put together explosives and steal stuff. I'll keep ya in mind though. Thanks!"

Harley started humming to herself and turned around, beginning to leave the bar. Magpie sighed and turned back around in her chair. "Hey bartender, get me another whisky…"

As soon as she left the bar, Harley let out a defeated sigh. The guy she came there looking for rejected her and the one person interested in her seemed like a bit of a loser. Harley began to consider that maybe she wasn't cut out for being a leader. But it was then that she heard footsteps scurrying toward her from behind. Turning around, Harley saw an elderly white haired man with a goatee and moustache. He was dressed in a long purple jacket with a yellow dress shirt underneath. He walked with a cane but his apparent impairment did not stop him from coming toward Harley at a fast pace.

"Excuse me young lady, I couldn't help but overhear you." the old man spoke with a southern accent. "It sounded to me like you're looking for a crew."

"Yeah, I am." Harley stopped walking and turned around. "You offerin'? No offence, ya look a little… Old."

"Yes, yes, my glory days were a long time ago." the old man chuckled. "I'm a spokesman for a little group known as Injustice Unlimited." he reached into his pocket and took out a small card, handing it over to Harley.

Harley inspected the card. It was very simply designed. A sturdy white card with the words _Injustice Unlimited_ printed on it with the words _Villains for Hire_ printed beneath it in smaller lettering.

"Ma'am, my name is Steven Sharpe the Third. But folks call me _The Gambler_." the man smirked.

"Injustice Unlimited, eh? What exactly do ya do?"

"Me and some of the best supervillains you've never heard of are offering our services to any enterprising young criminals such as yourself. Mind if I come over to your place? I have a presentation all ready for this."

Harley had her suspicions about this man but his deal seemed good. "Alright mister, you got a deal! C'mon, I'll show ya to my place."

Twenty minutes later, Harley and the Gambler were standing in front of Ivy's apartment. Harley tapped on the door a few times. "Hey Ivy, how's it goin'? You aren't naked or anything, are ya?"

_"No, Harls, I'm fully dressed."_

"Okay good, 'cause I got a friend with me."

_"Wait, what?"_

Harley unlocked the door to the apartment and entered with the Gambler following right behind her. As soon as Ivy saw the Gambler an annoyed grimace took over her face. She crossed her arms and glared at him before glancing back at Harley. "Alright Harls, why did you invite Colonel Sanders over?"

"Hello there ma'am." The Gambler smiles, taking off his hat and bowing a little. "Steven Sharpe, the Third. You may call me the Gambler. You must be Poison Ivy, I've heard a lot about you. Back when I was in the Injustice Society I knew a lovely young lady named Thorn, she was a lot like you."

Ivy ignored the Gambler and just chose to address Harley. "Seriously, why is he here?"

"He's gonna get me a crew!"

"How's he gonna do that?"

"No idea! But his business card says Villains for Hire so that's a good start."

"I have a presentation to show you fine young ladies." The Gambler spoke up. "Please, take a seat and I'll get it all set up."

Ivy wanted to argue but seeing the genuine enthusiasm and hope on Harley's face made her keep quiet. She'd basically do anything if Harley wanted it. So after a few minutes, the lights were turned off and Haley and Ivy were sitting together on the couch. The Gambler had hooked up Ivy's laptop so that the screen was displayed on the apartment's TV. Currently, it showed a plain white background.

"Now, I'm sure you girls are wondering one thing…" The Gambler pressed a key on the laptop and the words _Why Should You Hire Injustice Unlimited?_ appeared on screen in big bold letters.

"Hehe, I sure was!" Harley nodded, clapping her hands a little.

"Nice presentation. Did you make this in Google Slides?" Ivy rolled her eyes, unimpressed.

"Yes I did. My granddaughter showed me how to use it." The Gambler nodded as he pressed another key, going over to the next slide in his presentation. It showed what appeared to be a publicity photo for the Justice Society, a team of superheroes that acted as the precursor to the Justice League. "The golden age of justice! The Flash, Green Lantern, Hourman, Dr. Fate and more!" he spoke with the cadence of a carnival barker. "But a hero is only as good as their villains. And that's where the Injustice Society of the World comes in!" the next slide came on, showing the Gambler beside several other villainous looking men. They stood in front of a map of the United States with knives stuck into it.

"Oh hey, that's you!" Harley pointed to the slide show.

Ivy squinted and leaned in toward the screen, vaguely recognizing one of the men in the photo. "Holy shit, are you standing next to Vandal Savage?"

"He was part of our team back then. Never liked him too much. I never said much about it though. On account of the fact I was the only one on the team without powers." The Gambler remarked. "Now then, these may be some of the greatest villains of the past. But their legacy lives on with Injustice Unlimited. Behold, our fine members!" the next slide came on screen. It displayed a picture of a skinny man with blue skin and pointy blue hair that looked like it could have been made of crystal or ice. He wore a tank top and jeans as his outfit. The man was projecting a beam of ice out of his hand and freezing a training dummy. "Icicle Junior, son of the original Icicle. Every bit as cold blooded as his old man."

"Ooh, ice villains are fun." Harley nodded with approval.

"Indeed they are, ma'am." The Gambler chuckled as he pressed the button for the next slide. It showed an image of an auburn haired woman with her hair pulled back into a long braid. She had some orange warpaint over her right eye and dressed rather tactically. A tight shirt with no sleeves and shorts combined with gloves and rather practical looking boots gave her a full range of movement. Her clothes had an orange and black colour scheme to them. In her hands she held a crossbow that, judging by the picture, had recently been fired since in the background there was a target board with several bullseyes. "This nice young woman is Artemis Crock, but she prefers to go by Tigress. She's the daughter of two supervillains, the Sportsmaster and the original Tigress. Thanks to her terrifying parents, young Artemis has grown into quite the combat expert. She specializes in the bow."

"Alright, seems like a good team so far." Harley nodded with approval. "Who else ya got?"

The Gambler smirked and went over to the next slide. This one was a photograph of an elderly man with long grey hair wearing a green suit jacket and matching green pants. He carried a violin and bow and appeared to be showing them off for the camera. "Isaac Bowin, the Fiddler. Like me he's one of the original members of the Injustice Society. I know, he might look a little silly. But that violin of his can pack a serious punch."

Harley was on the edge of her seat with excitement but Ivy just rolled her eyes and pretended to yawn. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but there was something about the Gambler she didn't like.

"And now, the final member of this team." The Gambler smiled as he went to the next slide. It showed a young woman with curly orange hair wearing a red visor. She appeared to be dressed to resemble a casino card dealer. She had a red leotard with puffy white sleeves and her outfit was completed by fishnets and red boots. In the picture she was standing by a slot machine, apparently having just cashed out. "This is my lovely granddaughter, Becky. But you can call her Hazard. Now, while I do not possess any powers my dear Becky was born with the unique metahuman ability of probability manipulation. These four are valuable members of any heist." he went and closed his computer and turned the living room lights back on. "So, Ms. Quinn, do you want our services?"

"I'll take it!" Harley jumped up from the couch and pumped her fists in the air. "With those guys on my side I'll run this town in no time."

"Hold on Harls, there are a few things you're forgetting." Ivy stood up and got closer to the Gambler. "For one, how much do you charge for these services?"

"No charge at all, good madam." The Gambler replied.

"Get outta town!" Harley exclaimed with great incredulity.

"We simply request a reasonable cut of the profits from whatever heist you send us on." The Gambler explained.

"Gee… That is a pretty good deal…" Harley paused for a moment, thinking things over. "Alright, I'm in! Harley Quinn is officially employing Injustice Unlimited!"

The Gambler smirked and shook Harley's hand. "Ms. Quinn, you won't regret this."

*******

The following day at around seven in the evening, a trio of armoured cars transporting gold from Metropolis to Gotham City was ambushed. The personnel on the car had been expecting to be ambushed like this. Not because anyone had called in a threat. But because they were travelling with a large amount of money through one of the most crime ridden cities in America; exercising caution was only natural.

But it appeared that the excessive amount of guards they'd put onboard wasn't enough. The small motorcade came to stop at what was supposed to be an intersection. But instead of a traffic light they found themselves facing a large wall of ice. For several moments the people in the armoured trucks didn't know what to do. One of the drivers stepped out to inspect the wall, holding his pistol in hand. He was expecting Mr. Freeze to show up any moment now. When the driver glanced over his shoulder he saw a second ice wall forming behind him, leaving the trucks trapped in a box.

"Guys, we have trouble!" the driver shouted out. "Get ready!"

Before anyone could do anything about their entrapment, a hail of crossbow bolts rained down from above. The driver had barely any time to react before several bolts went through the cloth of his shirt, pinning him to his car.

Down from above leaped a shadowy figure that landed on the roof of one of the armoured cars. Once she was in the light it became clear that she was none other than Tigress.

"Alright everyone, nobody move! If you do, you're gonna be filled with arrows!" Tigress announced.

Despite her threats, the other passengers of the armoured trucks began to exit with their weapons raised. But before any of them could attack Tigress, a beam of ice shot down from above and froze one of the guards solid; momentarily surprising the other guards. While they were distracted, a bridge of ice formed between one of the rooftops and the ground. Down the bridge slid the man responsible for all the frost Icicle. Behind him were his three associates, Fiddler, Hazard and Harley Quinn. This time Harley had dressed up in the more modern version of her outfit she wore to Great White Shark's party. Partially because she spilled orange juice on the jester suit that morning and partially because she just wanted to try something different.

"Listen up, shitheads!" Harley announced, slamming her hammer into the knees of one of the drivers. "Me and my super awesome crew are here for all the moolah ya got!"

"You'd better do what she says." Icicle speaks up. "Otherwise you'll end up filled with arrows or frozen solid. Your choice."

One of the remaining guards reached for his gun and tried firing it but no bullets came out. "Jammed!"

"What are the chances, eh?" Hazard smirked. "Well, pretty high when someone like me is involved."

Another guard tried to fire his gun but it too jammed and as a result, Harley smashed him in the face with her hammer.

"Harley, you remembered your earplugs didn't you?" Fiddler spoke up.

"Sure did!" Harley nodded as she slammed her hammer into another guard.

"Wonderful…" Fiddler smirked and took out his fiddle and bow. Resting the violin on his chin, he played a loud, sharp tune that caused the guards to put their hands over their ears and scream in pain. The noise caused the ice walls around the trucks to shatter and the guards who heard it to eventually pass out.

"Great work fellas!" Harley cheers. "Hazard, you bring the getaway car around. Icicle, Fiddler, Tigress, you go get the gold!"

"Right away, Harley." Hazard nodded, turning around and hurrying off into an alleyway.

Once she was gone, Icicle went around and froze the back doors to each truck. Tigress shot an explosive bolt into the ice once Icicle was done, easily shattering the doors to pieces. The guards inside each truck had passed out earlier thanks to Fiddler's supersonic music, leaving the gold all theirs for the taking.

Harley squealed with excitement as she went into the back of one of the trucks. "Oh yeah, come to mommy!"

A car pulled around the back of the armoured cars. It was a large van with the words _Injustice Unlimited_ printed on the side. It wasn't very subtle but the Gambler was a big fan of brand recognition.

"Come on everyone, pile it in!" Hazard cheered from the driver's seat. Harley and the other three worked quickly, moving the gold from the back of the armoured trucks and into the back of their own getaway van. Once it was all done, Harley get in the passenger seat next to Hazard while Fiddler, Icicle and Tigress got into the back with the gold.

"Alright Hazard, step on it!" Harley cheered. With that, Hazard nodded and put her foot down against the gas pedal, speeding off. "C'mon, let's go! We don't want the cops to catch us!"

"Oh, odds are we're gonna be just fine…" Hazard smirked. "With my powers, things tend to turn out the way I want them."

Sure enough, less than an hour later Harley was inside her apartment building and her heart was beating like a toy monkey with a pair of cymbals. Harley entered her house with the rest of the crew right behind her. Ivy was on the living room couch with the Gambler next to her, watching the TV together. As soon as she sees Harley, Ivy picks up the remote and paused the TV.

"Harls, thank god your back. Grampa Cowboy over here has been making me watch weird old western TV shows all night." Ivy got up from the couch and strolled toward Harley.

"Hey now! Hopalong Cassidy is a great program." The Gambler stood up as well, picking his cane up. "I take it the heist went well?"

"It went great!" Hazard cheered. "One of our most successful yet."

"Just like the good old days." Fiddler chuckled.

"Yeah, you guys are the best!" Harley nodded. "We should do this again."

"Yes, yes, indeed." The Gambler nodded, putting on his hat again and joining his crew. "Tigress, give Ms. Quinn her cut."

"Of course." Tigress went over to Harley and handed her a small cloth bag.

Harley peered into the bag and her curiosity turned into confusion and anger. "Hey! There's only like six gold bars in here. That's a lotta gold but we stole way more than that!"

"Ms. Quinn…" The Gambler smirked and put his hand on Harley's shoulder. "You don't deserve the rest of that gold." he kept smiling but his tone took a harsh tone.

"What do ya mean?"

"Without us, you wouldn't have gotten as far as you did. You're a sidekick, a nobody. We are Injustice Unlimited! The legacy of the Injustice Society. We're masterminds, you are not." The Gambler turned around to face his team. "We are the only reason you came out on top today. That's what we do, we make losers feel like winners. Just as long as they remember their place." he glanced over at Icicle. "Alright everyone, let's go."

Harley stood there with a surprised and saddened expression on her face as Injustice Unlimited began leaving the apartment. As they left, Hazard turned around and shyly waved at Harley. "Sorry about my granddad, Harley. I really like you… Please hire us again!" With all that done, Injustice Unlimited disappeared down the hall and closed the door behind them.

Feeling defeated, Harley sat down on the floor and started to cry. Ivy saw her friend's sadness and sat down behind her, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey, Harl, don't let him get to you. You're stronger than this…"

"I am… Yeah… I'll show those jerks that Harley Quinn is no laughing matter…"

As Harley sat there and wiped away her tears she heard a knock at the door. Immediately she sprung up and went to answer it, now filled with anger and expecting the Gambler and his crew on the other side.

"Listen here you son of a bitch! I'm gonna-" Harley froze once she opened the door and realized she was staring at her landlady, Jenna Duffy. "Oh hey there…"

"Um hi…" Jenna shyly nodded.

"Sorry, I thought you were- Y'know what, I'm not getting into it. It's a whole thing." Harley sighed.

"Right, well, I just came by to let you know that somebody's been stealing from the vending machine in the lobby and I'm setting up a camera to monitor it now." Jenna explained. "So if it was you, you'd better not try anything."

"Alrighty, good to know. Buh-bye now!" Harley slowly began shutting the door before an idea popped up into her head. "Wait, hold on!" she opened up the door again. "You used to work for Mad Hatter, right?"

"Um, yeah." Jenna nodded. "Please don't say that so loud."

"Well… I'm lookin' for a crew. Think you could get me a few of the Hatter's guys?"

"I dunno… I've been trying to leave that life behind."

"Me and Ivy will take you out to karaoke night at the Iceberg Lounge if ya do."

Jenna paused for several seconds, seriously considered the offer. "Alright, it's a deal. I'll get back to you in a few weeks."

"Great!" Harley cheered, slamming the door in Jenna's face and turning around to look at Ivy.

"I liked that anger." Ivy smirked. "Just make sure to direct it at the right person next time."

"Believe me Red, I will." Harley nodded, putting on a serious pace. "I can stand being scammed out of my cash. But I won't stand for that ramblin' gamblin bastard saying those things about me! I'm gettin' back at him. But I'm gonna need a crew. A real one. And I know just where to find it…"

*******

About half an hour later, Harley was stepping through the doors of the Stacked Deck with her newly restored confidence. She felt more pumped up than the first time she was in there. This time when she caught a man leering at her she used her hammer to hit him in the gut, knocking him over.

Once she made it over to the bar she swung her hammer down and smashed a slight dent into the bar counter. "Alright! Harley Quinn's back, bitches! Who here wants to join my crew!"

After a little bit of staring, the patrons of the Stacked Deck resumed their previous conversation. Harley was annoyed and almost felt the need to smash someone's head just to prove a point. But then a familiar voice made its presence known. _"I'll do it!"_

Harley spun around and saw Magpie sitting at the end of the bar counter. A little disappointed but still going along with things, Harley walked over to Magie's spot at the bar. "Jeez, have you not moved since I last saw ya?"

"I drink at the deck every night, lay off." Magpie took a sip from a bottle of beer and looked over at Harley. "Listen, do you need a crew or not?"

"Yeah, I sure do. And guess what? You're in!"

"Awesome!" Magpie stood up. "What made you change your mind about me?"

"Let's just say someone decided to give misfits a chance." Harley smirked. "Ya wouldn't happen to know anyone else who'd be interested in helping out?"

"I think I saw that magnet guy hanging out around here." Magpie leaned in, whispering to Harley.

"Ooh, Mistah Big Shot? I dunno… I don't think he was really interested."

"Try talking to him again. Ever since he got kicked out of the Legion his career has nowhere to go but up."

"Hmmm… Good point. Come with me, Maggie. We're visitin' the Doc." Harley heaved her hammer over her shoulder and confidently strutted over to a table in the corner where a very surly looking Dr. Polaris was seated. He had an empty bottle of beer in front of him and his helmet was on crooked.

He glanced up at Harley and glared at her. "What do you want?" after staring for a few moments, Dr. Polaris did a double take. "Shit, I recognize you. You're that clown girl."

"I sure am!" Harley cheered.

"Listen, I'm still not interested." Dr. Polaris glanced away from her. "And having that slutty bird lady here won't convince me."

"Hey, I'm right here." Magpie scowled getting closer to Dr. Polaris and slamming her hand down on the table and scratching up the wood with her clawed girls. "And by the way, I don't suck dick anymore… Well, not unless you take me on a few dates first."

"Tell ya what, Doc… Would ya do it if we told you there's several million dollars in gold in it for ya if ya worked for us?" Harley leaned in toward Dr. Polaris some more. In a bit of a cheap tactic she made sure that her cleavage was on full display. If Ivy could seduce guys to get them to do her bidding so could she.

"Several million you say? Well… I could use that kinda money. Maybe get myself a new costume." Dr. Polaris nodded and stood up. "Where exactly can we get this gold?"

"Oh, it's with some guys called _Injustice Unlimited_..." Harley smirked.

"Alright, I'm in…"

*******

Harley may not have had a car, in fact her drivers licence had been suspended for a number of years, but thanks to a combination of her athleticism and Gotham's semi-reliable public transport system she made it over to the headquarters of Injustice Unlimited with her crew. Subtlety was not the Gambler's strong suit. So when she found herself in front of a large abandoned mansion on the edge of town with the words Injustice Unlimited spray painted over the old mailbox, she was hardly surprised.

She stood outside the rusty gate with Magpie and Dr. Polaris right behind her. With a gleeful grin on her face she stared ahead at the building. "Alright folks, ya ready for this?"

"Um, what exactly is the plan here?" Magpie asked.

"Yes, you have not explained a thing to us." Dr. Polaris added. "I expect some kind of professionalism here. What is the plan?"

"Simple." Harley turned around to face her new team. "We go in there, beat their asses, steal the gold, and go home."

"Um, how many of them are there?" Magpie spoke up, her voice cracking with nervousness.

"Let's see… There' Frosty, Arrow Girl, Music Man, and Lucky… Oh and Gramps. So, five of them."

"And there's only three of us."

"Oh relax Maggie, we can take 'em. Now c'mon, let's go!"

With that, Harley marched ahead toward the front gates of the mansion with Magpie and Dr. Polaris following right behind her. Dr. Polaris stood tall while Magpie walked slowly and with a nervous slouch. A large part of Magpie was telling her that she was in way over her head and would probably get killed from this.

Harley stood at the doorstep and rapped on the door, practically bouncing up and down with excitement. The door opened and revealed Hazard on the other side, seeming surprised by Harley's presence. She stared at Harley for a couple seconds. "Harley! What are you doing-"

Hazard was cut off when Harley slammed her hammer into her face, knocking her to the ground. "Sorry Lucky, but I ain't leavin' 'til I get that gold."

"Puh- Please… Look, I'm sorry! We'll give you the gold!" Hazard started backing away, she spit something out of her mouth which Harley soon realized was one of her own teeth.

"This ain't about the gold!" Harley exclaimed. "It's about respect."

"For me it's about the gold." Magpie spoke up. "That shiny, shiny gold..."

"Maggie, I'm doin' a thing right now." Harley glanced from Magpie and back at Hazard. "Like I was sayin', it's about respect. I wanna be respected around here. Mistah J, he may not have always felt like it… But sometimes, he respected me. He kept me around for a reason. But your Gramps and his friends. You just saw me as a tool, didn't ya?"

"Guys… Help!" Hazard yelled out to the mansion at large. "We've got company!"

Harley swung down her hammer towards Hazard's head but her hammer ended up in the floor a good foot to Hazard's left. "Oh c'mon! What're the odds?"

"Heh… Pretty high with me…" Hazard started standing up. Right as she did this the other members of Injustice Unlimited came rushing out of the upstairs area of the abandoned mansion.

"What is the meaning of this?" Gambler leaned forward over the railing of the stairs. "Which one of you hurt my Becky?"

"That'd be me. I feel pretty bad about it. She's a nice girl.." Harley pulled her hammer out of the spot it was stuck in the ground. "It's her Grandpa I don't like!"

"Injustice Unlimited, attack!" Gambler announced, pointing down at Harley.

"Harley Quinn Crew, attack!" Harley shouted, pointing up at the Gambler and his associates.

"Don't call us that." Dr. Polaris muttered.

Despite the protests from Dr. Polaris, he and Magpie did as they were told and hurried ahead toward Injustice Unlimited who were also in the process of attacking. Hazard was already injured from her encounter with Harley earlier so she slunk into a corner while her teammates did the dirty work.

Magpie leaped up into the air and landed in front of Icicle. "Ooh… Hello Mr. Icicle. You look… _Shiny_."

"Don't touch me, creep!" Icicle shot a hail of tiny ice spikes out of the palm of his hand, toward Magpie.

It didn't seem to deter Magpie who just charged through the spikes even as they cut into her. She reached into her pocket and threw down what appeared to be several shiny white balls onto the floor, tripping up Icicle. He lay there for a few moments and picked up one of the balls. "Pearls? Wha-" the so-called pearls began exploding like firecrackers all around Icicle causing him to writhe around in surprise and slight pain. Before he had a chance to even get up, Magpie pounced on him and started slashing at his face with her clawed gloves.

On the other side of the room, Dr. Polaris was engaged in a battle with the Fiddler. At first Polaris had scoffed at the old man and his violin but now that his ears were being pierced by super sonic music he didn't feel like laughing.

"Enjoying the show, Polaris?" The Fiddler chuckled. "Don't worry, there's an encore!"

Dr. Polaris scowled, a plan slowly forming in his head. "Hey, old man… Have you had any dental work done?"

"What does that have to do with anythi-" The Fiddler cut himself off with a strained noise of pain, his mouth suddenly being forced to stay open. He hovered off the ground, seemingly being lifted by his teeth.

"Metal fillings, huh? Guess you should've listened to your dentist and brushed better." Dr. Polaris chuckled, waving his hand and sending the Fiddler flying across the room into a wall.

Over by the front door, Harley was engaged in battle with the last remaining member of Injustice Unlimited; Tigress. Quite a few crossbow bolts had been fired at Harley but she'd managed to use the head of her hammer to block them.

"Hold still so I can kill you!" Tigress grunted with anger.

"Nah! I like movin' around!" Harley giggled and jumped out of the way of another crossbow bolt. "Ya gotta choose a better weapon, Arrow Girl. Thing about your bow is that it's gonna run outta ammo eventually."

Tigress ignored Harley, quietly snarling as she reached for another bolt. Before she could even load it into the crossbow she was hit square in the chest with Harley's hammer, sending her slamming straight into a wall.

Harley surveyed the damage her team did, Icicle lying on the ground with claw marks on her face and Fiddler lying against a wall with a snapped bowstring beside him.

"And that just leaves the boss!" Harley cheered. "C'mon team, follow me!"

Harley hurried up the stairs where she last saw the Gambler. She noticed one of the doors on the upstairs floor was open and dashed into it. There she found the Gambler on the ground cowering in a corner. He had tied a handkerchief to his cane and was waving it in the air in surrender.

"Alright girl, you made your point!" the Gambler lowered his cane. "Leave us alone."

"Do I seem like a loser now, huh?" Harley smirked, leaning toward him. "Now tell us where the money is."

"Of course…" The Gambler slowly shifted his hand. For a moment, Harley felt confident in her victory. At least she did until she saw the Gambler slip a small gun, a derringer, out of his sleeve. Before she had a chance to react he fired it off. Harley shut her eyes expecting to feel a sudden pain in her chest. But when that didn't happen she opened her eyes and saw the bullet hovering just a few inches away from her.

"Heh… Thanks Doc…" Harley glanced back at Dr. Polaris. She glared at the Gambler and poked him in the chest with the edge of her hammer. "So… Ya got any more tricks up your sleeve?"

"Go to hell, Quinn…" the Gambler muttered, in slight pain from the hammer pressed up against him. "I'm just an old man who wanted to make a quick buck… Take your money and get out of here."

"Thank ya kindly!" Harley swung her hammer over her shoulder and turned around. "C'mon team, let's go!" she left the room followed by her two new crew members. On her way out, she looked back at the Gambler. "Remember, don't fuck with us ever again."

*******

Back across town, Ivy had taken to meditating yet again. She had so much time at home now and at the moment her priority was making sure Harley felt better. Taking over the world with her plants would have to wait for another day. Meditation did help her feel calmer. She had to remember this for the next time she was thrown into Arkham.

But her solitude was once again cut short when she heard the door opening and multiple pairs of feet against the floor. As well as wheels going over the wood floorboards. "What the…" she opened her eyes and looked over and saw Harley wheeling in a large cart of gold bars followed by Magpie and Dr. Polaris doing the same.

"What the…" Ivy stood up from the couch and looked over at Harley. "Holy crap you actually did it."

"Sure did!" Harley cheered, leaning against one of the carts of gold. "Did you ever doubt me?"

"A little, if I'm being honest." Ivy admitted. "But you did great! And, um, it seems like you've got a crew…" she eyed Magpie who had picked up a bar of gold and was nuzzling it against her face.

"So shiny…" Magpie stared at the gold bar for a couple moments.

"Wait, I remember you." Ivy pointed over at Magpie. "You were my cellmate in Arkham. You used to-"

"I don't do that anymore." Magpie cut her off before she could finish.

"Uh huh…" Ivy turned and looked over to Dr. Polaris, pausing in surprise when she saw him. "Shit, you really are Dr. Polaris. How'd you end up working here?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." Dr. Polaris sighed, looking over all the loot they took from the Gambler's gang. "Doing this low level work isn't that bad. Especially if it gets me all this gold."

"Yeah… What are you even gonna do with all this gold?" Ivy glanced over at Harley.

"Make a giant throne out of gold and sit on it!"

"Wow, that sounds very impractical. And uncomfortable."

"I know! It's a status symbol thing. Anyway, the point is I pulled this off. Pretty soon, I'm gonna run this city!"

Ivy smiled at Harley and gave her a nod. "You're already on your way. Especially with this new crew of yours." she surveyed Dr. Polaris and Magpie for a moment. "They're not… They're not going to live here are they?"

"Um… About that…" Harley trailed off. "Magpie says she doesn't really have any place else to stay…"

"And Polaris?" Ivy sighed.

"This place is better than the hotel I'm renting." Dr. Polaris remarked. "Mind if I stay here?"

"Fine… I'll make room." Ivy rolled her eyes.

"Ya ain't gonna regret this!" Harley threw her arms around Ivy. "Soon enough, it's gonna be the two of us in charge of this town!"

*******

All the way on the other side of the city, at the old manor occupied by Injustice Unlimited, Steven Sharpe the Third lay on an old mattress in a ratty abandoned bedroom. He'd been there ever since Harley Quinn left him. He couldn't very well leave. In his carelessness to flee Harley he'd twisted his ankle something fierce. His immobility gave him time to reflect on everything that had gone wrong. Nobody had come to look for him as of yet. Part of the Gambler wondered if anyone ever would.

 _"Granddad, are you in there?"_ the door slowly creaked open and in stepped Hazard.

"Ah, Becky, there you are…" the Gambler chuckled.

Hazard rushed to her grandfather's side and kneeled down beside the bed. "Oh my god! Are you okay? Did she hurt you?"

"Just a little now, Becky… I underestimated that gal. I shoulda figured she was a tough one, she ran with the Joker after all." the Gambler chuckled, reaching out to hold his granddaughter's hand. "I'm just an old fool with a bad leg. Get me to a doctor and I should be okay."

Hazard nodded, biting her lip with concern. "Okay, okay… Yeah, you'll be okay."

"Where are the others?"

"I don't know. Probably ran away. When I stopped hiding they were all gone. Those- Those cowards."

"Ah, that's okay. I shoulda been a better leader.. The Wizard, he was always the one in charge of these teams. I'm 'fraid I'm not much of a supervillain these days."

The Gambler started to get up from the bed but winced when he felt his swollen ankle. Hazard took note of this and stood up to help him get out of the bed. "Don't worry, I'll show that Quinn girl what happens when you mess with the Gambler…"

"You do that, Becky." The Gambler nodded, reaching up to grab his granddaughter's hands. "I think it's about time this old man retires from the game… Been playing for too long. Y'know that one song? Ya gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em."

"C'mon granddad, let's get you to the hospital." Hazard concentrated, hoping her probability manipulation would be enough to keep him from getting hurt further.

"Good idea…" the Gambler nodded. "I think today's been a wakeup call for me, Becky. I'm just too old to do this anymore…"

"Harley Quinn is going to pay for this." Hazard's face took on a deadly serious expression. "Mark my words…"


	4. Clay's Anatomy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a newly formed gang called the Mud Pack starts causing trouble for Harley, she brings in some extra help to take care of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to make the character profiles at the beginning of each chapter a regular thing. So without further ado, here are the profiles of characters important to this chapter:
> 
> **Basil Karlo:** Basil Karlo aka Clayface, former actor driven mad with jealousy. Gained the powers of malleability and shapeshifting (Depending on the version how he got the powers changes). A more sympathetic version of Karlo appeared in DC Rebirth but I'm basing the characterization in this chapter on his more classic egomaniac actor persona.
> 
> **Matthew Hagen:** Matthew Hagen aka Clayface II, treasure hunter turned shapeshifting supervillain thanks to discovering a pool of mysterious clay while diving one day. He's been dead in the comics for decades but an amalgamation of Hagen and Karlo was used as the Clayface in Batman the Animated Series.
> 
> **Preston Payne:** Preston Payne aka Clayface III, a scientist who sought to cure his own deformity using blood samples of Matt Hagen. This transformed him into the third Clayface. Unlike the others, he cannot transform. Instead his powers allow him to melt things.
> 
> **Sondra Fuller:** Sondra Fuller aka Clayface IV, a woman who joined a supervillain group named Kobra and was given superpowers by them. She later became romantically involved with Payne. Also she showed up in a comic recently called Gotham City monsters but I haven't read that one yet.

Working in security was never an easy job. Especially when you love somewhere like Gotham City where the crooks and creeps seemed to crawl out of the walls. Vigilance was key when dealing with work like that. But even the strongest of people let their guard down on occasion. Currently, the security team working at Breyfogle Shipping had taken a rest from patrol to gather in the break room for a game of poker.

"This game's no fun…" a balding guard grumbled.

"Ahh, you're just saying that 'cause you're losing." the one female guard in the group chuckles.

"Y'know, if we wanna spice things up we could try playing strip poker." another guard spoke up.

"No way, we still have a job to do."

"Ah c'mon, nothing interesting ever happens here."

But before they could do anything else there was a knocking at the door to the break room, startling all five of the guards. _"Yoo-hoo! Anyone in there!"_ the femenine voice on the outside did little to settle the nerves of the security team.

The bald guard started to stand up but before he could even take a step toward the door it fell off its hinges with a crack and a thud. Standing in the threshold of the door was a rather frightening trio of people, Joker's ex-girlfriend Harley Quinn, expert thief Magpie and magnetic metahuman Dr. Polaris.

"Knock-knock!" Harley yelled as she charged ahead. She hit the nearest guard with her hammer, knocking him down. The guards stared in shock for a moment while Harley did a pose and played with her right pigtail. "So, how's your night been so far? Am I makin' things more fun?"

The remaining guards recovered from their momentary shock, beginning to stand up and reach for their guns. Dr. Polaris noticed that and with a wave of his hand the guns floated away from them and toward him.

"Now, now, no gunplay please." Dr. Polaris smirked. "This robbery is going to be smooth."

Once the guards were disarmed, Harley and Magpie descended on them and made quick work of them. In just a few minutes all the guards were unconscious and on the ground. Harley turned around and giggled to herself as she faced her crew. "Alright team! We got the security crew taken care of. Now let's loot this joint. Spread out and grab anything ya think is valuable."

"I'm going to grab so much shiny, shiny stuff!" Magpie cackled.

"Yeah, you girls have fun with that. Just be sure to keep an eye out for trouble." Dr. Polaris said, looking around cautiously.

"Ah c'mon Doc, we took out all the guards. Batsy probably has bigger things to deal with. We're in the clear." Harley confidently smirked, putting her hammer over her shoulder.

As if her words had just put a hex on her, one of the allegedly incapacitated security guards slowly rose from the ground. "You idiots…"

"Um, Harley…" Dr. Polaris pointed at the guard.

Harley looked over her shoulder as the guard shambled towards her. "Ah jeez, did I not hit ya hard enough?"

The guard didn't seem to acknowledge her, instead continuing to stumble forward toward Harley and her gang. "Weeks of planning… All wasted…"

"Oh yeah, definitely didn't hit ya hard enough." Harley smirked and approached the guard again. "Listen buster, stay down this time!" she smashed the hammer into the side of the man's head but it didn't quite have the desired effect. Instead of knocking him down to the ground the hammer stuck into the side of his head like she'd just used it to smack a birthday cake. It almost looked like something out of a cartoon. "What the…" she let go of the hammer and it remained stuck in the man's head.

"You and your friends are going to regret this, Quinzel…" the guard's skin began to warp and bubble like there was something trapped underneath him. Slowly he transformed from the innocuous guard into the mass of mud known as Clayface.

"Aw shit… Let's get outta here." Harley turned around and dashed out of the security office with her cohorts following right behind her.

"What the hell is that guy doing here?" Dr. Polaris asked as he ran after Harley. "Who even is he?"

"Oh yeah, you ain't from around here." Harley remarked, running down the hallway. "That big muddy fella, his name's Clayface. And he ain't a joke!"

Clayface emerged from the security room with Harley's hammer still embedded in his head. He growled, seeing the trio barrelling down the hallway. Reaching up, Clayface grabbed the hammer out of his head and tossed it down the hall. Seeing this, Harley leaped up and reclaimed her weapon with a well timed catch. Clayface simply snarled and chased after them. "Come back here!"

"Jeez, that lug sure is persistent." Harley groaned. "I'm definitely gonna get blisters from runnin' so much…" she turned a corner, going down the hall toward the main part of the shipping warehouse. But as she ran she felt something snag her foot, making her trip over forward and faceplant on the ground.

Dr. Polaris and Magpie saw this and went to go help her, with Magpie grabbing Harley's right arm and Polaris taking the left.

"Thanks guys… I dunno what tripped me…" Harley muttered, looking around in slight a daze.

_"That'd be me."_

Magpie glanced over her shoulder and saw what appeared to be Clayface; only with something different about him. Instead of the gigantic clay monster that had just been chasing her moments before there was a smaller more man-shaped person standing there and leaning against the wall, while still being made out of clay.

To confuse matters further, the larger Clayface that had just been chasing them moments before emerged around the corner and looked over at the second Clayface. "Ah, Matthew. You found our little interlopers, haven't you?"

"Sure did." the second, smaller Clayface chuckled. He did the motion of cracking his knuckles, but thanks his malleable body no sound was produced. "I told ya we should've done this job earlier."

"It was all about waiting for the right moment. And it appears we chose the wrong one." the larger Clayface sighed and looked at Harley's gang. "Now I fear we'll have to kill you three. Not that you did anything wrong, I'm just in a bad mood tonight."

"Hold on, why're there two of ya?" Harley glanced back and forth between the Clayfaces. She was more concerned with straightening their story out than the death threat just lobbied against her.

_"Three of us actually."_ a third voice made its presence known. Harley whirled around and saw another man of clay, like the second Clayface she encountered this man was more human shaped but unlike him he was clothed in a metallic suit with a domed helmet not dissimilar to what she'd seen Mr. Freeze wear.

Seeing the third stranger caused Dr. Polaris to throw up his hands in annoyance. "For crying out loud! How many of you muddy freaks are there!"

_"Just four…"_ a fourth figure stepped out of the darkness, just like the previous three they were made of clay. Only this Clayface appeared to shape her clay body to resemble a woman, even giving herself hair and breasts.

"Y'know what? Screw all of you." Harley spun around in a circle, pointing her hammer at each Clayface and narrowly hitting Magpie in the process. "Me and my crew came here to loot the ever-lovin' hell outta this place and no group of shapeshiftin' goons are gonna stop us!"

"Yeah… Good luck with that." the second Clayface smirked.

It was then when the four Clayfaces began to converge on Harley that she realized her crew might have been out of its depth.

*******

Several hours later, after being pummelled by a quartet of mud monsters, Harley Quinn's gang returned to her home. Which technically, was not her home. The apartment belonged to Poison Ivy who was gracious enough to let Harley and company stay there, mostly for the sake of Harley. She didn't particularly care for Harley's associates but as long as Harley liked them Ivy would tolerate them.

When Harley, Magpie and Polaris entered the apartment covered in mud and with their costumes torn and seemingly partially melted Ivy immediately took notice. She got up from the couch and put down the horror novel she was reading to go check on them.

"What the hell happened to you guys? Is everything gonna be okay?" Ivy addressed them as a group but specifically went to check on Harley.

"Stupid Clayface is what happened…" Harley crossed her arms and weakly kicked at the couch to get out some of her anger.

" _Clayfaces_ , plural if you wanna get technical." Magpie corrected.

"I never heard of any of these people before today, but I hate all of them now." Dr. Polaris flopped down on to the couch, slouching back onto it.

"Hey, don't get clay all over my couch. The upholstery is a bitch to clean." Ivy glared over at him. "You're lucky I let you and birdy over there stay here at all."

"Y'know what, I don't have to take this. I just got my ass handed to me by four living piles of mud." Dr. Polaris ignored Ivy, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table just to spite her. "One of them melted my suit. This thing costs a lot to repair."

"Don't worry, we'll do better next time." Harley tried to remain optimistic, but her tone gave off a definite air of defeat. "I'm gonna go shower. It's gonna feel great to be clean again. Not to mention warm… I was freezin' my tush off outside." she starts making her way to the bathroom only for Magpie to hurry in front of her and block her path. "Jeez, you're fast."

"Harley… You're a very nice woman." Magpie took off her sunglasses and looked into Harley's eyes with an innocent smile on her face. "Would you find it in your heart to let me shower first?"

Harley thought for a second. "Nah, I'm gonna clean up. You can go next though." she hummed to herself as she started taking off her muddy clothes and entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. The sound of running water was heard mere moments later.

"I'm going to do some research." Ivy turned around and walked over to her bedroom. "You two had better not get this place too dirty while I'm gone." she entered her room and picked up her laptop off her bed, sitting down with it.

Just a few minutes later, Ivy entered the bathroom with her laptop. She could make out Harley's silhouette on the other side of the steamed up glass in the shower. Harley seemed to notice Ivy's presence and she shouted in surprise. "Hey! A little privacy here!"

"It's just me, Harley. Just thought I'd check in." Ivy sat down on the toilet lid put the laptop on her knee.

"Oh, it's okay if it's you." Harley giggled a bit. "It's nice havin' you here actually. Reminds me of the showers back in Arkham."

"Listen, Harl, I did some research about Clayface."

"Clayfaces, actually."

"Right…" Ivy looked back down at the laptop. "Listen, I found some very interesting information about these people. Apparently, tonight was not their first job. They've been on a crime spree for the past several weeks. The media's calling them the Mud Pack."

"Huh, guess I really should read the news more." Harley remarked as the water in the shower shut off. "Oh, mind passin' me a towel."

"Sure thing, Harls." Ivy nodded, getting up and fetching the towel.

"So what exactly do ya know about these Clayface guys? What makes 'em tick? How can I do better than 'em?" Harley began opening up the shower.

"Hmm, where to begin…" Ivy handed off the towel to Harley. "The oldest Clayface is a man named Basil Karlo. He's a character actor, used to be in a bunch of hokey horror movies back in the day. Apparently he went nuts and killed a bunch of people when someone tried to remake one of those movies. And now, Basil ended up as a clay freak. According to the GCPD database there are some conflicting sources on how he got his powers though.."

"Ooh, we should watch some of his movies sometime." Harley stepped out of the shower with the towel wrapped around her. "What about the other three?"

"One of them is a guy named Matt Hagen." Ivy went on, sitting back down and picking up her laptop. "He used to be an amateur treasure hunter. His story is that he found a pool of magical clay while diving off the coast of Gotham. Sounds made up in my opinion but we'll just have to take his word for it."

"One of the clay guys was wearin' a funny costume. Do ya know who he was?" Harley picked up a second towel and used it to start drying her hair.

"Yes, his name is Preston Payne." Ivy nodded. "He was a scientist born with a facial deformity. He injected himself with the blood of Mr. Hagen which caused him to transform into a Clayface as well. However… Unlike the others, he apparently can't shapeshift. But apparently if he touches you without his gloves on, he will melt you. So try to keep away from him."

"Oh yeah, he's the asshole who melted all our cool costumes." Harley sighed. "Now I'm gonna have to buy more clothes…"

"It says here Payne is romantically involved with our last Clayface, Ms. Sondra Fuller." Ivy read off of her laptop. "Apparently she was given her powers willingly, by a group known as Kobra that Fuller later defected from. She's able to mimic the powers and abilities of the people she copies to an extent… Hmm, that makes her fairly dangerous."

"Listen, I'm not gonna let these mucky monsters stop me and my crew." Harley hung the towel she'd used to dry her hair back on the lack. "Mark my words, next time I see those guys they're goin' down!"

*******

Over the following two weeks, Ivy grew accustomed to seeing Harley and her crew return home covered in pieces of clay. She also got used to cleaning mud out of the shower and off of the couch. It seemed that the Mud Pack was on a roll and no matter how much Harley's gang tried they would always get on the short end of the stick.

But on one particular evening, Ivy noticed something different when they came trudging into the apartment. While Magpie and Dr. Polaris had the usual signs of defeat and grumpiness, Harley walked tall with a smile on her face. Even though this was the third time she'd had her jester suit melted this week she still seemed happy.

"You should be doing more…" Magpie grumbled, looking over at Dr. Polaris. "You're the only one here with superpowers."

"Do those guys look magnetic to you? What the fuck am I supposed to do with them?" Dr. Polaris took off his partially melted helmet and set it down on the end table.

"Hey you two, turn yer frowns upside down!" Harley turned around to address her two teammates. "I've finally solved all our problems."

"You have?" Magpie's face let up, taking off her slightly cracked sunglasses.

"I didn't hear about this, Harls. What's the plan?" Ivy smirked at Harley.

"Well, first of all, Ives, I'd like to formally invite ya to my gang." Harley reached out and grabbed her by the hand. "I didn't wanna bother you but… Well, I need help… And you said you'd do anything for me, right? Please?"

"Alright, I'll help you out." Ivy nodded, smiling a little. "As long as you help me out with a few of my environmental crimes."

"You know I will!" Harley nods, suddenly whirling around. "Oh, my second announcement… I got us a new member for our crew!"

"What? Who?" Dr. Polaris asked.

"It's a fella I met at a party a little while back." Harley explained, pulling back the hood on her jester suit to let out her hair.

"Is it Orca?" Ivy asked with a smile on her face. "I got along rather well with her."

"I asked her, she said no. Apparently the Great White Shark pays pretty well." Harley shrugged. "But I got someone else. I think you're gonna like 'em too."

Before any more questions could be asked there was a knocking on the front door of the apartment. "Ooh, that must be him now. He's early!"

Harley went over to the door and opened up the door, opening it up with one quick swing. Standing on the other side of the door was none other than the Central City rogue known as the Trickster. "Welcome to the party, Tricky Boy!"

"Thank you! Please don't call me that again." Trickster chuckled with a smile on his face. "Although… That's a good nickname for Axel. I'll have to keep that in mind next time I see him."

"Who?"

"Not important. The point is, it's great to be here!" Trickster held his arms open like he was expecting someone to hug him. After a few awkward moments of no one doing so, he put his arms back down. "So why are you all covered in mud?"

"We've been having trouble with the Mud Pack lately." Magpie explained. "They're more annoying than anything else… I'm tired of washing clay out of my clothes."

"Well we ain't gonna have to worry anymore!" Harley cheered. "I've got a foolproof plan to take those guys down. By the time I'm done I'll be in charge of this city."

Ivy tapped on Harley's shoulder to get her attention. "Harl, may I have a word with you?"

"Sure thing!" Harley nodded before looking back to her crew. "You three get to know each other better. Me and Red are gonna have a quick chat." with that, she ducked out of the room with Red to speak with her in the kitchen. "So Pammy, what's up?"

"I just- I really wish you told me about bringing in Trickster." Ivy sighed a bit.

"Oh… Did I mess up?" Harley looked down at the floor, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed.

"No, no… I'm sure he's a fine addition to the team but… Look, I just didn't get along with him at the party."

"Well… Maybe ya just got off on the wrong foot."

"I guess…"

"Look, Red, I've always been an optimist. So try to look on the bright side for a change. Now c'mon, I've got a new plan to work out."

Harley left the kitchen with Ivy following right behind her. When she returned to the living room she saw Polaris, Trickster and Magpie engaged in casual conversation. Although she did not care enough to listen to it. "Alright everyone, I'm back! And it's time for us to go over my brilliant master plan to take out the Mud Pack. I'm sick of those guys showin' up all the time."

"It's about time." Dr. Polaris triumphantly nodded with approval. "I've been cleaning clay out of the cracks in my armour for weeks."

"I've been doin' some research, and apparently these clay guys don't like it when things get too cold. Or too hot." Harley began explaining, sitting herself down on the coffee table. "So, what we're gonna do is break into the GCPD evidence lock up, right? They've got stuff belongin' to guys like Mr. Freeze and Firefly. What we do is steal their tech and use it to take down the Mud Pack. It shouldn't be too hard to break in there. Especially with lil miss Magpie on our side."

"Oh, thank you." Magpie grinned, still wiping clay off her glasses. "It feels good to be appreciated for once."

"But where exactly do we find these Mud Pack guys?" Trickster asked. "I mean, this is the first I'm hearing of them."

"I've tracked 'em down. Word on the street is they're operating out of an old theater on the west end." Harley explained. "Seems like the big guy, Basil, he's their leader. So if we take him down, the rest of 'em should crumble real fast. So, are you all in?"

A general murmuring of agreement came from her associates until Magpie decided to vocalize himself further. "Alright, I'm in!"

"Great!" Harley clapped her hands. "Tomorrow night, we're breakin' into the GCPD!"

"Wait, tomorrow?" Trickster spokle up, seeming surprised.

*******

Despite how skeptical the Trickster seemed to be, at eight in the evening the next night he found himself inside of a van parked across the street from the GCPD headquarters. The five of them were crammed rather uncomfortably into the back of the vehicle but Harley didn't seem to mind. Harley and Magpie were dressed up in cheap imitations of GCPD cop uniforms rather than their more extravagant supervillain costumes. Harley stood right by the back doors getting ready to give her team one last pep talk.

"Alright fellas, you ready?" Harley had a wide smile on her face. "Me 'n Maggie are gonna get in there dressed as lady cops pretendin' to arrest Doc." she pointed at Magpie and then at Dr. Polaris. "We're gonna use that excuse to get to the evidence lockup. Once we're in there, we'll take the gear we're lookin' for. Then we'll send the distress signal and have Red 'n Trickster break us out."

"Um, how do we deal with all the angry cops?" Ivy asked.

"We'll get to that when we get to that." Harley shrugged. "Look, once we get back in the van we're gonna drive across town to the old Monarch Theater and take down Clayface's gang. Trust me, this is all gonna go smoothly."

"Which means it's going to go chaotic and terribly." Ivy teasingly smirked at Harley.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way!" Harley cheered, tucking the last of her pigtails into her policewoman's cap and opening up the door. "Doc, Maggie, we're on. Showtime!"

Magpie took a pair of handcuffs and cuffed Dr. Polaris' hands behind his back. The two of them exited the van with Harley and Magpie closed the van door behind them, leaving Trickster and Ivy in the back of the van together. There was a slight awkward silence, only punctuated by Trickster tapping his fingers against the wall until he finally decided to say something. "Listen, Red-"

"Don't call me that." Ivy quickly interrupted.

"But Harley-"

"Yeah, only she can do that. It's like, her thing. Kinda like how I'm the only one who calls her _Harls_."

Trickster stayed quiet for a moment before talking again. "Look, Ivy, you and me got off to a bad start. I feel like if you got to know me you'd really like me."

"I'm not going to go on a date with you." Ivy sighed, crossing her arms and looking away from him.

"What, when did I say- Okay, fine, maybe that was on my mind." Trickster chuckled. "You're good."

"Stop talking to me."

"Just give me one good reason why you don't like me."

"Well, you keep hitting on me. Which doesn't really work out because I'm gay."

Trickster was silent for a moment, not seeming to know how to react to what Ivy just said. "Oh, um, my apologies. I didn't realize you were a lesbo."

"Please don't say that word." Ivy's face did not change from her usual grumpy expression.

"What? It's not like I called you a dyke." Trickster instantly realized his mistake, an embarrassed smile coming onto his face as he awkwardly slouched down.

"Jesus christ… Am I really stuck with you?" Ivy got up and opened up the door a little, peeking out to see how the others were doing. From the looks of things, their disguised colleagues were almost inside the building.

Magpie was doing a slightly better job at acting like a cop than Harley. Her body language seemed rigid and slightly nervous while Harley was swaying her hips and humming to herself as she approached the police headquarters. Dr. Polaris took notice of Harley's behaviour and nudged her with her elbow. "Stop doing that, Harley. You're a cop, remember?"

"Hehe, oopsie…" Harley whispered, trying to take on a more serious posture. "What do ya think? Do I look like a convincing cop girl?"

"You're wearing a halloween costume with a stolen badge. As long as you don't look too close it's okay." Dr. Polaris whispered.

"What about up close?" Magpie asked.

"I'm gonna be honest, up close you look like strippers pretending to be cops." Dr. Polaris said.

"Well, good enough for me. We'll have to get in and out of here real quick." Harley whispered as they entered the police station. Nobody paid them much attention at first, Harley just kept a confident smile as they led Dr. Polaris through the precinct.

"Don't mind us, boys! Just me and my partner taking a dangerous supervillain in for questioning." Harley loudly declared to the police station. She put in a bit of effort into disguising herself, actively repressing her Brooklyn accent. "Yessir, we caught this big guy without any Bats."

"Shut up…" Magpie mumbled, shooting a slightly angry glance at Harley.

Thanks to Harley's attempt to sound nonchalant, more than a few eyes were on Harley and her crew. They continued to casually walk deeper into the GCPD in hopes of reaching the lockup undetected.

But Harley's hopes and prayers just weren't enough when a young female cop with short black hair approached the two of them. "Hey, you two, I don't think I've seen you around here before. Who are you?"

"New transfers from Metropolis, ma'am." Magpie spoke up before Harley had a chance to think up her own excuse.

"Yep, back in Metropolis we're used to taking care of superpowered guys. This guy gave us no trouble." Harley chuckled, looking up at Dr. Polaris. "Why, he's practically a pussycat."

"Uh huh…" the cop didn't seem to buy Harley and Magpie's story. "What are your names?"

"Er… Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz." Harley smiled innocently.

"That's from _I Love Lucy_." The cop crossed her arms, staring down Harley.

"Heh… Never heard of it." Harley started backing away from the cop.

"Oh fuck this." Dr. Polaris sighed. He concentrated his powers on his handcuffs, forcing them to unlock and freeing his hands. He levitated the gun of the cop in front of him over to him as well.

"So much for the plan!" Harley cackled, tossing off her hat and letting her dyed pigtails fly free. "C'mon guys, let's get to the lockup and get outta here!" she reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out and oversized novelty gun. She fired off the gun and it shot streamers, tying up the cop in front of them.

Dr. Polaris began using any metal he could find in the room and flung them at the other cops as projectiles. While this happened, Magpie and Harley ducked out of the room in search of the evidence locker.

"Hey, Maggie, call Red 'n Trickster for backup!" Harley shouted as she ran. "We're gonna need it!"

Magpie nodded and took a communicator out of her belt. "Those two had better get here quick…"

*******

Back out in the van, things had continued to be awkward between Ivy and Trickster. They'd moved to the front of the van with Trickster in the passenger's seat and Ivy behind the wheel. Ivy was doing her best to ignore the Trickster's ramblings.

"I just want things to be clear, I love gay people." Trickster said. "My best friend, the Pied Piper, he's gay and we get along great."

"Just drop it…" Ivy muttered through gritted teeth.

"Heh… Good idea." Trickster nodded. "There's one thing I wanna know though… If you're a lesbian why are you always kissing guys?"

"What?"

"I've seen newspaper pictures and news reports of you. You're always kissing rich guys."

"Oh please, those men are just pawns. I haven't been intimate with a man I cared about since college. Women are much better."

"I'm with you there." Trickster chuckled.

"Oh, shut up." Ivy rolled her eyes.

_"Guys! We need backup! ASAP!"_ Magpie's voice crackled in over the radio. _"The plan's gone bad! Get in here!"_

"Huh, that was faster than I expected." Trickster remarked.

"Harley's a wonderful girl, she really is… But her planning abilities leave a lot to be desired." Ivy sighed, as she turned the keys in the ignition. "Alright, let's get going."

"Wait a minute… Do you have a thing for Harley?" Trickster raised an eyebrow.

"Not relevant, right now!" Ivy looked straight ahead and put her foot down on the gas pedal. She stared down the GCPD building as she barrelled towards it in her vehicle. While she only had a vague idea of where the evidence locker was, that didn't stop her from going forward as fast as she could. Trickster was now freaking out a little and covered his eyes.

Ivy simply ignored him as she crashed into the GCPD building with her truck. The wall smashed down and kicked up quite a bit of dust. Once the dust had cleared up a bit more, Ivy found that her trajectory was indeed accurate and she was inside the evidence lockup. Also inside the lockup was Harley, Magpie and Dr. Polaris. It seemed that Dr. Polaris had just finished barricading them in by using strips of metal to bar the doors.

Harley took notice of the truck that just burst through the wall and turned around. "Red! Just in time! C'mon, help us out."

Ivy and Trickster got out of the van and hurried toward the other three. "Harls, what the hell happened?"

"Heh, turns out that our disguises weren't that good." Harley awkwardly giggled. "But hey, at least we're in here! C'mon, find the boxes mark Mr. Freeze 'n Firefly."

Following Harley's orders, everyone began frantically searching through the lockup for the items that they needed.

"Aha! Found one of 'em!" Trickster cheered, as he pulled open a drawer marked _Fries, Victor_. He pulled out a large bulky gun from inside the box. "Guess this is his freeze ray. Wonder how you work it?"

"Load it into the van." Harley told him. "That barricade ain't gonna keep the cops out for much longer."

"Don't worry, I found the flamethrower!" Magpie laughed happily, picking up a large flamethrower out of a box marked _Lynns, Garfield_. "Such a shiny, shiny gun… I love it!"

"Good for you!" Harley cheered. "C'mon, you can admire it in the car."

The five of them piled back into the van with Harley getting into the passenger seat and Ivy getting right beside her. The other three got into the back right as the door to the lockup was broken down and a small squadron of cops entered the room.

"Freeze, dirtbags!" one of the cops yelled, pointing his gun at the van.

Harley just ignored the police and backed up the car, quickly turning it around and speeding down the street as fast as she could. Thanks to how fast and erratic Harley's driving was, the three villains in the back were jostled around like pinballs.

"Mind slowing things down?" Dr. Polaris asked as his head slammed into the wall of the van.

"Yeah, we're kinda handling some delicate equipment back here." Trickster added.

"I'm kinda tryin' to avoid the cops right now." Harley replied. "They're not too happy about what we just did. Once we lose 'em I'll slow down!"

"It looks like the police aren't the only company we have." Ivy stared into the mirror on the side of the car, seeing a caped figure cloaked in shadows swinging on a grappling line toward their van. Soon, there was a light thudding noise of someone landing on top of the roof.

"Trickster, Magpie, you take care of the Bat on the roof!" Harley looked back at her crew. "Doc, you do somethin' 'bout those cop cars followin' us!"

"You got it…" Dr. Polaris nodded, waving his arm, making the back doors of the van open on their own. With another flick of his wrist it caused several of the cop cars chasing him to lift off the ground, scaring the police inside to hop out. He looked over to Magpie and Trickster. "Alright you two, go deal with our visitor."

Magpie nodded, moving quickly with her acrobatic skills to climb up onto her roof while Trickster used his Air-Walker shoes to get him up on to the roof. Once they were on the roof they came across the intruder, a blonde girl in her late teens dressed in a purple batsuit with a yellow bat emblem on the chest. Batgirl; a member of Gotham's Bat-Family.

"Who the hell are you two?" Batgirl asked, getting ready for a fight. "Whoever's driving this car clearly couldn't afford A-list talent."

"Screw you, kid! I may not be a big deal but I know a thing or two!" Magpie shouted, throwing a punch at Batgirl who merely ducked out of the way. She tried kicking at Batgirl next and managed to hit her shin. However Batgirl remained in balance and hit at Magpie in return.

While Batgirl and Magpie were engaged in their fight, Trickster pulled out his weapon of choice; a novelty rubber chicken filled with a block of metal. He grabbed it by the legs and swung it around, getting behind Batgirl and hitting her from behind. This caught Batgirl off guard, knocking her to the ground. Magpie took the opportunity to step on the back of Batgirl's head and hold her down.

"Not so tough now!" Magpie laughed, pressing her foot down harder.

"Wait a minute, isn't Batgirl supposed to be a redhead?" Trickster spoke up. "You get a dye job or something? Or are you a natural blonde?"

"That was the other Batgirl…" Batgirl mumbled, still slightly dazed.

"Oh right, she retired or something… Wait, wasn't her replacement that quiet Asian girl?" Magpie asked. "I distinctly remember being kicked in the jaw by a mute."

"That was the other, _other_ Batgirl…" Batgirl had enough of her energy back now, she suddenly stood up which knocked Magpie off balance. Trickster lunged ahead and swung at her with his weighted rubber chicken but Batgirl got out of the way in time.

Batgirl had a confident smirk on her face but that soon faded when she noticed the roof below her beginning to shake and buckle. "What the…. I'm not that heavy…"

A circle of metal on the roof lifted up, causing Batgirl to teeter around. Standing back below the van is Dr. Polaris, holding his hand out and controlling the disc of metal.

"So long Batgirl! Next time, try hitching a ride somewhere else!" Dr. Polaris repelled the metal disc away from him, sending Batgirl flying behind the van. Once she was gone, Magpie and Trickster climbed back into the van.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Trickster asked as he sat back down.

"Who cares, all that matters is I got rid of her." Dr. Polaris chuckled.

"I wish you didn't have to rip off the roof to do it though." Ivy glanced back at Dr. Polaris.

"Hey now, all that doesn't matter anymore." Harley spoke up. "What does matter is that we lost the fuzz and now we can go wreck all of Clayface's shit. Ya ready?"

"Oh, I always am." Ivy nodded, crossing her arms and looking ahead.

*******

The rest of the ride in the car was silent with only the occasional random giggling from Harley. About twenty minutes later, the van came to a stop in front of the old Monarch Theatre. Abandoned for years but never torn down. Currently the Wayne Foundation was in the process of trying to get the building restored as some kind of Gotham heritage site. But currently, nothing had been done. Mostly because it was known for being the home of various supervillains. Even Harley hid out there a few times back when she was with Joker.

But currently, it was the hideout of the Mud Pack; a collective of all the criminals who had gone by the name Clayface. Once they were parked just outside of it they all prepared for their assault against the Mud Pack. Magpie had picked up the flamethrower while Trickster took the freeze ray. They departed the van with Harley leading them. During the trip from the station to the theatre, Harley and Magpie had shed their flimsy disguises in favour of their costumes.

"Alright folks, we're gettin' in there and showin' them who's boss." Harley turned around and walked backwards. "Maggie, Trickster, be careful with those weapons. We only wanna use 'em on the clay guys. And especially keep 'em away from Ivy. I dunno how her weird plant DNA works, but it's probably not a good idea to set her on fire."

"Thank you for the concern, Harley." Ivy chuckled. "Please don't call it my _weird plant DNA_ though."

"Heh, sorry." Harley giggled and spun herself back around as she reached the front doors of the theatre. "Alright, here we go. Time to show 'em who's boss!" she pushed open the door and entered the decrepit lobby.

"Remember, these people are shapeshifters… They could be hiding anywhere. Keep your eye out for anything out of place…" Ivy murmured.

They walked through the lobby past decayed movie posters, leaving footprints on the dusty ground. The group was indeed paranoid about the situation, their eyes darting around the room in search of any members of the Mud Pack in hiding.

They approached the concessions counter, now devoid of any popcorn or candy bars. Of course, this didn't stop Harley from hopping over the counter and checking it out.

"Harls, what are you doing?" Ivy asked.

"Checkin' for snacks." Harley nonchalantly poked around behind the snacks counter. "What can I say, I'm hungry."

"This place has been abandoned since the '90s."

"So? If people are livin' here that means they need to have food."

"Do clay people even need to eat?" Trickster whispered to Dr. Polaris.

While most of the team waited for Harley to finish up her search for something to eat, Magpie wandered away from the group. She went to inspect a movie poster and leaned forward. It seemed to be for some kind of horror film. Might have even been one she'd seen, some of the visuals did seem familiar. Before Magpie had a chance to inspect if further she felt something dripping down onto her shoulder. Glancing upward, she saw one of the Clayfaces, Matt Hagen, on the ceiling, sticking to it like a spider.

Before Magpie even had a chance to screen, Hagen dropped down and landed atop of her. Of course the slightly squishy sound of his landing combined with Magpie's muffled screaming got the attention of the rist of the team.

"Well hey there, it's Harley Quinn and her merry band of idiots… Oh, and you have some new friends too." Hagen chuckled. "Why do you keep coming around here? You know we're better than you…" he transformed his left hand into the shape of a hammer. "C'mon now, do we really have to humiliate you again?"

"Ha! Sorry, but we're ready for you guys this time." Harley chuckled. "Hit 'em with the flamethrower, Maggie!" the only response Harley got was more muffled screaming from Magpie. "Oh, right… Hit 'em with the freeze ray, Trickster!"

"Oh, you got it!" Trickster pointed the freeze ray at Hagen and pulled the trigger only for nothing to happen. He fiddled around with some of the other buttons and switches trying to get the gun to fire. "How do you use this thing…"

Hagen chuckled some more and lunged forward, raising his hammer-shaped fist up in the air. As soon as he was off of Magpie she breathed a sigh of relief, oxygen flooding back into her lungs. She reached around and tried to find her flamethrower.

The rest of Harley's gang jumped out of the way as Hagen brought his hammer hand down, denting the floor. Harley giggled and brandished her own oversized hammer. "I can appreciate a man with a good hammer! But mine's better!"

She made a lunge for Hagen, part of her realizing it was a bad idea but her thirst for violence outweighing her common sense. The results were predictable, with Harley being hit in the chest with Hagen's hand. She flew across the room and landed on top of Magpie before she could even stand up again.

Before either of them could stand up or the fight could continue, another pair of muddy footsteps became audible. "That's quite enough now… Matthew, leave them alone."

Basil Karlo, the monstrously enormous Clayface, entered the room, dwarfing the others with his size. Hagen did as he was told and went into a more relaxed posture. "Ms. Quinzel, my apologies… I'd like to have a chat?"

Trickster aimed the freeze ray at Karlo just in case he tried anything. Karlo ignored him and got closer to Harley, reaching out a hand to her. "It would be in our best interests to put our differences aside and work together… Care to talk?"

Harley accepted his hand and helped herself up from the ground. "Sure… What harm could it do… Let's talk." she looked over to her team. "Ya hear that everyone, we're callin' a truce." then she looked back over to Karlo. "But that don't mean we're lettin' our guard down."

"Naturally… Neither am I." Karlo smirked and turned around. "Now then, follow me."

Harley scurried after Basil and gestured for the others to follow the two of them, which they did. Ivy was suspicious of the whole thing and made a mental note of any plants nearby she could use as a weapon. Magpie cradled the flamethrower she had close to her as she walked, just in case she needed to use it.

Karlo led the group into one of the theaters, which had been partially converted into some kind of meeting room for the Mud Pack. Right next to the screen there was a large table with several tables set up around it. As Basil got closer he transformed his body, getting smaller until he was no longer Clayface but instead his human form of Basil Karlo. He was an old grey haired man with a thin moustache and wearing a business suit. His hair was neatly combed and slicked back.

"Now thenn, Quinzel, friends, please sit down." Karlo went over to the table and sat down. Already at the table was the female Clayface Sondra Fuller and her partner, the armoured Clayface Preston Payne. Hagen entered the room soon after and joined the others at the table.

"Basil, what's going on here?" Sondra stood up from her chair. "I recognize these people, are they-"

"I've decided to put our differences aside for now." Basil calmly spoke, sitting down at the table. "Our two factions, we shouldn't be fighting. With our collective strength we could take over this city."

Harley sat down at the table with Basil, her crew took seats around the table as well. "Yeah, I guess ya got a point."

"I'm not too sure about this." Preston remarked. "I don't know much about you, Ms. Quinn… But you don't look very professional."

"Yeah… I mean, just look at how she's dressed…" Sondra nodded, whispering a little.

"Hey, most of you guys are naked." Harley crossed her arms. "Y'know, I ain't exactly feeling welcome here."

"My apologies Ms. Quinzel, we want you to make you feel welcome here." Basil chuckled.

"That's fine." Harley nodded, leaning forward against the table. "What's your offer?"

"I want you to join my team." Basil explained. "Your group has some considerable talent on it. But Quinzel, what you lack is strong leadership. Under my leadership, I'll lead you all to greatness."

"Wait a minute, are you sayin' I'm not a good leader?" Harley stood up from her chair.

"No offence Harleen but… You're a bit of an idiot." Basil chuckled. "But with someone like me in charge, your crew can do great things."

"Oh no, I'm not havin' it." Harley turned around and beckoned for friends to follow her. "Me 'n Mistah J split up so I could do things on my own. And I ain't lettin' myself get around by a failed actor."

She continued to walk away with Ivy standing up to follow her. Basil simply stared at her, his fists clenched in rage. He lost his concentration, his legs and parts of his face beginning to transform back into clay. "What did you call me…"

Harley turned back around and smirked at Basil. "You heard me. You're a failed actor. Ya couldn't stand people not rememberin' your crappy horror movies so ya went nuts and killed a bunch of people. I remember, I interviewed ya back in Arkham. You're kind of a sad guy, y'know. Just an old man the world forgot about."

It seemed that Harley's words had gotten to Basil, he allowed himself to transform completely back into his monstrous form. He lunged across the table toward Harley. Preston and Sondra made a slight attempt to hold him back but it failed miserably, while Hagen was just happy to watch.

Harley's reactions weren't fast enough it seemed, Karlo lunged across the table and in a matter of seconds had picked up Harley by the neck. "I am one of the greats!" if he still had lungs, Harley would have been able to smell his breath. "Vincent Price? Christopher Lee? Amateurs! I am Basil Karlo, greatest horror actor of the 20th century!"

"We're in the 21st century…" Harley weakly choked, giggling a little bit.

Basil didn't seem to take her joke very well. He threw her across the room, landing on her back on one of the theatre seats. She tried to stand up but found it impossible. Instead, her body failed her and she passed out.

*******

By the time Harley had awoken again, things were somehow more chaotic than before. She heard the crackling of fire and yelling coming from all around her. Nevertheless, she tried to stand up, rubbing her head. But before she could get on her feet she noticed a large figure standing over her. For a moment she thought she was saved, but she then realized it was Preston Payne standing over her.

"I'm sorry Miss Quinn, Karlo wants you to die…" Preston picked her up by her neck.

Harley looked over at and realized that one of Preston's hand didn't have his glove on. Smoke was coming off of his hand. After having had pieces of her clothes melted for weeks she knew what was coming and she was not looking forward to having his corrosive hand touch her actual skin.

"Why are you workin' for that asshole!" Harley yelled trying to reason with him.

"I have nowhere else to go…" Preston moved his hand closer to Harley's shoulder. "Sondra and I are freaks…"

His hand inched closer to Harley but before he could touch her a vine wrapped around his chest and pulled him back, forcing him to let go of Harley. The vine tossed him across the room where crashing and shattering glass was heard. The next time Harley stood up she found herself facing Ivy. "Thanks for the save, Ives… I owe ya one… What exactly happened? I was kinda knocked out…"

"Well, Trickster figured out how to work the freeze gun." Ivy chuckled, casually pointing across the room to where Hagen was frozen solid in a block of ice. "Bad news though, the guy who just tried to kill you melted it. Oh, and Magpie kinda set the place on fire."

"So we should get outta here, huh?" Harley looked around and realized that several small fires had started around the theatre.

"Definitely." Ivy took Harley by the hand and led her away through the burning theatre. "The others are waiting in the van, I came back to grab you before you burned alive."

"Aww, thanks!" Harley dashed past Hagen's frozen body, flipping him off quickly as she ran off.

They hurried out of the theatre, through the lobby and over to the van outside. Ivy got behind the wheel while Harley got into the passenger seat, her heart beating wildly. While Harley recovered, Ivy sped off in the van, getting away from the theatre as quickly as she could.

"Alright… We should be okay now…" Ivy sighed in relief.

"Ivy, watch the road!" Dr. Polaris exclaimed.

Poison Ivy looked up and saw Sondra Fuller, the female Clayface, flying straight ahead of them after having apparently grown batlike clay wings out of her back.

"You hurt my Preston!" Sondra roared in anger, flying straight ahead at the van. "How da-"

As soon as Sondra came into contact with the car she splattered like a water balloon thrown against a wall. In a panic, Ivy turned on the windshield wipers, wiping Sondra off of the van. The crew just stared in shock

"Did you just kill her?" Trickster spoke up.

Harley glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the pile of Sondra on the road reforming. "Nope, she's still kickin'. These clay guys are hard to kill."

"Well, hopefully after something like this they won't be coming back to bother us." Ivy sighed, seeming a little exasperated. "Tonight was a disaster…"

"I dunno… I had a nice night…" Harley sighed, closing her eyes. "I need to rest…" she let herself fall back to sleep, feeling completely spent after the past several hours had worn her out.

The next time Harley opened her eyes the car and her crew had completely vanished. She was greeted by the light coming in through the windows of Ivy's apartment. Looking around, Harley realized she was in her bedroom. For a moment she thought the events of the previous night might have been a vivid dream. She sat up and looked around, trying to get a handle on her surroundings.

The door slowly opened, taking Harley's attention to it. In through the door stepped Ivy carrying a bowl of cereal in her right hand and a rolled up newspaper in her left. "Hey Harl, good to see you're up. I got you some breakfast."

"Ooh, is it the sugary kind?" Harley leaned in as Ivy got closer, handing the cereal over to her friend.

"No, it's got honey though."

"Ooh, thanks." Harley accepted the bowl and took a few bites. She didn't realize how hungry she was when she began eating but she realized how empty her stomach was. "Hey, Red… What exactly happened last night? I feel like I might've just had a crazy dream."

"Well, we raided the GCPD and went to war with the Mud Pack. A lot happened." Ivy chuckled, sitting down on the bed beside Harley.

"Wowee… What a night." Harley laughed and took a few more bites of cereal. "It's a miracle we got out of that in one piece."

"The van sure isn't in one piece. We need to do something about that whole Polaris ripped in the roof."

"Ooh, maybe we can mount a gun up there!"

Ivy let Harley eat her cereal for a bit more. While Harley did this, Ivy unrolled the newspaper and stared at it for a moment. "Oh, by the way, we made front page news this morning. Well… Kinda." she turned around the newspaper to show it to Harley. The front page headline read _Batgirl Apprehends Mud Pack_ and featured a photograph of Batgirl grappling away on a line right outside the Monarch Theatre. "Looks like Batgirl was able to track us down. Good thing we got out of the threatre before she arrived."

"Aww man, she gets all the credit for stoppin' those Mud Pack guys." Harley groaned a little. "I deserve a bit of credit."

"Oh, we get mentioned in a line. And there's a smaller article about our attack on GCPD a few pages later." Ivy smirked.

"Ooh, we're gettin' famous!" Harley cheered, jostling her bowl a little bit. "And we don't have to worry about those Clayfaces anymore."

"The article mentions that the actor, Karlo, wasn't found… But I'm sure we won't have to worry about him." Ivy folded up the newspaper. "He's less of a threat on his own. The point is, we did very well for ourselves last night. And I wanted you to know that, well, I'm proud of you."

"Aww, thanks!" Harley set the bowl of cereal down on the side table. "C'mere, you…" she hugged Ivy a little. "You're a real nice lady when you wanna be."

Ivy wasn't too used to being hugged. The two best ways to describe her would be misanthropic and emotionally distant. No matter how many times Harley embraced her it was always a little awkward. Even so, she smiled and returned the hug to Harley. "Thanks Harls. Now you get some more rest, you were really exhausted last night. Polaris had to carry you to bed." she let go of Harley and stood up.

"Thanks Pammy, I will!" Harley leaned back and picked up her bowl of cereal again. Ivy left the bedroom, leaving Harley alone and eating her breakfast. After all the insanity that ensued the previous night, she felt triumphant after everything. She took down a minor Gotham crime faction. And if she could do that, it felt like she could do anything. To her, she believed her dream of being a Gotham crime boss would come sooner than it seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was much longer than I meant it to be but hopefully it still was good. Also, good news, I've finally decided how many chapters this story will have. I'm aiming to give this fic 22 chapters. It should allow for some sufficient character development. Also, 22 episodes is the length of the average season of a TV show. This is subject to change if I come up with new ideas for chapters or scrap old ideas. Anyway, hope to have the next chapter up soon.


	5. Curiouser and Curiouser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was meant to be a quiet day in for Harley was interrupted when she and Magpie are kidnapped by the Mad Hatter's gang. Meanwhile, Ivy puts it upon herself to figure out who took Harley and get her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
>  **Mad Hatter:** Jervis Tetch aka The Mad Hatter, psychotically obsessed with the works of Lewis Carroll and uses mind control hats to comit various crimes.
> 
>  **Tweedledee & Tweedledum:** Deever and Dumfree Tweed aka Tweedledee and Tweedledum, two cousins who work for Mad Hatter. Usually more interested in small scale crimes than Jervis.
> 
>  **The Carpenter:** Jenna Duffy aka The Carpenter, small time crook from Keystone City who moved to Gotham and joined the Hatter's crew. Later left the Mad Hatter's gang and helped renovate and build supervillain hideouts around Gotham.
> 
>  **The March Hare:** Harriet Pratt aka The March Hare, small time crook/escort who later joined the Mad Hatter's gang as the March Hare. Isn't featured that much in this chapter, she's really just there to fill out the Hatter's crew here. In fact I haven't even bothered to tag her here.

It was a rare moment of silence inside of Poison Ivy's apartment. When your place of residence doubled as the home of several super criminals and the place where a gang of said super criminals met up to discuss their plans, things tended to get chaotic. But right now, the only noises were the scratching of pen against paper and the ticking of the clock.

Ivy had gone out with Dr. Polaris to pick up some groceries while Trickster still spent the majority of his time at his hotel suite across town when he wasn't working with the crew. This left Harley and Magpie back at the apartment. One of the benefits Harley promised to her crew members was free therapy sessions and at the moment. Magpie had chosen to participate in one of these and as a result was no longer dressed in the theatrical costume she wore out as part of her supervillain persona. She wore a sensible pair of jeans with a green sweater over top a white tee. She'd taken off her usual white wig, instead choosing to let her wavy brown hair be free.

Magpie lay on her back on the couch, hugging a throw pillow tight to her chest. "I was so close to living a normal life… But it was that job I had. I had to go to that museum every day and look at all the beautiful, shiny treasures they had on display. It felt like I was the only one who really appreciated them. Like I was the one who deserved them…"

Harley finished taking a note on her pad and glanced back at Magpie. She was seated in a chair just across from her patient. In order to prepare for her role of psychiatrist, Harley had dressed herself in something similar to what she wore back when she worked at Arkham. A white blazer with a red button up underneath and a black pencil skirt. She even took a pair of sunglasses and popped out the lenses to complete the look. "Well Margaret, it sounds to me that you're struggling with self control."

"Yeah, I know that already. I let a guy fuck me back in Arkham just so he'd give me a spoon. How do I work on fixing this?" Magpie looked at Harley, seeming somewhat angry. "I feel like I was doomed to fail from the moment I was born. My fucking name is _Margaret Pye_. What were my parents thinking?"

"Hey, could be worse. Remember, you're talking to a gal named Harleen Quinzel." Harley chuckled, making another note. "Now Margaret, how long have you had this compulsion of yours?"

"As long as I can remember…" Magpie sighed, hugging the pillow closer to her. "I collected bottle caps when I was a girl. I think I still have my old collection somewhere."

"Very interesting…" Harley nodded. "Tell me, have you-" she became distracted when she heard a knocking coming from the door. "Ooh, Red 'n Doc must be back. Hold that thought Margaret, I'll be right back."

Harley stood up from her chair and placed down her notepad on the table. The knocking continued as Harley walked over to the door. "Keep your pants on, I'm comin'." she opened up the door and on the other side stood Ivy's landlady, Jenna Duffy. "Oh hey ya, Jenna. How's it goin'? Didja just get in from work?"

Jenna was dressed slightly differently than she usually was. She had her old gloves and toolbelt on as well as a baseball cap with the words _Duffy Carpentry_ on it. A slightly vacant smile was on her face. "Yeah, something like that."

"So, what brings ya here today?" Harley leaned against the door frame.

"I brought you a gift…" Jenna dug into her pocket and pulled out a small, simplistic wooden carving of a rabbit. "Do you like it?"

Harley took the carving and inspected it closely. "Aww, it's adorable. Thanks a ton! This'll look great in the living room."

"Don't thank me just yet." Jenna smirked.

Harley tilted her head, slightly confused at Jenna's words. Before she could ask what Jenna meant, the small rabbit's eyes sunk inward to reveal small holes in the eyes. Orange gas was shot out of the rabbit's eyes which Harley unwittingly breathed in. "Hey… What's the big idea…" she dropped the figurine and stumbled backward, feeling too tired to stand anymore.

Magpie noticed this and rushed to Harley's half-conscious body. "Harley! What the hell's going on?" she glanced up and saw the Carpenter walking into the house, now brandishing a nail gun. Seeing this, Magpie hopped up and rushed toward Jenna in an attempt to fight her.

The last thing Harley saw before losing consciousness completely was Magpie trying to fight with the Carpenter. She tried to say something to cheer on Magpie but passed out before she could say anything.

Magpie's efforts were not enough to stop the Carpenter. She hadn't been sufficiently prepared for a fight this morning and was quickly overpowered and knocked out by Jenna. The two of them were soon transported out of the apartment.

For another hour the apartment remained empty while Jenna was able to get as far away as possible with Harley and Magpie. But eventually, Ivy and Dr. Polaris returned to find the apartment abandoned and with the door left open.

"Harls, we're home." Ivy looked around a little. When she went out she'd chosen to wear something that'd make her seem less conspicuous. A leather jacket, green t-shirt and green yoga pants. "How'd your therapy session with Magpie go?"

She received no response and continued into the house. Dr. Polaris entered soon after her, carrying two cloth bags filled with groceries. He too had ditched his conspicuous supervillain outfit for something that would blend in more. In his case a polo shirt and sweatpants. "Hey, mind helping me put the groceries away? All this stuff is heavy, you know."

"Just a minute, something isn't right. Harley and Magpie are supposed to be here." Ivy looked around the living room.

"Maybe they went out. There's an ice cream place across the street and y'know how Harley has a sweet tooth." Dr. Polaris set down the grocery bags.

Ivy went over to the couch and noticed Harley's notepad still on her chair. "She left her stuff behind… And she left the door open too."

"She's a little scatterbrained. You're making a big deal out of nothing." Dr. Polaris dismissively muttered.

"Just a moment, I smell something…" Ivy sniffed at the air. "Chemicals…"

"I don't smell anything." Dr. Polaris looked around, slightly confused.

"I have a strong sense of smell. Especially when it comes to unnatural elements…" Ivy looked around. "I think it's some kind of residual traces of… Knockout gas?" she followed the scent until she found the little wooden rabbit on the floor. "And it's coming from here?"

"Alright, what the hell is going on?" Dr. Polaris asked.

"I don't know…" Ivy picked up the rabbit carving and inspected it. "Try calling Harley's cellphone, I'll keep looking around. If she doesn't pick up, call Trickster and tell him to meet us here. I'm worried something awful has happened to her…"

"And Magpie."

"Oh, yes, her too."

*******

When Harley awoke again she felt a horrible pulsing in her head like she'd just been smacked in the face with her own hammer. After blinking a couple times, Harley felt her head begin to clear up. She tried moving only to realize that her body was bound with ropes. She looked around and found herself surrounded in mostly darkness. The air was cold and damp, smelling faintly of dust.

"Anyone out there? Hello?" Harley's voice echoed in whatever room she was in. A light above her suddenly turned on, giving her a better view of her surroundings. She was tied to an antique wooden chair, it was rather comfortable and she made a mental note to take it home with her once she got out of there. In front of her was a long dinner table, enough to seat more than a dozen people. She looked to her left and realized that Magpie was sitting right beside her tied to a similar chair. "Psst, Maggie, are you up?"

"Unfortunately…" Magpie groaned, struggling against the ropes binding her. "Do you have any idea where we are?"

"Not a clue." Harley shook her head, looking around. "Although I'm startin' to get an idea of who might be behind this..." She became aware of some footsteps in the darkness around her. "Hey, you! Get us outta here!"

The figure in the dark ignored Harley's shouting and simply got closer, humming to themselves. Harley violently shook around in her chair, trying to get out but the chair wouldn't budge. It appeared that the furniture was bolted down to the ground.

"Please don't break anything… It will be such a mess to clean up…" As the obscured figure spoke, they stepped into the light. It was the Mad Hatter, a rather eccentric member of Gotham's criminal underworld. He carried a tray with a teapot and several teacups on it. Once he made it to the table, the Hatter set down the tray in front of Harley and Magpie and took a seat. "Would you like some tea?"

"No. What we'd like is to be let out of here." Magpie snarled at Mad Hatter.

"Oh dear, I'm afraid I can't let you do that." Mad Hatter shook his head, pouring himself a cup of tea. He took a sip of it and nervously looked around.

"Can ya at least tell us why ya brought us here?" Harley glared at the Mad Hatter who did not respond, absently sipping on his hot tea. "Hey, don't ignore me!" but the Hatter did just that, still drinking his tea. "Hello? Are ya in there? Earth to weirdo!"

A few more lights turned on above Harley and Magpie, illuminating the entire table. Now that it was fully lit, Harley recognized two more faces around the table. Sitting to the far left was Jenna, the Carpenter. She only seemed half aware of her surroundings, with her posture rigid and eyes glazed over. On the far right was a woman Harley recognized as the crook hired to play the March Hare as part of the Hatter's Wonderland Gang. She was dressed up as what was essentially a Playboy bunny, complete with little brown rabbit ears. She too had the strange vacant look just like the Carpenter.

"Uh… I don't think I like this tea party…" Magpie whispered to Harley.

"I'll say… I wish he'd say something to us." Halrey nodded, still eyeing the Hatter.

 _"Sorry Quinn, Jervis isn't in charge anymore."_ another voice came from the darkness, accompanied with two sets of footsteps. Soon, two large figures emerged from the darkness. They were Tweedledee and Tweedledum, two more members of the Hatter's gang. They looked practically identical, both tall and massively overweight men dressed in smoking jackets and wearing fezes. The only immediate discernable difference between them were the words Dee and Dum embroidered onto the breastpockets of their jackets.

"To be more accurate, me and my cousin Dumfree are the ringleaders now." Tweedledee chuckled, getting right behind the Hatter's chair and putting his hand on the small man's shoulder. "Go on now, Tetch. Fetch our guests a bite to eat."

Without another word, the Mad Hatter stood up and scurried off into the shadows of the building.

"I don't get it… He's always been in charge of you guys." Harley tried to lean in closer to Dee and Dum.

"Hah! Not anymore." Tweedledee laughed. "Now he's just a figure and a puppethead."

"That is to say, he's a puppet and a figurehead." Tweedledum corrected. "We're in charge now. And after giving it some thought, we want you to join us."

"What?" Harley nearly choked on her words. "Why?"

"Well it all started when the Carpenter came looking for us." Tweedledee began. "First it was just another day."

"Twas brillig and the slithy toves and all that." Tweedledum added, chuckling to himself.

"Right, now, anyway, Jenna here came over and told us that you were something of a rising star in Gotham's criminal community and she wanted us to work for you."

"But then we thought, what if you worked for us instead?"

"Oh no, I'm done playin' second fiddle!" Harley shook her head.

"But Harley, you would make a wonderful Alice." Tweedledee walked around the table, getting behind Harley. "You've got the hair, the face and you're an acrobat."

"Just lose the dye job and put on a blue dress. You'll look fantastic!" Tweedledum went on.

Harley fell silent, looking at the cousins with an angry expression on her face. "I am not workin' for someone else. And I'm not dressing like a little girl!"

"Harley, calm down…" Magpie whispered, unaccustomed to seeing Harley this upset. "This is what got you into hot water with Clayface."

"No! I'm standin' my ground here." Harley whipped her head around to look at Magpie. "These dickhead kidnap us, tie us up, and suddenly act like ya like us. That ya want us to join your team? No dice, pal!"

Tweedledum shook his head and sighed somewhat dramatically. "I was afraid you'd say that…" he glanced over at Tweedledee and grinned. "Dee, get the party hats."

"Right." Tweedledee nodded and glanced over at the March Hare. "Harriet, get the party hats."

"Right away, boss…" the March Hare suddenly stood up from her chair and turned around, walking away as if she was in a trance.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum both sat back down across the table from Harley and Magpie. While Harley eyed them both venomously, Tweedledee poured tea for both him and his cousin. He then glanced over at Harley and Magpie. "Would either of you like a cuppa tea?"

"No." Harley shook her head and pursed her lips.

"I would…" Magpie said, staring longingly at the teacups. "Those are some very pretty cups."

*******

Even when you were a career criminal there was time for a small amount of courtesy in your life. So instead of taking the handicap parking spot in the parking garage across from Ivy's apartment, Trickster drove around until he reached the top floor and found a vacant spot. Like the others, Trickster didn't wear his colourful costume and instead chose to wear a hoodie, baseball cap and sweatshorts to hide his identity.

Since Dr. Polaris made whatever Ivy was talking about sound serious, Trickster hurried down the stairs in the parking lot, not in the mood to wait for an elevator, and across the street to Ivy's building. When he got to the stairs in Ivy's building he used his Air-Walker shoes to make the trip slightly faster and less hard on his knees.

Once he got up to Ivy's apartment he knocked at the door, taking a moment to catch his breath while he waited for someone to let him in. The door opened and on the other side stood Dr. Polaris, seeming to have the usual impatient look on his face.

"Oh hey Doc, almost didn't recognize you without the armour on." Trickster entered Ivy's apartment. As soon as he entered the living room, he froze when he saw what Ivy was up to. Ivy stood by a bank of her plants with several vines wrapped around her arms. "Uh… What's going on?" he glanced at Dr. Polaris. "Can you give me a rundown."

"Basically, we got home, Harley and Magpie were gone, she found a wooden bunny on the ground and now Ivy thinks something bad has happened." Dr. Polaris sighed. "It's bullshit if you ask me, I think they both went out for lunch."

"And why's she wrapping herself in plants?" Trickster asked in a whisper. "Is… Is it a sex thing?"

"She says she's talking to the plants, they'll tell her where Harley is." Dr. Polaris explained. "She's a fucking whackjob if you ask me. I really shouldn't have gotten this job…"

The plants uncoiled from Ivy's arms and she turned back around to face Trickster and Polaris. "Alright, I'm done."

"So, where's Harley?" Dr. Polaris asked. "If she's at the ice cream store, you owe me."

"Her and Magpie were attacked by my landlady." Ivy explained.

"Your landlady?" Trickster repeated, confused by what had just been said.

"She's an ex-supervillain. Or, apparently, current supervillain." Ivy got closer to Trickster and Dr. Polaris. "She used to work with Mad Hatter. That's where we'll start looking. Come on, follow me." she beckoned for the other two to follow him. "We need to get Harley back."

"Magpie too." Trickster added.

"Right, right." Ivy quickly nodded. "Just follow me!"

Trickster and Dr. Polaris followed Ivy out of the apartment with Polaris closing the door behind him. As they walked down the hallway following Ivy, Trickster hurried to walk alongside Ivy. "So, what's the game plan here?"

"We're going to get the van, drive around, find Harley, beat the shit out of whoever kidnapped her." Ivy stoically listed.

"Probably not a good idea to take the van." Dr. Polaris remarked. "It's the middle of the day, we wanna blend in."

"Well, I don't have a car. And I'm not going to take public transport, it'll take too long." Ivy went to the elevator and pushed the down button.

"We can take my car!" Trickster interjected. "I drive an electric car actually."

"Ooh, so cool. I totally wanna suck your dick now." Ivy sarcastically said, looking at Trickster with an insincere smile.

"Hey, don't put words in my mouth." Trickster entered the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby. "I just figured that you would appreciate me being eco-conscious."

"You are so transparent. Stop hitting on me."

"I'm not, relax. I know you're a lesbian."

Dr. Polaris glanced over at Ivy. "Wait a minute, you're a lesbian?"

Ivy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yes I am… It's no big deal. We need to focus on the task at hand here." the elevator stopped and the doors opened up.

"Dammit… Why are all the hot ladies gay…" Dr. Polaris mumbled to himself.

"Ugh, _men_." Ivy glared at Polaris for a moment and rolled her eyes. "Look, we can discuss my sexual orientation later if you feel like it. But right now, the task at hand is making sure Harley and that other girl are safe."

"Do you even remember her name?" Trickster took the lead as they left the apartment.

"It was Sparrow or something like that. It doesn't matter." Ivy shook her head. "Look, Trickster, just get us your car."

"Right away!" Trickster hurried across the street to the parking garage, leaving Dr. Polaris and Ivy standing next to each other on the curb.

Dr. Polaris glanced over at Ivy. "I still say you're overreacting."

"Oh, just shut up." Ivy groaned. "We need to find Harley. That is our top priority. God only knows what horrible things she's going through."

*******

Things at the Tweedles tea party had gotten stranger than before. The Mad Hatter had put down several trays of food down on the table. Biscuits, pudding, bread, butter, fruits and much more. While he did this, the March Hare had fetched two colourful cone shaped hats with the words _Merry Unbirthday!_ painted onto them and put them on top of Harley and Magpie's heads. The effect was nearly immediate on Magpie, she became vacant like the other people around the table. For Harley on the other hand, the hat did very little. She felt a rather annoying headache but other than that she still retained complete control over herself.

"Ms. Quinzel, would you like some tea?" Tweedldee spoke up, chuckling to himself a little. "It's going to get cold if you don't do anything."

"Fuck your tea!" Harley yelled in defiance.

"I don't get it, Deever… That hat should have made her our puppet by now." Tweedledum whispered to his cousin.

"No clue…" Tweedledee shrugged. "Maybe we'll have to get Tetch to look into it. He's the one that designed all these stupid hats."

"I'm pretty fucked in the head already…" Harley laughed a little. "Guess it's hard for it to get a hold on me."

"Hmmph, you can't resist it forever." Tweedledum chuckled, sipping at his tea again.

The Mad Hatter hurried into the room carrying a wooden cigar box. "Your cigars, sirs…" he held out the box, opening it.

"Ahh, thank you very much Jervis. What a good little man." Tweedledee pat the top of the Hatter's head. He took two cigars out of the box, putting one on his mouth and handing the second to his cousin. "Give us a light."

The Mad Hatter blankly nodded, taking out a lighter and lighting both the cigars. "Is that all, sirs?"

"Sit back down and help yourself to something. You've earned it." Tweedledum nodded.

The Hatter shyly scurried over to one of the chairs and sat down, helping himself to some tea and biscuits. "Hmm…. Yes, yes… Tea…"

"I don't get it… How do ya have him under your thumb like this?" Harley cocked her head. "He was always in charge of you guys."

"Yeah. I guess old Jervis didn't realize that we could use his mind control stuff against him." Tweedledee laughed.

"Now we get to run the show." Tweedledum added. "And soon, you'll be part of our gang too. Trust me, you'll do much better with us, Alice. Y'know, it's not too late to change your mind. I would gladly take off the hat for you if you wanted to join us."

"I'm not gonna join ya!" Harley scrunched up her face and shook her head. "I'm my own woman now and I don't wanna join you creeps."

"Such a shame… You'd have so much fun as Alice." Tweedledee sighed, blowing smoke in Harley's direction. "If Jervis was still coherent I'm sure he'd like you too. Oh well, once the mind control kicks in you'll be a good member in our gang."

"We'll still have to figure out what to do with her?" Tweedledum casually pointed across the table at Magpie. "What's her name? Something birdy, right? Maybe we can make her the Dodo."

"Or the Lory or the Eaglet or the Duck…" the Mad Hatter absent-mindedly mumbled. "Everyone forgets about that."

"Oh, shut up Tetch." Tweedledum scowled at him. "We only keep you around because we need you to make more hats."

Tweedledee blows a ring of smoke and smirks. "So Harley, any last words before you lose control of your mind?"

"Yeah…" Harley paused for a moment. "I kinda have to pee right now."

"What?" Tweedledum sounded legitimately confused.

"I said, I have to pee right now. You heard me. Can ya please just let me go to the bathroom before I die?" Harley politely smiled.

"Alright fine." Tweedledee sighed. "Hatter, escort Ms. Quinzel to the bathroom."

"Right away, sir." the Mad Hatter sipped on his tea and got up from the chair. He got behind Harley and tied her up. For a moment, she sighed in relief but that was quickly taken away when she felt her hands being tied back behind her back even tighter than before.

"Hey, take it easy!" Harley exclaimed, looking back as Mad Hatter directed her to her feet. "I'm goin', I'm goin'..."

The Mad Hatter said nothing and continued guiding Harley into the darkness of the warehouse. She listened until she couldn't hear Dee and Dum any longer and looked over her shoulder again at the Hatter. "Psst, Hatter, talk to me."

"We're just going to the bathroom, Alice… No time to talk. Come along now…" Mad Hatter mumbled absently.

"I'm not Alice… And I don't even have to pee. I just wanted to get away from those idiots." Harley groaned. "C'mon, ya can't just let yourself be controlled by those two… You're better than that."

"No, no… I'm happy… I'm very happy…" Mad Hatter's words sounded insincere and his body shook a little. After travelling down a hall, Mad Hatter stopped in front of a door and opened it up to reveal a small bathroom. "Well, go on."

"Thank ya kindly." Harley nodded. But instead of entering the bathroom, Harley took another approach. Her gymnastic skills made her used to using her flexible body in many different situations. So even with her hands tied behind her back, Harley managed to perform a backflip and kick the Mad Hatter in the face.

The Hatter was a weak man with a glass jaw, so the kick knocked him to the ground almost immediately. Harley landed gracefully on her feet and began walking back toward where the Hatter was. But with the hat compelling him to fight, the Mad Hatter stood up and lunged back toward Harley. Of course, Harley didn't find him particularly intimidating. So once she got close enough she just swung her leg around, hitting him right in the head and knocking him over. In the process, his hat fell off.

This time, the Mad Hatter lay on the ground. He groaned and slowly began getting up. When Harley saw this she went over to him, prepared to fight him again. But when he sat up the Hatter whimpered and looked around, confused like an innocent doe. "Oh my… What happened… What are you doing here? Who are you?"

"It's me, Harley Quinn!" Harley announced.

"Harley Quinn? What are you doing here?" Mad Hatter slowly begins standing up. "The Joker isn't here, is he?"

"Me 'n Mistah J broke up. Your buddies, Dee and Dum, they kidnapped me. Wanted me to join yer gang."

"Dee and Dum… Oh no…" Mad Hatter turned around and went to go find a discarded hat. "Those… Those idiots!" He pulled out a microchip attached to the inside of his hat. "How dare they!"

"Yeah, those two are annoying." Harley sighed. "Listen, uh, do ya mind untying my hands now?"

"Hmm? What? Oh… Yes, yes, yes…" Mad Hatter got right behind Harley and began untying the ropes. "Oh dear… What dreadfully tight knots. Poor girl like you doesn't deserve this…"

Once Harley felt like the ropes were loose enough, she moved her hands. She rubbed her now rather sore wrists and turned around to talk to the Hatter. "So, Hatter… I feel like we're on the same page now. Those guys kidnapped me and they turned you into their little bitch. How about we go back to Dee and Dum and kick their asses back through the looking glass they crawled out of."

"Oh Alice, I love your idea!" Mad Hatter cheered, clapping his hands together.

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry, force of habit."

"Alright, now listen up. I have a plan…"

*******

Elsewhere in Gotham, the Trickster had been driving around somewhat aimlessly for nearly an hour now. Ivy sat beside him in the passenger seat pouring over a map of Gotham City while Dr. Polaris was in the back seat. So far Ivy had no real clue where to go so Trickster had just been driving around with no real aim.

Eventually, Ivy put down her map and turned to Trickster. "Alright, I've marked down the locations of several tea houses and hat shops in Gotham. We'll have to check all of them out."

"Oh come on, he wouldn't be that obvious, would he?" Dr. Polaris asked.

"You haven't been in Gotham long, have you?" Ivy smirked. "Here we aren't exactly… Subtle."

"C'mon Ivy, this is going to take forever." Trickster sighed. "This is a big city. We don't have the time to search through every place on the map."

"Well, until you come up with a better idea that's exactly what we're going to do." Ivy groaned.

Dr. Polaris took his smartphone out of his pocket and looked at it. "This guy is obsessed with Alice In Wonderland, right?"

"Yeah. He's a creep." Ivy nodded. "He's obsessed with finding his Alice… Whatever that means."

"Uh huh… There's a local storage company called Wonderland Storage. They have a few warehouses across town." Dr. Polaris explained. "They've got a website…"

"They do?" Ivy turned around. "That could be a good lead… Give the company a couple calls. See if they're renting out their warehouses to anyone named Jervis Tetch. If not try his aliases. He likes to use Lewis Carroll, Charles Dodson, John Tenniel and Alice Liddell."

"Alright, fine… Just for the record, I'm still saying Harley is fine until we fine any evidence to the contrary." Dr. Polaris groaned, looking back to his smartphone. "Let's see… What's their number…"

While Dr. Polaris messed around with his phone, Trickster pulled into a parking lot of a fast food place and rolled down his windows. He glanced over at Ivy. "Well, I'm gonna go grab a bite to eat. Either of you want anything?"

"Get me a burger or something…" Dr. Polaris nodded, still looking at his phone.

"I'm going in there with you." Ivy unbuckled her seatbelt. "No way I'm being left in here with Polaris."

"Rude…" Dr. Polaris mumbled, still looking at his phone.

"Alright Doc, we'll be back in a second." Trickster got out of the car with Ivy soon following him. "So, Ivy, what do you like to eat? Do you even need to eat?"

"No, actually. But I enjoy food for its flavour." Ivy entered the restaurant. "I prefer to only eat plants if they've given me permission but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. Frankly I'd prefer to eat something healthier."

"Hey, you don't have to get anything if you don't want to." Trickster looked up at the menu posted. "I think I'm going to get myself some chicken strips."

Trickster approached the counter and ordered a burger and some chicken strips. The server nodded and took Trickster's alias of James. Trickster and Ivy went a few feet away from the counter while they waited for their order to arrive.

"I hate that we're wasting time with this…" Ivy sighed.

"Hey, Polaris is doing research so I figured we can get a snack while he's doing that." Trickster explained.

"Every moment we waste is a moment where Harley could be in trouble." Ivy crossed her arms and glanced at Trickster.

The Trickster couldn't help but look back to Ivy with a satisfied smirk on his face. "I hope I'm not intruding but… Do you have the hots for Harley?"

"What?" Ivy's tone took on a venomous quality. If they weren't in public she would have wrapped her hands around Trickster's neck. He seemed to know this and took a step away.

"You just… You just seem to care about her a lot. And, well, no offence, you treat everyone else like trash." Trickster chuckled. "I mean, you can't even remember that other girl's name. Go on, try and guess it."

Ivy paused for a moment. "Lark… No, wait… Crow."

"It's Magpie. Look, Ivy, you put Harley over everyone else. There's obviously something going on there."

"She's a very sweet woman and she's one of the only people who's actually cared about me. And, yes, she is rather attractive."

"Ha! So you admit it." Trickster crossed his arms.

Ivy rolled her eyes again. "I'm allowed to think she's hot. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with her. She's my best friend, but that's it. Even if I was in love with her, it wouldn't work out. She's one of the most aggressively heterosexual women I know. I can't tell you how many times I've gagged watching her kiss the Joker."

"Hey, you never know. Maybe Harley might be into you. Just ask her. I could be your wingman."

"Just stop talking to me."

The conversation didn't have a chance to continue further when the server called out Trickster's civilian name. He quickly went over and grabbed the paper bag with his food in it before beckoning Ivy to follow him outside. She nodded and followed after him, returning to the car and getting in. Dr. Polaris had put down his phone and was looking pretty bored by the time they arrived.

"Took you long enough." Dr. Polaris sighed.

"Hey, I'm not in charge of how long it takes them to cook a burger." Trickster dug into his bag and took out a cheeseburger wrapped in paper, passing it behind him to Dr. Polaris. He took out a small paper basket with chicken tenders and a small container packet of ketchup. "So, Doc, did you find anything?"

"Yeah, I made a few calls to this storage company." Dr. Polaris nodded, taking a bite of his burger. "Turns out, they're renting out a warehouse on the east end to someone named John Tenniel. So that's probably our guy."

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Ivy suddenly sprung to life, sitting bolt upright in the chair.

"I wanna finish my lunch. I had a bagel for breakfast and that's it." Trickster indignantly huffed, dipping his chicken strip in the ketchup. "I deserve this."

"Fine, I'll drive." Ivy opened up her door. "Trickster, move over." she got out of her car and went to the driver's side while Trickster quickly moved over into the passenger's seat. "Okay, here we go. Try not to spill you food guys, I'm going as fast as I can."

"Please don't break any road laws, I don't wanna get pulled over…" Trickster sighed, taking a bite out of his chicken.

"Shut up!" Ivy yelled, getting behind the wheel and slamming the door. "You two are not taking this seriously. Harley is in serious danger!" she backed out of the parking lot and sped off down the road.

"Oh my god, you are so into her." Trickster rolled his eyes.

"I said shut up!" Ivy glared at him.

"Right…" Trickster nodded and went back to eating his chicken tenders.

*******

The tea party had begun to wind down a little bit. Dee and Dum had allowed their mind controlled captives a little bit more control. They'd untied Magpie and she had helped herself to some of the food at the table. Their control on Carpenter and March Hare had also loosened and they too were enjoying tea and pudding together.

"Cheers to us!" Tweedledee clinked his teacup against his cousin's. "Ms. Magpie, or should I say Dodo, is all ours. And it'll only be a matter of time before Harley's new name is Alice."

"Hip-hip, hooray!" Tweedledum cackled. "Speaking of Harley, where is she anyway? Shouldn't she have been back by now?"

"Ah, you know women. Always taking longer in the bathroom."

"Still… Maybe we should send Jenna or Harriet to check on her."

As they considered their plans and drank their tea, they heard two pairs of footsteps re-entering the room. First hurrying into the room was the Mad Hatter, his face seemed to be filled with glee as he approached Dee and Dum. He ran so fast that his hat threatened to fall off. But he held it on right as he approached the two cousins. "Great news, sirs! Wonderful, wonderful news! Callooh callay! Oh frabjous day!"

"Spit it out, Jervis." Tweedledee narrowed his eyes at the Hatter.

"The hat has taken its hold on Ms. Quinzel completely." Mad Hatter explained with excitement. "We finally have our Alice!"

"Is that so?" Tweedledum smirked. "Well then, let's see her."

"Of course." Mad Hatter turned around. "Oh Alice, come in here please!"

A girlish giggle echoed from the darkness of the warehouse. "Comin' Mr. Hatter!" out from the darkness came Harley, skipping happily. "Here I am! Oh goodness, is it teatime already?"

"It certainly is, Alice." Tweedledee nodded. "Do you want some tea?"

"Oh yes, thank you!" Harley got closer to the table and leaned closer to the table, taking an empty cup. "Would you please pour me some?"

"Of course." Tweedledum turned to his cousin. "Deever, pour Alice a drink."

"Alright, Dumfree." Tweedledee looked over to the Mad Hatter. "Jervis, pour Alice some tea."

Mad Hatter quietly nodded and picked up the teapot, pouring Harley a piping hot drink. "There you go… Enjoy."

"Fantastic! Thank you… Oh this looks so delicious..." Harley did a curtsy and picked up the teacup. She brought it up to her lips and got ready to take a sip. But right before she drank it she smirked and looked at Tweedledee and Tweedledum. "On second thought… How about you try the tea!" She threw the teacup straight across the table, causing a momentary shock in both Dee and Dum. The teacup hit Tweedledee right in the face, spilling its contents all over him.

Tweedledee screamed in pain and fell backwards out of his chair. Seeing this, Harley laughed hysterically and ripped the party hat off of her head.

"What's the meaning of all this?" Tweedledum stood up from his chair.

"Ya didn't brainwash me and your tea sucks!" Harley laughed and stuck her tongue out at Tweedledum to taunt him. "Oh, and Jervis is with me now."

"Wait, wha-" Tweedledum was interrupted when Mad Hatter pounced on him from behind and wrapped his arms around the larger man's neck. "Let go of me, you little bastard!"

"You thought you could outsmart me? Don't make me laugh, Dumfree!" Mad Hatter cackled, holding on to Tweedledum tighter.

Tweedledee slowly stood up from the ground and looked around. "Fuck… My face..." he looked around and saw the new chaos around him. "Dammit! March Hare, Carpenter, Dodo, what are you waiting for? Do something about all of this!"

With their orders given, the three remaining mind controlled members of the Wonderland Gang sprung into action. Magpie and the March Hare lunged for Harley while the Carpenter went and tried to help pry Mad Hatter away from Tweedledum.

By this point, Harley was having too much fun to care about things like consequences anymore. She giggled madly while she kicked and flailed at the two women coming to attack her. Her erratic fight style seemed to be ineffective but one piece of useful information was still floating around in the back of her head; the hats are what control them.

With this knowledge she reached out and grabbed on to the bunny ears atop the March Hare's head. She yanked on the fake ears, pulling them off of the Hare's head. March Hare seemed dazed for a moment which gave Harley the perfect opportunity to punch her in the face. This caused March Hare to fall backward right on to the table.

Still laughing uncontrollably, Harley turned around and elbowed Magpie in the jaw. "Sorry Maggie, this is for your own good!" She grabbed the party hat and pulled it straight off Magpie's head. This instantly brought Magpie into a confused state. Harley took the opportunity to kick Magpie in the chest, knocking her across the room.

With the two of them incapacitated, she turned around and saw Tweedledee and the Carpenter working together to pry the Mad Hatter off of Tweedledum. So far the Hatter's grip was strong and their efforts to pull him away had failed.

"Hey, lemme help ya with that!" Harley giggled, leaping over the table and landing a kick on Tweedledee's already burnt face. He screamed and fell over again while Harley gracefully landed on her feet.

"Thank you, Harley!" Mad Hatter cheered.

"No problem! Happy to assist!" Harley cartwheeled over to behind Tweedledee and grabbed on to the Carpenter by the shoulder, pulling her away. "Hey Jenna! Lemme help ya out here!" She grabbed the baseball cap on Jenna's head and pulled it off, leaving Jenna in a bewildered state. Harley gave Jenna a light push and she toppled over like a bowling pin.

Quickly, Harley took a few steps over towards Tweedledum and swept her leg under the large man's legs. In his already disoriented state, it knocked down Tweedledum rather easily and he faceplanted on to the ground. Tweedledee began trying to stand up which Harley took notice of. She quickly did a flip and landed on top of Dee's back. "Oh no ya don't, big boy. You your friend are stayin' down…"

"I can't thank you enough for this." Mad Hatter happily sighed and sat down on Tweedledum's back. "This isn't the first time they've tried to do this to me, you know."

"Are ya gonna kick 'em out of your gang."

"No, no… I like them. They keep me company. But help me tie them up. They need to learn their lesson."

"Alrighty!" Harley nodded. "Oh, by the way, mind helpin' me and Magpie get home?"

"Oh, of course." Mad Hatter stood up. "Let's just tie Dee and Dum up and make sure the others are okay."

"Good idea. I wanna make sure that hat didn't mess up Magpie's brain too badly."

*******

Several blocks away from the Hatter's warehouse, Poison Ivy was recklessly driving down the road in search of the warehouse Dr. Polaris had found. The Trickster had panicked at first and tried to police Ivy's driving but when he realized she would not listen he elected to stop trying and just enjoy the food he ordered.

"Okay… Okay… We're almost there… Harley's going to be safe…" Ivy muttered quietly, more to herself than the other two.

"Please try not to crash my car…" Trickster sighed, now resigned to slumping down in the passenger's seat.

"Just don't even bother, Trickster." Dr. Polaris shook his head. "She's a woman on a mission and she can't be stopped."

"Thank you, Polaris." Ivy smirked. "That resembled a compliment."

"I think we're almost there actually…" Dr. Polaris glanced out the window, noting the buildings going past.

"Ah… Wonderful…" Ivy nodded. She too looked at the buildings she was passing until she saw the storage unit she sought. "There!" quickly, she pulled into the parking lot with such great haste that she left tire marks on the pavement. Trickster heard the screeching tires and cringed a little bit at the noise. "Alright, Harley's probably in there. Let's get in there and save her! And if the Hatter's in there with her, I'm going to snap his little neck."

"Magpie's in there too…" Trickster muttered as he unbuckled his seatbelt and began opening the door.

"Shut up about Magpie!" Ivy yelled as she too exited the car.

"Hey, I'm just saying, she's in danger too." Trickster shrugged, casually exiting the car with Dr. Polaris right behind him.

Ivy didn't even bother acknowledging him and instead just rushed over to the warehouse, going up to the side door. She didn't even bother to check if it was locked or not, instead summoning up some roots to rip through the concrete below and ram it down.

"Well, you gotta admire her determination." Dr. Polaris shrugged, glancing over at the Trickster and hurrying after Ivy.

Trickster simply shrugged and ran after the other two. He was hoping to have a nice, relaxing day today. But when you were a costumed criminal it seemed that that type of life was almost impossible to live.

Ivy led the charge through the dark warehouse, she felt for any plant life inside or beneath the warehouse. Her mind was running through possible scenarios of what could have happened to Harley. She knew Mad Hatter had mind control and that meant the possibility of having to fight Harley was there. So she went over what she knew about Harley and tried to think of the easiest way to defeat her.

But as soon as she reached the end of the hall and burst through the doors she was greeted by a site she wasn't expecting. Harley and Mad Hatter were working together to tie Tweedledee and Tweedledum to chairs. The Carpenter, Magpie and the March Hare were also in the room sitting at or, in Magpie's case, on top of the table looking various degrees of confused.

Ivy wasn't quite sure how to react, but her rage faded away. She got out of her fighting stance and took a few steps closer to the table and waved her arms to get Harley's attention. "Hey, Harls! What's going on here?" It was around then when Trickster and Dr. Polaris managed to catch up with Ivy. They stopped right then behind Ivy, equally unsure about the situation they walked in on.

Harley noticed Ivy and the other two and stepped up on to the table, knocking over a few plates as she went towards her friend. "Red! Ya found me! Wasn't expectin' to see ya here."

Ivy walked closer to Harley and looked around at the Hatter and his associates. "Can you explain to me what happened?"

"Those big fellas, Dee 'n Dum, they wanted me to join their gang." Harley pointed over at Tweedledee and Tweedledum. "So she tried to brainwash me 'n Magpie just like they did to the other guys in the group. Luckily I had everything under control."

"Thank god you're okay… I've been so worried about you." Ivy felt a sudden surge of emotion come over her and she pulled Harley into a tight hug. "I'm just glad you're safe…"

"Aww, thanks a lot!" Harley cheered and returned the hug.

"I was in trouble too…" Magpie grumbled as she approached Ivy and Harley. "Do I get a hug too."

"No." Ivy said nearly automatically.

Harley let go of Ivy and turned around to the Mad Hatter's gang. "Well, thanks for all the help Hatsy!" she waved to him. "I'm gonna go home now. Let's talk again though!"

"Of course, have a nice day, Harley." Mad Hatter nodded. "I can't thank you enough. If you need any help just give me a call. I owe you for this one."

"No problem, Hatsy! I'll give ya a ring if I ever need ya!" Harley happily left the room, almost skipping. She walked off down the hall without a care in the world. Ivy quickly hurried after her, soon followed by the other three members of Harley's crew.

Soon enough, they got back to the car and Harley just casually went over to the vehicle and got into the back seat like she hadn't spent the better half of the day being kidnaped. Ivy got in next and sat beside Harley. Magpie got in last, sandwiching Ivy between herself and Harley.

Dr. Polaris and Trickster got in next, sitting in the passenger's and driver's seats respectively. Once he was seated, Trickster sighed. "Ah, feels good to be back behind the wheel."

Trickster went to go turn his car on again but before he could do so he became distracted by the Carpenter rushing out of the warehouse and going over to the car. She went to the window by Harley and tapped on it, making Harley roll it down.

"Hey, Harley, can we talk?" The Carpenter smiled.

"Uh, sure." Harley politely nodded. "What'cha need?"

"Well, um, we kinda made a deal, remember?" the Carpenter leaned in, sticking her head through the window. "I agreed to get in contact with my old Wonderland Gang and see if they wanted to join you. And in return, you and Ivy would take me out to a karaoke bar or something."

"Oh yeah… I did say that. Almost forgot." Harley giggled a bit.

"Are we still on for that?"

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll schedule somethin'. I'll get back to ya on it."

"Super! And, do you think you can give me a lift home?"

Harley opened her mouth to reply but Ivy leaned forward and interjected before Harley could speak. "Ooh, sorry, the car's full. Bye now!" She reached over Harley and pressed the button to roll up the window, keeping Carpenter outside. Ivy glanced over at Trickster and narrowed his eyes at him. "Drive away, before she tries to talk to us more."

Trickster nodded and turned on the car, backing out of the parking lot and leaving the Carpenter behind and looking dejected.

"She's a nice girl…" Harley sighed happily and looked up at Ivy's face. "It was nice of ya to come all the way over here to try 'n save me. Had everything under control though. But thanks anyway…" She rested her head against Ivy's shoulder with a big smile on her face and closed her eyes.

Ivy tensed up and felt herself almost blushing a little bit. She tried to return to her usual stoicness but it seemed Trickster had seen Ivy's brief shift in body language. He looked at her in the car's rearview mirror and smirked at her.

In response, Ivy shot a glare at him which got Trickster to go back to focusing on driving. Now feeling some semblance of privacy, despite Magpie pressing up against her a little, Ivy leaned back against Harley and put an arm around her. "What an exciting day, eh Harls?"

"Yeah… Real excitin'... It'll be good to get some downtime once we get back home…" Harley let out another sigh, feeling relaxed after her long hectic day.


	6. Holidays Gone By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Joker tries to pull a major scheme on the same day as Calendar Man, Harley decides to try and get back at Joker by helping Calendar Man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
> **Calendar Man:** Julian Gregory Day aka Calendar Man, a supervillain obsessed with dates. Used to be considered something of a joke villain, using gimmicky weapons and wearing silly costumes. But after The Long Halloween he was revamped into a more serious character. The more silly version of Calendar Man had an appearance in Batman: The Brave and the Bold while the serious version of Calendar Man appeared in the Arkham Games. I tried to find a sweetspot between both versions of the character when I wrote this.
> 
> **Red Robin:** Tim Drake aka Red Robin, formerly the third person to hold the title of Robin. I'm pretty sure most of my readers know who Tim Drake is so I won't go into too much detail.
> 
> **Simon Stagg:** Simon Stagg, CEO of Stagg Industries. His daughter Sapphire Stagg is in a relationship with the superhero Metamorpho. He isn't too important to this chapter, I just needed a rich person to be kidnapped here.
> 
> **Veronica Cale:** Veronica Cale, a pharmaceuticals executive and enemy of Wonder Woman. Like with Stagg, she's only here because I needed another rich person to be held hostage.

There were many things in the world that Poison Ivy did not care for. Pollution, animal abuse, corporate greed. But one thing that she always put near the top of the list was socialization. Unfortunately for her, Harley had dragged her into a situation that required quite a bit of Social interaction. Thanks to a poorly thought out deal Harley made, Ivy was more or less forced to accompany Harley while she went out to a bar with their landlady, and semi-retired supervillain, Jenna Duffy.

She'd had to listen to Harley and Jenna do several off-key and slightly drunken covers of '80s pop songs. It was a little endearing to see them do their best at singing, even if they weren't that good. They even tried doing a duet together which went spectacularly badly.

Ivy sat at a booth with the Carpenter, sipping on some beer, while she listened to Harley perform her own rendition of _We Built This City_. She didn't like that song on the best of days but somehow hearing Harley's performance of it filled her with some sense of joy.

"Hey, thanks for taking me here." the Carpenter smiled at Ivy. "I know you don't like me so, uh, I guess it means a lot that you're doing this for my sake."

"Oh c'mon, what makes you think I don't like you?" Ivy chuckled.

"Well, you slam the door in my face a lot. And that really isn't something you should do to your landlady." Jenna laughed as well. "You're lucky I'm so forgiving."

The music soon stopped and Harley returned to the booth, sitting down beside Harley. "How'd I do out there?"

"Wonderfully." Ivy nodded, smiling at Harley. "You made me actually enjoy a Starship song, which is an incredible feat."

"Aww, thank ya." Harley giggles.

"I still wish you didn't sing it." Jenna sighed. "Cause Starship makes me think of Jefferson Starship, which makes me think of Jefferson Airplane. And I swear to god, after working with the Mad Hatter, I never want to listen to that _White Rabbit_ song ever again."

"Hmm… Now I know what to sing." Ivy joked.

"Oh yeah… Ya haven't done any singin' yet." Harley glanced over at her best friend.

"I was just joking. I don't really like singing." Ivy casually played with her hair and looked away from Harley.

"Aw c'mon, ya promised Carpenter ya would."

"Well, you promised her we'd go to the Iceberg Lounge. And we're at a place that smells like cigarettes and hot wings."

Jenna leaned forward on to the table. "Jokes on you, I like hot wings. And c'mon, Ivy, I'd like to hear you sing too."

"I don't know… I just don't really like pop music." Ivy shrugged a little.

"So what do you like?" Jenna asked, taking a sip of her drink.

"Mostly alternative rock." Ivy replied. "Talking Heads, the Smiths, Radiohead…"

Harley giggled a little and put an arm around Ivy. "You're such a fuckin' hipster. C'mon Red, ya like pop music. Everyone does!"

"Well… I like Fleetwood Mac…" Ivy shyly admitted, looking down at the table.

"Aww, see! Yer a big softie." Harley affectionately pulled Ivy into a hug. "Go up there and sing some Fleetwood!"

"Alright, I will." Ivy nodded, beginning to stand up in her booth. Quickly, Harley moved her legs so Ivy could go sing some karaoke. But as Ivy made her away over to the stage, something prevented her from even getting on to the stage.

All the TV screens at the bar, from the ones playing football to the ones displaying karaoke lyrics, went completely blank. For a moment people in the bar were confused by the spontaneous failure of all the TVs in the bar.

But the blank TVs didn't last for long though, they soon turned on to reveal a brand new scene. It showed somewhat low-quality footage of a room with various pieces of paper taped to a wall. On closer inspection, it appeared that the papers were pages of a calendar. In front of the messy wall was one of Gotham's lesser-known criminals, Calendar Man. He used to prance around in a garish red and white outfit but recently he'd been attempting something more modern. He wore a dark trenchcoat with numbers inside squares on the inside and a white turtleneck. His head was shaved and abbreviations for the twelve months of the year tattooed all around his head with _MAR_ right on his forehead. His bald head, pale complexion and gaunt figure made him quite intimidating despite the reputation he had as being a bit of a joker.

_"Greetings, people of Gotham. Right now it is eleven hours and fifty-five minutes on April the twenty-first. Five minutes now remain until April the twenty-second."_ Calendar Man spoke in a cold monotone. _"That... Is Earth Day. A time to celebrate Mother Nature. So I've decided to celebrate!"_

As soon as Ivy saw this she turned herself back around and returned to her booth. "Hey, it looks like karaoke's cancelled for tonight."

"Ah, it's just Calendar Man." Harley dismissively shrugged. "Let him finish up and then you can do your thing."

Ivy turned her attention back to the screen where Calendar Man was still making his demands. _"Now then… I have abducted three rather well off people whose companies have endangered the environment. Simon Stagg, Veronica Cale and Bruce Wayne."_ the image on screen changed to grainy black and white security footage of three un people inside of a nondescript concrete room together, lying on the floor. The low quality of the footage made it difficult to discern their identities but it was clear that two of the people were men and one was a woman. All three were dressed in business attire and one of the men seemed significantly older than the other two. _"If my demands are not met by midnight of April the twenty-first, they will die."_ the footage then went back to Calendar Man back in front of his wall of pages. _"My first demand, I would like the clocktower on Moldoff Street to be fixed. It is off by two seconds and has been driving me insane for years. Second demand…"_

By now, Ivy stopped paying attention to Calendar Man's ramblings. She sat back down at the booth and slumped forward a little. "That son of a bitch is ruining Earth Day…"

"Aww, I thought you'd be happy that Calendar Man's killin' those guys." Harley said. "Shame Bruce Wayne's gonna die, he's a real hunk."

"Isn't he like, forty-two?" Carpenter pointed out.

"So? Have ya seen him lately? He's a beefcake." Harley giggled.

"I should be the one killing those businessmen. And if I did it, I'd just kill them. No making stupid demands for me." Ivy sighed. "I haven't been working hard enough for the plants…"

"Aww… Red, don't feel bad." Harley put her arm around Ivy. "It's Girl's Night! We're supposed to be havin' fun. How 'bout this? I'll help ya plant some trees in the park tomorrow and we can put up some posters encouraging people to recycle."

"Sure, that sounds alright." Ivy nodded a little. "I guess we don't have to be supervillains all the time…"

"That's the spirit!" Harley cheered and gave Ivy a quick affectionate kiss on the cheek.

I was around that time that Calendar Man's video message came to an end. _"... Give me the golden pocket watch on display at the Gotham Clock Museum and, my final demand, I want a million dollars. Because you can never have too many millions. Now, I want these demands within twenty-four hours or I will kill my hostages. Tick tock..."_ The screens around the bar cut back to black before returning to whatever they were playing earlier.

"Well, that was a fun distraction." Carpenter looked away from the screens and back to Ivy. "So… You gonna do some karaoke?"

"Yeah, I wanna hear ya sing _Landslide_." Harley nodded in agreement with Carpenter.

"Alright, fine..." Ivy chuckled a bit. "I'll give it my best shot."

*******

The following morning, Ivy woke up in her bed with a slight hangover wearing the clothes she went to sleep in the night before. Feeling uncomfortable and slightly overheated, Ivy stripped down to just her underwear and left her room. She entered and living room where she found Harley in the living room, seated on the couch beside Dr. Polaris. Much like Ivy herself, Harley was barely dressed; clothed in just her underpants, a t-shirt and possibly a bra underneath and some fluffy pink slippers.

Dr. Polaris put slightly more effort into making himself presentable, wearing sweatpants, socks and a football jersey. Him and Harley were on the couch together watching TV, a rerun of _The Dukes of Hazzard_. Ivy didn't care much for the show but Harley seemed to be enjoying it. "You two having a good time?"

"Sure am! A little groggy after last night though. Guess we partied pretty hard, eh?" Harley giggled, putting her feet up on the coffee table.

"Seems like it." Ivy sat down beside Harley. "Where's Magpie?"

"Oh hey, you finally got her name right." Dr. Polaris smirked. "She's in the kitchen, said she'd make breakfast for us."

"It's nice to see her pull her weight for once." Ivy casually glanced up at the TV, not really paying much attention to what was going on with the show. After a little bit of time went by, Magpie entered the room with a faint smell of smoke following her. She had her wig off and was dressed in pajama pants and a tee, holding a plate of slightly burnt pancakes in her arms.

"Hey gang, I made pancakes! Who wants pancakes?" Magpie set the pancakes down on the table.

"Ooh, do ya have any maple syrup?" Harley leaned forward toward the pancakes.

"Knew I was forgetting something…" Magpie ducked out of the room carrying a stack of plates with dining utensils on them. In her other hand she had a bottle of maple syrup. "Alright, now everyone can dig in. Save some of that shiny syrup for me."

Harley piled several pancakes onto one of the plates and poured an excessive amount of syrup over it. The others helped themselves to the pancakes too and soon they were all enjoying their moderately burnt breakfast. But the further adventures of the Duke boys were interrupted before they could even really get started. The screen quickly cut to static and Harley started playing around with the remote but that proved to not be useful.

The static went away and was replaced by a location Harley was familiar with, the old seaside theme park the Joker called home. Specifically the hall of mirrors, most of which were now broken. Joker stepped in front of the camera and animatedly waved. _"Joker here! I'm sure you're all tired of these broadcast hijackings. Especially after Calendar Man's message last night. But I just thought I'd drop in and let you know that I've planted several bombs around the city. And since I'm not an idiot like the Riddler, I won't give you any hints. Good luck finding them!"_ Joker broke out into his usual laughter and the footage cut out, the Dukes of Hazzard returned to the screen.

For several moments, Harley, Ivy and the others just stared at the screen, trying to process what just happened. Ivy stood up in anger, nearly dropping her plate. "That bastard! He's ruining Earth Day! I was upset enough about Calendar Man…"

"Ah jeez… We're not gonna hear the end of it, are we?" Dr. Polaris muttered.

Harley put her plate down on the table and stood up with Ivy. "I'm with you, Red! I'm sick of Mistah J. Let's go show him a thing or two!"

"Hold on Harl, remember what happened last time you met the Joker?"

"Yeah, we fell out of a window together."

"It probably isn't the best idea to go see him again in that case. You need to be more prepared."

"Fair enough…" Harley sighed. She thought for a few moments and her face lit up. "Hold on! I know how we can get back at Mistah J! We can help out Calendar Man with his scheme. He'll be real mad if he gets upstaged by Calendar Man, won't he?" she giggled a bit.

"Alright, that's a decent idea…" Ivy nodded. "But how are we going to find, Calendar Man."

"Easy!" Harley began walking out of the living room and over toward her bedroom. "I'll give the Calculator a call. He's Gotham's number one criminal information broker! Sure, he's pricey but if I give him some of those gold bars we stole from Injustice Unlimited he'll tell us where we can find Calendar Man."

Ivy wanted to argue but she knew once Harley got going like this there was no stopping her. Followed Harley into the bedroom and just nodded along with her. "Alright, I'm with you on this plan. But can we finish breakfast first? Also, do you think we should run it by the others?"

"Nah, let's give 'em a day off. Just you 'n me this time, Red." Harley started looking through her drawer for something to wear.

"I like the sound of that." Ivy smiled. "Spending Earth Day with you sounds absolutely wonderful. This is going to be fun..."

*******

Far away, in an undisclosed location somewhere in Gotham, three people were being held against their will. They'd woken up there several hours ago with no recollection of how they ended up there or with any indication of where exactly the place they were was. The two younger members of this group, Bruce Wayne and Veronica Cale, had been attempting to escape but after the first several hours they'd given up and chosen to conserve their energy.

The room was painfully nondescript. The walls, floors and ceiling were all made of cold concrete. It was shaped like an even cube, all sides of the room around the same length. On one of the walls there was a small concrete staircase going up to a door. Bruce and Veronica had both tried forcing the door open but it was locked and reinforced.

Currently, the three captives were doing the only thing they could do; sitting on the ground and trying to figure a way out of this place. Each of them sat in a separate a separate corner of the room to sit in. Bruce sat with his legs crossed, deep in contemplation. Veronica lay on her back, trying to relax. Simon Stagg spitefully stared up at the one security camera in the room while sitting down.

"I still don't understand…" Simon muttered, still fixated on the camera. "Why are we here?"

"It's rather simple, Stagg." Veronica sat up, straightening out her posture. "The three of us, we are very rich, important people. Someone is clearly either holding us for ransom or planning to kill us."

"It won't come to that." Simon didn't take his eyes off the camera.

"What makes you so sure?" Veronica raised an eyebrow at him.

"My idiot son in law is one of those superhero types." Simon explained. "Can't say I like him, but he always gets me out of tough spots like this."

"Hmmph, I'm not really a fan of superheroes." Veronica sighed.

"There has to be some way out. We can't just wait around to be saved." Bruce spoke up. "Maybe we're being tested?"

"Oh, does the prettyboy CEO want to talk?" Veronica scowled at Bruce. "We tried that already. We'll have to take a different approach. Right now, things seem hopeless."

"Nothing is ever hopeless." Bruce replied.

"Easy for you to say, Wayne. You were born into money." Veronica glared at him. "You and Stagg, you're both old money. Me, I had to work hard for everything I earned."

The sound of a slowly creaking door opening echoed in the quiet room and got the attention of the three hostages. They all looked up and saw a tall, thin man standing at the top of the stairs leading into the room. "Ah, good morning. I'm glad to see you're all awake."

"I recognize you… You're Julian Day, the Calendar Man." Bruce looked up at Calendar Man.

"Ah, my reputation precedes me?" Calendar Man chuckled, looking down at his hostages. "I just came in to let you know of your predicament. Chances are, I will be forced to kill you tonight at precisely the stroke of midnight. This room will fill with deadly plant spores that I obtained on the black market. A fitting end, don't you think? Three greedy people who have destroyed the environment, killed by plants on Earth Day."

Veronica stood up and marched to the staircase, beginning to climb up it with a furious look on her face. "Look here, you! You cannot treat us like this! We will be getting out of here." She pointed an accusatory finger up at Calendar Man.

He mocked her, pretending to yawn, and roughly shoved her down the stairs once she was close enough to him. Bruce quickly rushed over to the stairs and caught Veronica before the fall could hurt her.

"I'll be leaving you now." Calendar Man smirked, seeing Bruce shoot a glare up at him. "Please try not to escape, you'll find that it's a futile effort." He turned around and began closing the door. "Happily Holidays…" With a grin on his face, he shut the door and locked it behind him.

Calendar Man left his prisoner's behind, brimming with glee. Sure, he may have been living inside of a musty old factory. But after tonight, he was going to be as infamous as the other criminals of Gotham City.

But as he entered what could charitably described as his bedroom, his confidence was shaken. Sitting on his cot was Harley Quinn, all dolled up in her jester suit. She was on her side, casually smirking at him. Standing beside her in her green leotard was Poison Ivy. He had no idea how they'd gotten in but their presence was enough to startle Calendar Man into backing away.

"Wha- What are you doing here!" Calendar Man yelled, feeling around in his jacket for a weapon. "Back off!"

"Hey you… Just thought we'd check in on ya." Harley giggled, sitting upright on the bed.

"How did you find me?" Calendar back up against a wall.

"We asked the Calculator. He knows how to find everyone. It's kinda creepy." Harley stood up and took a few steps closer to Calendar Man.

"What the hell do you want from me?" Calendar Man took a gun out from the inner pocket of his coat. He didn't get a chance to use it when a vine reached down from the ceiling and slapped it out of his hand.

"You really shouldn't threaten us." Ivy got closer as well. "Harley's only here to help."

"Help?" Calendar Man repeated. "Help with what?"

"With yer big Earth Day plan!" Harley announced, throwing her arms up in the air in excitement. "I'm sure ya heard about Joker's announcement this morning. He's planted some bombs around the city and blah, blah, blah."

"Yes, I heard about it." Calendar Man nodded. "What about it?"

"He's gonna get all the attention now. Ya don't want that, now do ya?"

"No, no I don't… I put all this effort into this plot and my new look… I can't have it be wasted. But how exactly are you going to help?"

"We'll draw all the attention to you." Ivy explained. "Unless you don't want attention."

"No, no, I want the attention. I care more about that than the money." Calendar Man admitted. "However, I'd rather not have your help."

"You realize how easy it would be for us to kill you." Ivy crossed her arms.

"Yes… Yes, I realize that." Calendar Man nodded. "I am not going to ask you to leave. But I am not asking you to help me either. I am a competent super-criminal and I can do this on my own." He turned around and started to leave the room.

Harley quickly maneuvered herself in front of him. "Now hold on there! I got some questions. How exactly are ya plannin' to kill these guys ya kidnapped. If your demands aren't met, I mean."

"I was planning to fill the room with plant toxin." Calendar Man explained.

"You unoriginal bastard!" Ivy suddenly snapped. "Where did you even get plant toxin?"

"The black market." Calendar Man turned to face her and stepped away. "Now, please don't hurt me… I'm going to make another announcement now… And I would prefer it if you ladies did not interrupt me." He continued to back away. "It's very, um, sweet of you to do this for me Ms. Quinn… But I'm fine on my own. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another message to make. Don't interrupt me." He turned around and hurried away into another room.

Harley frowned a bit and glanced over at Ivy. "Hmmph, he ain't as grateful as I thought he'd be."  
"You know Harls, I think this might have been a bad idea." Ivy remarked.

"Don't care, I'm stickin' with it! I'm gonna find a way to make this guy more popular than Mistah J!" Harley happily declared.

Ivy had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that things were not going to go well. But she chose to keep those thoughts to herself.

*******

Far away from Calendar Man's hideaway, there was a large highly renovated boat sailing through the waters on the harbour of Gotham City. The boat had been painted a bright purple and had a very small crew. This vessel's captain was none other than the Joker, dressed appropriately for the role in a captain's hat along with his usual purple suit. He lounged out in his own personal rooms, watching Elmer Fudd get outsmarted by Bugs Bunny on his TV.

There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good cartoon. Especially a deliciously violent one. There was a knock at the door and Joker looked up from his cartoon. "Yes, yes, come on in."

The door opened up and in stepped Joker's number one henchman, Bob. He smiled at the Joker and got closer to his boss. "Great news boss, everything's going according to plan. Seems like the cops bought that bomb threat you made."

"Ah, wonderful!" Joker stood up from his recliner and made his way towards Bob. "And what about the other guys on the crew, how are they doing?"

"Getting ready to dump all that Joker toxin in the harbour, just like you wanted." Bob replied.

"Perfect!" Joker put his arm on Bob's shoulder. "This is why you're my number one henchman."

"Gee, thanks boss." Bob smirked. "There's, uh, just one thing. Is it such a good idea to be doing this job in the middle of the day?"

"Bob… Are you questioning me?" Joker kept smiling but his voice took a different tone.

"Well, yeah, it's just… We usually do this kinda thing at night?"

"That's the point, Bob! People expect us to do this at night! Now we have the element of surprise. See?"

Bob nodded, seeming slightly nervous. "Yeah, yeah, makes perfect sense boss. We're gonna win this."

"Wonderful." Joker gave Bob a pat on the back. "Now get back out there!"

Bob continued to nod and turned around to go back out onto the main deck. As he left, Joker followed him and stuck his head at the door. "Have fun out there, Bobby! There's going to be so many more smiley fishes when we're done!" He laughed to himself as the boat passed under a large bridge, looking out at his boat. As Joker gazed out at his crew feeling his head almost spin with joy. But while doing his survey, Joker became aware of something above him.

There was a figure dive bombing down toward Joker's boat. At first he didn't know what to make of it. But then the far away figure's arms opened up, revealing a cape of some sort behind them. And when that figure began gliding down toward him, Joker's laughter stopped for a moment. "Oh bother… I didn't think he'd get here so fast. Oh well, time for the fun to start…"

Joker reached into his jacket and pulled out a pistol, pointing it up at the figure descending down towards him and shot it off at them. His frenzied firing missed entirely and as the figure got closer to the boat, its features became more visible. Joker had been expecting Batman, but when he saw the earless cowl the prominently red costume it became clear that he was Red Robin, one of Batman's many young mentees.

Red Robin glided down with his feet pointing forward, kicking Joker right in his face as he landed. Joker tumbled backward into his personal quarters. It took Joker a moment to recover, but he continued to laugh as he slowly stood up. "Well, well, the Bat couldn't be bothered to show up today, could he? He sent Robin the Boy Wonder instead."

"That's Red Robin, to you." Red Robin stepped into the room, glaring down at Joker.

"Hmm, how original." Joker scurried over to the desk in his room and opened up one of the drawers and pulled out a combat knife from inside. He charged forward and slashed wildly at Red Robin.

Red Robin blocked at the blades with his reinforced wristguards but that didn't stop Joker from trying to attack.

"Nice moves, Boy Wonder!" Joker cackled, pressing the knife against Robin's arm as hard as he could. "How'd you manage to find me so fast? I thought I had everyone chasing their own tails with my bomb scare."

"It was easy." Red Robin threw a kick, knocking the knife out of Joker's hand. "I had a hunch that the bombs were fake." He lunged at Joker and pinned him down to his office desk. "Your gang stole a large amount of chemicals no week, but you haven't stolen any materials you'd need for making bombs. While the others went and searched for your bombs, I searched for where else you'd be."

"What a clever boy you are!" Joker continued laughing while the lapel flower on his shirt expelled a puff of smoke into Red Robin's face. While Robin coughed, Joker slipped out of his grip and tried to flee.

Red Robin wasn't as disoriented as Joker had hoped. He leaped over to Joker and grabbed him by the tails of his jacket. Joker lost his balance and slammed into the ground. Red Robin got on top of him and pinned him down.

"That's enough out of you!" Red Robin punched Joker in the face in the hope of him finally getting him to stay down.

But the attention of both parties was taken away when the cartoons playing in the office's small TV were replaced by a new image, Calendar Man standing in front of his wall of calendar pages. _"Good evening people of Gotham. I thought I'd give you an update on the situation. It is exactly twelve noon at the moment. Which means you have twelve more hours to comply with my demands or else Mr. Stagg, Mr. Wayne and Ms. Cale will all be-"_ Calendar Man was interrupted by someone Joker nor Red Robin had been expecting.

Harley Quinn jumped into frame and hugged Calendar Man. He seemed just as surprised as the viewers were and was actively trying to push Harley off of him. "That's right C-Man! We're gonna kill these guys good if ya don't do what he says!"

Calendar Man looked panicked, he continued to try and push Harley away. _"What are you doing?"_

_"Helpin' ya be the best criminal mastermind ya can! Me, Harley Quinn! Your new loyal assistant!"_ She gave Calendar Man a quick peck on the cheek.

_"This video is over!"_ Calendar Man put his hand over the camera lens and soon the cartoons returned to the TV.

Joker didn't know whether to laugh and scream in anger. The decision was made for him when Red Robin punched him in the face once more, making Joker cackle madly once more. "Don't worry Joker, I'll reunite you with your girlfriend in Arkham. I'm going after Calendar man once I'm through with you!"

Despite hearing Red Robin's threat, Joker did not stop laughing. Especially when he saw Bob slowly approaching from behind with a wooden baseball bat in his hands. "I've got just one question for you, Boy Wonder… Do you like baseball?"

Before Robin could even ponder what Joker's words meant, Bob nailed him in the head with a hard swing from the bat. While Red Robin was disoriented, Joker jumped up from the ground. "Thank you for the assist, Bobby Boy!"

"Anytime, boss!" Bob cheered. "C'mon, we're almost at the drop off point."

"Change of plan, actually." Joker chuckled, reaching into his pocket and taking out his gun again. "I'm going to find Calendar Man and kill him."

"What?" Bob seemed confused by the Joker's statement. "Why's that?"

"No time to explain. But don't worry, I've got a surprise for you." Joker pointed his gun right at Bob.

"Boss… What are you-" Bob's question turned into a scream when Joker fired the gun, shooting him in the gut. He fell over backwards, slumping against the wall. "Why… I thought… I thought I was special…"

"You are…" Joker leaned in toward Bob. "Don't worry now, you're playing an important role… Boy Wonder here's going to be too focused on making sure you don't die to chase me… Ta-ta for now, Bob! Don't worry, I'll get you out of Blackgate!" Breaking out into laughter again, Joker ran out of his office, leaving Bob bleeding on the floor. He ran out on the main deck and made his way to his emergency escape submarine. "Abandoned ship, boys! Operation Poison Gotham is over, you're all on your own!" Still laughing, he dropped the submersible down into the water and leaped down onto the top of the vehicle. "So long, boys! Captain Joker, away!" He crawled down into the submarine and it began going underwater.

*******

Calendar Man was not happy right now. He was sitting on the ground, back leaning against the wall. His head was buried in his hands and his legs were crossed. He'd put so much effort into this new plan of his and, in his eyes, Harley had just shown up and embarrassed him. But despite that, Harley hadn't left. She was sitting on the ground next to him and Ivy was sitting on a nearby table and watching the whole thing.

"Aww… I'm real sorry, Calendar Man. Did I do somethin' wrong?" Harley put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes…" Calendar Man mumbled. "You ruined everything… How am I supposed to be taken seriously now that you interrupted my video."

"People love cute sidekicks! I'll get ya loads of attention." Harley put her arms around him in a semi-hug.

"I'm not a cute sidekick guy. I'm a psycho murderer guy." Calendar Man turned his head to glare at him. "Why do you think I got rid of my old costume?"

"Hey, you can't talk to Harley like that." Ivy glared at Harley.

"Now, now, let him talk… I just wanna help him." Harley had a genuine smile on her face.

"No you don't, you just want to make the Joker jealous of you." Ivy pointed out, sighing a bit.

"Well, yeah, but I wanna help this fella to do that." Harley looked back to Calendar Man.

"Go away… I can't be taken seriously if I'm seen hanging out with a clown." Calendar Man groaned, moving over and lying on his side.

"Well, ya also can't be taken seriously if yer mopey." Harley scooted over to be closer to him. When Calendar Man didn't respond, Harley kept talking. "Why'd ya get rid of your old costume anyway? It was fun! It had a cool cape."

"It was silly." Calendar Man sighed. "I… I wanted people to take me seriously. People were laughing at me back in Arkham because of my costume and my stupid gimmick weapons."

"There's nothin' wrong with bein' silly." Harley sprung to her feet. "Look at me! I'm the merry court jester!" She did a little twirl in front of Calendar Man. "C'mon, you used to be fun! Ya had fireworks guns and bombs shaped like jack-o-lanterns. People loved that! Now ya have stupid face tattoos and yer rippin' off Ivy's plans."

Calendar Man paused for a moment, looking up at Harley. "You think the tattoos are stupid?"

"Yeah, I don't even know what they mean."

"They're the months of the year."

"Well, it looks kinda silly. And now in the fun way."

"No, this looks cool." Calendar Man looked over at Ivy. "You- You agree with me, right?"

"Meh, it looks kinda silly to me too." Ivy shrugged.

Calendar Man crossed his arms and stood up. "I… I am not a joke! I am a serious criminal like you two!"

"I know ya are, and I wanna help you. Believe me!" Harley smiled, getting closer to Calendar Man again. "Everyone loves a guy with a fun little theme. Why don't ya try on your old costume and get out your old gadgets?"

"I… I did like my old costume…" Calendar Man looked down at himself. "All of this stuff… It doesn't feel like the real me…" He began slowly walking towards his bedroom again. "I'll be right back, girls."

Once he disappeared into his bedroom Harley clapped her hands and skipped on over to Ivy. "Hehe! Yay, I'm doin' it!"

"Great work, Harls… What exactly is your plan here?" Ivy stood up from the table she was seated on.

"Simple! I'm gonna make Calendar Man a bigger deal than Mistah J. He's gonna be so jealous." Harley giggled.

"I thought you were over him." Ivy sighed.

"Nope, I never said that." Harley shook her head, still with a big smile on her face.

"Well, at least you broke up with him."

The door to the bedroom opened up and out stepped Calendar Man, now dressed entirely differently. He wore a baggy costume made of red cloth and a white cape stylized to look like it was made of the pages of a calendar. "Alright, I'm back!" Now, Calendar Man sounded truly happy and energized. "You're right, Harley.. Wearing this costume, it makes me feel so much more powerful! It's like who I really am."

"See, I knew you'd like it." Harley smiled, getting closer to Calendar Man. "How do ya feel?"

"Fantastic! Now nobody can stop the Calendar Man!" Calendar Man cheered, flexing his arms and admiring himself.

But Calendar Man's improved self confidence was abruptly shattered when there was an explosion, seemingly coming out of nowhere and knocking down a nearby wall.

"Oh god, that had better not be the hostages!" Calendar Man shouted, stumbling backward a bit.

Harley and Ivy both readied themselves for a fight, staring at the smoke and dust kicked up by the explosion. A tall, slim figure stepped out from the dust. It was the Joker, with a pistol in one hand and a cane in the other. He didn't need it to aid his walking, Harley remembered he often just used it as a weapon.

"Did you miss me!" Joker shouted, laughing and stepping closer to the trio in front of him.

"Hey ya, Puddin'! Long time no see." Harley smirked at the Joker, crossing her arms. "Last time we met I think we were fallin' out of a window together."

"Ah yes, good times." Joker nodded, taking a few steps closer to Calendar Man and aiming his gun at him. "So… Julian… How did you and Harley meet?"

"She broke into my place!" Calendar Man yelled. "I… I didn't want her help!"

"Really? Well, too bad. I'm going to kill you anyway. Because frankly, I don't like you." Joker continued aiming the gun at Calendar Man. "And honestly, the more friends of Harley I kill the happier I am. I might kill the Weed Girl while I'm here. I just love misery!"

Before he had a chance to shoot off the gun two vines reached down from the ceiling and wrapped around both of Joker's arms, causing him to drop the gun. He was lifted off the ground by about a foot or two and started laughing again.

"I may not like Calendar Man, but Harley likes him. And that means you can't hurt him…" Ivy slowly began walking toward the Joker.

"Yay, Red!" Harley clapped happily. "That'll show him!"

"Shut up Harley…" Joker groaned in annoyance.

"Do not talk to Harley like that…" Ivy growled, grabbing onto Joker by his jacket. "She is a fantastic woman and you have done nothing but treat her like shit."

"Yeah! Ya ain't ever really appreciated me!" Harley nodded, getting closer to the joker. "It ain't so funny now that yer the one hangin' from the ceiling."

Calendar Man shot a slightly disturbed look at Harley. "Did he do that to you?"

"Just the once." Harley shrugged before looking back at Joker. "But now, the tables have turned, eh Puddin'?" She prodded his chest with her finger.

"No… I don't think so." Joker smirked. After a brief pause he swung his body backward, moving away from the girls. Gravity brought Joker back around forward and he landed a kick on Harley's chest, knocking her down to the ground.

"Harley!" Ivy shouted in shock, turning around to make sure Harley wasn't hurt. Her concentration was shaken enough for the vines around Joker to loosen. He pulled hard and the vines snapped, freeing him.

"Ah, much better!" Joker held his pistol by the barrel and whipped Ivy over the head with the back end of his gun.

Ivy crumpled over and it was Harley's turn to be concerned about her friend. "Read! Are you okay?" She got up and looked over Ivy. It seemed that Ivy was still conscious but just severely disoriented.

Joker ignored Harley and Ivy, calmly walking past them as he grasped the gun normally again. He continued walking towards Calendar Man as his target began backing away. "Hmmm, so, Calendar Man… Is today your lucky day?"

"I'm not unarmed, you know." Calendar Man scowled, he reached into his belt and took out what appeared to be a couple of shiny red Christmas ornaments. He threw them at the Joker and they shattered, small pieces of them embedding themselves in his skin. The pain only made Joker laugh harder but it distracted him enough for Calendar Man to lunge forward and knock the gun out of Joker's hands.

"Hmm… Nice moves…" Joker wiped some blood away from his mouth. "It's a good thing I carry a backup." He reached into his jacket and pulled out what appeared to be a large rubber fish with a white face and a smile. At first Calendar Man did a double take, staring at the fish in confusion. But when Joker smacked him in the face with the fish, it became clear that the fake fish was filled with something heavy which knocked him over.

Calendar Man reached into his pocket and threw down a brightly coloured Easter egg down to the floor. It shattered and purple smoke came out of it, creating a temporary screen. With Joker's vision obscured, Calendar Man scurried into his bedroom in the hopes that he'd be able to get an advantage if he was able get out more of his weapons.

While Joker and Calendar Man were in the middle of fighting, Harley was assisting Ivy in walking away from the whole scene. "Are ya gonna be okay, Red? Mist- Joker hit ya pretty hard."

"I think… I think I'll be fine…" Ivy muttered, rubbing the back of her head and feeling an odd wet feeling. She looked at her fingers and saw they were stained in red. "Shit, I'm bleeding."

"Okay, we seriously need to get you out of here."

"What about Calendar Man?" Ivy's words were unclear and slightly slurred. "The whole… The whole point of this plan… You wanted to make him better than the Joker."

"Yeah, well, my plans usually ain't that well thought through." Harley admitted, carefully holding Ivy up as they made it over to the large hole in the wall. "Now let's get you home and make sure you aren't concussed."

Right as they made it to the hole blasted in the wall Harley spotted a shadowy figure in the distance gliding down toward them on a cape. It took her a moment, but soon Harley realized that she was probably about to be glided into. "Aww fuck…" She tried getting out of the way but the figure swooped in too fast and slammed into the both of them, grabbing each woman by the shoulder and pushing them both to the ground. Now that he was closer, Harley recognized the man she was just bodyslammed by as Red Robin.

"Oh, hey ya Robin…" Harley mumbled, wincing in pain.

" _Red_ Robin…" Red Robin stood up, sounding slightly angry. "Quinzel, Isley, I don't know what either of you are doing here, but I'm not here for you. I've been tracking Joker."

"Oh… He's over there…" Harley mumbled, vaguely gesturing behind her. "He's fightin' Calendar Man…"

"Hmmph, Calendar Man's here too? Looks like Arkham's gonna be pretty full after today." Red Robin glanced down at the girls. "You'd better not get up, I'll just find you again." He turned and ran toward where Harley told him Joker was.

Right as Red Robin got close to the door an explosion emanate from within the room, blowing the door down. Red Robin shielded his face and then peered into the room as Joker, now with slightly burnt clothes, fell out through the doorway and falls to the ground. He glanced up at Red Robin and tried to wave. "Oh, you made it… Welcome to the party..."

Red Robin looked ahead and saw Calendar Man standing inside his now burning bedroom and laughing his head off. In his hands he brandished a large gun that shot fireworks.

"Now who's the second rate c-lister? Am I a joke to you now?" Calendar Man continued laughing and walking ahead, firing a shot from the gun and shooting a firework straight ahead through the door. Red Robin jumped out of the way from the blast as the firework exploded behind him, catching part of the wall on fire.

"This is reckless, Day. This isn't your style..." Red Robin stood up and slowly approached Calendar Man. "Stop this now before you hurt anyone…"

Calendar Man didn't respond. He just scowled and aimed the fireworks gun at Red Robin again. When it seemed that Calendar Man wouldn't listen to reason, Red Robin charged ahead and slammed into his opponent. Calendar Man pulled the trigger and fired another firework rocket, missing Red Robin and shooting another wall.

Red Robin pummelled Calendar Man a little bit, causing him to drop the firework gun in the process. While he was being beaten, Calendar Man laughed a little which soon turned into a cough. "My… My hostages are still in the building… And I just set it on fire…"

Without another word, Red Robin tossed Calendar Man over his shoulder, making him land on his back on the dirty ground. Robin rushed off further into the factory, frantically searching for the hostages Calendar Man was holding.

Outside of the hideout, far away from the chaos, Harley and Ivy had managed to hobble out of there in a half-daze together. Once they'd gotten far away enough, Ivy had leaned against a wall in the alley and slid to the ground to rest. She took a few breaths and leaned back against the wall. "You need to get me some first aid when we get home, Harls…"

"Don't worry Ives, it's all gonna be okay…" Harley nervously bit her lip and bent down to check on Ivy. "Aw jeez… This is all my fault… If I didn't get this stupid idea you'd be peachy keen right now."

"Don't blame yourself… I was just trying to help you." Ivy took a few more deep breaths and started to stand up again. "I'd do anything for you, Harls."

Harley cracked a small smile. "I feel the exact same way, Red." She put her arm around Ivy to support her as the two of them walked down the alley. "C'mon, let's go home and get you all patched up."

Ivy nodded and rested her head on Harley's shoulder and carefully walked down the alley with her.

*******

All the way back at Ivy's apartment, Magpie and Dr. Polaris were more or less in the same position they were that morning. They were in their sleepwear on the couch and watching a Three's Company rerun. Magpie ordered some seafood takeout for the both of them and they were enjoying some popcorn ship and cocktail sauce while watching TV.

It had been like this for quite some time, just generally having a lazy day without either Harley or Ivy around. Their attention from the screen was taken away when they heard the door opening and saw Harley and Ivy weakly stumbling into the apartment.

"Hey everybody…" Harley mumbled. "We're back..."

Ivy leaned against the wall and sniffed at the air. "Did you two get seafood? There's food in the fridge you know."

"Hey, I made breakfast." Magpie crossed her arms. "I wanted to treat myself."

"Whatever… I think I might have a concussion. I'm gonna go make sure I don't have any brain damage." Ivy made her way into the bathroom and turned on the lights.

Harley pulled off the hood on her jester suit and peeled off her mask, gently dropping them both on the ground. "Phew, after a long day like that it feels good to be home." She sat down on the couch with her back turned to Magpie. "Hey, Maggie, mind helpin' me unzip this?"

Magpie nodded and grabbed the zipper on Harley's costume, slowly pulling it down. "Oh, by the way, me and Neal heard about you on the news earlier."

"Who's Neal?" Harely asked.

"I am." Dr. Polaris replied. "Neal Emerson. Did you really think my last name was Polaris?"

"I've heard weirder names." Harley stood up again and shed her costume, leaving her in just her bra and panties. "Wait, what'd you hear about me?"

"Some reporter was interviewing that Red Robin guy." Magpie explained. "He said something about running into you, Ivy and some other guy while tracking the Joker."

"Ooh, interesting. Did he put Mistah J back in Arkham?" Harley smirked, a hopeful gleam in her eye.

"Nah, the kid said all of you guys got away but he was able to save some hostages." Dr. Polaris recounted.

"Aww, that's nice. Calendar Man got away. Hope he's doin' alright." Harley smiled and began walking away from the TV. As she walked away, she noticed something in the room that wasn't there before. A small envelope had been pushed under the door. Curious, Harley approached and picked up the letter. She opened it and found a cheap convenience store Christmas card inside with a cartoony rendering of Santa Claus on it. Opening up the card she found a short message had been written inside of it.

_Dear Harley,_

_Thank you for all the help. I know it looked like I didn't appreciate it but after everything that you did, I think you really ended up helping me. I feel like a new man now. I do hope that we meet again one day._

_Yours truly,_

_Calendar Man_

"Aww… What a sweetheart…" Harley smiled, placing the Christmas card down on the endtable by the couch.

_"Hey Harls, I need some help bandaging my head!"_ Ivy called out from the bathroom.

"I'm comin'!" Harley cheered, hurrying over to the bathroom. After a long chaotic day, it felt good to be home. All Harley could hope was that her next big scheme would end with slightly fewer head injuries.


	7. Swimming with Sharks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley comes up with a plan to get back at the Great White Shark, a mob boss she's clashed with in the past. Her and her crew are gonna invade his yacht and take him prisoner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are today's featured characters:
> 
> **Great White Shark:** Warren White aka Great White Shark, a white collar crook who ended up in Arkham after using the insanity plea. Driven insane and disfigured by the patients, Warren became the Great White Shark. He was featured back in chapter 2 of this story but I wasn't doing these character profiles back then.
> 
> **Orca:** Grace Balin aka Orca, a paraplegic marine biologist who injected herself with killer whale DNA in order to stop a corrupt business woman. Permanently mutated, Grace turned to a life of crime. She also appeared back in chapter 2.
> 
> **Humpty Dumpty:** Humphry Dumpler aka Humpty Dumpty, a strange egg-shaped man with a compulsion to take things apart and fix them again. Pretty much Great White Shark's only real friend. Also featured back in chapter 2.
> 
> **Electrocutioner:** The Electrocutions is the name of several Batman villains. He has electric powers. Really I just needed a guy for Harley to fight this chapter. He did have a brief appearance in chapter 2 though.
> 
> **Captain Stingaree:** Karl Courtney aka Captain Stingaree, a man who believes himself to be a pirate.
> 
> **The Cavalier:** Mortimer Drake aka the Cavalier, a man who believes himself to be a Three Musketeers/Robin Hood style hero.

It was an uncharacteristically bright and sunny day in Gotham City. The sun made the water in the harbour sparkle beautifully. If most of Gotham's beaches didn't have so much debris on them it would have been a perfect day for fun in the sun. But even so, foolish tourists and brave locals decided to venture out to the beaches and try to have a bit of fun.

And on a boat, several miles off of Gotham's coast, a group of super-criminals led by one Harleen Quinzel were taking their day off as well. Recently, Poison Ivy had suffered a rather nasty head injury that Harley partially blamed herself for. So to make up for the whole thing, Harley rented out a boat and invited Ivy, plus the rest of their crew, out for a day in the sun together.

Ivy was out on the front deck reading a book and lounging in a chair. Magpie was excitedly jumping into the water, climbing up onto the boat again and jumping back in repeatedly. She seemed to love how shiny the water got her body and her swimsuit. Dr. Polaris busied himself surfing near the boat. Although it wasn't surfing in the traditional sense. His surfboard was a large sheet of metal that he balanced on and manipulated around the boat with his powers. Trickster had dived underwater in search of interesting seashells or fish. The Carpenter, who only Harley was happy to see, was on the front deck rubbing sunscreen on herself.

As for the one who organized all of this, Harley had climbed up onto the mast of the boat and was precariously perched on the top. She had a pair of binoculars in her hands and stared out at the horizon. With a big smile on her face, Harley took a deep breath and smelled the salty air. "Oh yeah, now this is the life!"

She slid down the mast a little before leaping off completely, landing on the deck of the boat in front of Ivy and Carpenter. "This thing may have cost a small fortune, but it was completely worth it! How are you girls doing?" She giggled at Ivy and Carpenter.

"Just great!" Carpenter smiled, finishing the application of sunscreen. "I'm glad you girls like me. I don't get a lot of validation."

"God that's sad…" Ivy muttered.

Harley giggled again and turned over to Ivy. She playfully poked Ivy's nose. "What about you? You havin' fun?"

"Yes, the weather's lovely out here. I'm looking forward to soaking up a bit of sun later on." Ivy nodded. "And let me just say Harls, you pull off that swimsuit very nicely."

"Ooh, thank ya very much." Harley did a little twirl to show off her red bikini. After that, she skipped over to the edge of the boat and looked over the edge into the water. She saw Trickster surface from the water and waved down at him. "Hey ya, Trickster!"

"Hi there Harley." Trickster lifted the diving mask up off his face and glanced up at Harley. "You should come on in, the water's great."

"Maybe later." Harley leaned over the railing of the boat a bit more. "Actually, I kinda need ya to come up here for a sec. I got a surprise for everyone."

"What kind of surprise?" Trickster raised an eyebrow.

"If I give ya a hint, it wouldn't be a surprise. Now, you go get Doc up here. I'll go bring Maggie over here." Harley giggled even more as she turned around and hurried to the back end of the ship. When she got there she found Magpie crawling up out of the water, droplets cascading off her body and dripping off her hair.

"Oh hey there Harley." A smile came over Magpie's face as she got out of the water. "Ooh, ooh, look at this!" She puts her arms over her head and spins around, a few drops of water coming off and hitting Harley. "How do I look?"

"Are you hittin' on me?" Harley cocked her head and raised her eyebrow. "Cause I'm straight. And you ain't really my type anyway."

"What? No, no, no!" Magpie rapidly shook her head. "I just wanted you to notice how delightfully _shiny_ my body is!" She stood on her tiptoes for a moment in her excitement.

Harley paused for a moment and shrugged. "Still seems kinda gay but you do you. If yer lookin' for a date I can set you up with Ivy." She turned around and began walking away. "Anyway, I need ya to come with me. I've got a surprise!"

Magpie paused for a minute and then followed after Harley, curious to see what she was exactly up to. When she got to the front of the boat she found Harley had gathered with the other members of her crew. Ivy and Carpenter seemed to be exempt from this meeting as they were still on their lounging chairs together.

"Alright Harley, what's going on here?" Dr. Polaris asked. "I was having fun with my surfing."

"Don't worry, you can do that later." Harley said. "Now, movin' onto business…" She paused for a moment. "Now, I don't want ya to be mad, but I didn't really rent this boat just because I wanted you all to have a fun day out in the water."

This revelation caused some significant angry murmuring to come from her crew. Dr. Polaris stepped toward Harley and glared at her. "Alright, why did we really come out here?"

"Glad ya asked!" Harley excitedly clasped her hands together. She walked right past her associates and over to the front of the boat. She took the binoculars hanging around her neck and put them up to her eyes. "Ya see that boat way over there?"

Trickster walked up beside Harley and looked out at the water, seeing a boat several miles away from their boat in the distance. "Yeah… I see it. What about it?"

"Well, the owner of that boat is a fella named Warren White. Alias, the Great White Shark." Harley explained. "Y'see, me 'n Ivy went to a party of his a while back. You remember this Trickster, you were there. Anyway, to make a long story short, things went to shit and he tried to kill me." She put down the binoculars and turned around. "Anyway, he's been hangin' out on his private yacht for a while waitin' for the heat on him to go away. But I'm still pretty ticked at him for what he did. So I figured we'd break in there and get revenge on him. We're gonna kidnap Sharky and drop him off with the police. One less mob boss to deal with and one step closer to me runnin't he show here. Oh, and we can steal some stuff while we're in there. How's that sound?"

"I do like stealing things…" Magpie admitted.

"I'm not too sure." Ivy sighed, sitting up a little bit. "My head is still a little touchy."

"Don't worry Red, you and Carpenter are sittin' this one out." Harley said, walking over to Ivy and smiling at her.

"Why am I out?" Carpenter asked.

"Do ya even wanna help me?"

"Not really."

"Then that answers my question." Harley turned back around to face Trickster, Magpie and Dr. Polaris. "As for you three… Yer comin' with me."

"Do we have to?" Trickster sighed.

"Yes ya do. Don't worry, you'll get paid." Harley replied.

"Fine with me." Dr. Polaris sighed. "Just as long as none of us get killed, I'm in."

"Great!" Harley cheered. "By the way, Doc, I was hopin' you could use your magnet surfboard to get us over to the boat."

"Fine, I'll do that…" Dr. Polaris nodded.

"Are we seriously doing this?" Trickster glanced over at Harley. "I was planning to have a nice day before you told us all this."

"Relax, it'll be an easy job." Harley replied. "The ship's only guarded by like four guys and they're all D-list nobodies. C'mon team, let's go!"

In a matter of minutes, Harley and her crew had, somewhat reluctantly, gotten atop the large metal sheet Dr. Polaris brought with him. Dr. Polaris levitated the sheet with ease and sent it zooming across the seat towards the boat in the distance.

Once they were all gone, Ivy sighed happily and put down her book. "Ahh, it might actually be nice to get some peace and quiet."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Carpenter nodded. "I mean, I like Harley but she can be kinda loud. It'll be nice to just relax."

"Plus, now that there are no men around, I can really get a full tan…" Ivy casually untied her bikini top and set it down beside her. Once that was off she slipped off her bottoms. "Ahh, perfect!" Now that she was nude, Ivy dug into her bag and took out a pair of sunglasses and put them on. "Care to join me, Carpenter."

"No thanks…" Carpenter awkwardly shook her head. "You realize this is the start to like, every lesbian porno ever, right?"

"Oh, do you watch a lot of lesbian porn?" Ivy chuckled, closing her eyes and lying down on her lawn chair.

"Shut up…" The Carpenter sighed. "Now I'm starting to wish I went with Harley and her weird friends."

*******

Further out at sea, on the large personal yacht of Warren White, the boat's owner went about his daily business unaware of the people coming momentarily to disrupt it. The Great White Shark had enjoyed a small breakfast and was currently entertaining himself by playing chess with his right-hand man Humpty Dumpty. While Humpty may not have been particularly good at playing chess, Warren still enjoyed his company. Both men were in a relaxed mood. Great White Shark wore a Hawaiian pattern shirt and some Bermuda shorts while Humpty had a T-shirt and jeans on.

"Okay… Now how do the horses move again?" Humpty Dumpy stared down the chessboard, pondering his next move.

"It's okay Humpty, take your time." Great White Shark calmly nodded. "The knights move in an L shape."

"Ah…" Humpty nodded and moved his knight forward. "Like that?"

"Good job!" Great White Shark chuckled. "Now what should I do next?"

The game didn't get much of a chance to continue when the door to the room opened up and in came a bald bearded man dressed like a pirate, complete with an eyepatch. He went by the moniker Captain Stingaree and he was one of Great White Shark's hired goons. The man was a bit of an oddball but he got his job done.

"Apologies Cap'n, but I got a touch of bad news for ya." Captain Stingaree approached the table.

"Oh dear, Do we have to go grocery shopping again?" Great White Shark continued looking at the chessboard, moving his pawn one square forward.

"Worse than that I'm afraid." Stingaree applied. "I spotted a strange vessel comin' towards us."

"Well, what did it look like?" Shark looked over at Stingaree. "Could just be some lost fishermen."

"Nay, it wasn't a fishing boat." Stingaree shook his head. "It was a strange metal disk floating over the water."

"Metal disk…" Great White Shark trailed off for a moment. "Fuck! It's not Mr. Miracle out there is it?" He stood up and went over to the window in his room. "What the hell did I do to get a New God wanting to arrest me?"

"I don't know who this Mr. Miracle is, but I do not believe it's him." Stingaree replied, walking over to Great White Shark.

"Then who the hell is it?" Shark looked over at Stingaree.

"See for yourself, Cap'n." Stingaree took out a spyglass from his pocket and handed it to his boss.

Shark unfolded the spyglass and looked into it, peering out his cabin window. Thanks to the outdated equipment Captain Stingaree provided him with, Great White Shark wasn't getting the best view. But even so, he was able to make out the metal sheet going towards his yacht at great speed. He couldn't quite tell who the four people riding on the sheet were at least until he saw the pale figure at the front.

"Harley Quinn!" Great White Shark yelled, so furious he dropped the spyglass.

"Who?" Humpty Dumpy curiously tilted his head.

"Harley fuckin' Quinn!" Shark yelled again, storming over to Humpty as Stingaree went and picked up his spyglass. "She's that pasty cunt who crashed my party and bit my arm!"

Humpty Dumpty gasped and covered his mouth. "Oh Mr. Shark, you really shouldn't say that word."

"Sorry, sorry, I just don't like her is all. She's probably here to cause more trouble for me…" Great White Shark took a few deep breaths to calm down. "Alright, I dunno what that cu- Lady, is doing here… But whatever it is, I don't like it. Stingaree, get the others and brief them on the situation. Tell them to kill Harley Quinn and her crew. They'll regret the day they fucked with Warren White."

"I'll take care of it right away, Cap'n." Captain Stingaree nodded and turned around to leave the room.

"You really need to watch your language, sir." Humpy whispered to Warren.

"I know, I know… I'll try to keep it PG for you." Shark nodded.

"Thank you ever so much Mr. Shark."

*******

Down on the water, several dozen yards away from Shark's yacht, Harley and her gang were rapidly approaching on top of Polaris's sheet of metal. Polaris was the only one able to balance on it properly. Trickster, Harley and Magpie were all holding onto him for support. It annoyed Dr. Polaris but he didn't complain. Harley was currently his main source of income until the Legion let him back in.

"Alright guys, we're almost there. What's the entrance strategy?" Dr. Polaris glanced over at Harley.

"Uh… I didn't think that far ahead…" Harley sheepishly avoided eye contact with Dr. Polaris. "Just find a good window to crash through and I'll improvise!"

Dr. Polaris sighed. "Alright, fine… Here we go everyone. Try not to get any glass stuck in your face." With the wave of his hands, Dr. Polaris made the metal sheet arc upwards and everyone grabbed onto him for support.

The sheet picked up speed and it started going for a window on the yacht. Magpie and Trickster both closed their eyes and braced for impact while Harley kept her eyes wide open and held onto Dr. Polaris tighter in all her excitement. The four of them crashed right into the window to what appeared to be some kind spa room.

The four of them all fell off of the metal sheet as soon as they entered and the sheet flew to the other end of the room. Dr. Polaris was the only one with a graceful landing, stepping off the sheet right as he stopped controlling it. The other three were less lucky. Magpie slipped off and faceplanted onto the hardwood floor. Harley and Trickster slid off the metal and landed in the hot tub.

When Trickster and Harley surfaced, they saw they weren't alone in the tub. A duo of buxom blonde girls in bikinis were in the tub and screaming at the quartet of criminals had just crashed into the spa.

"Oh, hey ladies." Trickster awkwardly waved to them. "Him James Jesse, super criminal and acrobat extraordinaire."

Harley began standing up and shook off her wet hair like a dog. "Don't mind us, we're here to see Warren White. I'm sure yer familiar with him. I'm guessin' he hired you, right? As _entertainment_." Both girls nervously nodded but didn't say anything. "Well, don't mind us then…" Harley went over to Magpie and picked her up off the ground. "We're just here to visit Mistah White. Don't mind us…"

Trickster climbed out of the water and awkwardly waved to the women. The four villains somewhat awkwardly left the room and found themselves in a hallway of the ship. Harley turned around and walked backwards to address the team as they made their way down the corridor.

"Alright everyone, here's what we do. We go find where Sharky is on the boat, beat the shit outta him and bring him back to our boat. And if ya see anything ya like, take it with ya!" She turned back around and walked forward again.

"You make it sound so easy…" Dr. Polaris sighed.

"Hey, Doc, your powers give us a huge edge here!" Harley cheered, looking over his shoulder. "Trust me, this'll be a piece of cake. Ya gotta be more optimistic, like me."

Harley continued leading her group down the hallway of the yacht, overflowing with confidence. She hummed a happy little tune as she continued down the hall. But it seemed Harley's happy-go-lucky attitude was about to be crushed. Right when she turned the corner to another part of the hall she bumped into something smooth and rubbery in texture. Looking up, Harley saw one of the Great White Shark's henchmen, the enormous whale woman Orca, standing over her.

"Uh, hey there…" Harley awkwardly waved to her.

"You…" Orca sighed and glanced over her shoulder. "Hey boys, I found 'em!" She turned back to Harley and snarled, swiping at her with her hand.

Harley jumped backwards and out of the way, doing a little backflip. "Yipes!" Her crew had a similar reaction, backing away. "Alright folks, let's get outta here!" She turned around and started running down the hall with her crew right beside her.  
"C'mon, make this easy for us and stop running!" Orca barrelled down the hallway after them.

Dr. Polaris waved his hand behind him and it caused several pipes on the ceiling to fall from above, landing on top of Orca. It slowed her down but not for long. She pushed her way out from under the pipes and started running again. "Seriously, I don't wanna hurt you guys!"

They ignored Orca's shouting and continued to flee down the halls of the yacht. But not all of them had the stamina to keep it up forever. Magpie slipped on the slicky, shiny floor and barely managed to avoid hitting her face. Of course in the process she hurt her arm. Harley turned back and tried to grab Magpie but Dr. Polaris took her by the arm and urged her to keep running.

Magpie tried standing up again but before she knew what happened a large hand had grabbed both her legs and lifted her up in the air. Her body was turned around and she found herself looking at Orca. "Um… Nice fishie?"  
Orca was not amused. She snarled and stared into Magpie's eyes. "I'm gonna take you to see Mr. White. If you're lucky he'll ask you to join his crew. You should probably take that offer. It's what I did."

Magpie whimpered a little and closed her eyes, still feeling Magpie's breath against her face. "Thanks for the advice…"

While Magpie was being confronted with Orca, Harley and the remaining two members of her crew had gotten to what Harley considered a safe place. Meaning they awkwardly crammed themselves into a supply closet while Harley held the door shut from the inside.

"Are we really safe in here?" Trickster whispered as he turned on the lights.

"We sure are." Harley confidently nodded. "We just need a second to regroup. I kinda forgot Sharky had that big gorilla on his payroll."

"I think she was some kind of whale." Trickster said.

"It's a figure of speech." Harley glanced from Trickster and over to Dr. Polaris. "Alright, we need a new plan. First we gotta add Find Magpie to our agenda. Then we gotta kidnap or kill Sharky like we planned."

"How exactly are we going to find him?" Dr. Polaris asked. "Seriously, do you think any of your plans through?"

"Not one bit!" Harley giggled and nodded. "How 'bout this? We create a big distraction to draw him out. And then we get 'em! I dunno who else is on Sharky's team, but that whale lady should be our only big threat."

"And how do you suggest we stop her?" Dr. Polaris asked.

"My ideas mostly involve avoiding her. But if you come up with a way to use your crazy magnet powers to help us out, that'd be great!" Harley cheered.

Dr. Polaris sighed. "I'll see what I can do…"

"C'mon Neal, do what Harley said and be more optimistic." Trickster smirked. "I mean it, it really helps."

All Dr. Polaris could do was grumble and just go along with it. This job wasn't his ideal position in life but it was what he was stuck with.

*******

Elsewhere on the yacht, Magpie's situation had not improved. In fact, it had probably worsened since she'd been captured. She'd been slung over Orca's shoulder and had spent the last several minutes trying to worm her way out of her captor's gasp.

"C'mon, stop struggling." Orca sighed. "You're not gonna get out."

"Let go of me!" Magpie screamed desperately. She screamed some more and pounded her fists against Orca's back.

All Orca did in response was shake her head. "Y'know I can barely feel that." She arrived in the Great White Shark's personal room where her boss and Humpty Dumpty were already in there.

It seemed that Great White Shark had gotten rather paranoid ever since the news of Harley's arrival came to him. As soon as Orca entered she found Great White Shark pointing a twelve gauge shotgun at her.

"The fuck do you want!" Great White Shark yelled before pausing. "Oh, sorry Grace. Didn't realize it was you. What do you want?"

"I caught one of Harley's friends." Orca set Magpie down on the floor. "I don't recognize her, but that's one less person we have to deal with."

"Hold on… She looks familiar…" Great White Shark approached Magpie. "Hi ya sweetheart…" She poked her chin with the barrel of his shotgun. "If ya feel like pissin' yourself in fear now would be the great time."

"Shut up…" Magpie muttered.

"Well now! Aren't you feisty?" Shark chuckled. "I like that!" He turned around to look at Humpty Dumpty. "Hey, Humpty, do you recognize this girl? I swear to god I used to see her around Arkham all the time."

"I believe that is Ms. Magpie, sir." Humpty Dumpty nodded.

"Magpie! Right, right…" Shark glanced back to Magpie and pressed the shotgun against his prisoner some more. "Wait, didn't you used to blow guys in Arkham?"

"Yes." Magpie nodded, trying to keep a stiff face. "I was going through a rough patch. Besides, it was my decision for what I did with my body… Even if I'm not proud of it now."

"Listen, whatever you do with your personal life is your own business." Great White Shark shrugged and turned around. "Now, I'm a big believer in taking hostages. It makes negotiations a lot more fun. So, I'm gonna keep you around. But don't try to escape. My hospitality has a limit."

"Should I get out of here, Mr. White?" Orca spoke up.

"No, you stay with me." Great White Shark pointed to Orca. "You're my best guard so you're coming to the panic room with me." He looked over his shoulder at Humpty. "You, Humpty, get out there and help the others."

"But Mr. Shark, I'm not good at fighting…" Humpty whined.

"Don't worry, you have a gun, you'll be fine." Great White Shark gave Humpty Dumpty a pat on the back. "C'mon now, go out there and make me proud!"

Humpty Dumpty scurried out of the room, hoping to get out of the situation without being kicked in the head.

"Look at that crazy kid go…" Shark chuckled and looked back down at Magpie. "Now then, let's get you into the panic room with me!"

*******

Harley and company had left the broom closet and had made their way around the yacht as stealthily as they possibly could. Of course that wasn't very stealthy but thankfully it was a large boat and they initially attracted very little attention. The trio made it up a pair of stares and emerged on the boat's front deck. The front part of the yacht had a large pool filled with sparkling clear water in it.

"Oh wow! Now that's impressive!" Harley skipped over to the edge of the pool, admiring her own reflection in the water. Quickly, she turned around to face Trickster and Polaris. "Okay, we gotta get one of these once we get enough money."

"There's a public pool a few blocks away from your house." Dr. Polaris pointed out.

"Ah, that ain't the same and you know it." Harley turned back around and looked at the pool. "Y'know… We haven't seen that big whale brute in a whale. Think there's time for a quick dip?"

"That's an awful idea." Trickster shook his head, putting a hand on Harley's shoulder and trying to pull her away.

"Is it really?" Harley turned around, a giddy smile on her face.

_"Yarr, it is."_ a voice above the three of them made its presence known.

Harley looked up and saw a quartet of criminals standing on the deck above them, led by Captain Stingaree with Humpy Dumpy cowering at the back of the group. The other two members of this motley crew were the Electrocutioner and the Cavalier, an odd fellow dressed up like he belonged at a renaissance fair.

Before Harley's team could even react, Stingaree led the charge and leaped down from above with his sword pointed out. Electrocutioner and Cavalier followed suit, jumping down and attacking the intruders on their boss's boat. Only Humpty Dumpty hesitated. After realizing there was no way he could leap the railing, he turned around and went to find some stairs.

While Humpty made his way down to the pool deck, the action had already had picked a fight with the Trickster, seeing him as easy prey.

"Engarde, you scoundrel!" Cavalier lunged at Trickster with his rapier pointed ahead.

Trickster leaped backwards. "Listen pal, I may not have my Bag of Tricks on me, but I can still pack a punch." He ran at Cavalier and pulled his hat down over his eyes.

"Away with you, fool!" Cavalier swiped wildly with his rapier, trying to pull his hat back up.

"Not a chance!" Trickster kicked at Cavalier in his chest, causing him to stumble back and lose hold of his sword.

"Zounds! My rapier!" Cavalier cried out in surprise. He reached down to reclaim his weapon only to be kicked in the face by the Trickster. He stumbled back and fell into the swimming pool.

"And that is why you never underestimate the Trickster." Trickster smirked.

Dr. Polaris and his fight with Captain Stingaree was going equally well for the doctor. For a man his age, Stingaree moved fast and managed to actually cut Polaris a little bit with his sword.

"Surrender, ye pathetic poltroon!" Stingaree yelled, slashing at Dr. Polaris.

Dr. Polaris dodged the blade and smirked at Captian Stingaree. "Let me ask you something, Cap. What's that sword of yours made of?"

"Only the finest steel!" Captain Stingaree proudly declared.

"Good to know…" Dr. Polaris waved his hand and the cutlass blade bent backward.

Captain Stingaree looked down at his sword in surprise. In that moment of surprise, Dr. Polaris grabbed him by the side of the head and smashed his head against Stingaree's, knocking the pirate out.

The last remaining member of Shark's crew, the Electrocutioner, was engaged in battle with Harley Quinn. She leaped and cartwheeled around as quickly as she could to avoid her attacked. The Electrocutioner jumped forward and grabbed Harley by the shoulder, sending a surge of electricity coursing through her.

It only made her laugh and scream, seeming to enjoy it. "Brings back so many memories of Arkham! Turn it up, baby!"

"God, you're freaky…" Electrocutioner squeezed Harley's shoulder harder and turned up the juice. He strained too hard and the gloves shorted out, stopping the electric flow. "Uh oh…"

"Heh, that was fun…" Harley giggled before swiftly punching Electrocutioner in the face and knocking him down.

Just when it seemed like they were done with the Shark's goons, Humpty Dumpty came lumbering out of a door. He seemed horribly out of breath and rather sweaty.

"Fuh- Freeze…" Humpty Dumpty weakly pointed his pistol at Harley. "I really don't want to hurt you..."

Harley leaped into the air and landed in front of Humpty, kicking the gun out of his hand. She then kicked him in the stomach, knocking him over. Dr. Polaris and Trickster gathered with Harley around Humpty.

"Hey ya, big guy…" Harley leaned in, looking over Humpty Dumpty. "Ya feelin' alright?"

"You're very pretty..." Humpty incoherently mumbled.

"Aww, thanks." Harley flicked a piece of her hair out of her eyes. "Now can ya do us all a favour? Tell us where yer boss is."

"Oh, I'm not sure I can…" Humpty Dumpty shook his head.

"What about for me?" Harley intentionally made her voice a bit more high pitched and batted her eyelashes.

"He's in the panic room at the bottom of the boat with your birdie friend." Humpty replied.

"Thank ya kindly." Harley stomped Humpty's face, knocking him out. She turned around to face Polaris and Trickster. "Alright gang, ya heard him! Back downstairs we go." Before either of them had a chance to react she ran off back to the door they came up to the deck from.

Dr. Polaris sighed and turned to the Trickster. "Jesus Christ, is she really our leader?"

"Hey, I like her." Trickster shrugged. "The world needs more loonies I say." He hurried off away after Harley. Dr. Polaris sighed and shook his head, hurrying to join the rest of his crew.

*******

Deeper in the yacht, being locked in the panic room had done very little to quell the Great White Shark's paranoia. He paced back and forth, cradling his shotgun close to him and muttering incoherently. He'd been having a bad last few weeks. First he'd been put under police investigation for the incident at his penthouse. And even after denying everything and being let go, his home was still a mess. The yacht was only meant to be a temporary solution. But Harley Quinn's arrival had thrown the proverbial spanner in the works.

While Great White Shark paced and grumbled, Orca calmly sat on a chair flipping through a romance novel she'd picked up the other day at the train station. It wasn't very good but it kept her mind occupied while she listened to her boss and his ravings. Magpie was in a much less comfortable situation. Her ankles and wrists were bound together with rope and she lay on her side beside Orca. The only bit of dignity she was afforded was that Great White Shark had neglected to gag her.

"Can you please let me go!" Magpie yelled, wriggling her bound body in an attempt to get Shark's attention.

"Fuck no!" Great White Shark shook his head. "I'm not gonna rest 'til I kill that pasty bitch and all of her crew. I don't even know what she's doing here. What'd I ever do to you?"

"You held her at gunpoint and threatened to blow her head off." Orca deadpanned, not looking away from her book. "She was trying to help you out until you did that actually."

"Hey, everyone mistakes in the heat of the moment." Shark shrugged.

"I'm just saying, I feel like she has a good reason to hate you." Orca glanced up from her book for a moment.

"Look, Grace, you're a beautiful, intelligent woman…" Great White Shark smiled for a moment. "But I pay you to be muscle, not for your opinions." The smile quickly faded. "So how about you keep your eye on my back, okay?"

"For the love of god, both of you shut up!" Magpie screamed. "It'd bad enough being held hostage but I don't want to hear you argue."

"You really shouldn't yell at a man with a gun…" Great White Shark chuckled, pointing his shotgun at Magpie. All of Great White Shark's posturing was shaken when he heard the sound of metal bolts being forced loose. "Aw shit…"

The door collapsed in on itself and was then slammed into the wall. Standing on the other side of the threshold was Dr. Polaris holding his hand out forward. Out from behind Polaris stepped Harley with a huge grin on her face. "Hey Sharky! You're gonna give me my friend back and come back home with me!"

Thinking fast, Great White Shark jammed the barrel of his shotgun right up against Magpie's temple. "Hey! Not another step closer! This bird's head is gonna go splat if you do! Not even your magnet trick is fast enough to stop me, Polaris!"

"Alright… Let's talk this out…" Harley nodded and backed away from Shark. "Don't do anything yer gonna regret…"

"Talk? You broke onto my boat and you wanna talk?" Great White Shark chuckled and shook his head. "No, I don't think so." He looked over at Orca. "Hey, Grace, put down your book and kick their asses!"

Without saying another word, Orca threw down her crappy romance novel and got out of her chair, instantly towering over everyone else in the room. Harley involuntarily let out a weak yelp, already anticipating the impending beatdown. Orca's fist his Harley and before she knew what happened she flew across the hall and was lying with her back on the ground.

Harley stared up in the ceiling and blinked a few times. " _Ohhh-kayyy…_ Let's try that again…" She sat up just in time to see Trickster flying down the hall toward her. "Eep!" Quickly, Harley ducked down and covered her head, hearing Trickster crash down behind her. She looked up again and saw Orca picking up Dr. Polaris by the neck and smashing him through a wall. Wincing in sympathy, Harley turned around and crawled over to where Trickster was lying on there ground. "Psst, Tricky, you feelin' okay?"

"No…" Trickster mumbled. "I think I might have sprained my wrist."

"Consider yourself lucky then." Harley said, helping Trickster up from the ground. "C'mon, we've got a whale to deal with!"

"Do we really have to? She's gonna kill us all, you realize?" Trickster groaned as Harley forced him to stand up and dragged him back towards where Orca was still wailing on Dr. Polaris.

Dr. Polaris was trying his best to fight back. His current objective was to force the ceiling to collapse on top of Orca. But when you were being hit in the face constantly that was easier said than done. His luck took a turn for the better when Harley jumped up from behind Orca and grabbed onto her as tight as she could.

Harley wrapped her arms around Orca's thick neck and squeezed as hard as she could. In response, Orca let go of Dr. Polaris and tried swatting at Harley like she was a mosquito.

Now that Dr. Polaris was freed he looked up and raised his arm. The ceiling above Orca began to buckle. He was dazed and distracted, he couldn't focus his powers a well as he could be doing.

"Hey! Doc, cut out that magnetic crap!" Harley shouted, still holding onto Orca for dear life.

"I'm trying to help you!" Dr. Polaris yelled back.

"Just trust me, okay!" Harley shifted around, trying to grip Orca harder. "I wanna talk things out!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Trickster spoke up.

Harley yelped, dodging Orca's hand as it swatted at her. "Yes I am!" She swung her body around, still holding onto Orca's neck, until she was awkwardly straddling Orca from the front. Seeing this, Orca picked up Harley with ease and snarled at her, tightening her grip.

"Heh, hey there big girl…" Harley nervously smiled up at Orca. "Listen, can we talk?"

"What is there to talk about?" Orca asked, narrowing her eyes at Harley. "I have a job and I'm gonna do it."

"Okay, okay, but… Look, my best friend, Poison Ivy. She said you two hit it off, right?" Harley tried to keep calm despite the dire situation. "She told me ya weren't a bad guy like the rest of the guys Sharky hires. She says ya care about the environment."

Orca paused and loosened her grip around Harley a bit. "Look, Harley… I have a job to do… I'm sorry."

"Look, Sharky's a major league asshole! Do ya really wanna work for him?"

"I need money… I can't exactly get a job flipping burgers the way I look…"

"Work for me! I'll- I'll give ya money! You can even live with us!"

Orca paused for a moment and let go of Harley, dropping her to the ground. "Alright… I'm in."  
"Yeah, let's go kick Sharky's ass!" Harley cheered.

While the Orca situation was being resolved, Great White Shark was in the middle of freaking out. He paced around back and forth again, his hands shaking as he held the shotgun.

"Alright Warren, you're gonna be fine… Orca's gonna tear 'em limb from limb, yeah…" Great White Shark mumbled under his breath.

"You are so fucked." Magpie chuckled. "Harley's gonna get you."

"Hey! Don't make me gag you!" Great White Shark yelled, turning around. Just as he pointed his gun at Magpie the gun flew out of his hand backward, like it was being magnetized. "Aww shit…"

Turning around, Great White Shark saw Dr. Polaris holding his shotgun with Harley, Trickster and Orca behind them. "Orca! What the hell! Kill those bastards!"

"Sorry boss, I don't work with you anymore." Orca shook her head. "Harley's won me over."

"Yep! She's with me!" Harley happily declared. "And now, she's gonna beat the shit out of you."

"You're the worst person I've ever met…" Great White Shark gritted his teeth, staring at Harley.

"The feeling's mutual, Sharky." Harley crossed her arms and smarks. "Now Orca, sic 'em!"

*******

Elsewhere in the ocean, back on Harley's own smaller boat, things were much more serene. Ever since Harley and her gang left, it gave Ivy and Carpenter plenty of time to chat. At first it had been awkward since Ivy had chosen to be naked and neither of them exactly liked each other. In fact, before that point Ivy had actively tried not to talk to each other. The closest to bonding they got was a karaoke night that was more or less forced onto Ivy.

But while the others were away, Ivy and Carpenter had no choice but to interact and it went shockingly well for them. The small talk was awkward at first but once Ivy had convinced Carpenter to join her in her nudity. At first Carpenter felt uncomfortable but soon adjusted to things and before they knew it they were talking like they'd been friends for years.

"There's no way, how have you never seen it?" Carpenter chuckled, glancing over at Ivy

"I'm just not big on movies." Ivy shrugged. "I pretty much only watch them when Harley wants to."

"You need to watch _Attack of the Killer Tomatoes_ sometime." Carpenter adjusted her posture in the chair. "You'll love it. It has killer plants and it's hilarious."

"I'll keep it in mind.." Ivy nodded. "I did enjoy _Little Shop of Horrors_ so maybe I'll like this one."

"Which one? The original or the musical?" Carpenter asked.

"Both of them. I like the musical better." Ivy slouched down a bit in her chair in an attempt to get more comfortable.

However, their comfort was quickly stolen when something flew straight into the air out of the water, almost creating a geyser of sorts. Landing on the deck mere feet away from them was the soggy, gasping body of Warren White. It looked like he'd been underwater for quite some time. His whole body was soaking wet and he was breathing heavily.

As soon as Carpenter saw him she let out a sharp scream and somewhat instinctually threw her arms over her exposed breasts. In her panic she accidentally slipped out of the chair. "Ivy! What the hell is that thing?"

Ivy was a lot calmer than her friend. She lifted up her sunglasses and stared at Great White Shark's disoriented body. "Oh, that's the Great White Shark. He's an asshole. Harley must have done her job."

Just then, a large blubbery black hand grabbed the side of the boat and Orca pulled herself on. Clinging onto her back was Harley and her crew. While Harley looked thrilled, Trickster, Polaris and Magpie looked miserable.

"Whee! Now that was fun!" Harley cheered. "Ya gotta take me swimmin' again, Orca!"

"Please no…" Magpie groaned.

They all got off of Orca's back and adjusted to the feeling of solid ground again. Harley went over to Great White Shark who was desperately trying to crawl away and stepped on his hand. "Oh no ya don't! Yer stayin' right here!" Great White Shark yelped in pain while Harley ignored him and turned around to look at Ivy and Carpenter. "Oh hey girls! You havin' fun? Why're you naked?"

"We were sunbathing." Ivy stood up, making no effort to cover herself. Carpenter on the other hand blushed and sheepishly covered herself up with a towel. "Now then Harls, please tell the men not to leer at me."

"You heard her! No starin' at the titties." Harley turned around to face her crew. She looked down at Great White Shark and kicked him in the side of the head. "That goes double for you."

"Gah! You cunt!" Great White Shark screamed. "You already beat me, you don't have to rub it in!"

Harley kicked him again. "Oy! The only person who can call me a cunt is Cap'n Boomerang. And that's just cause he's Australian." She grabbed him by the back of the head and smashed him against the ground, knocking him out. If he still had a nose, she would have just broken it. After laughing madly for a moment, a sweetly sincere smile came over Harley and she went over to Ivy. "Red! So good ta be back!"

Ivy was a little surprised when Harley pulled her into a hug. Even with someone like Harley, Ivy wasn't used to affection. "Glad to see you too…" She returned the embrace. "Um, why is Orca here? Doesn't she work for Shark?"

"Not anymore! Now she's part of our crew!" Harley announced, letting go of Ivy.

"Uh, hi. I work for her now." Orca awkwardly waved to Ivy. "Is it okay if I stay at your place? Harley says you have an apartment. I was kinda living on that yacht."

"I'll make room…" Ivy sighed.

"Um, just one question." Carpenter spoke up, shyly putting her bikini back on. "What are we gonna do with him?"

"I figured we'd tie him up below deck and let the guys at the boat rental place take him to the police." Harley shrugged. "Anywho, who's ready for more fun in the sun? I'm ready for more swimming!"

"Are you serious?" Dr. Polaris asked. "You made us go fight a mob boss and you still wanna go swimming?"

"Hell yeah! I rented this boat and I'm gonna get some good use out of it!" Harley cheered. "Who else is in?"

"Why not. It's not too late in the day. Plenty of time to have fun." Trickster said.

"Yeah! And plenty of time to get my skin shiny!" Magpie added, looking down at herself.

"Ah fine, I'm in too." Dr. Polaris nodded.

"Awesome!" Harley goes over to Dr. Polaris and gave him a hug. She looked over at Orca. "You can have some fun too, Grace." She let go of Dr. Polaris and picked up Great White Shark by the collar. "Now c'mon Sharky, we're goin' downstairs…" Looking over her shoulder, she waved at her crew. "You all have fun, I'll be back in a sec!"

Harley disappeared below deck dragging Great White Shark behind her, leaving her friends back on board to have their fun. Today she'd taken down a major Gotham City crime boss. And to her, that was only the first step. There was no doubt about it in Harley's mind. This was just the beginning. Pretty soon she'd have the city in the palm of her hand.


	8. Seeing Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling bored, Harley uses Orca's arrival as part of the crew as an excuse to hold movie night. But her shopping for snacks and a movie is interrupted when it turns out a group of vigilantes led by Red Hood is after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
> **Red Hood:** Jason Todd aka Red Hood, formerly Robin and formerly dead. Now back to life as a vigilante who is occasionally at odds with Batman. In this chapter I went for a more violent version of Jason that's on the outs with Bruce at the moment. Sort of like how he was in Under the Red Hood orta Grant Morrison's Batman & Robin.
> 
> **Huntress:** Helena Bertinelli aka Huntress, daughter of a crime lord who eventually became a vigilante to fight criminals. She typically is more violent than other members but still non-lethal most of the time. A member of the Birds of Prey.
> 
> **Batwoman:** Kate Kane aka Batwoman, cousin of Bruce Wayne and formerly part of the military. She became Batwoman after Infinite Crisis when Batman was absent from Gotham for a while. Usually more separate from the rest of the Bat-Family.
> 
> **The Creeper:** Jack Ryder aka the Creeper, news reporter/talk show host with an insane split personality. The Creeper is not affiliated with the Bat-Family but is another Gotham vigilante.

It seemed that wherever Harley Quinn went anarchy was bound to follow. This was a fact that Poison Ivy had accepted long ago. Ever since Harley moved into her house following her break up with the Joker things had gotten rather chaotic. Four people had joined Harley's crew and three of them were living at Ivy's house. Magpie slept on the couch while Dr. Polaris had an air mattress. The newest member of the group, Orca, had taken up residence in the guest bedroom since she was too big to sleep anywhere else. The one thing Ivy was thankful for was that the Trickster had his own place.

However, because of Orca's residence in the bedroom that did complicate things for Harley. She had been sleeping in there before so that gave her two options. Either get a new air mattress and find somewhere to put it or share a bed with Ivy. After thinking for a little bit, Harley chose the latter.

So in the morning Ivy woke up staring at Harley fast asleep across from her. At first it was awkward with Harley constantly shifting around to find a comfortable position to sleep in. But eventually she fell asleep and Ivy found it rather nice to be in bed with some company.

Ivy smiled at Harley. "Psst, Harls, are you up yet?"

Harley made a slightly annoyed whine and her eyes fluttered open. "Yeah… Good mornin'." She yawned a little and then giggled. "It's weird wakin' up next to you. I'll have to get used to it."

"It's not too weird." Ivy sat up in the bed. "Back in Arkham we were forced to shower together."

"Guess ya got a point." Harley got out of bed and stretched. "C'mon, let's see how the others are doing. Ooh, maybe Magpie made us some pancakes again!"

While Ivy still shook off her sleepiness, Harley was filled with energy again. She left the room, practically skipping out to the living room. Once she was out there she saw Magpie and Dr. Polaris on the couch together in their sleepwear and watching TV.

"Hey everyone!" Harley sat on the couch between them. "Ooh, Looney Tunes! I love Looney Tunes!"

"Could you calm down?" Dr. Polaris sighed. "It's too early in the morning for this."

"Sorry, I'm just real happy today." Harley glanced over at Magpie. "Ooh, Maggie, did ya make pancakes today?"

"No, Orca said she'd take care of breakfast this morning." Magpie replied. "I don't know what that entails but I'm just glad I'm not in charge of it."  
"Should be fun to see what she makes!" Harley happily cheered and turned back to the TV. While they watched their shows, Ivy lefft her room and joined them on the couch, sitting beside Harley.

Eventually, Orca came out of the kitchen carrying a box of cereal in one hand and balancing a stack of bowls with spoons in them in the other. "Uh, I couldn't really find anything I could make. I got some cereal for you all though."

"Fine with me, I love cereal!" Harley smiled, picking up a bowl and spoon from Orca. "Thank ya very much!"

Orca passed out bowls to the others and poured them all cereal. "Hope you guys enjoy." She poured out some cereal for herself and sat down on the ground since there was no room for left on the couch.

While Harley watched the show she reached out and touched the back of Orca's head, gently rubbing it like she was a pet dog. This confused Orca and she turned around to look at Harley. "Uh, what are you doing?"

"I dunno, bein' friendly. I just want ya to feel at home here!" Harley cheered.

"That's very nice of you." Orca looked back over at the TV. "Just having a place to stay is good enough for me."  
"I feel like we should do somethin' for ya though. Yer a real nice lady, y'know. And you deserve nice things." Harley said. "How 'bout we throw a party?"

"That isn't necessary. It's a nice thought though." Orca smiled a little.

"You never threw a party when I joined the team." Magpie sighed, crossing her arms.

"Are you just looking for an excuse to throw a party?" Ivy smirked at Harley.

"Maybe…" Harley giggled. "Can I please? There's gonna be pizza and ice cream and we can rent a movie."

"That does sound fun…" Ivy nodded.

"Great! Let's get stuff ready this afternoon!" Harley gave Ivy a quick hug. "Isn't this excitin' guys? We're gonna have a party!"

There was a pause with nobody really saying anything. The first to reply was Magpie. "Yeah, I guess so."

Orca glanced over and nodded too. "Should be fun. But you really don't have to…"

"Ooh, but I insist!" Harley hugged Orca by the back of the head. "This is gonna be so much fun! Someone should get Trickster on the phone."

"I'm really starting to regret joining this gang…" Dr. Polaris muttered.

"Oh, lighten up." Ivy rolled her eyes at him.

*******

It was a general rule of thumb that if you get to the point where you have a corkboard with photos and string all over it you may have gone slightly mad. But Jason Todd wasn't one to listen to other people's advice. He stared at the corkboard, there were newspaper clippings and photos pasted to it with red string connecting it all to one thing at the centre, a mugshot of Harley Quinn. His red helmet shined in the dim light of the room. The windows of the old apartment were blocked out with trash bags, keeping the setting sun out of the window.

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today." Jason enjoyed a flare for the dramatic, especially when he was in his Red Hood persona. It helped scare criminals and keep his allies from ever getting too close to him. "You three are the only ones I trust with this information."

He stared at the small crew he assembled. None of them were what he'd consider friends but they were who was available at shortest notice. Sitting on a stack of crates to the left was Kate Kane, the Batwoman. Her and Batman hadn't gotten along too well and she was known for being more brutal in her tactics than Batman at times which was exactly why Red Hood had recruited her.

Standing beside Batwoman was the purple clad heroine the Huntress. Much like the woman next to her, Huntress had a history of using violence against criminals that went beyond what Batman accepted. She'd joined the Birds of Prey recently and had been trying to be less reckless. But Jason wanted her talents all the same.

The final, and most questionable, of this group stood to the right was the green haired, shirtless man known as the Creeper. Only a few knew his true identity as the deranged alternate personality of sensational Gotham newscaster Jack Ryder. The Creeper was notoriously erratic and most people had a low tolerance for him. Even Jason was hesitant about bringing him on but in then end decided to contact him against his better judgment.

The trio stared at Jason for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to his overly dramatic tone. After a few more moments of silence, Batwoman spoke up. "Are you going to explain things or just wait for us to answer?"

"I think it has to do with his crazy person board." the Creeper leaned in and whispered to Huntress.

"Don't talk to me." Huntress refused to even make eye contact with the Creeper.

"Yes Creeper, this is about my _crazy person board_ , as you called it." Red Hood turned around and looked at the corkboard again. "For weeks now there have been very strange things going on. And they're all connected to one person: Harley Quinn."

"Joker's screwy girlfriend?" Batwoman raised an eyebrow.

"Exactly." Red Hood nodded and turned back around. "It starts here. There was a breakout at Arkham Asylum led by Poison Ivy. Among the escapees was Harleen Quinzel." He pointed to a newspaper clipping about the prison break. "Several nights later there wasn an altercation at the house of one Warren White. The details on what exactly transpired are still hazy but security footage from the lobby confirms that both Quinn and Ivy were at the building." His finger then moved to a still from security footage showing Harley and Ivy in an apartment building lobby. "From there I've pinned a series of smaller crimes on Quinzel, not much impressive. That is until we get to the robbery of a large shipment of gold perpetuated by her and the criminal group Injustice Unlimited." He pointed to a series of crime scene photos showing empty armoured trucks. "After that, a group of criminals led by Quinn attacked the GCPD and raided the evidence lockup for unknown purposes." His finger then went to another news clipping, this time about the attack on GCPD. "Then she was seen during one of Calendar Man's video messages. I don't quite know why she was working with him..." His hand went to a photograph of Calendar Man. "Finally, Warren White, we talked about him earlier, he was found tied up in a boat that earlier in the day was rented by one _Lee Harkwin_ , a known alias of Ms. Quinzel. Do you see what this all means? Harley Quinn is planning something!" He finished things off by pointing to the photo of Harley in the middle.

Once again, the trio was silent after listening to his rant. Batwoman stood up and got a bit closer to him. "Look, Hood, I don't think being a detective is your strong suit." She sighed a little. "Besides, even if all this flimsily connected evidence does mean something, she's Harley Quinn. She is not a threat to anyone. She's an even bigger screwball than Creeper."

If his face wasn't completely hidden behind the mask they would have seen Jason's eyes narrowing in anger. "You never underestimate your opponent. You should all know this by now. Harley Quinn is just as dangerous as any other criminal you've gone up against. This spike in activity from her. It has to mean something."

"Alright Sherlock Hood, what does it mean?" Creeper giggled a little bit. "Tell us!"

Red Hood paused for a moment. "I don't know… But it- It just has to!"

"I'm with you." Huntress idly nodded. "I never underestimate my opponent. And Harley has been a lot more active lately. Maybe there is something there…"

"See, she agrees with me." Red Hood gestured over to Huntress. "No will you two help me out?"

"I'm in! But only because I'll use any excuse to spend some time with the foxy Ms. Quinn." Creeper chuckled, briefly staring off at space in fantasy.

"Gimme a break…" Batwoman sighed, briefly glancing at Creeper and then back at Red Hood. "Alright fine, I'm in too. You three all seem wildly irresponsible. And you need someone making sure you don't do anything too stupid."

"Excellent." Red Hood nodded and turned back to the board. "The sun's going down soon. The four of us will patrol areas where Quinn has been sighted. We'll split up and report in if we see her. Understand? Tonight we're going to find Harley Quinn."

*******

The sun had gone down over Gotham and Harley Quinn had done very little with her day. Most of the time was spent with her friends hanging around the house and watching TV. But throughout the day Harley made mental preparations for the party she was planning. She was waiting til the sun went down so less eyes would be on her when she went out.

Right when the clock struck seven PM she was ready to get out of the house. After some begging and insisting she got Ivy and Orca to agree to come with her out on her supply run and earlier that day she had called Trickster and told him to meet her outside the building.

Soon enough Harley, Ivy and Orca had gotten into their street clothes to keep themselves from looking suspicious. Harley had a leather jacket and yoga pants on while Ivy wore a sweater and wide brimmed hat with some jeans. Orca was harder to disguise but she threw on an overly large trenchcoat and hoped it would hide her.

The three of them got downstairs to the building's lobby and found Trickster waiting for them, dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants. "Hey girls! Great to see you. Ready to get things started?"

"Jesus, can you stop being so excited?" Ivy sighed. "Harley's already excited enough. And at least she's the fun kind of excited."

"Hehe, thanks!" Harley giggled.

"Whatever, I'm just happy to be here." Trickster shrugged, turning around and beckoning the others to follow. "C'mon, let's get those party supplies."

Harley laughed some more and hurried out through the front door, walking alongside Trickster. Ivy shook her head and sighed a little. As much as she loved Harley her boundless energy was a bit difficult to deal with. But seeing Harley happily chat with Trickster made Ivy smile.

While Harley had her fun Ivy walked right beside Orca. Seeing the awkward, shy body language in someone so shy was oddly endearing. Ivy put on her best smile and looked up at Orca. "So, Grace, right? We haven't really talked much since that whole thing at the penthouse."

Orca glanced back down at Ivy. "Oh yeah, sorry about tackling you through that wall. Just doing my job I guess." She sighed a little, looking back ahead as she followed Harley and Trickster's lead down the street.

"You don't sound very enthusiastic." Ivy observed.

"I never wanted to be a supervillain, I just wanted to help people." Orca looked down at the sidewalk. "It's all my fault too. I injected myself with that whale DNA on purpose and now I'm a freak."

"Oh, don't put yourself down like that." Ivy replied. "I think you're a very beautiful woman."

"You do?"

"Sure, look at your muscular physique. That's something to be jealous of. Not to mention how stunningly tall you are. Plus those, uh, rather large breasts of yours certainly help. Trust me here, I'm not the type to just give out compliments on a whim."

Orca smiled a bit. "Huh, thanks… I wish more people saw me the way you did."

Ivy and Orca didn't get to talk much longer when they stopped outside a supermarket. Harley turned around to face the others. "Alright everyone, the mission here is to grab some snacks. Ice cream, chips, pretzels, whatever. If ya see somethin' ya wanna much on, grab it!"

"Won't we draw a lot of attention to ourselves?" Trickster asked. "I mean, one of you is green, one of you is pale as chalk, and one of you is a giant whale. I'm the only normal looking one."

"Oh, we can go in no problem." Harley smirked. "It's an open secret that this place welcomes supervillains. The guy who owns this place used to fight the Justice Society way back when. Nobody's gonna bat an eye."

Harley hummed to herself as she casually entered the supermarket. The others paused for a moment before following her inside.

"Try to make sure Harley doesn't go overboard on buying sweets?" Ivy whispered to Orca and Trickster. "I don't want to deal with her having another stomach ache."

The four of them walked around the store and gathered snacks for the party Harley had planned. Harley was the most enthusiastic about it but occasionally the others would grab something and put it in the shopping cart.

They made it to the frozen food aisle with a cart full of salty snack foods. Despite what Harley had said earlier, Orca couldn't help but nervously look around and see if anyone was looking at her. Even if supervillains were unofficially welcomed here, she couldn't help but worry that people were looking at her.

"Alright everyone, what ice cream flavour do ya want?" Harley asked, staring at the freezer full of ice cream. "I want somethin' chocolatey…"

"Ooh, get brownie bites." Trickster suggested.

"Great idea!" Harley opened up the freezer door and pulled out a tub of brownie bite ice cream. She put it in the cart and casually continued down the aisle. But she only got a few feet down the aisle before abruptly stopping, causing the other three to awkwardly stop and bump into each other. "Oh hey, I know that guy!"

"What guy?" Ivy asked.

"Puppet Guy!" Harley pointed ahead of her. At the end of the aisle was Arnold Wesker, the Ventriloquist. A meek little man in a nice suit, carrying a basket in one hand and his gangster dummy Scarface in the other.

She hurried over to the Ventriloquist, waving at him. The other three were a little confused by Harley's sudden excitement. They followed after her to make sure she wasn't about to do anything irresponsible.

"Hey, Arnie, it's me!" Harley cheered, approaching the Ventriloquist and waving at him.

"Oh, uh, hello Harley." the Ventriloquist shyly smiled.

"Whatta ya want with us?" Scarface grumbled, swivelling his little wooden head up at Harley.

"Well hey ya little guy." Harley pat Scarface on the top of the head.

"Don't touch me!" Scarface growled.

"I- I'm so sorry about him." Ventriloquist muttered. "Nice to see you Harley."

It was around then when Orca, Ivy and Trickster got behind Harley. Ivy stepped up beside Harley. "Harls, who's your friend here?"

As soon as the Ventriloquist saw Ivy he gasped and cowered behind his puppet. Scarface tilted his head up at Ivy. "You! You're the bitch who tried to kill me and the dummy back at Shark's party. I oughta tear ya limb from limb."

"Oh, let bygones be bygones." Ivy rolled her eyes.

"Real sorry 'bout that whole thing." Harley giggled. "Don't be afraid, Arnie. Me and my friends are just gettin' party supplies."

"That sounds lovely." the Ventriloquist nodded.

"Listen, I was just curious if you'd like ta come with us. It'd be a lotta fun." Harley smiled. Ivy opened her mouth to object but Harley quickly put her hand over Ivy's mouth.

Ventriloquist too started to speak but his dummy interrupted them. "Scram, ya crazy broad! I make the decisions 'round here and the dummy ain't goin' to your party. C'mon dummy, let's get outta here."

"Ruh- Right away Mr. Scarface." the Ventriloquist quickly turned around, glancing back at Harley a bit as he scurried away to another part of the store.

"Poor little fella." Harley sighed, taking her hand away from Ivy's mouth. "He's a real nice guy when that puppet ain't bossin' him around."

"I still don't like him." Ivy shrugged. "Look, can we check out now?"

"Oh, yeah, totally." Harley turned around to face the three of them. "Ooh, Trickster, while I'm still thinkin' of it order a pizza to be delivered to our place. That'll save us an extra trip."

"Sure thing, Harls." Trickster nodded.

"Only I call her that." Ivy shot a glare over at Trickster.

"Alright, this is shapin' up to be a good night!" Harley cheered, going down the aisle. "All that's left is goin' to the video store!"

*******

Unbeknownst to Harley and her gang, there was a strange duo on a building across the street from the supermarket, intently watching for any trouble. Batwoman was perched on the edge of a fire escape looking through a pair of night vision binoculars. She scanned the streets below and rooftops across from her and found nothing.

"Hmm… This whole thing seems like a bust." Batwoman sighed. "Everything seems quiet."

That quiet was quickly disturbed when the Creeper hung upside down from the part of the fire escape above her from his knees. "Well, I'm sure having fun!"

Batwoman moved her binoculars and glared over at him. "You certainly are… Do you mind being helpful?"

"Hey, I've been trying to keep my eyes out for trouble." Creeper maneuverd around so that he was standing beside Batwoman. "But it just gets so boring!"

"I can't believe Red Hood talked me into this… Speaking of which..." Batwoman took a communicator Red Hood had given her off her belt. She brought it up to her mouth and spoke into it. "Hood, this is Batwoman. Are you there?"

_"I'm here. What do you need? Any signs of Quinzel?"_

"None yet." Batwoman shook her head. "I'm starting to think we might be wasting our time."

_"Keep looking. Me and Huntress are by the docks right now."_

"Listen, Hood, I'm here to lodge a complaint. I kinda hate that you paired me up with Creeper." Batwoman vacantly looked up at the sky.

_"You're just saying that because you wanted to get into Huntress' pants."_

"I resent that!" Batwoman snapped. "I have a girlfriend. Besides, you're more likely to fuck her than me."

_"We're getting off topic, keep your eyes out for Harley and get back to me when you see her."_

Batwoman wanted to respond when she felt a bony finger prodding her back. She looked over her shoulder and saw Creeper's perpetually smiling face right behind her. "What do you want?"

"I hate to intrude… But Harley Quinn's right down there." Creeper pointed down below at the street.

Batwoman brought her binoculars up to her eyes and peered down. Sure enough, she saw Harley followed by two criminals she recognized as Poison Ivy and the Orca and finally a vaguely familiar blonde man she didn't recognize. Judging by the bags they were carrying, it looked as if she'd just been shopping. She picked up the communicator again and put it to her mouth."Hood, we just found Harley. What's our next move?"

_"You found her?"_ Red Hood's voice sounded legitimately shocked. _"Don't move in yet. Follow them but do not engage. Me and Huntress will meet up with you."_

"Alright, I'll follow her but I won't attack." Batwoman glanced over at the Creeper again. "I'm not sure if I can say the same for Creeper though…"

"Oh don't worry, I can control myself." Creeper chuckled. "Scouts honour!"

Batwoman sighed and rolled her eyes. "Oh brother…"

*******

Down below on the street, Harley merrily skipped along with her friends right behind her. She was completely oblivious to anyone who may or may not have been watching her. While Harley happily skipped down the street, Trickster finished up with a call on his cellphone.

"Well guys, good news. There should be a party sized meat lovers pizza on the way to Ivy's apartment building now." Trickster proudly smirked. "I also gave Magpie a quick call about it. She seemed very pissed off about having to pay for it with her money."

"Ah whatever, just give her an extra large slice." Harley nonchalantly shrugged. "We can talk food later. Right now, I want ya to figure out what movie we're renting. It has to be something all of us enjoy. Does anyone here like cartoons? I saw Doc and Maggie watchin' Bugs Bunny this morning."

"That's cause it was the only good thing on." Ivy replied. "No offence Harl, I enjoy a cartoon every now and then but most of it is pretty childish."

"I get it, ya gotta be in the right mood." Harley nodded. "Ooh, what about a horror movie? Do you guys like being scared?"

"Uh, I guess." Orca awkwardly nodded.

"Sure, I'm down for that." Trickster said.

"Super!" Harley cheered, hyperventilating from excitement just a little bit. She stopped in front of a storefront with a big sign that read Bill's Video Rental. "Here we are, c'mon, let's go in."

"Is this place okay with Supervillains?" Orca asked.

"Nah, they're a normal place." Harley shook her head. "If as long as we don't anything illegal and ya don't mind gettin' stared at it should all be okay." Taking the lead again, Harley pushed her way through the doors to the video store with the other three lagging behind her.

"How do you keep up with her?" Orca whispered to Ivy.

"You get used to her energy after a while." Ivy chuckled. "It's like taking care of a puppy in a lot of ways. Only Harley's much more adorable than a puppy."

When Trickster heard Ivy's comment he couldn't help but smirk and glance over at her. Ivy's only response was to angrily glare at them. Before either of them could really say anything they heard Harley calling to them from the horror section. _"Yoo-hoo! Guys! I got some spooky movies I want ya to see!"_

Ivy, Orca and Trickster joined Harley in the horror section and found that she already had a large stack of DVDs in her hand.

At first Ivy just stared at her in silence for a moment. "Harl, we're not getting all of those."

"Aww, fine." Harley sighed. "Which one do ya want though? My vote is for the one with the freaky pincushion face guy rips people apart with chains in a kinda BDSM way."

"Of course you'd want that one." Ivy chuckled. "I'm more into classic stuff. Vampires, werewolves, mummies. But whatever makes you happy is fine with me."

"Orca's the new girl. How 'bout she picks it out?" Harley suggested. "You got any movies ya wanna watch? Doesn't have to be a horror flick."

"I'm okay with horror. Let me think…" Orca stared off in thought for a moment, staring at the stack of DVDs Harley had in front of her. She picked one out from near the bottom of the pile. " _Texas Chainsaw Massacre Two_ , that sounds like a good popcorn flick."

"I never saw the first one..." Trickster muttered to himself.

"Ah it doesn't matter. It'll be fun." Harley quickly began reshelving all the other DVDs she picked up. "Let's pay for this and get home."

Soon enough, Harley had paid for the DVD with a wad of assorted cash that she didn't bother counting out or asking for change from the transaction. She hurried out of the store and onto the streets again where it had started raining. Of course Harley was too excited to really care. Not to mention Ivy being part plant and Orca being part whale made it so that it didn't affect them to much either. The only one really freaking out about getting wet was the Trickster.

"Can we hurry up and get home?" Trickster asked. "My hair's going to get ruined."

"Great idea! Don't wanna keep Maggie and Doc waiting." Harley nodded. "This is gonna be a real fun-" She was silenced when a crossbow bolt zipped post her head, causing Harley to yelp in surprise.

_"That was just the warning shot."_ Huntress dropped down from a building across the street, her crossbow pointed at Harley.

"Hey, back off." Harley glared at Huntress. "I haven't done anything illegal tonight so you don't have to point that thing at me. Besides, we got you outnumbered."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Huntress smirked.

Out from the shadows came three more figures. The masked vigilante Red Hood, carrying two guns with him. Batwoman, the redheaded ex-military woman. And the Creeper, the erratic lunatic with an unpredictable fighting style.

"Quinzel, you'd better surrender now." Red Hood stepped to the front of the group. "I am not afraid to shoot you."

"You want me to surrender? Hmm… Nah." Harley giggled and twirled the grocery bag in her hands over her head before letting it go. The tub of ice cream inside collided with Batwoman's head, temporarily disorienting her.

It was around then that the fight began and the chaos that Harley was known for bringing with her really started. The details of the fight were more or less a blur to Harley. She definitely remembered kicking someone in the face, probably Huntress, and a few bullets zipping by her head. Her main goal wasn't even fighting off the four vigilantes sent after her. She just wanted to retrieve the ice cream she'd thrown at Batwoman.

"Got it!" Harley cheered. As soon as she stood up she felt someone jump on her back.

"Hey there Harley! Miss me?" Creeper cackled. "Hear you and the Joker broke things off. You feeling alright?"

"I was fine before ya jumped on me!" Harley shook Creeper off her back and then jumped onto a nearby parked car. She whistled as loud as she could and waved wildy. "Hey, team! We're gettin' back to the apartment! Forget these losers!" With that, Harley smashed through the window of the car she was standing on and slid through the new opening into the driver's seat.

She quickly unlocked the doors and Ivy joined her in the passenger's seat and Trickster got in the back. A clunking noise on the roof told her Orca had just climbed aboard. Harley sighed with relief when she found a pair of spare keys. She put them in the ignition and started in the car. Pressing her foot down on the gas pedal, she sped off down the street.

"Alright! We're home free!" Harley giggled madly. "Wonder what those weirdos were up to?"

"Well, we are supervillains." Trickster shrugged.

"Yeah but we weren't doin' anything." Harley replied. "Whatever, at least we've seen the last of them."

As if she'd just put a curse on them, Harley was immediately proven wrong when Huntress landed down from above on top of the car's hood. Harley abruptly hit the breaks which sent both Huntress and Orca flying off of the car. For a moment Harley was confused and slowly started to get out of the car. A bullet flew by her head causing her to yelp.

Red Hood stepped out of the alley, holding two guns. Standing behind him was Batwoman and Creeper. "Harley! You are not getting away!"

"Jesus you're obsessed." Harley groaned, looking back at her team. "Alright everyone, take thees guys down. I'm feelin' nice today so try not to kill them."

Orca and Huntress both rose from the ground and glanced at each other, sizing each other up for the impending fight.

After a few moments of just standing in the rain, both parties launched their attack. Ivy summoned a large tangle of vines from the ground that wrapped around Batwoman. Quickly, Batwoman reacted and tore at the vines, causing Ivy to scream in pain.

Huntress shot several rounds of her crossbow at Orca, but the whale woman just seemed to absorb it and charge at her.

Creeper pounced at Trickster but it seemed that Trickster was just as acrobatic as his opponent and skillfully dodged out of the way.

Red Hood stared down Harley as he casually reloaded his gun. It was then that the one logical part of Harley's brain that was left kicked into full gear. She was in the rain in her street clothes up against a man with a gun and her only weapon, a tub of ice cream, was back in the car. The flight part of her fight or flight instinct won and Harley began running for cover. She spotted a sports shop across the street and ran toward it for cover in a zig-zag pattern, hoping it would throw off Red Hood's aim. Recklessly, she leaped forward and rammed into the window shoulder first, smashing it and toppling into some mannequins.

Harley didn't stop to check if there were shards of glass stuck in her, which there probably were, and hurried deeper into the store. She looked around for anything resembling a weapon. She saw a display of baseball bats and quickly rushed towards it, picking one of them up.

"Alright Hoody boy, I'm here! Do yer worst!" Harley stood her ground for a moment but when she heard gunshots she leaped behind a shelf for safety. "Eep!"

"Stop being a coward and face me, Harley!" Red Hood's voice echoed through the store.

Harley took a few deep breaths and tried to focus. Her preferred method of attack, a direct assault, would not succeed. She quietly crawled across the floor, listening intently for Red Hood's footsteps. Most of the time Harley came off as nothing more than an absent minded loon but when the situation called for it she could be serious.

She crawled across the ground until she was several yards away from Red Hood. He seemed to not notice Harley yet, just walking around in search of her. Feeling her heart beat fast, Harley got to her feet and ran forward. She leaped into the air and raised the bat in the air.

"Hey, Hood! Surprise!" Harley yelled, a psychotic smile on her face.

Red Hood turned around and pointed his guns at Harley. Before he had a chance to pull the trigger, Harley smashed the bat against his head. It cracked his helmet a little and knocked him to the ground.

Harley let out a rather primal scream as she straddled his body and brought the bat down against him multiple times. "I was just tryin' to have a nice night! But you 'n your friends just had to ruin it! Why? Why're you doin' this to me?" With one more swing from the bat Harley missed Red Hood's head and snapped the wooden weapon in half. This made Harley pause for a few seconds which was all Red Hood needed to escape. He wormed an arm free out from under Harley and sucked punched her in the face.

While Harley was down on the ground Red Hood popped up. He picked up the broken bat and slowly walked over to Harley, pressing his boot down against Harley's head. "Why am I doing this? Because you're a criminal. You can't just go grocery shopping like the rest of us."

"But why me!" Harley shouted, struggling to stand up.

Red Hood only pushed down his boot harder. "Because your ex-boyfriend is a psychotic murderer and you've done nothing but aid him in his crimes for years. You're just as bad as he is."

"So what? Me 'n him broke up. Why do ya care about Mistah J so much?" Harley's breathing got heavier. She didn't know much about who Red Hood was other than that he had violent tendencies and an on-again-off-again relationship with the other people in the Bat-Family. From everything she knew, it seemed like there was a very real chance of her dying tonight.

"You wanna know why I care? I'll show you." Red Hood dropped the baseball bat, he reached up and held the sides of his cracked helmet, slowly taking it off. Harley turned her head and was staring at a rather handsome man with short black hair with a white streak in it. His eyes were hidden behind a domino mask. Something about the guy seemed vaguely familiar but she couldn't quite place it. "Well, Quinn? Recognize me?"

Harley paused, staring at Red Hood for a moment before she responded. "I have no fuckin' idea who you are…"

A look of anger surged across Red Hood's face and he began stepping on Harley's head even harder. Harley closed her eyes in fear and started reaching around for anything she could use as a weapon.

Her salvation came quicker than she expected. A vine snaked its way down from above and wrapped itself around Red Hood, pulling him up and tossing him across the store. Harley breathed a sigh of relief and slowly stood up, coming face to face with Ivy as soon as she was on two feet again. "Thanks for savin' my ass, Red… You doin' alright?"

"I'm fine Harl, we managed to fight off the others. Probably not for long though." Ivy grabbed Harley by the hand and started guiding her back outside the store. "Let's get in the car and head on home."

Still in a light daze from having her head stepped on, Harley nodded and followed Ivy into the car and sat down in the passenger seat with Ivy getting on the driver's side. As soon as she sat down she realized that rain was still falling on her head. Looking up, she saw that the car's roof was no longer there. "What happened to the roof?"

"I ripped it off. I wanted to sit down." Orca piped up from behind Harley. She turned around and saw Orca sitting in the back seat, squishing Trickster a little bit. There were a few arrows sticking out of her but she didn't seem to hurt.

"Fair 'nuff." Harley nodded. "Everyone deserves to be comfortable." She closed her eyes and relaxed her body. "Hey Red, wake me up when we get home."

"You got it, Harls. You get some rest." Ivy nodded, giving her a quick pat on the head and started up the car. "We'll be home real soon, c'mon."

*******

Dr. Polaris and Magpie's time back at the apartment was rather boring. A large pizza had arrived earlier and Magpie begrudgingly paid for it with her own money. For the last little while, Magpie and Polaris had been sitting on the couch and flipping through the channels, trying to find something interesting to watch. Magpie was eating a slice of pizza for herself but Dr. Polaris had refused the food for now.

"I'm just saying, they're gonna be mad you started without them." Dr. Polaris glanced over from the sitcom he was watching and over at Magpie.

"I paid for this! I'm entitled to the first slice." Magpie scowled, taking a bite of the pizza. "The movie they picked out for us had better be damn good."

"What's taking them so long anyway? They should have been back a while ago."

"Who cares… Harley's probably off doing something stupid. Probably got distracted by a strip club or something…"

Magpie's grumpy ramblings were interrupted when there was a knock on the door. Hearing this, Dr. Polaris got up from the couch and went over to the door. He opened it up and saw Harley and the others in the hall, looking worse for wear. They were all soaked in rain and covered in scrapes and bruises. Orca had some arrows sticking out of her.

"We're back!" Harley cheered. "Can we please come in… We had a rough night."

"Uh… Sure…" Dr. Polaris stepped to the side as they entered, all looking worn out.

"I'm gonna go get these arrows out of me." Orca walked her way over to the bathroom.

"I'll help you out with that." Ivy nodded and followed behind Orca.

"Alright girls! I'm gonna go get the movie set up!" Harley cheered. "We'll wait for ya before it starts."

Orca entered the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet seat, beginning to pluck arrows out of her thick skin. While she did that, Ivy got out some bandages and disinfectant. "Let's get you all cleaned up." She helped Orca clean her wounds and patch them up. Occasionally Orca would wince in pain but she didn't complain. "Everything okay?"

"It just hurts a little… Should heal soon." Orca quietly mumbled.

Ivy nodded and continued to help out Orca. "So, Grace… I'm curious about something…"

"Yeah, what is it?" Orca tilted her head at Ivy.

"Well, I do say this often, but I like you a lot. You're very… Sweet. Really you're not like the rest of us." Ivy did her best to smile at Orca.

"Um… Thanks. I guess I'm not really a villain. I just don't have any other choice." Orca sighed a little, wincing with pain again as Ivy patched her up.

"I hope I'm not being too forward, but I'm curious… Have you ever been in a relationship with another woman before."

"Er, no."

"Would you be entirely against it?"

"Are you hitting on me?"

"Very much so. Would you like to go on a date with me sometime?"

"Uh… Sure." Orca awkwardly nodded.

"Wonderful. Let's find a night that works for both of us." Ivy nodded, putting the disinfectant and bandages back under the sink. "Okay, you're all patched up. Come on, let's go watch the movie."

Orca and Ivy soon left the bathroom and entered the living room where Harley had already opened up several bags of snacks. She had a handful of chips in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other. The movie had begun already but it seemed like they hadn't missed much.

"Yay, just in time!" Harley cheered. "C'mon, sit down!"

Orca took a seat on the couch, taking up any remaining space there was. Not in the mood to sit on the floor and in the mood to spend time with he new kind-of-girlfriend, Ivy sat down on Orca's lap. Orca was a little surprised at first but just went with it as Ivy awkwardly tried to act casual.

"Psst, you two want some pizza?" Harley whispered, not wanting to interrupt the movie, as she handed two slices of pizza over to Ivy and Orca. The two of the quietly accepted the food offered to them.

"Thanks a lot, Harls." Ivy whispered back with a big grin on her face. It was odd, they were all acting like everything was normal even after they'd been attacked by a group of vigilantes. The life of a supervillain was an odd one indeed. But right now none of that mattered. Right now they just had a spooky movie and salty snack food. Even for someone like Harley Quinn, she could turn off her supervillain mode sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having fun writing this story so far. I've got a general outline for the plot of this whole series but I fill in smaller details as I go. For example, I didn't originally plan to add Orca to the main crew. Also, don't worry about Ivy and Orca. Harley and Ivy's still the endgame here. I just thought the two of them would be fun to write together for a little while. Anyway, hopefully I have the next chapter up soon.


	9. Talking Heads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley conspires to take down the Ventriloquist's operation by kidnapping his puppet Scarface. Meanwhile, Ivy and Orca go out on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels a little weird to say, but I'm giving this chapter a content warning for explicit language. All the other chapters have had profanity but it's really dialed up in this chapter (Mostly due to one of our featured characters).
> 
> Speaking of which, today's featured characters:
> 
> **The Ventriloquist:** Arnold Wesker aka the Ventriloquist, a meek man who is constantly bullied by his mob boss ventriloquist dummy.
> 
> **Scarface:** Scarface, Arnold's ventriloquist dummy who runs the gang and belittles and abuses Arnold.
> 
> **Peyton Riley:** Peyton Riley aka the Ventriloquist II, in the comics she became the second Ventriloquist after the original died. This chapter somewhat serves as her origin story.

It was five o'clock in the evening and Harley Quinn was filled with energy. Partially brought on by the three cups of coffee she'd consumed throughout the course of the day. When she awoke that morning an idea had popped into her head and it was an idea she refused to let go of. She'd closed the blinds and had spent pretty much all day in her and Ivy's shared room, drafting up plans written in crayon because it was the only writing implement available in the room. The only time she'd left was to get herself food or use the bathroom.

But after hours and hours of caffeine-fueled scribbling Harley was ready to present her plan to the world. She collected up all her writing into a pile and proudly marched out into the living room.

"What's up, bitches? Harley's back!" Harley yelled out. "Get Trickster on speakerphone and the rest of ya, get on the couch. We've got plans to go over!"

All of Harley's bombastic yelling got the other four residents of the apartment to gather in the living room. They all seemed slightly concerned about what Harley's excitement meant for both her and them.

"Harls, do you need to see a doctor?" Magpie asked as she entered from the kitchen. "Did you have too much coffee?"

"I'm fine, Red. Don't worry. Sit your little butt on the couch and listen up! I've got new plans." Harley quickly laid down all the papers down on the table and spread them out. "Give Trickster a call, I'm gonna need him to listen."

"Already on it." Magpie nodded, taking out her cellphone and dialing a number into it.

Harley gently bounced up and down on the balls of her feet as she waited for the others to take their places on the couch. Magpie set the cellphone down on the table and gave Harley thumbs up.

"Hey Trickster, ya there?" Harley giggled and waved at the phone.

_"Yes I am, Harley. What exactly is going on here?"_ Trickster's voice replied through the phone.

"I got a brand new plan!" Harley cheered. "It's gonna put us one step closer to bein' in charge of this town."

"Care to explain?" Dr. Polaris asked.

"Gladly!" Harley nodded, still bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Ya remember the Ventriloquist? He's a real nice fella when that puppet of his ain't around."

_"Oh yeah, we ran into that guy at the grocery store."_ Trickster answered, his voice crackling through the phone.

"What about him?" Magpie asked.

"Well, I feel bad for the poor guy. That loudmouth dummy of his bosses him around. At least Mistah J took me out on a date sometimes. Poor Arnold ain't gettin' any respect." Harley started going through her papers.

"You realize that puppet is just a manifestation of his own subconscious, don't you?" Ivy pointed out.

"The point is, I wanna break him up with Scarface." Harley said. "Plus, without him in the way, that just puts me another step closer to being the number one crime boss in Gotham."

"You're not really a crime boss." Dr. Polaris pointed out. "You have a gang of five people."

"And the Mad Hatter says he owes me a favour!" Harley proudly added. "Anyway, I made a few choice phonecalls and found out that there's gonna be a meetin' between the Ventriloquist and the Riley crime family tonight. They're meetin' at a Chinese restaurant owned by the Riley's. Our goal is to break in there and steal Mr. Scarface away from the Ventriloquist."

"This plan doesn't seem very well thought out." Orca muttered shyly.

"Hey, I've barely begun explaining it!" Harley laughed a little, picking up some more papers. "Now, here's what we're gonna do. Magpie, Doc, you two are gonna be our first line of attack. You come in and disrupt the meeting and try to steal the puppet. If that doesn't work, we've got Red and Orca as backup so-"

"Oh, that doesn't work." Ivy chimed in.

"Huh, why?" Harley raised an eyebrow.

"Uh…" Orca trailed off a little. Harley wasn't sure but it almost looked like Orca was blushing.

"We have a date tonight!" Ivy proudly announced, hugging Orca's large arm. A seemingly genuine smile was on her face which seemed odd to Harley. Rarely anything about Ivy's cold demeanor seemed sincere.

"Wait a minute, you're gay?" Magpie glanced over at Ivy.

"Why is everyone surprised when I say that?" Ivy sighed. "Yes, Grace here has agreed to go on a date with me tonight. I'm taking her somewhere very special. Trust me, you'll love it."

"Thanks…" Orca smiled a little bit.

"No problem… Just gotta make a few changes…" Harley took out her crayon and began scribbling on the papers again. "You two, uh, have fun on your date I guess… The rest of ya, meet me in the van in an hour. And wear your costumes. Tonight is time for a puppet show!"

Magpie and Dr. Polaris glanced over at each other with a knowing look. There was something telling both of them that this plan would not go as smoothly as Harley claimed it would be. Of course, even Harley was aware that she wasn't a good planner. But that wouldn't stop her from trying.

*******

An hour passed after Harley had announced her plan and soon it was put into motion. Her personal van had been put out of commission for a little while after a raid on the GCPD a little while back. But after turning the damaged vehicle over to an underworld mechanic named Gearhead and after paying him a hefty sum of money she had her van redone. A hole that had been ripped in the top by Dr. Polaris was replaced with a skylight. The van was repainted bright pink and the words _The Marauder Machine_ were painted on the side of it in bright gold. It was very conspicuous.

But despite the flashy new paint job, Harley casually had parked it in the parking lot of a convenience store right across the street from the Chinese restaurant that the Ventriloquist's gang and the Riley family were meeting at. Harley had the top half of her body sticking out through the new skylight and was keeping her eye on the restaurant. The fact that she'd chosen to wear her jester costume tonight made her stick out even more.

"Oh yeah, we've got this…" Harley dropped down into the van and closed the skylight. She turned around and looked at Trickster, Polaris and Magpie. "Okay team, you ready to do this?"

"I guess so." Magpie sighed. "I really don't think this plan of yours is well thought out."

"Tell ya what big girl, if ya do a good job I'll take you all out for burgers and milkshakes. How's that sound?" Harley smiles, leaning in towards Magpie.

"I do like a good shake." Magpie nodded. "Alright, me and Doc will get out there."

Dr. Polaris went to the back doors of the van and glanced back at Harley. "Wish us luck out there."

"Ah, you don't need luck. You'll do fine." Harley gave them a thumbs up. "Gimme a call once you're done with phase one of the plan."

"You got it." Dr. Polaris left the van with a nod, Magpie following behind him.

Once they were gone, Harley closed the door and let out a long sigh. The joy in her face faded away and she sat down on the floor, crossing her arms. Trickster noticed Harley's sudden shift in attitude and went over to her, sitting down beside her.

"Hey Harley, everything okay?" Trickster asked, smiling politely.

"Ahh it just ain't the same without Red around." Harley looked over at Trickster with a frown on her face. "I wanted to maybe have a bit of fun with her tonight. But she's all busy on her date with Orca…" She huffed and looked down at the ground

"What have you got against Orca?"

"There's nothin' wrong with her. She just doesn't seem like Ivy's type is all. I just think she's a little too dorky for Ivy's tastes. No that ain't right… She just ain't confident enough."

"What makes you think you know so much about the kind of woman Ivy wants?" Trickster smirked.

"Easy, I'm her best friend! I know all about the kinda girl Ivy would want." Harley proudly replied, staring up at the ceiling. "She likes someone who can make her laugh. Red may not always look like it, but she's a sad gal a lot of the time. All she wants is someone who'll always be there to give her a hug and tell her that she's the best lady in the whole wide world!"

Trickster paused for a moment. "It sounds like you're describing yourself."

"Well, yeah, I kinda am I guess." Harley giggled.

"Interesting…" Trickster smirked, seeming a little satisfied with himself. "Are you saying you wanna be Ivy's girlfriend?"

"What? No way!" Harley laughed, giving Trickster's arm a playful punch. "Don't get me wrong, Ivy's a great lady and she looks amazing too. But she's just a friend. A real close friend. Besides, I'm pretty much the most heterosexual person I know. Do ya realize how much time I spent lustin' after Mistah J?"

"I'm just saying, it sounds like the two of you would make a cute couple." Trickster stood up again.

"Pfft, you're just sayin' that cause you get off on the thought of two hot girls bumpin' their slits together." Harley rolled her eyes and made a crude scissors motion with her index and middle fingers.

"Well… I guess I won't argue." Trickster shrugged. "But I wasn't thinking about it 'til you said it."

Their conversation came to an abrupt end when Magpie's voice came in over the radio. _"Guys, we're in."_

Harley scrambled over to the front seat and grabbed the communicator. "Great work! You got your disguises on?"

_"Yeah, we do. It was hard to find a waiter in Neal's size but we found one close enough and knocked him out."_

"Perfect!" Harley cheered. "Alright, you proceed to phase two. If things go south give us another call. Me and Tricky here will be in as your backup. Harley out." She put down the radio communicator and smiled. "Oh yeah, I got this. I'm a genius…"

Inside the Chinese restaurant there two parties of people completely unaware of the plans of Harley and her crew. The Riley family and the Ventriloquist's gang occupied a large corner booth. Arnold Wesker and his puppet Scarface occupied the middle area of the right side of the booth, flanked by his two loyal sycophants Rhino and Mugsy on either side of him. On the left side of the booth were the Riley's. The family's patriarch Sean Riley sat beside his adult daughter Peyton with a few of his mob's enforcers sitting beside them. The two parties didn't care much for each other. But after much warring between the factions, they'd called this dinner in the hopes of coming to some kind of agreement. So far it had mostly been awkward smalltalk.

"So… You really own this place, huh?" Ventriloquist spoke up, looking over at Sean.

"Hell yeah I do. Beauty of a place isn't it? Makes some of the finest egg rolls in Gotham…" Sean chuckled to himself and took a sip of iced tea that had been served to him. "Even if it is mostly a money-laundering front."

"So you're a bunch of Irish gangsters who own a Chinese restaurant. How the hell does any of that make sense?" Scarface spoke up.

"Mr. Scarface!" Arnold looked at his puppet. "Please be nice to our hosts."

"Don't tell me what to do, dummy! Or have ya forgotten who's in charge here?" Scarface's wooden head swivelled to look at Arnold.

For a moment the Riley's didn't know what to make of the strange act before them. Peyton chuckled a little and looked directly at Scarface. "Cute act, very vaudeville. Y'know I used to be into puppets myself."

Sean laughed and gave his daughter a light pat on her back. "I remember that… For four, five years she'd always ask me for a puppet for her birthday."

"Mind if I take a look at him…" Peyton reached out to touch Scarface only to have his tiny wooden hand slap her wrist.

"Hands off!" Scarface yelled. "I ain't nobody's puppet!"

"Hey, nobody touches my daughter like that!" Sean exclaimed. His two enforcers began carefully reaching for their weapons.

"Gentlemen, please… Calm down…" Arnold whimpered. "I'm very sorry for how Mr. Scarface is behaving."

"Well I ain't sorry!" Scarface yelled.

Before the situation could escalate any further a brown haired waitress came over to the table. "Who here ordered the beef and broccoli chow mein?"

"That was me." Peyton replied.

The waitress politely nodded and placed a bowl in front of Peyton. "Here you are Miss. We'll have the rest of your food out shortly." She turned around and started to leave.

"Now, let's all try to calm down. Alright Handsome?" Peyton smirked at Scarface and playfully poked his nose. She then looked down at the meal in front of her and started to eat it.

Sean chuckled and looked over at the Ventriloquist and Scarface. "That's my daughter for ya. A real one of a kind gal. But don't let distract you Mr. Wesker."

"Hey! The dummy ain't in charge of the operation. I am!" Scarface snarled.

"Of course…" Sean trailed off.

The conversation was distracted yet again when Peyton began making a choking noise. Everyone looked to her to make sure if she was okay. She awkwardly reached into her mouth and took out a small metal object. "A diamond… How'd a diamond end up in my chow mein?" Peyton looked close at the diamond. "Did the cook drop it in or…" Her wondering became screaming when the Diamond seemingly exploded into a puff of smoke. Everyone at the table started coughing and looking around in confusion, trying to figure out what had just happened.

The answer came sooner than expected when the waitress from before jumped up onto the table. Only now she wore a white wig and a pair of sunglasses. "I'll be taking that!" She snatched Scarface right out of Ventriloquist's hands. Once she had him she dramatically ripped off her waitress uniform to reveal that she was Magpie underneath. "C'mon Doc, let's get out of here!"

Magpie leaped off the table, clutching Scarface tight in her arms. The thugs both parties brought with them started to stand up from the table only for a hail of magnetized kitchen knives to be thrown at them. A nearby waiter tore off his uniform to reveal shiny blue armour underneath.

"Jeez, this was easier than I thought." Dr. Polaris smirked. "See you boys later!" He began running for the exit with Magpie.

"What are you standing there for, we need to get Mr. Scarface back!" Ventriloquist stood up and took a pistol out of his pocket.

"Calm down he's just a puppet!" Sean reached over the table and grabbed Arnold by the arm. "I can send-" He never got to finish his thought when the Ventriloquist abruptly pulled the trigger and shot Sean right in the stomach.

"He- He is not a puppet!" Ventriloquist shouting, sounding truly angry for once in his life. "Rhino, Mugsy! We're leaving!"

While the Ventriloquist's gang got up from the table and began to leave Peyton stared in horror at her father's nearly lifeless body, bleeding in his seat. "Wesker, you bastard! You killed my dad!" She looked up at the two enforcers. "What are you fuckers standing around for? Kill 'em all!"

*******

Far away from all the chaos and blood, there was a lovely high end restaurant about a dozen blocks away from the Riley's Chinese money laundering operation. It was very popular among Gotham's elite, more of a status symbol than an eating establishment. That's not to say the food wasn't good, in fact it was delicious. This made the restaurant very popular and incredibly difficult to get a reservation at. But someone like Poison Ivy cared very little for things like reservations.

She entered the restaurant and released her plants into it, incapacitating the customers and turning the staff into her own personal servants. Once she'd finished up with that business, Ivy allowed Orca to enter the restaurant once she was sure that the plants wouldn't affect her.

"Welcome darling, choose any seat you want." Ivy held Orca's large hand and led her into the restaurant.

Orca looked around, slightly unsettled by the paralyzed patrons of the restaurant. But she didn't say anything as Ivy took her to an empty table for two and sat down with her.

"So, Grace, do you like my dress?" Ivy smiled, looking down at herself. She'd worn a deep green dress with some leafy garnishes out on their date. Orca hadn't worn any clothes out of the house. Thanks to her strange mutation, she could walk around like that without technically looking naked.

"It's very beautiful." Orca muttered.

Right around them a waiter walked over to them in a trance and silently handed them each a menu. Ivy nodded at him and motioned for him to leave which he quickly did. Orca's gaze was fixated on him as he left, not even bothering to look at her menu.

"Something wrong, Grace?" Ivy glanced up from her menu.

"Are these people going to be okay?" Orca asked. "I don't- I don't like seeing people get hurt."

"How adorable." Ivy chuckled. "Don't worry, they'll be just fine. My toxin wears off eventually."

"That's good. I feel bad for them." Orca nodded and looked down at the menu.

"You're sweet, Grace. Sweet and naive. Harley can be like that sometimes, I'm used to it." Ivy focused on her menu as well, contemplating what she should order. She knew she wouldn't be paying for it so she was especially eyeing the pricey options on the menu.

"Oh yeah, Harley…" Orca sighed a bit. "I kinda feel bad that we're not helping her out tonight."

"Don't feel bad at all." Ivy shook her head. "I love Harley but her plans can be a little, well, screwy to say the least." She chuckled. "So have you decided what to order? I'm leaning toward the oysters. I love oysters."

Orca tilted her head at Ivy. "Was that some kinda lesbian innuendo?"

"Don't be crass." Ivy chuckled. "I just enjoy seafood."

"Oh, sorry Ivy." Orca blushed.

"No need to apologize. And please, call me Pam." Ivy leaned in across the table and gently touched Orca's wrist.

"Got it." Orca nodded. "Well, Pam, I think I'd like to order the steak."

"Wonderful, I'll call the waiter over."

*******

Back in the parking lot across from the Chinese restaurant, things were a tad more hectic. Of course things were always like that when Harley Quinn was involved with something. Still, Polaris and Magpie didn't appreciate having to run across a fairly busy street while dodging bullets. Dr. Polaris did his best to use his powers to make the bullets fly away from him and cars swerve around him but with his attention split on running he couldn't make every obstacle get out of the way.

With a flick of his wrist, Dr. Polaris opened up the back doors to Harley's van and dove in. He landed awkwardly face-first and Magpie jumped in after, landing on top of him. She quickly moved to close the doors before turning around to Harley and Trickster. "What are you two waiting for? Get us the hell out of here!"

Harley didn't need to be told twice. She scurried into the driver's seat, turning the key and pressing down on the gas pedal. The car lurched forward, accidentally ramming into the convenience store's storefront before backing up and swerving down the roll. As she sped off down the street, Harley looked into the rearview mirror at her team. "So, uh, how'd the job go? Ya get Scarface?"

"We sure did!" Magpie proudly held up the Scarface puppet. "Bad news though, the little guy is real pissed about us stealing his dummy!" The news was punctuated by the sound of gunfire from behind them.

Harley glanced in the side mirror and saw a sleek black car with blacked out windows following them. Leaning out the window was Ventriloquist's right hand man Rhino, holding a gun and trying to steady his aim at the van. "Jeez! Ya think the guy would be thankful! We're doin' him a favour." She swerved wildly trying to avoid the car. "Doc, do your magnet trick and get him to crash."

"It's hard to get a lock on him with all this movement…" Dr. Polaris looked out the back window of the van. "If I try it without focusing I might make this whole van collapse in on itself."

"No way you're destroyin' the Marauder Machine on my watch!" Harley exclaimed.

"We never agreed on calling it that." Trickster spoke up.

"It's painted on the van, that's what I'm callin' it!" Harley yelled back.

"Really not helping me concentrate…" Dr. Polaris sighed.

Right behind Harley, inside the car belonging to the Ventriloquist, things were going just is poorly for them. Mugsy was behind the wheel, eyes trained straight ahead and trying to catch up with Harley. Meanwhile Rhino was leaned out the window and trying not to fall out and also get a shot off at Harley's van. And in the back seat of the car Arnold had curled up into a ball and was lying on his side.

"I killed him… I killed him…" the Ventriloquist had been repeating this to himself ever since he got in the car. "What have I done…"

"You're a crook boss, you've killed a lotta people." Mugsy glanced back at his employer for a moment.

"No I haven't! That was the first time I've even fired a loaded gun!" Arnold exclaimed. "It's Scarface! He's the triggerman, he's the brains!"

"You gotta calm down. Everything's gonna be alright." Mugsy wasn't used to being supportive but he tried to do his best.

Ventriloquist started wiping his hysterical tears out of his eyes when he felt a vibrating in his pocket. He reached into it and pulled out his cellphone. Flipping it open, Arnold tried to clear his mind as he put it to his ear.

"Huh- Hello… Ventriloquist speaking…"

_"Wesker! You goddamn snaggletoothed cocksucker!"_ Peyton's voice came in through the phone. The sudden shouting made Arnold wince.

"Please don't shout! No need to be angry." the Ventriloquist's hands shook.

_"No need to be angry!? You shot my daddy in the fuckin' gut!"_ Peyton's Irish accent seemed stronger when she was angry.

"Can we talk things out?"

_"You son of a whore! I'm gonna kill you so fuckin' hard that you'll be nothin' but a red smear on the goddamn pavement!"_

"Please, please, just-"

_"Go to hell!"_ the call abruptly ended.

Arnold sighed and buried his face in his hands. Without Scarface he felt like he no longer had a purpose anymore. By this point Mugsy had stopped trying to console his boss and was just focused on not crashing the car.

Down the road behind the Ventriloquist's car, Peyton Riley was in the middle of her own mental breakdown. She sat in the back seat of her car beside her father who was currently bleeding all over the upholstery. Peyton held onto Sean by the shoulders. One of her enforcers was by the wheel and speeding down the road after the Ventriloquist as fast as he could.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" Peyton was sobbing and biting her lip. Her mind was a swirl of emotions right now and she was having trouble processing it all. "He's fuckin' dead… Fuck!"

Sean suddenly lurched to life, coughing up a bit of blood. He stared up at his daughter with wide eyes. "Jesus, Peyton! Holy hell!"

"Daddy, you're alive!" Peyton exclaimed, partly happy and partly surprised.

"Where's that bastard Wesker…" Sean incoherently muttered. "I wanna smash his teeth in..."

"Shhh… Shhh… Daddy, it's gonna be okay." Peyton held on to her father's hands. "You're gonna be ok…"

"Don't get my hopes up, Peyton. I'm pretty fucked…" Sean groaned in pain. "No time for a hospital… I can barely see... Just kill Wesker for me, okay sweetheart?"

"Alright, alright… I will…" Peyton felt tears welling up in her eyes but she tried to hold them back, squeezing his hand. She looked over at her driver. "What are you waiting for? Step on it! I'm gonna kill Arnold Wesker!"

*******

While these three eclectic groups were busy speeding through the streets of Gotham, Poison Ivy and Orca were enjoying a lovely meal together. They'd both been rather quiet while enjoying their meal, Ivy with her oysters and Orca with her steak. Ivy had ordered them a bottle of wine and told the waiter to bring out a chocolate mousse for them to split once they were done with the main course.

Orca had trouble focusing on her meal, even if it admittedly was a very good steak. She kept glancing around at the other people in the restaurant that had been mesmerized by Ivy. Their paralyzed state was disturbing to her and highly distracting. It made it difficult to enjoy her food.

Ivy noticed Orca's change in mood and looked up at her curiously after taking a sip of wine. "Something wrong, Grace."

"Huh? Uh, no. I'm fine." Orca hastily began cutting off a big piece of her steak.

"You can be open with me… I mean it." Ivy smiled at her. "Just tell me what's on your mind."

"I'm just worried… I'm worried that you're using me." Orca put down her silverware.

"What do you mean by that?" Ivy pursed her lips, seeming confused.

"Pam, look around you. You don't treat people like, well, people." Orca gestured to the restaurant. "Look at this, these people didn't want this. They just wanted a nice dinner."

"They're all a bunch of rich assholes. They don't care about us. If anything, they deserve this." Ivy looked back to her meal and ate another oyster.

"They deserve to be treated like humans…"

"Hmmph, humans… Never been a fan."

"Oh c'mon, you can't just say that. We're both humans."

"No we're not. I'm a plant and you're a whale."

"It doesn't matter what we look like, we're human inside. And what about Harley? You two are practically inseparable and she's a human."

Ivy paused for a moment and crossed her arms. "Harley… She's the exception, not the rule. Look, if you aren't enjoying the date just tell me."

"No, the restaurant is nice. It's just…" Orca sighed. "I wanna know that you're not just using me because you want sex or something like that."

"What?" Ivy sounded shocked. "Of course not! If I wanted to do that I could have pumped your brain so full of my spores that you'd do anything I said. But I'm better than that. I… I care about you, Grace. You seem like a very kind, compassionate woman."

"Thanks…" Orca smiled a little. "Do you think we can take this food to go? I want to let all these people go…"

"Of course, darling. Anything you say." Ivy nodded. "Come on, let's go home." She waved over to the waiter. "Excuse me, we'll take our food to go!"

Orca cracked a smile at Ivy and nodded. "Thanks Pam, you're a good person. I- I've enjoyed this date."

"I've enjoyed it as well." Ivy nodded leaning in over the table. "May I kiss you?"

"Uh, sure." Orca awkwardly nodded, leaning across the table as well.

The kiss proved to be difficult because of Orca's strange proportions. After a little bit of hesitation, Ivy gave Orca a quick peck on the nose. "Mmm, let's try that again when we get home…"

*******

Things had improved ever so slightly for Harley's crew. She was still driving as fast as she could and the stress of the situation was beginning to make her sweat. Trickster was in the passenger seat and bracing himself for a crash that he felt was inevitable. Magpie was curled up on the floor, holding the Scarface dummy like it was her own baby.

The only one who had gotten into a better situation was Dr. Polaris. After trying and repeatedly failing to focus his magnet powers he got an idea. He opened up the van's brand new skylight and climbed up onto the roof. The idea was that if he could climb up on the roof he'd get a better shot at magnetizing the car following them.

By the time he'd gotten up to the roof, Peyton's car had caught up with the Ventriloquist's car and was trying to run him off the road. Dr. Polaris magnetized his metal boots to stabilize himself. Once he was balanced, Dr. Polaris pointed his hands out ahead of him at both the cars chasing him. Rhino was still shooting at Harley's van but he was lousy at hitting a moving target.

Dr. Polaris simply smirked as he pushed his hand to the side, forcing Peyton's car to lift off the ground and smash violently into the Ventriloquist's. But just as Dr. Polaris was celebrating his newfound victory, Harley's van came to an abrupt halt and screaming came from inside. Dr. Polaris managed to stay upright and quickly demagnetized his boots, jumping down through the open skylight.

"What happened, is everyone okay?" Dr. Polaris looked around.

"We're fine, I don't know why Harley's screaming." Magpie said, still holding onto the puppet.

Harley looked behind her into the back of the band. "Doc, what the hell! Ya crashed Arnie's car!"

"What? He was chasing us." Dr. Polaris shrugged.

"The point of this whole mission was to help him!" Harley yelled, half angry and half distressed. "We gotta go help him!" She opened up the side door of the van and leaped out.

The other three quickly exited the car to follow after her, mostly to make sure that Harley wasn't about to do anything stupid. Harley saw them following her and smiled. "Trickster, Doc, this way! Maggie, stay by the car and keep that puppet safe!"

"Right!" Magpie nodded and stopped right by the side of the van.

While she patiently waited, Harley made it to the two crashed cards. "Alright Doc, you gotta use your crazy magnet powers to get him out of there."

"Right…" Dr. Polaris focused on the wreckage and force the pieces of damaged metal to come apart. All the doors fell apart and Harley rushed to look inside. The drivers and two passengers were still alive but looked heavily shaken by the whole thing.

Harley immediately dove into the wreckage and pulled the Ventriloquist out, holding onto him. "I've got ya gramps…"

"Am I dead…" the Ventriloquist weakly muttered.

"Nope, ya made it." Harley helped him get to his feet.

"Oh…" Arnold sighed. "What a pity."

"Don't worry, you're perfectly safe now!" Harley gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Well, aside from a few scratches."

_"Wesker! You fuckin' shitstain!"_ Peyton's voice roared from inside of her car. _"You'd better be dead 'cause you're not gonna like it when I kill ya! I'm gonna shove this gun up your ass and pull the trigger!"_

The Ventriloquist recoiled in fear, watching Peyton climb out of the wreckage of the car wreck. Blood was dripping down her face and when she brushed some of her hair to the side it was clear the tissue around her right eye had suffered some extreme burn damage. "They're all dead, you asshole!"

"Please don't kill me…" the Ventriloquist got down onto his knees.

"You killed my daddy!" Peyton got out her gun and pointed it at him. "It's only fair that you die now…"

Harley acted quick and stepped inbetween the two of them, spreading her arms out. "Whoa there! Let's talk things out. Arnie's a nice fella, I'm sure he had a good reason for doin' whatever he did."

"I- I panicked, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to kill him!" the Ventriloquist held onto Harley's leg, hiding behind her almost. "I just wanted Mr. Scarface back!"

"Oh, wonderful!" a large grin spread across Peyton's face. "And where the fuck is he!"

"Neither of ya can have him!" Harley proudly smirked and crossed her arms. "Magpie's guardin' him!"

"You don't say…" Peyton reached out and grabbed Harley by the floppy tails of her jester cap and pulled her close to her, forcing her gun right up against her head. "Nobody move or the clown gets it!"

Trickster, Polaris and the Ventriloquist all were frozen, trying to think of a way to help out Harley as Peyton dragged her away.

"Listen, I don't even know who ya are, can ya please let me go?" Harley tried bargaining with Peyton.

"I'm Peyton Riley! And right now, I'm fuckin' pissed off! Now shut up!" Peyton shoved the barrel of the gun into Harley's mouth, making her gag a little bit. She made her way over to Magpie, still holding onto Harley tight.

Magpie realized Peyton was coming toward her and got ready to fight her, brandishing her clawed gloves she slashed at Peyton as she approached. Peyton just smirked and let go of Harley, pushing her forward so she collided with Magpie.

"Hand over the puppet, cunt-muncher!" Peyton yelled, her finger right on the trigger of the pistol.

Magpie let out a frightened whimper and held up the Scarface puppet. Peyton smirked, grabbing Scarface and holding him. "Thank you very much…"

Arnold saw Scarface and ran as fast as his out of shape body could carry him toward Peyton. "Mr. Scarface! Thank goodness, you're okay!"

"Now hold on there, Wesker! Not another step closer…" Peyton took out her gun and pointed it at him. "I think Mr. Scarface has some very choice words to share with you…"

Harley felt dazed from the whole experience but she still tried to reach up and grab Peyton. The only response she got was a casual kick to the face by Peyton. "Stay out of this, bitch! This is between me, Wesker and Scarface."

"Please give him back to me… He- He's my only friend!" Arnold's voice croaked with desperation.

"Your only friend, huh? Ain't that cute…" Scarface started to speak. His voice sounded slightly different than before but it was close enough. "You fucked up tonight, dummy."

"Mr. Scarface! I'm so sorry!" Arnold dropped to his knees. "I didn't mean to kill him. Please come back. I'll be good."

The others watching this bizarre drama unfold were confused but didn't want to interrupt either. Peyton chuckled to herself and got closer to Arnold.

"I've never liked ya, dummy." Scarface's head tilted down to look at Arnold. "I only kept ya around cause you were good for a laugh. But look at this…" His head swivelled around to look at Peyton. "This hot piece of ass seems to like me. Whatta ya say Sugar, wanna be my new partner?"

"Mmm, yes I do." Peyton nodded and kissed him on his wooden cheek.

"Now dummy, I'm not gonna kill ya…" Scarface looked down at Arnold. "Yer too pathetic to kill. C'mon Sugar, let's get outta here."

"Of course." Peyton nodded, looking at Arnold still. "If I ever see you again, I will shoot you right in your fat little face." She turned around and began walking away. As she did this, Dr. Polaris slowly raised his hand in an attempt to attack.

"No, don't!" Harley yelled out, beginning to stand up. "Let her go!"

"What?" Dr. Polaris paused.

"Just trust me on this one…" Harley stumbled toward Dr. Polaris.

They all watched Peyton disappear into the darkness, carrying Scarface with her like a beloved pet. Arnold was a wreck, staring blankly up into space.

Harley went over to him and helped him up onto his feet. "Alright everyone, c'mon… It's all over now."

"He's gone…" Arnold mumbled as Harley directed him over to her van. Polaris, Trickster and Magpie all followed her into the van.

"I know Arnie, but don'cha worry… It'll all be better now. You're gonna be happy… We did a good thing today, don't worry…" Harley gave Arnold a light pat on the back. "C'mon, we're gonna go pick up some burgers and shakes. How's that sound?"

"I like how it sounds." Magpie spoke up.

"Wasn't askin' you, Maggie."

*******

About an hour later, Orca and Ivy had arrived back at the apartment after the slightly awkward date. They had talked very little on the walk home, mostly small talk about the weather or what movies they'd seen. When they reached the front door, Ivy pased as she reached for the doorknob.

She glanced up at Orca. "Did you have a good time tonight, Grace?"

"Yeah, I think so. This is my first date with another woman and it was alright." Orca nodded. "I still don't really get why you like me though…"

"Because you're cute." Ivy held Orca by the hand. "You're not like the rest of us. There's a lot of goodness in your heart and you care about people. Part of me wishes I could be like you… You remind me of Harley in a strange way."

Orca smiled back. "You're real nice to me… I appreciate it."

"You deserve it. Harley used to have pretty bad self esteem… I like to think I helped her improve it. Maybe I can help you improve too…" Ivy got up on her tiptoes and leaned in to kiss Orca.

Orca saw this and leaneed in as well. Soon Ivy's lips were somewhat awkwardly touching hers. It was hard kissing a large half-woman half-aquatic mammal but Ivy somehow managed it. They pulled apart and Ivy smiled up at her. "That was fun… C'mon, let's get inside. I still have chocolate mousse we haven't eaten."

"Good idea." Orca nodded, opening up the door to Ivy's apartment.

Ivy and Orca entered the apartment to find Harley and her crew, plus the Ventriloquist, all crammed onto the couch and watching some late night talk show on TV. There were several discarded hamburger wrappers on the table.

"Oh hey everyone, did you have fun with your job?" Ivy smiled at them.

"Yep, it went just perfectly!" Harley cheered.

"She's lying." Dr. Polaris quietly mumbled.

Ivy glanced over at Arnold and sighed. "Dammit… Harl, is he staying with us now? There's barely enough room as it is."

"Don't worry, we're gonna set him up with a hotel." Harley said, giving the Ventriloquist a sympathetic pat on the back.

"I miss him so much…" Ventriloquist wept and took a big sip of the milkshake Harley bought for him.

"Aww, don't be sad… It's for the best." Harley put her arm around him. "Yer just like me when me 'n Mistah J split up. Now that stupid puppet won't hurt anyone else…"

"I guess you're right…"

*******

All the way across town, Rhino and Mugsy made it all the way back to their hideout. They were horribly shaken by the experience but still got out of it with their lives, which was more than they could say for Peyton Riley's father and his enforcers.

"Christ, that was intense…" Rhino was breathing heavily. "Can't believe the boss just disappeared like that. What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"It's not too hard to get new work." Mugsy sounded calmer than his partner. "I hear Black Mask is looking for new guys."

"It just ain't the same." Rhino sighed. "I'm gonna miss him. He's left a big, dummy-shaped hole in my heart."

_"Who are you callin' a dummy..."_ a familiar voice came out of the darkness.

"Muh- Mister Scarface…" Rhino was frightened for a moment.

Out from the shadows of the warehouse came Scarface, being carried by a beautiful blonde woman that they both immediately recognized.

"You're that Riley girl! From the restaurant!" Mugsy exclaimed, pointing at her. "What're you doin' with Scarface?"

"Don't talk to her, talk to me!" Scarface yelled.

"What happened to Arnold, boss?" Rhino asked.

"I had to get rid of the dummy. He was weak. We need new blood. And Peyton here is just what we need." Scarface explained himself. "She's got all sorts of wonderful ideas too."  
"Yeah? Like what?" Mugsy spoke up.

"Well, startin' now you're both part of the Riley crime family. Welcome to the gang!" Scarface cackled.

"This is insane!" Rhino got closer to Peyton, pointing at her. "Ya can't just steal a puppet and act like ya run this joint!"

"I ain't no puppet!" Scarface pointed his gun at Rhino. "I'm Scarface and soon enough, I'm gonna be runnin' this town with sugar lips here right beside me…" He glanced over at Peyton. "Understand? Or do I gotta knock some sense into ya?"

Rhino began backing away from Peyton and Scarface. "Guh- Got it boss… We work for you."

"Perfect." Scarface's little head nodded. "We're gonna do big things boys. Just you wait…"


	10. Meet the Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Trickster is unexpectedly ambushed by the Suicide Squad, Harley is willing to do everything in her power to make sure he ends up safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
> **Deadshot:** Floyd Lawton aka Deadshot, world's greatest assassin who never misses. Core member of the Suicide Squad, on more or less every roster of the team.
> 
> **Captain Boomerang:** George "Digger" Harkness aka Captain Boomerang, a member of Flash's rogues and of the Suicide Squad who regularly uses gimmicked boomerangs to comit crimes.
> 
> **Bronze Tiger:** Ben Turner aka Bronze Tiger, a martial arts wielding vigilante who was at one point brainwashed into joining the League of Assassins. Later went on to atone for the acts he committed with the league by joining the Suicide Squad.
> 
> **Killer Frost:** Louise Lincoln aka Killer Frost, a good friend of the original Killer Frost (Crystal Frost) who repeated the event that led to her predecessor's creation. Blaming the hero Firestorm for Crystal's death, Louise turned to a life of crime and was eventually recruited into the Suicide Squad.
> 
> **Count Vertigo:** Count Werner Vertigo, a deposed Eastern European aristocrat and enemy of Green Arrow. He has the psychic ability to induce feelings of vertigo on others. Later on Vertigo became a member of the Suicide Squad.

The sound of an alarm clock woke Trickster from his sleep. For the last few months, all of his mornings had been rather repetitive. It wasn't ideal but he made the best of it. He liked excitement in his life. Of course, his recent partnership with Harley Quinn did help shake things up a bit. And currently, he was enjoying the hotel suite he'd been renting. He yawned and looked around, slowly sitting up in bed.

"Another day in paradise…" Trickster groaned. He got out of bed and blinked the tiredness out of his eyes. At the moment he was only dressed in a pair of boxer shorts but he was alone, he didn't really care.

Trickster entered the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't consider himself vain but he absolutely hated walking around with a bedhead. Turning on the lights, Trickster looked at himself in a mirror and started straightening out his hair.

But after just a few seconds, Trickster froze. He thought his half-awake brain was making him see things but after staring he realized what he saw really was there. Right behind him was the notorious assassin Deadshot, standing in the hotel bathtub pointing his wrist-mounted gun at Trickster's head.

"If you're going to shoot me could you at least let me die with my pants on." Trickster slowly started raising his arms above his head.

"Not another word. I've got this gun trained on you and I am willing to shoot you." Deadshot spoke in a steady monotone.

"I know you're not going to… If you wanted me dead, you would have shot me already." Trickster tried to keep himself calm.

"Good observation." Deadshot nodded. "But don't push me."

"Alright, alright." Trickster nodded.

"Out the door, we're going on a trip." Deadshot gestured over to the door with his free hand.

Trickster quietly turned and went out the bathroom door, Deadshot following right behind him. Once Trickster was out in the bedroom part of the suite he saw two more strangers. One of his fellow Central City rogues Captain Boomerang and a man he recognized as martial arts using vigilante Bronze Tiger.

"Hello James!" Boomerang chuckled, holding out one of his trick boomerangs. "How's Floyd treatin' ya?"

"Just fine, Digger." Trickster chuckled somewhat sarcastically. "What brings you boys here? If I knew you were coming I would've baked a cake."

"We're here to pick ya up for Waller. She wants you. More specifically those shoes of yours." Boomerang explained, casually tossing his boomerang into the air and catching it again.

"No problem, I'll cooperate." Trickster nodded.

"That's what you said back in Central City. And look, we had to track you down all the way here." Deadshot kept his aim steady.

"We don't want to hurt you." Bronze Tiger sounded calm and collected. "Cooperate and everything will be fine."

"Right… I'll just grab my shoes and I'll go back to Belle Reve with you guys…" Trickster nodded and turned around, going to a suitcase he had set up right by the bed. "Nobody panic, I keep my shoes in the suitcase…" This was only half the truth. Trickster had been preparing for the day the Suicide Squad tracked him down again so he kept a fully stocked suitcase in case he ever had to make a quick break for it. And now seemed to be the perfect time for it. He picked up the suitcase and quickly whirled around with it, using it like a weapon to hit both Bronze Tiger and Deadshot.

He still had the element of surprise on his side but he knew it wouldn't last for long. Trickster jumped over his bed and ran towards the window. Captain Boomerang threw one of his signature weapons at Trickster.

With his suitcase in front of him, Trickster jumped forward right out the window. The suitcase managed to shield Trickster from any shards of glass. He was thankful that his suite was so high up since it gave him extra time to save himself. Quickly unzipping a small pocket on the suitcase that he was holding so close to him, Trickster pulled out his signature Air-Walker shoes and quickly slipped them onto his feet.

Sighing with relief, Trickster ran the air and held onto his suitcase. "Okay, I'm safe… Now I need to get out of this place now… It was fun while it lasted I guess."

Trickster's relief lasted a very short time when a blast of cold air shot past him. He screamed in surprise and looked up. Stood atop the building were two more supervillains he recognized. The blue-skinned villainess Killer Frost and the murderous aristocrat Count Vertigo.

"Hey there, Trickster!" Killer Frost cackled. "Mind stopping for a second?"

"Uh oh…" Trickster started running faster through the air.

Killer Frost smirked and created a bridge of ice from the edge of the building, going ever closer to Trickster with Count Vertigo flying alongside her.

"I'm in my boxers, don't know where to go, and I'm being chased down by a group of supervillains… This is just great…" Trickster looked behind him just in time to see one of Count Vertigo's disorienting mental blasts coming right at him. He didn't have enough time to dodge and was struck by it, making him lose control of his body and begin plummeting towards the ground.

*******

Harley Quinn wasn't much of a morning person. But on this particular day, she'd made sure to wake up earlier than everyone else in her apartment. She snuck out of the bedroom and went across the street to the local doughnut shop. Harley purchased a large box of doughnuts with the intent to share them with her roommates.

Of course, Harley wasn't exactly doing this out of the goodness of her heart. Part of her did just feel like giving her friends a treat. But there was another reason. Recently, Ivy had begun dating fellow supervillain Orca. And while Harley did think they were a cute couple once you got past Orca's strange mutation, she didn't like how much time they were spending together.

The truth was, as much as she didn't want to admit it, Harley was a very needy person who constantly craved affection and approval from others. All the time that Orca and Ivy spent together made Harley jealous in a strange way. Part of her thought it was selfish, but she just missed the time she and Ivy spent together. And so Harley found herself spending some of her ill-gotten cash on a large box of doughnuts.

Harley got to the doorstep of Ivy's apartment and pushed open the door, carrying the big box of doughnuts with her. "Guess who's got doughnuts!" She looked around and saw that nobody was in the living room. "Where the hell is everyone?"

"Over here!" Magpie's voice called out from the kitchen.

Harley followed the sound of the voice and found Magpie and Dr. Polaris hanging out in their street clothes in the kitchen. Polaris was leaned against the chair while Magpie was in a chair. Both of them had mugs of coffee in their hands.

"Hey guys, I just got back from the doughnut place across the street." Harley smiled, putting down the doughnut box on the tiled counter. "Help yourself. There's plenty for everyone."

Dr. Polaris opened the box and picked out a glazed doughnut. "Thanks a lot, Harley. It's nice to know you care about us."

"Aww, no problem." Harley nodded, giggling a bit. "Oh, do ya know where Ivy is? I wanna tell her 'bout the doughnuts."

"I think she's still in the guest bedroom with Orca." Magpie sipped on her coffee.

"Oh…" Harley paused for a moment. "I'll go tell her about it!" She turned around and went to go to the guest room.

Another thing Harley missed now that Ivy and Orca were more or less a couple was being able to share a bed with Ivy. There was something comforting about waking up next to her. Even though having a room to herself was nice sometimes, she found herself missing Ivy a lot of the time.

Harley opened up their room and flicked on the lights. "Hey sleepyheads! I bought doughnuts for everyone if yer hungry!"

Ivy and Orca were both awake but still tired, in bed and under the sheets together. Harley got closer to their bed, obliviously smiling. Orca's response was to just press her head against the pillows harder while Ivy sat up in bed, blinking the tiredness out of her eyes. As soon as she was sat upright it became clear that she was naked or at the very least topless.

Upon seeing this, Harley blushed and started to back away. "Uh, I'll come back later…"

"No need to be embarrassed Harl, we all have bodies." Ivy got out of bed completely revealing that she was indeed fully nude. "Me and Grace needed a wakeup call anyway. Did you say you bought doughnuts?" She picked up a pair of her underwear off the floor and slipped them on.

"Yep, sure did." Harley nodded, still feeling slightly awkward. "So just, y'know, help yourself."

"Thank you, I will." Ivy picked up a t-shirt and put it on. "It's so nice that you surprised us with this, isn't that right Grace?"

Orca made a grumpy groaning noise in response.

Ivy chuckled and looked from Orca and over to Harley. "She's still tired. She and I stayed up very late last night."

Hearing that comment, combined with Ivy's state of undress, made Harley blush a little bit. And she didn't like to think of herself as much of a blusher. "Oh, uh… Did you two…"

"Did we what?" Ivy casually continued to straighten out her hair in the mirror.

Harley decided to just be blunt about it. "Did ya fuck last night?"

Ivy paused for just a moment before turning around and laughing to herself a bit. "Oh… No, no we were just talking and reading some books last night. We still haven't been able to work out how sexual relations between us would work on account of the size difference." She got closer to Harley. "Plus Grace is still being pretty shy about that."

Harley didn't respond, just staying quiet and seeming to blush some more.

"What's the matter, Harls? You've never had a problem talking about sex with me before."

"I haven't had my coffee." Harley quickly said. "You two come out for doughnuts whenever you're ready!" Swiftly turning around, Harley exited the room out into the living room. After giving herself a moment to think Harley shook off the awkwardness she was feeling. "The fuck was that all about? C'mon Harleen, keep yourself together. Just grab a snack, yeah."

Taking a few deep breaths Harley went back to the kitchen and helped herself to a Boston cream doughnut. She was only able to take a few bites before she became distracted by a loud ringing noise. "The fuck is that?"

"Sounds like the landline." Dr. Polaris replied.

"We have a landline?" Harley was surprised by the information and started walking around and trying to find it. "I thought everyone stopped using those after the 90s."

"Your perception of time is not good." Magpie remarked.

"My memories got a little loopy after I took that chemical bath." Harley shrugged. She looked around a bit and found the landline on an end table by the couch. Taking another bite of her doughnut, she picked up the phone. "Hello, you've reached the apartment of Pamela Isley. How may I help ya?"

_"I need you to get down here now! I am in deep shit!"_ a voice Harley soon recognized as Trickster shouted in a panicked tone.

"Trickster? What's the matter?" Harley paused with her mouth still full.

_"I am being hunted down, that's what! I need you to get down here right now and help me get out of town before I'm either killed, imprisoned or worse."_

"What's worse than bein' killed? And wait, who's huntin' you?"

_"The Suicide Squad, that's who! Look, I've lost them for now but it's only a matter of time before they find me."_

"Calm down, I ain't gonna let one of my friends get killed. Where the hell are ya and how can we find ya?"

_"I'm making this call from a phonebooth outside a bar called Carmine's. It's on Broome street, a few blocks away from that pizza place you ordered from last week. I'll be inside the convenience store next to the bar. Did you get all that?"_

"Sure did! Don't worry, you stay put and we'll come find ya. I don't know how but we'll find a way to save ya. Harley Quinn ain't the type of girl to leave a friend behind."

_"Okay, I'll be laying low. Please hurry."_ Trickster hung up on the other end and with that Harley sprung into action.

After taking a large bite out of her doughnut she jumped to her feet. Her timing seemed perfect since it was just then that Ivy and Orca exited their bedroom together. "Listen up, team! Change of plans! We're gonna be goin' out."

"What are you talking about?" Orca asked. "It's too early in the morning for this."

"Trickster's in major trouble, I'll explain on the way. You all get your shit together. I'm gonna go get the van ready. You're all gonna need to be on your A-game today. No goofin' off, this is serious!" Harley walked over to Orca and poked her gut to emphasize her point.

"Did you just say no goofing off?" Ivy raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "It really must be serious. Alright Harls, I'll rally the others. You get everything you need ready."

"Thanks Pammy!" Harley gave Ivy a quick hug. "Oh, I'm gonna go grab the doughnuts for the road. I spent a lotta money on these and it ain't gonna go to waste."

*******

In just a little over fifteen minutes, Harley had gotten her crew to pile into the van, dubbed by Harley _The Marauder Machine_ , and they were speeding down the streets of Gotham faster than they should have been allowed. Thankfully the early hours of the morning meant traffic was virtually nonexistent at the moment. Harley barely had time to get dressed but she slipped into her jester suit and slapped on her domino mask before leaving.

Harley was behind the wheel with Ivy in the passenger's seat, consulting a map. The other three had piled into the back of the van. It was a rather tight fit, mostly due to Orca's stature, but they managed it.

"Alright, I found Broome Street on the map. Did Trickster mention what intersection he was at?" Ivy looked down at the map.

"All he told me was that he was near a convenience store and a bar named Carmine's." Harley's eyes were focused straight ahead. "Wait, no, he said it was near that pizza place we went to last week. You know the one…"

"Ah, got it!" Ivy moved her finger along the map. "Okay, that would put him near the corner of Broome and Moldoff. Take a left coming up, Harls."

"Listen, I don't mean to be rude but can you tell us why exactly we're doing all of this?" Orca spoke up.

"He didn't give me all the details, but from what I understand, Trickster's bein' chased down by a group of guys you may have heard of. The Suicide Squad." Harley glanced back over her shoulder at the others before returning to the road. "Trust me, they're bad news. Their boss, this lady named Amanda Waller, she dragged me into their crazy little game for a while too. What the Squad does is make ya go on missions too dangerous and illegal for the good guys to do."

"I've heard of those guys." Dr. Polaris nodded. "Trickster must have done something real bad to piss them off."

"Well, whatever it is we'll get him out of it." Harley's gaze was fixated straight ahead as she drove down the road.

"So what are we exactly dealing with when it comes to these Squad guys?" Magpie asked.

"No clue, Trickster didn't go into the specifics." Harley took another sharp turn. "Usually Deadshot's part of 'em though. He's pretty dangerous. If he wants to shoot ya, he will and it won't be fun. The others are pretty interchangeable but Cap'n Boomerang's usually part of the team too."

"Who else can we expect on the team?" Dr. Polaris asked.

"No clue!" Harley cackled. "Now shut up and let me drive!"

"You need to get a GPS, Harls…" Ivy sighed, still looking over the map. "Okay, we're almost there. Just make a right and please slow down."

"Got it!" Harley quickly swerved to the right and slammed down on the brakes when she saw the storefront of the bar Trickster mentioned. "Alright folks, we're here!" She opened up the door and hopped out, quickly shutting it behind her. "You guys stay in here I'll be right back!."

After looking around for a moment, Harley spotted a convenience store called Shop-N-Go and figured it must have been the place Trickster was referring to. She hurried inside with the others trailing behind her and spotted the man she was looking for.

Trickster leaned against the counter, casually snacking on a snowcone he'd purchased and chatting with the woman at the till. "I mean it, Central City is great. You should go on vacation there sometime. You know, I don't like to brag, but I've made a few contributions to the local Flash Museum."

"Psst! Trickster!" Harley waved wildly at Trickster, coming towards him. "I'm here! Everything okay?"

Trickster glanced at the woman behind the counter. "S'cuse me for a sec." He turned around and hurried over to see Harley. "Harley! Thank god you're here. I've been freaking out. I bought a snowcone to calm down but that's barely done a thing. You need to get me out of here."

Harley pulled Trickster into a tight, squeezing hug. "Don't ya worry, nobody's gonna hurt you! I promise. C'mon, let's get back to the car. This way!" She grabbed him by the arm and started leading him out of the convenience store.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming!" Trickster nodded, scrambling to keep up with Harley. She directed him over to the back of the van and opened it up and more or less shoved him in the back, in the process making Trickster drop his snowcone.

Harley hurried back around and hopped into the driver's seat. She slammed her foot down on the gas pedal and sped off down the street again. "Okay, now we gotta figure out the plan!"

"Wait, you don't have a plan?" Trickster asked.

"Not in the slightest!" Harley declared. "I zipped down here soon as you called. We can figure somethin' out as we go along. On the bright side, I bought doughnuts for everyone to snack on while we run from the Squad!"

"I need to get out of town." Trickster said. "I barely had time to change into my costume. Had to ditch the rest of my luggage in an alley."

"No problem, I can getcha outta town. Just gotta sneak ya on to a train or somethin'." Harley nodded, looking back at Trickster.

"At this point I'll take anything." Trickster sighed. "It's a miracle I lost them in the first place."

"Do we have to worry about them catching up with us again?" Orca asked.

"I don't think so." Trickster shook his head. "We should be safe."

"Don't jinx us." Magpie glared at him. "We're still not in the clear yet."

"Magpie's right. I've been part of Task Force X before." Ivy nodded. "They won't stop until they've completed their mission. We need to stay focused on the task at hand."

"Alright…" Harley sighed. "I ain't gonna panic… We'll get ya out of Gotham, Trickster don't you worry… Yeah, they ain't gonna find us…"

"Harls, try not to freak out." Ivy put a hand on Harley's shoulder to comfort her.

"I'm tryin' my best." Harley nodded, her eyes wide and looking straight ahead. "I just got the worst feelin' that we ain't seen the last of the…" She trailed off when she spotted something in the road that definitely shouldn't have been there; jagged spikes of ice. Thinking fast, Harley stepped on the brakes but it wasn't quite enough. The van crashed into the icy spikes, scratching up the vehicle. "Shit! Where'd the ice come from?"

"Uh, well, that'd be Killer Frost." Trickster nervously peered over the front of the van at ice. "She's part of the team that was sent after me."

Nobody had a chance to react when a blast of cold air came down at the car from above. Frost began to form on the van's ceiling.

"Fuck, everyone get outta here! We're gonna be frozen solid!" Harley opened up the door and leaped out.

The others followed suit and got out of the car as the blast of cold continued to rain down on the car, eventually freezing it solid.

"Aww man! Now I gotta pay Gearhead to fix that." Harley groaned, looking at her now unusable car.

"We've got bigger problems than that!" Magpie grabbed Harley by the shoulder and pointed upwards.

Harley's gaze followed Magpie's pointing up above where she saw Count Vertigo levitating downward with Killer Frost hanging onto him by the side. She had her hand stretched out, having apparently just frozen Harley's van.

"Alright people, you've had your fun." Frost let go of Vertigo once she was close enough to the ground. "Trickster, come with us and we won't have to hurt your little friends."

"Hey! You leave him outta this! Nobody messes with Harley Quinn's gang and gets away with it!" Harley pointed at them. "Whatever ya throw at us, we can take it."

"Really? Whatever we throw at you?" Count Vertigo chuckled. "If you insist…" He glanced at Killer Frost. "Louise, you may want to move…"

Harley started lunging forward at Vertigo with the others following her lead only for a high pitched ringing sound and light vibrators to begin emanating from the Count. As soon as Vertigo began using his powers Harley instantly lost her balance. Everything was spinning and wobbling. She fell to her knees, beginning to feel sick. It seemed that whatever Count Vertigo was doing was affecting the other members of Harley's crew.

They all dropped down to the ground, some holding their heads in the hope of stopping the disorientation. But whatever they did it seemed futile. Harley soon found herself with her face pressed right up against the asphalt.

Pretty soon all of Harley's crew had given up on fighting it and lay on the street, completely defeated. With a big smirk on his face, Count Vertigo stopped his powers. But even with the relief of it ending, his victims were still horribly disoriented by the experience.

Once Vertigo had deactivated his powers the other members of the Suicide Squad joined the scene. Deadshot, Captain Boomerang and Bronze Tiger all stood over them beside Kiler Frost and Counter Vertigo.

"Y'know, I almost feel bad for 'em." Captain Boomerang smirked down at them and laughed a bit. "We barely had to do a thing to catch them."

"Don't gloat." Bronze Tiger shot a glare at Captain Boomerang. "Frost, Deadshot, you two make sure they don't try anything funny. Boomer, Vertigo, you two help me load them into a transport car. Looks like Belle Reve's got some new inmates."

"I've got my sights trained on them." Deadshot nodded, aiming both his wrist mounted guns at Harley's crew. "Hey there Harley, long time no see. Now, you and your friends had better not move. I can and will shoot you."

"Hey there…" Harley weakly raised a hand and tried waving at him. "I meant to send ya a Christmas card."

While Harley had quietly accepted her fate Ivy's brain was racing to try and figure a way out of the situation. They were in the middle of the street and any plants that were close by were too deep underground to be of any use to her and she was still too disoriented to use her limited fighting skills to her advantage.

But before the Squad could begin to load Harley's crew onto some prison transport, Dr. Polaris decided to make his move. Now that he was no longer under attack from Count Vertigo, he now had enough concentration to launch an attack on Task Force X. He reached a hand up and focused on Deadshot, a large amount of his armour was made of metal which made him the perfect target.

Deadshot saw Polaris raising up his hand and aimed his guns at him. "Hey! One more move and I'll-" The next noise to come out of Deadshot was a loud, pained scream. Seeing the usually stoic Deadshot yell like that made the other members of the Squad recoil in surprise.

The metal pieces of his suit compressed, squeezing him tight like a boa constrictor. He collapsed to the ground in pain, twitching a little. The damage caused by the tightening metal wasn't enough to kill him but Deadshot suddenly realized it'd be a while until he could shoot straight again.

Instantly Bronze Tiger rushed to Deadshot's side to check on him. While he did this, Captain Boomerang took out one of his trick boomerangs and got ready to throw it at Polaris. "Now you've done it!"

"I sure have." Dr. Polaris slowly staggered to his feet, now focusing his powers on Captain Boomerang. "You guys need to stop relying on metal so much."  
Boomerang began levitating off the ground, being lifted by his belt of boomerangs. Dr. Polaris stood completely upright and flung Captain Boomerang straight into Count Vertigo, the both of them tumbling to the ground.

"Alright, now we're really gonna have some fun." Dr. Polaris chuckled and glanced over at Harley. "Hey, Harley, you and the others get out of here! I'll hold these guys off." The frozen van began to levitate into the air. The van flew straight ahead at Killer Frost who quickly leaped out of the way to avoid it.

"We can't leave ya behind!" Harley began to stand up.

"I'll be fine!" Dr. Polaris shook his head and looked at the now rather scattered Suicide Squad. "I know how to handle myself and I'll catch up..."

"You heard him!" Harley reached down and pulled Ivy up from the ground, despite her still feeling dazed. Orca, Trickster and Magpie began to get up as well. "C'mon everyone, let's get goin'! We need to find another car and get outta this joint!" She began to flee and beckoned for her crew to follow while Dr. Polaris continued to battle with the Squad. "C'mon, let's go!"

Harley couldn't help but glance over her shoulder as she ran away. She felt like a coward but her common sense told her that running was the smart thing to do. The best she could do was run and find a car and hope that Dr. Polaris would be able to take out the Squad and catch up with them.

"Don't worry Trickster… We're gonna save ya…" Harley whispered, more to herself than everyone else.

*******

The events following their evasion of the Suicide Squad were a bit of a blur to Harley. For a while all she could remember was running until her feet felt like they were going to fall off and then running even more. She distinctly remembered the smell of a sewer at one point so she definitely ducked down there at some point. Harley made a mental note to wash her suit once she got home.

Eventually, Harley's memories became more clear when they emerged from the sewers and found themselves across from a trainyard. Excitedly, Harley jumped up and down in the air.

"Alright, we made it!" Harley cheered.

"Um, what's the plan here?" Trickster asked.

"I'm gonna throw ya on a train like a little hobo and you can go far away to somewhere new… Probably Ohio." Harley grabbed Trickster by the shoulder. "Now, I know it ain't the best plan but it's all I've got for now. C'mon, let's go!"

Trickster sighed as Harley tugged on him by the wrist and pulled him into the old trainyard. Ivy, Orca and Magpie followed behind her, slightly concerned about her. When Harley gets too excited it's always a bad sign. She was an enthusiastic girl but her enthusiasm made her a bad planner.

Harley paused in the middle of the trainyard and started looking around. "Now lemme see… Which of these trains is gonna leave soon?"

While Harley looked around with a slightly whimsical look on her face, she became distracted again by a familiar voice.

_"Guess who's back, people!"_

Harley looked up and saw Dr. Polaris levitating down from above. His armour looked dented, scratched and in some places even torn but he still had a big smile on his face. He landed on the ground gracefully.

"Holy shit, you can fly!" Harley exclaimed in wonder.

"Not really. I can just use my powers on my suit to lift myself though." Dr. Polaris explained. "Look, that's not important. The point is, I was able to take care of most of those Squad guys. I'm pretty sure I broke Vertigo's jaw."

"Ha! Nice!" Harley cackled happily. "How'd you find us?"

"I was able to track you with the metal explosives Magpie carries with her." Dr. Polaris turned around to look at the others. "Now, we should probably focus on getting Trickster out of here."

"Great idea. I've still got a bad feeling." Trickster said. "I just feel like they're going to find-"

He was cut off when a blast of cold energy came down from above and hit Dr. Polaris in the back, making him fall to his knees. Killer Frost's laughter echoed throughout the trainyard.

"Dammit! How'd they find us!" Harley yelled, going to Dr. Polaris's side to help him up from the ground.

Killer Frost hopped down from on top of one of the train cars and smirked at Harley's crew. Bronze Tiger and Captain Boomerang dropped down on either side of her.

"We only let Polaris here beat us." Captain Boomerang smirked. "Tiger here planted a tracking device on him. And wouldn't ya know it, he led us right to you."

"Please, we don't want to fight." Bronze Tiger stepped in front of the other two. He looked straight at Trickster. "Waller wants your Air-Walker shoes, to study them. Her superiors think they could be used to make plenty of government technology. Just surrender and we won't have to hurt anyone."

"No deal." Trickster shook his head. "You'll have to catch me first."

"Ya heard him!" Harley nodded and grabbed onto Trickster by the arm. She turned to her crew. "You guys, you hold 'em off! I'll get Trickster outta here. If we get split up we'll regroup back at the apartment."

"Don't worry Harl, we've got them." Ivy nodded, staring down the Suicide Squad. "You run."

Harley nodded and fled the scene, dragging Trickster alongside her. Bronze Tiger began to run to catch them.

Ivy smirked. She felt the dirt beneath her feet and plant life all around, even if it wasn't immediately visible. "You have no idea what kind of trouble you're all in…" Without even moving, Ivy willed the plants below the ground to rise up and grab onto Captain Boomerang and Killer Frost, coiling around them and tightening. Bronze Tiger leaped out of the way to the top of another train and continued running down it after Harley and Trickster. "Now… Let's have some fun." Ivy looked over to Orca, Magpie and Polaris. "Go on, have your best shot at these two. I'll go after the Tiger myself..." She turned and ran in the same direction Harley and Trickster went. "Meet you back at the apartment!"

Meanwhile, nearby, Harley was running as quickly as her legs could carry her. She was exhausted but she wouldn't let that stop her. Her hand clung to Trickster's hand, scurrying as quickly as she could. Glancing up, she saw a freight train going by on the bridge above her. "Trickster! That's our ticket out!"

"I can use my Air-Walker's to get up there!" Trickster cheered.

"Take me up there with ya, I wanna give you a proper goodbye." Harley stopped running and pointed up at the train.

"Well, if you insist." Trickster nodded. He stepped up into the air, his Air-Walkers making it look like he was walking he was ascending an invisible staircase. He grabbed Harley under her arms and lifted her into the air with him as he continued to run. "Up you go!"

Harley was suddenly overcome by a sense of wonder. Even though she was only a few feet off the ground she was quickly rising and despite not really flying the sensation was incredible. It reminded her of when her father would push her on the swings when she was a little girl back when she had something resembling a normal life. "This is pretty fun! I've gotta make some flying shoes for myself!"

"Good luck with that." Trickster chuckled. He continued looking straight ahead at the passing train, running with all his determination and slowly rising towards it.

Harley's wonderment was cut short when she looked behind her and saw Bronze Tiger bounding down the top of an unused train. He leaped into the air, arms outstretched towards Trickster and Harley. The two of them weren't high enough in the air to avoid them. Bronze Tiger landed on Trickster's back, clinging onto him. "Alright you two, it's over! Just surrender!

Trickster strained himself to continue running, his eyes still transfixed on the train even as he felt the Tiger's clawed gloves digging into his shoulder and ripping the fabric of his costume. "Oh boy… I'm not used to carrying this much weight…"

Harley whimpered, trying to swipe at Bronze Tiger and knock him off Trickster's back. She turned around to try and get a better look at the Tiger only to see her salvation instead. Her eyes let up and a smile when she saw a large, thick vine with Ivy balanced on the edge of it shooting out of the ground and coming towards her.

"Red! You're her to save us!" Harley put her arms up into the air in celebration, accidentally smacking Bronze Tiger in the face in the process.

Ivy focused and reached forward, willing the plant she was using like a trusty steed to go as fast as it could. The plant rammed straight into the combined trio of Trickerster, Harley and Tiger and sent them flying into the air. As soon as the plant made impact, Ivy leaped into the air and followed their arc.

The sound of bodies clattering against metal was heard as they all made their impact. Bronze Tiger hit the side of the train but hooked his clawed gloves into the metal, holding on for dear life. Trickster and Harley both landed on top of the vehicle and managed to hold on, the two of them slowly standing up. Ivy made a rather majestic landing, daintily stepping down in front of them. She reached down and held out a hand to Harley.

Harley happily accepted it and allowed Ivy to pull her up. "Ya did it Red! We're home free!" Once she was on her feet, Harley pulled Ivy into a big hug and showered her face with affectionate kisses.

"Alright Harl, that's enough… That tickles..." Ivy chuckled, pushing Harley away. "We need to focus okay."

Trickster helped himself off the ground. "Yeah, do we even know where this train is going?"

"Relax, you're goin' out of Gotham. Not sure where exactly but yer goin' out." Harley went over to Trickster and put a hand on his shoulder. "Trust me, I know this town better than you."

"Alright, if you say so. I guess I'll just find a way inside one of the freight cars and hope it gets me the hell out of here." Trickster nodded.

The celebration couldn't continue much longer when Bronze Tiger's hand reached up onto the roof of the train, having apparently clawed his way to the top. He grunted in anger as he got all the way to the top and stood up. "Alright, fun's over. I didn't wanna make this difficult, James."

"You say that, but you've been chasing me all day." Trickster put his hands on his hips.

Harley stepped in between Trickster and Bronze Tiger. "Listen, let's just try to talk about things, okay? Ya aren't a bad guy like the others are ya?"

"No… I used to be brainwashed by the League of Assasins…" Bronze Tiger shook his head. "Being part of the Squad lets me make up for all of that."

"Trickster isn't a bad guy either. He's never even killed anyone. And do ya really want the US government having access to his crazy flying shoes?" Harley tried to reason, stepping closer.

"I let him slip away back in Central City for just about the same reason." Bronze Tiger admitted, seeming unphased by the wind blowing against them on top of the train. "But you realize Waller will send us after you again, it's only a matter of time."

"Well then, I'll just have to be more ready next time." Trickster smirked. "Good luck catching me."

"I'll tell Waller you escaped. But next time, you may not be so lucky." Bronze Tiger turned around and walked to the edge of the train. "I think this is my stop." Without another word Bronze Tiger did a swan dive off the train. For a moment Harley was worried he was going to die but he gracefully grabbed onto the neck of a street lamp down below and pull himself onto it. From there he leaped to a nearby building.

"Holy shit that was awesome!" Harley cheered, pumping her fists in the air. After the excitement went away, she turned herself around to address Trickster. "Well, guess this is the end of the line. Ya can't stay in Gotham if ya wanna escape those guys. I think I'm gonna miss you." She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks Harley, I'll try to write you a letter after I end up in Albany or wherever this train's going." Trickster smirked and pulled Harley into a light hug, giving her a pat on the back. He glanced over her shoulder and saw they were rapidly leaving Gotham. "You should probably hop off the train. I wouldn't wanna take you with me."

"You're right." Harley pulled back from him. "C'mon Red, let's go!" She walked to the edge of the train and looked over the side. "Uh, how're we gonna get off of here?"

"I've got it all covered." Ivy made a quick motion with her hand, summoning up a plant from the ground alongside the train and making it gently grab Harley. It picked her up and started to put her down on the ground. Ivy prepared to do the same only to have Trickster stop her by putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Ivy, I just wanted to ask you something before you leave. You're gonna tell Harley how you really feel about her, right?" Trickster asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Ivy shook her head and smirked at him. "See you around, Trickster. Good luck wherever you end up." She jumped off the side of the train, summoning up another vine to catch her. It gently placed her down.

She looked around and saw Harley on the side of the road about a dozen or so yards away from her. Harley rushed her way over to Ivy as fast as she could and hugged her. "Red! Glad to be back with ya!" She let go of her and held her by the hand. "C'mon, let's go home." With a big smile on her face, she began walking down the side of the road. "How long is this goin' to take?"

"Probably a while. The train took us pretty far away." Ivy replied. "And we lost our van so I doubt we can call in the crew to pick us up. Either we walk back home and do a little bit of hitchhiking."

"Ah jeez, what a day." Harley sighed. "Let's hope today's excitement is all over…"

*******

Hours passed and eventually Harley and Ivy made it back to their apartment with sore feet and both wishing they could lie down. Harley let out a loud sigh as she made it to the doorstep and defeatedly leaned up against the wall.

"Think the others are home now?" Harley glanced at Ivy.

"I'd think so." Ivy took out the key to her apartment and unlocked the door. "If they're not here, that means they're on the way to Belle Reve right now. Which would mean we have more friends of ours to save."

"Man… Can't we have a break today…" Harley sighed. "I wanna take off this sweaty suit and just take a nice, long shower…"

"Oh relax, I'm sure they're fine." Ivy pushed open the door to the apartment. Sure enough, the other three members of their team were at home. Orca sat on the middle of the couch with Magpie and Dr. Polaris on either side of her. There was some medical drama on TV that they only seemed to be half paying attention to.

Orca took notice of their return first and hopped up from the couch. She briskly walked across the room until she got up to Ivy, picking her up and holding her close. "Thank god you're okay! I was getting worried!"

Ivy, still not used to physical affection, awkwardly attempted to hug her back. "I missed you too, big girl… Now put me down."

"Sorry, I got excited." Orca nodded and gently placed Ivy back on the floor.

"It's fine." Ivy chuckled, looking up at her. "I'm glad you all are safe too."

"What'cha guys watchin'? Is it Scrubs? That show was funny!" Harley casually went up to the chair and flopped down on the couch. She pulled down the hood of her jester suit and peeled off the mask, letting her pigtails free. "Ahh, much better… Now I can really relax."

"Um, actually Harley, we found a package for you when we got home. You might wanna check it out." Magpie leaned over and picked up a small cardboard package off the coffee table.

"Ooh, I love presents!" Harley snatched the package out of Magpie's hands.

"Be careful, could be a bomb." Dr. Polaris spoke up.

"Ah, be more optimistic." Harley ignored his warning and ripped open the package with little care for what was inside. After a moment of sifting through packing peanuts she found a VHS tape with the words _PLAY ME_ written on it in marker. "Ooh, spooky! Let's see what's on it!" Hopping up from the couch, Harley went over to Ivy's VCR and opened it. She popped the tape into the VCR and clapped happily in anticipation.

"If that thing tells us we only have seven days to live, I'm out of here." Ivy chuckled as she went over to the couch with Orca. She sat down on Orca's lap and lay her head against her shoulder.

Harley laughed along with the joke as she went over to the couch and squeezed herself onto the couch. But after the initial static of the video went away nobody was laughing. The image on the screen was of a dark poorly lit room with brick walls and a concrete floor. Sitting on a folding chair with her legs tied to the chair legs and their hands tied behind her back was someone Harley and Ivy both recognized. It was their friend Selina Kyle, Catwoman. She seemed worse for wear. Her eyes looked like they hadn't seen sleep in days and there were cuts and bruises on her face and tears around the joint areas of her costume. She had a blindfold over her eyes and a gag over her mouth.

Worse still was who was standing behind Selina, the notorious serial killer Victor Zsasz. He had a perpetual psychotic smile on his face and his entire body was covered in self inflicted scars he treated like tally marks, one for each victim. Zsasz was proud of every kill he had under his belt and showed them off by almost never wearing a shirt. He stood behind Selina carrying a large combat knife that he had pressed dangerously close to Selina's throat.

"Hello there Quinzel… My name is Victor Zsasz. Perhaps you've heard of me." Zsasz spoke in a tone far too calm for the situation he was in. "I've caught a little pussycat… Little kitten shouldn't have come here… Now she'll pay dearly unless you do something about it."

Selina tried to say something but all that came out was some muffled yelling. The sound of her shouting was then accompanied by someone talking just out of the camera's view.

_"Someone shut her up! And you get out of there Zsasz, you've done your part! Creepy fucker…"_

The apparent source of this voice made his way on screen. It was in the infamous skull-faced mob boss Black Mask. He shooed Zsasz away and casually leaned against Selina's chair. "Sorry about Zsasz, he's hired muscle. Thought I'd get your attention with him." He chuckled, straightening out his slightly wrinkled suit. "Listen, we caught your friend. Now, we have your cat friend right here. We won't hurt her as long as you come on down to Blüdhaven and have a chat. I've got some things to discuss and, well, holding your little friend here hostage is your incentive. Don't worry, if you do what I tell you your lost kitty will come home perfectly safe." He chuckled again. "The address of where you should meet is on the back of this tape. See you then…"

After pausing for a moment, Black Mask looked directly into the camera with his mask's dead eyes. "Oh, one last thing… I've got someone else here who wants to see you." He chuckled for a moment. "Zsasz, move the fuckin' camera."

The camera awkwardly shifted to the left, revealing another man who was standing just off camera. It was a man who Harley was very familiar with; the Joker. He was very nonchalantly leaning up against the back wall of the warehouse wearing a long purple jacket and a wide brimmed hat. Joker glanced up at the camera with his typical large grin on his face. "Hey there puddin'... Miss me?" With that, the video ended and cut to static again.

For a moment Harley just stared at the screen, a mix of strong emotions bubbling inside her. After staring for a couple of seconds, Harley let out a loud scream of anguish and rage. She stood up from the couch and in a fit of anger picked up the table, flipping it over. Still screaming and beginning to cry, Harley dropped to her knees on the ground and stared at the screen.

Ivy got up from the couch and went over to Harley, getting to her knees and embracing her from behind. "It's okay Harls, we'll save her… Those bastards are all going to pay."

Harley's sobs got quieter and she wiped her eyes. "We're goin' to Blüdhaven, Red… We're gonna save Selina and make them all regret ever messin' with me. Start findin' us a new car, we're leavin' here as soon as we can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry folks, this cliffhanger here will be resolved next chapter! Stay tuned, same Harley time same Quinn channel! Also, I'd like to give a moment to give a brief farewell to Trickster. The cast was getting a bit overcrowded so I chose to let him go. Hopefully you enjoyed him. I introduced him fairly early on in the story when I hadn't figured out everything I was going to do with the story and was still somewhat mimicking the cartoon. I originally intended Trickster to fill in something resembling Kite-Man's role. But now that I'm more or less doing my own thing and Orca's the one dating Ivy I didn't have much to do with him anymore. So this is sort of his send off. Maybe he'll come back later, maybe not. Anyway he was fun while he lasted! Next time Harley and the gang will be going to Blüdhaven to save their friend Selina. That should be fun to write!


	11. Welcome to Blüdhaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out that Black Mask and Joker had kidnapped Selina, Harley takes her crew down to Blüdhaven to get her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
> **Black Mask:** Roman Sionis aka Black Mask, a Gotham City crimelord with a black, skull-like mask permanently fused to his face. Used to be a rich kid who was friends with Bruce Wayne. Featured in several cartoons and video games and the recent Birds of Prey movie (Which I have not seen).
> 
> **Victor Zsasz:** Victor Zsasz, a deranged serial killer who marks his body for each of his victims. Featured in the Arkham games and also in the Birds of Prey movie.
> 
> **Catwoman:** Selina Kyle aka Catwoman, a cat burglar and sometimes girlfriend of Batman. Also best friend of Harley and Ivy. Featured in pretty much every adaptation of Batman.
> 
> **Gaggy:** Gagsworth A. Gagsworthy aka Gaggy, the Joker's original sidekick introduced back in the Silver Age. Mostly forgotten except an appearance in Gotham City Sirens and the Batman the Brave and the Bold cartoon. Also Joker shows up in this chapter but he's been in several other chapters already.

About an hour's drive outside of Gotham was a smaller but still noteworthy city known as Blüdhaven. While it didn't have as many colourful, infamous criminals as Gotham did that didn't mean it by any means had less crime than its sister city. In fact Blüdhaven had supercriminals of its own. It even had its own superhero, a young man known as Nightwing. The local press didn't know too much about who Nightwing was but it was publicly known that he was on friendly terms with Gotham's own Batman. But tonight Harley Quinn wasn't concerned with Batman or Nightwing. She was coming there to help a friend and make a few new enemies.

Recently Harley received a VHS tape in the mail containing a rather concerning message. Harley wasn't easily scared, at least when it came to people threatening her. She could listen to someone threaten to strangle her with her own intestines and laugh it off. But if someone threatened someone she cared about that was when they crossed the line. And the tape she'd received from Black Mask and the Joker did just that. They'd somehow managed to capture her friend, infamous cat burglar Selina Kyle, and were now threatening to kill her unless they met up with Harley.

But she wasn't in the mood to play their game. She didn't want to talk things out with them. Not after keeping her friend as a hostage. As soon as she saw the video Harley began making plans for saving Selina and making sure Black Mask and Joker never did this ever again.

Her van had recently been destroyed beyond repair during an incident with the Suicide Squad so she went about acquiring a replacement. Since her crew seemed to keep getting bigger she just decided to go all out and bought a small camper, complete all the amenities you'd need for a hunting trip or for transporting a group of supercriminals in perfect comfort.

Harley prepared for her trip to Blüdhaven like she was preparing for war. She ironed out her jester suit meticulously and put special care into her makeup. Her intention today was to wow everyone before she either killed or maimed them. Despite all the rage boiling inside of her Harley did her best to keep calm while she was behind the wheel.

She'd been driving in the RV for a little while now and had been trying to stay calm and collected. In the passenger's seat beside her was Magpie. Harley had wanted to sit with Ivy but she insisted on hanging out with Orca in the back of the camper so Magpie volunteered to sit shotgun instead.

It had been a rather quiet drive up. The two of them had been attempting to make small talk the whole way out of Gotham. "So… You been to Blüdhaven before?" Harley glanced over at Magpie.

"A few times, never for long though. Never seem like much special." Magpie looked out the window, watching the sun begin to go down. "You know that hero guy they got there, Nightwing?"

"Yeah, I've run into him a few times when he's visited Gotham." Harley nodded. "Y'know I heard a rumour that he's the original Robin, all grown up. But I doubt that one."

Magpie smirked a little bit, glancing at Harley. "He's kinda cute, isn't he?"

"I guess so." Harley shrugged.

"You ever gotten a good look at his ass? I would gladly let him smash my teeth in and take me to Arkham just to touch that perfect ass of his for five seconds." Magpie leaned back in her seat and stared off at the highway ahead of her.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment while Harley drove before casting a look over at Magpie. "When was the last time you had sex?"

Magpie sighed and sunk down in her chair. "Probably a little more than a year…" She sighed for a moment. "I touch myself a lot though." A look of discomfort and shame came over Magpie and she sunk down even further. "I don't know why I said that…"

"Aww don't feel bad… I do it a lot too…" Harley sighed. "I don't think anyone on our team is getting any action… Well, except maybe Ivy and Orca but I don't wanna think about what goes on when those two are alone together."

"How would that even work?" Magpie chuckled a little.

"Don't even make me think of those too. I can't imagine Ivy bein' the small one in any relationship she's in." Harley cracked a smile and glanced at Magpie. "It's weird seein' Ivy get lovey-dovey about someone. I mean, Orca's a nice lady but I just ain't used to seeing Ivy care about people that much. Well, people that aren't me. Me 'n her are special. Y'know?"

"No, I don't really know." Magpie looked out the window of the car again, spying an exit sign. "Can we stop at a gas station?"

"No way! We're gettin' down to Blüdhaven, savin' Selina's ass and goin' back home as fast as I can. No stoppin'." Harley shook her head.

Magpie let out an annoyed whine. "But I need to use the bathroom…"

Harley groaned and started getting ready to find an exit. "I told everyone to go before we left."

"You gave me a water bottle for the road." Magpie crossed her arms. "You're not being a very good leader."

"Alright, relax, I'm findin' a rest stop. I wanted to stretch my legs anyway." Harley sighed. "You can take your potty break. Jeez, I feel like a mom on a family road trip..."

"Why are you in such a bad mood today?"

"Well, I'm tryin' to keep my kidnapped friend from gettin' killed."

"Fair point..."

Harley sighed. "Y'know what, now that you brought it up I kinda have to use the bathroom too…"

*******

Inside the actual city of Blüdhaven, Selina Kyle had been having a bad week to say the absolute least. For the past few months she'd been on a world tour of sorts, travelling across the world and committing robberies just to prove she could. Japan, France, Brazil, Italy, she went to as many places as she could and stole as much as she could. Recently, she'd returned to the United States after her time abroad and was excited to be back home. She had plans to see some friends and maybe even reconnect with some old love.

But just one night after returning home she was attacked in her own apartment and knocked out. When she woke up she found herself locked in a small brick room with a locked door and no windows. At first she only had contact from the outside world when someone would push in food through a slot in a door but one day a few thuggish men came in to see her only to blindfold and tie her up. Selina was dazed but she recognized the voices of her captors when they spoke; Black Mask, Victor Zsasz and the Joker. From what she could tell they meant to use her as a bargaining chip for some kind of deal involving her friend Harley Quinn. Selina was intent on not letting that happen.

She did her best to break out of her cell but no matter what it seemed futile. She was too weak to do anything. The one bright spot she had was knowing that her cats at home were okay since she'd told her friend Holly Robinson to look after them while she was away.

Currently Sleina was leaned up against the cold brick wall and staring at the door, trying to conserve her energy. Her mind was a mess, trying to come up with ways to escape. She'd eaten nothing but the bare minimum for the past week and it was starting to get to her.

"C'mon… I need to get out…" Selina's eyes were heavy. She'd barely gotten any sleep since this whole ordeal had begun.

Her attention was captured when she heard the sound of the door unlocking. A small part of her hoped and wished that someone had found her and was coming to rescue her. But those hopes were dashed away when she saw Black Mask standing on the other said.

"Hey there sweetheart, you doing okay?" Black Mask chuckled, his skull mask frozen in a permanent sneer.

"Fuck you…" Selina weakly muttered, staring up at Black Mask with hatred in her eyes.

"Don't look at me like that. I've treated you better than most people I lock up. Besides, you're going free today! Well, maybe." Black Mask walked further into the room with two goons of his following behind. "If Ms. Quinzel is all nice and cooperative, you go without a scratch. If not… Well, looks like Zsasz is gonna have another tally mark."

Selina didn't say anything, she just stared up at Black Mask's cold unfeeling visage. With what little strength she had, Selina tried getting up to lunge at him only to be kicked in the chest.

"Nice try." Black Mask laughed a bit, watching Selina fall to the floor. He looked back behind him at his goons. "Alright boys, tie her up. Don't wanna let her get loose."

The two men silently nodded and descended on Selina. She struggled but it was no use, her wrists and ankles were soon bound together. The larger of the men hoisted Selina up and held her over her shoulder.

Selina lifted her head slightly just to glare at Black Mask. "You're going to regret this…"

"We'll see about that." Black Mask poked her nose just to annoy her.

All Selina could do was growl in anger at him as Mask's goon took her out of her cramped cell. This time she wasn't blindfolded so she got a slightly better idea of where she was being kept. She tried to remember as much information as she could. It was an old building for sure, probably built before Selina or even Black Mask was born and it appeared that the news residents hadn't really bothered to clean it since moving in. Wherever she was it certainly seemed like it may have been an industrial building at some point in time.

This theory of hers was confirmed when Black Mask and his men stepped through a set of double doors and into an area full of rusted out and dusty machinery.

"Here we are!" Black Mask cheered, looking back over at Selina and his men. "Alright boys, lift her up."

"Lift me up?" Selina repeated, a mix of confused and concerned.

Selina's question had its answer when one of Black Mask's men pulled down a chain with a hook on the end and looped it through the bindings around her wrists. Before Selina had a chance to protest another one of the goons slapped a piece of duct tape over her mouth. The chain began ascending, bringing Selina up with it until she was dangling above the ground.

"Enjoy the view!" Black Mask cackled. "Quinzel should be here soon. I'll go bring Zsasz and Joker around. They're gonna love this…"

Even if she wasn't bound and gagged, Selina was too malnourished and sleep deprived to fight back. All she could do was shoot furious glares at Black Mask and fantasize about the things she'd do to him once she got free.

*******

After the gas station bathroom break, and buying some snacks while she was there, Harley had continued on an uninterrupted course to Blüdhaven. Other than a few more conversations with Magpie things were uneventful. Of course Harley had a gut feeling that things would get much more interesting once she could talk to Black Mask face for face.

She arrived at the address provided to her, the old Sionis Steel Mill in east Blüdhaven. After parking the RV in an empty lot across the street, Harley got out with Magpie and entered the back of the car to greet Ivy, Orca and Dr. Polaris. The three of them were seated at the table in the back together.

"Alright everyone, we're here!" Harley announced, going up to the table and leaning against it. "You ready to go?"

"What exactly is the plan here?" Dr. Polaris asked. "You didn't really go into specifics. You kinda just kept going on about wanting to kill them."

"Yeah, I get like that when I'm mad." Harley nodded, giggling a bit. "I'll be honest, I don't have much of a plan."  
"Of course you don't." Ivy smirked. "You know I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Hey, I've got somethin' resembling a plan." Harley crossed her arms. "We got meet up with Mask and Mistah J and see what they have to say. Knowin' them, I ain't gonna like it. So when that time comes we free Selina and kill 'em."

"I don't like killing people..." Orca mumbled quietly.

"Well, then ya shouldn't have become a supervillain." Harley giggled a little bit. "Killin' is what we do."

Ivy turned to Orca and tenderly held her hand. "Don't worry, you don't have to kill anyone. Leave that to us."

"If ya really don't wanna kill anybody we can just beat the shit outta them and tell 'em not to fuck with us. Honestly it might me more fun to bruise their egos instead of killin' them." Harley smirked and turned around. "Whatever, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, we're goin' in and listenin' to what they have to say. But be ready for things to get ugly."

Harley soon exited the RV with her crew behind her. She felt her heart beating fast and a large smile was on her face. Taking a few deep breaths, Harley went over to the driver's seat of her car and took out her favourite mallet. Her crew followed her as she crossed the street and began approaching the old Sionis Steel Mill. She felt nervous but she tried to shake it off, tonight was a big night and she needed a clear mind if she wanted to save Selina and get revenge on the Joker.

"Okay everyone, play it cool. We ain't gonna let these assholes scare us." Harley looked back at her team. Although her pep talk was more for herself than them. "Yeah, we can do this…" She looked straight ahead with a serious expression on her face as she pushed ahead through the front doors of the steel mill. "Hello anyone here?" She looked around the dark empty hallway and kept walking forward.

She beckoned her team to follow her as she went deeper into the building. At the end of the hall was another set of doors which she cautiously pushed through. On the other end of the door was a large, mostly empty room with some rusted up machinery. But it wasn't the machines that caught Harley's attention.

At the centre of the room was Black Mask surrounded by about six or seven of his hired thugs. Standing to his right was the scar covered serial killer Victor Zsasz. To his left was the person Harley was dreading to see the most, the Joker. He was sporting a bit of a new look with a purple long coat and a matching purple wide brimmed hat. It seemed that his clothes weren't the only new things about the Joker. Stood beside him was a very short man with a bowl haircut. He wore a suit similar to Harley's with an orange and black diamond pattern on it and a large cone over his nose, making the man resemble Pinnochio. Suspended by a chain and hook from the ceiling above them all was Selina, it seemed that she was either passed out or resting.

Harley wasn't quite sure how to address the strange group but it seemed like she didn't have to. Black Mask began approaching her with his arms outstretched as if he was about to hug her. "Quinzel! Thank you for showing up!"

"Hey Masky, how's it goin'?" Harley put on a slightly angry smirk, glancing up at Selina to check on her. "You'd better have made this trip out to Blüdhaven worth the trek. I spent a lotta money on gas."

"Trust me, Quinn. Everything will be absolutely worth it." Black Mask's frozen skulled face stared right back at Harley. "We have some things we want to discuss."

"I'm a professional gal. We'll get straight to business." Harley casually put the hammer over her shoulder. "But before we do anything else… You need to let my friend go."

"The kitty cat? Sure thing." Black Mask looked upward at a control room with a glass observing area where presumably another one of his men was. He nodded at whoever was in the room and after just a moment Selina began to be lowered down from the ceiling.

Once her feet were touching the ground another one of Black Mask's thugs unhooked her and let her collapse to the ground. Ivy immediately rushed to her side to check on her. Harley began to do the same but Black Mask put a hand on Harley's shoulder to stop her.

"Now then, let's talk business, shall we? You, me and Joker can go up to my office and discuss a few things." Black Mask squeezed Harley's shoulder a little bit. "We can each bring in one of our goons with us. For protection. In case things get heated. Deal?"

"Deal." Harley nodded, glancing over her shoulder. "I'm takin' Magpie with me. The rest of you, make sure these guys don't pull anything funny."

"I suggest we take Gaggy with us!" Joker declared, gesturing to the short man beside him. "Now I know he may not look like much, but just wait til you see him in action… If it comes to that."

"Sounds perfect!" Black Mask let out a hearty laugh. "Follow me you two, up to my office. We're going to have a nice, friendly conversation…"

"Yeah, I bet we will…" Harley's brow furrowed, moving away from Black Mask.

Black Mask turned around and began going toward a door at the end of the room. Joker and Gaggy followed right behind him. Taking the hint, Harley followed after them and beckoned for Magpie to join her.

Harley walked briskly, keeping her pace with Joker. While she walked, she glanced up at her ex-boyfriend. "So… It's been a while."

"It sure has." Joker glanced over at Harley, laughing a little. "I believe last time I saw you you left me in a burning building with a lunatic with a flamethrower."

"Hey, it was a fireworks gun." Harley crossed his arms. "And besides, before that you left me to get fear-gassed to death."

"It looks like we're even in that case." Joker glanced back at Harley.

Harley's eyes narrowed at him and she crossed her arms. "So… Who's the little guy?" She glanced over at Gaggy.

"That is my newest sidekick! Gaggy the Bozo Wonder!" Joker broke out into a loud cackling.

"That's right, boss!" Gaggy cheered, scurrying alongside the Joker.

"What happened to Bob?" Harley tilted her head. "Ain't he your number one guy?"

"Oh, Bob? I'm afraid he suffered from a case of lead poisoning." Joker smiled at Harley. "Last I checked he was in the Blackgate infirmary. Such a tragedy."

"Ya always did see your sidekicks as replaceable, didn't ya?" Harley glared at him.

"Now you two, I want you to play nice…" Black Mask looked over his shoulder at them. "I know you're exes but let's put that all behind us. This is about business and we can't let things like love get the better of us."

He led Harley and Magpie up a set of stairs into what used to be the foreman's office. Black Mask sat behind a desk with a large window behind him and Joker took a seat next to him. Gaggy stood by Joker's side, ready for action. Harley noted two seats in front of the desk and sat down with Magpie taking a seat beside her.

"Thank you for being so reasonable, Harleen." Black Mask put his hands down on the table. "Now, let's get straight to business."

"Good idea. No chit-chat. Just tell me what ya want from me." Harley put on her best poker face and leaned in toward Black Mask.

"Well… It's a bit of a long story." Black Mask chuckled. "Ya see-"

"We want you to leave town." Joker interrupted, speaking bluntly. "And never come back."

Black Mask sighed. "Dammit J…."

"What!" Harley yelled, standing up abruptly. "What makes ya think I got any right to tell me to do that?"

"Look, Harley, you've been shaking things up too much more than we'd like." Black Mask tried to remain calm as he explained things, gesturing for Harley to sit down. "Look ever since you and Joker here split up things have been getting chaotic. You took down Great White Shark's operation, split up Clayface's gang, the Ventriloquist hasn't been heard from in a while… Now, I'm no stranger to taking out the competition. But the way you do things… It's too chaotic. There needs to be order."

"You just aren't cut out for this, Puddin'." Joker chuckled.

"I see how it is…" Harley crossed her arms. "I'm doin' too good a job and you want me gone!"

Joker broke out into a brief fit of laughter. "Oh Harley… You're such a silly girl… You just aren't smart enough to be a crime lord like us. I know I might be insane, but there's a method to my madness… But you, you're just a stupid little girl who got in over her head.

"Look, Harleen, I'm trying my best to be nice here." Black Mask leaned back in his chair. "I want you to leave Gotham and go somewhere else… Metropolis, Central City, Miami, I don't care… If you don't do that, me and my men will spend all our time and resources to hunt you down 'til you're nothing but a head on a pike… Metaphorically speaking."

"Maybe literally, you never know how things will go." Joker added.

"So whatta you say, Quinzel? You in?" Black Mask asked.

Harley stood up and glared at Black Mask. She took out her mallet and prodded Black Mask's chest with it. "I've got two words for ya, Masky. Fuck you."

*******

Back below on the ground floor, the rest of Harley's crew was somewhat awkwardly mingling with Black Mask's hired help. Ivy was on her knees, tending to the still unconscious body of Selina. She'd cut Selina's bindings and removed the tape over her mouth. After that Ivy had wrapped some of Selina's injured areas in vines and a makeshift bandage. Ivy cradled Selina's head in her lap, praying that she'd regain consciousness soon.

"It's okay Selina… You'll be okay…" Ivy stared down at Selina's face.

Orca put a hand on Ivy's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. "It's gonna be okay. Your friend will be fine…"

"I dunno, looks like they did a number on her." Dr. Polaris commented.

"Be optimistic." Orca whispered to Dr. Polaris.

"I think she's starting to come to." Ivy noted, seeing Selina twitch a little.

There was a lull in the conversation for a few moments while Ivy silently looked at Selina to comfort her. That silence was interrupted when Zsasz approached the group slowly and intentionally.

"Mask promised her to me you know…" Zsasz smirked, looking down at Selina. "If Harley fails I get to kill her… The cat."

"Good luck with that." Ivy shot a hateful glare at Zsasz.

"She deserves to die. She is vain, cares about money, sex… Her death would be liberating her." Zsasz continued talking as if Ivy hadn't said anything. "All of you deserve to die… Every last human being."

"Hmm, at least we agree on that." Ivy muttered under his breath. "Although I'd make some exceptions…" She held Selina closer to her out of a sense of protections.

"Then you're weaker than I am." Zsasz took a few steps closer. He crouched down to her level and brandished a hunting knife. "All life is meaningless… I do good work, I free people from the miserable world they're stuck in."

"Oh, shut up." Ivy groaned. "At least the people I kill deserve it. You're a psychopath who claims to have morality."

"Aren't you kind of in the same boat…" Dr. Polaris whispered.

"You shut up too." Ivy glared at him. "Selina and I may not always get along but she doesn't deserve to die… I need to make sure she's alright."

Things went quiet again as Ivy stroked her fingers against the sides of Selina's face, as if trying to comfort her somehow. For just a moment, things seemed serene. But moments like those weren't meant to last in the life of a supervillain. The calmness was soon replaced by screaming and shattering glass.

All eyes looked upward just in time to see Black Mask smashing through the window of the foreman's office and falling down to the ground floor. He landed flat on his back and yelling from the office could be heard.

_"Harley Quinn ain't nobody's bitch!"_ Harley's voice echoed from the office above. Just a moment later she'd leaped down through the hole in the window and landed on her feet just a few inches away from Black Mask. She stepped on his chest, pressing down hard and pointing the mallet at his face. "So… You want me to leave town, huh? Yeah… That ain't happenin'!" Many of Black Mask's goons began taking out their firearms and aiming them at Harley. "I wouldn't do that if I were you! One wrong move and your boss gets his head smashed like a watermelon…"

But before Harley could make good on her promise, Zsasz came up on her from behind and held her in a tight grip. He pressed a knife close to her throat and she felt his breath against her nick, creating a tingling sensation all along her spine.

"Silly little jester… Every one of your actions needs to be thought out." Zsasz whispered.

To make things even more interesting, it was around then that the Joker entered the room, having apparently left the foreman's office. He was leading Magpie in front of her, with his gun pressed up against her temple. Gaggy rode on her shoulders and held his hands over her eyes like a small child would with a parent.

"My oh my, it's just so hard to find good help these days!" Joker cackled. "What a mess we've all found ourselves in..." After moving closer, he focused his gaze on Harley. "Now Harley, there are two ways this ends. Option A: You surrender, leave us alone and get out of town forever. Or Option B: We have Zsaszie here slit your throat and leave you to bleed out on the ground. Which will it be?"

"Jeez, such a tough choice…" Harley sharpened her gaze at the Joker. She looked back and forth between Joker and Black Mask. "How about I choose Option C…" She glanced back at her crew. "Doc! Do your thing!"

Without another word, Dr. Polaris pointed a finger out and projected out his magnetic powers. The knife flew out of Zsasz's hand and it plunged into the shoulder of one of Black Mask's men. He screamed in pain and dropped to the ground. The gun in Joker's hand was magnetized and flew into Dr. Polaris's hand. He tried to get as many of the other guns magnetized and out of the hands of Black Mask's men.

"Oh yeah, now things are really gettin' fun!" Harley cheered, breaking out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. "What're ya waitin' for guys, help me take out these schmucks!"

"Yeah, what she said!" Black Mask yelled. "Just, in reverse!"

It was around then that several things happened. First Magpie shook Gaggy off of her back and slashed at Joker with her clawed gloves, getting her free. A few of Black Mask's goons lunged at her but she thought back, clawing at them as well.

After that, Black Mask grabbed onto Harley by the foot and tugged at her. This knocked her off balance and got her to drop her hammer. As much as Black Mask wanted to fight back against Harley he was too out of it from the fall he took. So he chose flight over fight and got to his feet, running away through another set of doors deeper into the steel mill.

"Oh no ya don't!" Harley picked up her hammer and sprung up, chasing after Black Mask.

Seeing Harley run, Zsasz ran to the down goon with the knife in his shoulder and pulled it out. "She won't escape me that easily…" With a scowl on his face, Zsasz hurried after Harley and Black Mask.

Ivy took notice of Zsasz's departure after Harley and took it as an opportunity to try and somewhat get control of the situation. "Polaris! You go after Harley, make sure she doesn't get herself killed! Orca, Magpie, keep fighting these idiots!"

"You got it, Ivy." Dr. Polaris quickly turned and went in the same direction as the others.

While Orca and Magpie were in the middle of a fight with Joker, Gaggy and the other goons Ivy dragged Selina across the room and into a corner to make sure she was okay. It seemed that Orca's size and enhanced strength were giving her a considerable advantage. But her inexperience and slight hesitation gave the guys she was fighting a bit of an edge.

"Ivy, babe, a bit of help!" Orca called out.

"Right!" Ivy nodded, she closed her eyes and felt around the room for plantlife, eventually finding some weeds growing in a crack in the floor. She willed them to grow and to fight against Black Mask's small crw of crooks.

Even though it seemed that the fight was in her favour she couldn't help but worry about Harley and Selina. Harley had run off again somewhat irresponsible against a threat she may not have been prepared for. And Selina lay in front of her unconscious with no signs of waking up anytime soon. As much as Ivy hid behind the veil of misanthropy there were people in the world she cared about and right now two of them were in danger. She would have never admitted it to anyone but staring at Selina's bruised, unconscious face and thinking about if Harley would be okay was the closest Ivy had come to crying in a long time. Probably since she was a teenager.

But before Ivy had a chance to truly cry a small ray of hope came her way. Selina's face twitched a little bit. Then it twitched some more. Pretty soon her eyes were fluttering open and looking around in confusion.

"Ivy… What's going on…" Selina's voice croaked a little, still unsure of her chaotic surroundings.

"We're here to help you, don't worry…" Ivy spoke softly and calmly.

Selina tried standing up but ended up shouting in pain and going back to the ground. "Ah! Shit…"

"Don't get up Selina, just rest. Everything will be alright…" Ivy gently whispered.

Selina groaned and rested her head on Ivy's lap again. "Good idea…"

Ivy continued to hold Selina close to her, trying to comfort her. While Ivy tried to help Selina, Orca and Magpie were pretty much dominating against Black Mask's men. Magpie used her clawed gloves and small gem shaped bombs to her advantage while Orca's size and strength made Black Mask's goons easy pickings for her.

Soon enough, Orca and Magpie had either knocked out or scared away all the men sent to attack her with two exceptions; the Joker and Gaggy. Magpie held Gaggy in her arms, as he tried to break free. She occasionally would smack the back of his head to get him to stop. Orca held Joker upside down by his legs while he laughed uncontrollably, making no escape attempt.

Orca and Magpie approached Ivy and Selina with their two prisoners. Ivy looked up at them and smirked, chuckling to herself a little.

"So, what should we do with them?" Magpie asked.

"Kill them." Ivy blunted replied.

"Do we have to…" Orca whimpered.

"Oh, right… You don't like doing that." Ivy nodded.

"Ha! A supervillain who doesn't kill people… This is the kind of help Harley is hiring?" Joker laughed.

"You shut up." Ivy snarled.

Selina slowly started to stand up, groaning a little bit. "Don't worry, Pam… I know exactly what we'll do with them."

*******

Deeper in the factory, Harley was in hot pursuit of Black Mask. She'd already hated him when he found out she kidnapped Selina so him telling Harley to leave town just added more fuel to the fire.

"C'mon Masky! Ya can't run forever!" Harley yelled, leaping over a piece of machinery she didn't recognize. "I just wanna talk! And maybe beat ya with my hammer!"

"Go away, you crazy bitch!" Black Mask reached into his jacket and took out his handgun. He looked over his shoulders and wildly fired at Harley. All of his shots missed but he hoped it would be enough to spook her into leaving.

But his plan seemed to be failing. All it did was encourage Harley to run faster in order to catch him before he really could shoot her.

Black Mask made it to a door at the back of the room and tried pushing it open but it wouldn't budge. He tried pulling it next but that wouldn't open it either. The door was either locked or rusted shut. Either way, Black Mask wasn't going to let it stop him. He rammed himself into the door shoulder first in an attempt to force the door open.

"C'mon, c'mon…" Black Mask's breath grew heavy as he tried to break down the door.

Despite his efforts, he just couldn't break the door fast enough. He heard Harley's footsteps getting closer and then her shouting at him. "Hey, shithead! Smile!"

Black Mask turned around just in time to see Harley running at him with her hammer raised. Before he even had a chance to shout, he had been hit in the face with the mallet and fell over.

"Ya shouldn't have run away Masky… I just wanted to talk." Harley stepped on Black Mask's back to hold him down. "Now… I'm gonna stay in Gotham and you ain't gonna do anything about it… Understand?"

"Fuck you, Quinzel…" Black Mask groaned. In response to his comment, Harley stomped on his hand.

"Let's try that again." Harley chuckled, pointing her mallet at his head. "You are gonna leave me and my crew alone. Got it?"

Before Black Mask could say anything Harley was distracted by something else. A dark figure emerged from the shadows behind her and tackled her to the ground. Harley turned over and saw Victor Zsasz standing above her, brandishing his knife again.

"Hello, clown…" Zsasz smirked down at Harley. "Are you ready to die?"

Harley had lost her hammer when she was tackled but that didn't stop her from fighting back. She grabbed onto Zsasz by his wrists and tried to keep his knife away from her. "Let go of me, ya psycho!"

"Hush now, Quinzel…" Zsasz whispered, still trying to stab Harley with his knife. "You'll finally be freed of your miserable, wasted life once I'm done…"

"Ah shut up!" Harley freed a leg from underneath him and managed to knee him in the gut.

"Ack!" Zsasz gasped and fell over, his knife clattering to the ground.

Harley and Zsasz crawled across the ground, both reached for the knife at the same time in competition for the weapon.

Before either of them could get their hands on the hunting knife, it jerked away into the darkness like it was being controlled by a ghost. It floated into the air and the two of them looked up to see Dr. Polaris hovering above them.

"Hey Harley, looks like I got here just in time." Dr. Polaris landed on the ground, throwing the knife behind him into the dark factory.

"Just in time!" Harley got up from the floor, feeling revitalized by Dr. Polaris's sudden appearance. "Wanna help me teach these boys a lesson?" She smirked at Zsasz and Black Mask on the ground.

"Oh, gladly." Dr. Polaris nodded.

Harley picked up her discarded hammer and wandered back over to where Zsasz was on the ground and beginning to stand up.

"Oh no ya don't!" Harley brought her hammer down onto Zsasz's back, making him gasp and fall back down to the floor. "You're stayin' down… Understand?"

Zsasz made a groan of pain but was unable to say anything. While he was on the ground in pain, Dr. Polaris approached Black Mask.

Black Mask staggered to his feet and leaned against the door, trying to force it open again. Dr. Polaris saw his efforts and smirked at him. "Lemme help you with that."

With the wave of his hands, he forced the old doors off their hinges, making them slam into Black Mask. It sent Black Mask flying across the room and landing on top of Zsasz.

Harley and Polaris gathered around them, looking down at them. Laughing to herself, Harley looked up at Dr. Polaris. "So whatta ya think we should do with them?"

"I mean, we could kill them if you wanted?" Dr. Polaris smirked and glanced at Harley.

"Hmm… Tempting." Harley giggled, getting her hammer ready. "Lemme think about it…"

She didn't have a chance to make a full decision. Harley was interrupted when the remaining three members of her crew, plus the newly awoken Selina, emerged from the dark factory.

"Harley, thank god you were okay." Ivy sighed and put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "I was worried about you."

"Red, you're okay!" Harley cheered, throwing her arms around Ivy. She then spotted Selina and squealed in excitement. "Kitty! Ya ain't dead either!" Quickly letting go of Ivy, Harley practically skipped over to Selina and hugged her tight.

Selina winced in pain and shouted. "Ah! Harley, lay off a bit… My shoulders are pretty tender right now…"

"Heh, sorry Selina!" Harley let go of Selina and backed off.

"We took care of Mask's guys back there." Magpie explained, approaching Harley. "We should probably get out of here while we still have a chance."

"Good idea. But first…" Harley turned around and looked at Black Mask. "I got some business to take care of." She smacked Black Mask in the face with her hammer. "Now! Don't fuck with me again if ya don't want your shit to get wrecked!" Quickly turning around to address her team. "Alright, now we can go!"

"Hmmm, I'd like to do something first…" Selina walked over to Zsasz's spot on the floor and crouched down over him. "Hey Zsasz, how's this for a tally mark?" She quickly slashed his face with the clawed tips of her gloves, leaving two cuts along his cheek.

Zsasz started screaming and held his face. "You marked me! Nobody can mark me! Only I can do that!" He writhed on the ground. "Need to kill… Need to keep count…"

"Ah shut up." Harley rolled her eyes and kicked him in the head as hard as she could, knocking him out. "Alright, let's get outta this joint."

Harley turned around and swung the hammer over her shoulder, walking away from Black Mask and Zsasz. Soon enough, she left and reentered the room she'd initially encountered Black Mask and Joker in.

When she got there she couldn't help but laugh. The only people in the room were Gaggy and Joker, both looking a little roughed up. Gaggy was unconscious in a corner while Joker was tied up and hanging upside from from the hook and chain Selina was tied up with earlier.

"Harley!" Joker cheered. "I was hoping you were dead."

"Aww, thanks Puddin'. I was hopin' the same thing about me." Harley poked his nose and laughed at him. "Good luck gettin' down. Oh, and if ya ever try anything like this on me again, I'll kill ya! Bye now!" She turned around and began confidently strolling away from him, feeling satisfied to let him keep dangling like that. The rest of her crew waited for a moment before following Harley out of the steel mill.

Harley happily hummed to herself as she crossed the street and returned to her RV. She opened up the door to the back and held it open for her crew. "Alright Selina, you deserve a nice long rest."

"Thanks Harley, I think I need to lie down." Selina gave Harley a pat on the shoulder and entered the back of the RV.

Ivy gave Harley a quick kiss on the cheek and entered the RV next. "Good idea, let's get some rest."

Orca nodded and held Ivy by the hand, following her into the RV. Magpie was about to enter the RV next but Harley held out a hand and stopped her.

"Uh, Maggie, I hate to do this to ya but I kinda wanna hang out in the back with Red and Selina." Harley put on an awkward smile. "Do ya mind driving the car back to Gotham this time?"

"Fine." Magpie sighed and nodded. She turned around and went over to the front of the RV. As she did this, Dr. Polaris stopped her when he put his hand on her shoulder.

"C'mon Margaret, I'll get on the passenger's side with you. Keep you company." Dr. Polaris smiled at her.

"Thanks…" Magpie smiled as she got up into the driver's seat.

Harley got into the back of the RV and closed the door behind her. Selina and Ivy were seated on the couch with Orca on a couch across from them. In her excitement, Harley went over to the couch and squeezed herself between her two friends putting her arms around each of them. "So good to have ya back, Selina… We were worried about ya."

"I was pretty worried for myself too." Selina nodded. "I'm glad those bastards got what was coming to them."

"Don't worry, we'll keep ya safe now." Harley looked at Selina. "I'm glad you're back in Gotham… A lot of stuff happened while you were away. I broke up with Mistah J for one thing."

"Yeah, I sort of gathered that." Selina nodded. "What else happened."

"Well…" Harley paused for a moment, feeling the RV begin to move. "Hmm… Where do I even start?"

"We've got a pretty long car ride back to Gotham, Harls." Ivy held onto Harley by the shoulder. "You should have time to tell her about everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned to have Nightwing show up in this chapter, that was why I had them go to Blüdhaven in the first place. Also, Selina should be showing up in future chapters now so that should be fun to write for now. Anyway, hopefully you enjoyed reading this as much as I liked writing it!


	12. The Birdhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley takes her crew out for a night out at the Penguin's casino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
> **Penguin:** Oswald Cobblepot aka the Penguin, a mob boss who loves umbrellas and birds. Briefly featured back in chapter 2.
> 
> **Mr. Freeze:** Victor Fries aka Mr. Freeze, a cryogenics expert with a terminally ill wife. He froze her to try and save her while he worked on a cure. After an accident in his lab, Mr. Freeze could no longer survive cold temperatures.
> 
> There are also some appearances from characters from previous chapters here. So that should be fun!

On Gotham's west side was a popular restaurant known as the Iceberg Lounge. Despite alleged mob connections and the club's owner, one Oswald Cobblepot, being taken to court multiple times, the Lounge remained very popular among Gotham's citizens. It wasn't too high class but it sure was a step up from a dive. Plus the club's seafood was some of the best in the city.

But what the majority of the Iceberg Lounge's customers didn't know was that there was a second-half to it. A half only a select few patrons were given access to. It was called The Birdhouse, a casino, bar and restaurant built exclusively for Gotham's many supercriminals. Not even the Batman had discovered it.

Just recently, Harley Quinn had been reunited with her old friend Selina Kyle. So tel celebrate Selina's spectacular return, she insisted that she'd take her whole crew out to the Birdhouse for a night of fun.

They'd sat themselves down in a large booth in the corner of the Birdhouse and had already ordered several drinks. About an hour had passed since they arrived at the Club and so far all was going well. Even the usually shy Poison Ivy was enjoying herself. Although, she had barely finished her first glass she realized someone had to drive them home. And the way Harley was doing it probably wasn't going to be her.

"Ooh, ooh, Selina, tell us about Morocco!" Harley tugged on Selina's arm. She was brimming with excitement.

"Alright Harley, calm down." Selina chuckled, gently pushing Harley away. "You're gonna make me go through all my travel stories in one night." She sipped her wine and glanced over at Harley. "I spent about three days in Marrakesh. They had some very nice rugs and lamps at this one place I broke into. Sadly they were too big for me to take home with me. But I picked up some nice jewels while I was there."

"Fun story!" Harley gave Selina a pat on the back. "Ya sure have a lot of adventures. I should try travellin' more."

"You really shouldn't." Ivy chuckled and shook her head. "I've seen how easily you get a sunburn."

"Sunburn's a small price to pay for havin' a good time!" Harley took a swig of the beer she'd ordered.

"You might want to slow down on the alcohol, Harley." Magpie said.

"Ah, you've barely touched yours." Harley shook her head.

"It can't help it…" Magpie looked at her glass of wine. "It's too perfect and pretty and shiny to drink... "

"Magpie has a point. You need to learn about moderation." Dr. Polaris glanced at Harley. "You're gonna end up passed out on the floor and have an awful headache in the morning. Mark my words."

"Whatever, you ain't even supposed to be here, Doc. I wanted this to be a girl's night out." Harley chuckled. "But I decided to be nice and invite ya along."

Harley finished off the last of her beer and sighed happily. She looked around and saw what she thought was one of the club's waitresses and waved over to her. "Hey! Lady! Another beer over here, will ya!"

But when the apparent waitress walked over to her she realized that it wasn't a waitress at all. It was one of the Penguin's personal bodyguards, a woman nicknamed Lark. Standing in front of her was the Penguin himself. Harley had failed to notice the man due to his height.

"Oh, hey ya Pengy. Sorry, I thought your gal-pal there was a waitress." Harley giggled.

"Perfectly understandable mistake." Penguin chuckled. "I just hope you're enjoying my fine establishment."

"Sure am!" Harley cheered. "We've been havin' a blast."

"Wonderful, wonderful." Penguin somewhat absently nodded. "Don't forget, we have lots of gambling here at the Birdhouse. So if you wanna play some slots or blackjack, feel free." He turned around and held Lark by the hand, walking away from Harley's table.

"Ain't he a nice fella." Harley smiled at her friends. "And he's got a point, gambling could be fun."

"Isn't that stuff a big scam?" Orca spoke up, all eyes on her suddenly. "I mean, I haven't tried it personally but it just sounds like a good way to lose your money."

"I'm with you." Magpie sighed. "I've gambled a few times, not worth it."

"Now, now, girls… It's all about knowing the right tricks." Selina told them.

"Oh yeah, I'm with her." Ivy nodded. "Gambling can be quite lucrative if you know what you're doing."

"Ooh, ya don't say…" Harley grinned happily. "I'm gettin' an idea."

"Uh oh…" Ivy sighs, still smiling a little. "What is it?"

"Let's make some extra cash with some gamblin'? What have we got to lose!" Harley put a hand on Ivy's shoulder.

"Our money mostly." Orca pointed out.

"Ah, we can get more of that whenever we want. We're criminals. C'mon girls, and Doc, let's loosen up!"

"Alright fine, let's try this out." Dr. Polaris nodded. "Could be fun."

"Awesome! Are you girls in?" Harley glanced over at Magpie and Orca.

"Not really…" Magpie sighed. "But I'm guessing I don't have much of a choice."

"Nope! Not at all!" Harley grabbed Magpie by the shoulder. "Don't worry, it'll be loads of fun! You 'n me and follow around Selina and Doc and Orca can get advice from Red."

"Oh, I thought you'd like to get some gambling tips from me, Harls." Ivy spoke up.

"I wanna catch up with Selina first." Harley said. "Don't worry, ya got yer girlfriend to keep you company. We'll meet up later and swap stories."

"Sure sounds fun to me." Selina started standing up, glancing over at Ivy. "Tell me how your half does at the gambling. With any luck, we should make some cash tonight."

Ivy raised a hand and waved goodbye. "Alright, let's try not to stay up too late. You know how cranky Harley can get if she drinks and then doesn't get to bed before midnight."

"Ah, it'll be fine!" Harley got out from the booth, beckoning Magpie to do the same. "C'mon girls, let's hit those slots!"

As the three of them walked away, Orca moved a bit closer to Ivy and held onto her arm. "So… This is a bad idea, right?"

"Oh, absolutely." Ivy nodded, giving Orca a quick but awkward kiss on the cheek. "But Harley built her life on bad ideas. No point in stopping her now."

"So, do you wanna check out the craps table?" Dr. Polaris spoke up.

"Why not, better than nothing I suppose." Ivy nodded and rose up from the table. "I'm sure Selina will keep a close eye on Harley."

*******

While Ivy and the others were finishing up back at their table, Harley was already excitedly skipping across the casino floor with Selina and Magpie both trying to keep up wit her. She'd worn some casual clothes tonight, leaving her jester suit and leather jacket back at home. If it wasn't for her abnormally pale skin she would have almost looked like a normal person.

"C'mon you two, time's a-wastin'!" Harley cheered, pulling on Magpie by the arm.

"Where are we even going." Magpie let out a whine.

"Uh… Would ya believe I didn't think that far ahead?" Harley giggled.

Selina took Harley by the collar of her shirt and turned her around. "Alright Harley, step one of gambling. Get some chips. You can't play without chips."  
"What does getting snacks have to do with gambling?" Harley raised an eyebrow.

"Are you playing dumb or do you really not know how to gamble?"

"I watched a few old westerns on TV. They play poker there."

"C'mon, we need to get some poker chips if you want to play."

Selina held Harley by her wrist and guided her through the casino. While she was being guided, Harley happily bounced around. She was a little bit too overwhelmed by all the pretty lights and exciting sounds but she was doing her best to handling it.

"Ooh, this is remindin' me, we should go to Chuck E. Cheese's sometime!" Harley cheered.

"What are you, ten years old?" Magpie rolled her eyes.

"Aw c'mon, those are fun games. There's no rule that adults can't play the games at Chuck E. Cheese's by themselves. So, y'know, keep that in mind for my next birthday." Harley chuckled, tugging at Selina's arm and winking at her.

"How do you put up with it?" Magpie whispered to Selina.

Selina laughed a little bit, whispering back. "I think it's cute. She's like an excited puppy."

In all her excitement, Harley had lost track of her surroundings. She stumbled forward into someone and quickly found herself toppling over butt first onto the ground. Selina and Magpie stop to check and make sure she's okay.

"Ah jeez, sorry pal…" Harley starts standing up.

"No trouble at all… I wasn't paying attention either…" A familiar woman's voice spoke.

Harley gasped and backed up, getting to her feet. She stared in front of her with a shocked look on her face. The woman she'd just bumped into was Becky Sharpe, alias Hazard. The two of them had left on rather bad terms a little while back after Becky and her grandfather took advantage of Harley's hunger for money and recognition.

Becky was helped to her feet by an orange-haired man with a goatee and moustache that Harley vaguely recognized. After staring for a moment, Harley realized he looked like a much younger version of Becky's grandfather, the Gambler.

"Holy shit! You again?" Harley said, still staring in surprise.

"Oh god… Not you…" Hazard sighed grumpily.

"Hey… Hazard… Been a while…" Harley awkwardly scratched the back of her head. "Sorry about hittin' you in the face."

"Oh, it's fine." Hazard chuckled, glaring straight at Harley. Her eyes hid great anger.

"I see your gramps is doin' better." Harley uncomfortably gestured over to the man next to her.

"My granddad?" Hazard raised an eyebrow. "This is my brother."

"Steven Sharpe, the Fifth. How do you do?" The man politely curtsied at Harley. "I'm takin' on granddad's old name. I'm the new Gambler."

"Ah jeez, what happened to the old guy? I… I didn't kill him, did I?" Harley nervously bit her lip.

Hazard laughed for a moment. "Oh, no, not at all. He retired. He's livin' down in Boca Raton now. Sends me postcards all the time."

"No shit? That's where my grandparents live too." Harley sighed, feeling relieved that she didn't kill the original Gambler.

Selina put a hand on Harley's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "Harley, who's your friend here?"

"Selina, this is Hazard." Harley looked back and forth between both of them. "We, uh, we met a little while back." She glanced at Magpie. "You remember her, don'cha Maggie?"

"I think she's till mad at us, Harley." Magpie muttered.

"What…" Harley awkwardly giggled. "Ya aren't mad at us, are ya?"

"Maybe a little bit…" Hazard shook her head, smirking.

"Tell you what… How about we play some cards together?" Steven put a hand on his sister's shoulder.

"Sure thing." Harley nodded. "Could be a good way to gain experience. Let's grab some drinks and play a few hands!"

"Are you sure this is a good idea Harley?" Selina whispered to her. "These two look like professionals."

"Ah relax, it'll be great. We just gotta learn how to relax." Harley laughed a bit. "C'mon, let's get some chips, get some drinks and play!" She looked over to Hazard and smirked. "Ya ready to lose?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing, Ms. Quinn." Hazard confidently stood with her hands on her hips.

"Seems like they wanna go for it." Steven nodded.

"In that case, let's play." Selina said.

"Wait a minute!" Harley paused, pointing over at Hazard. "Don'cha got those good luck powers? How do I know ya ain't gonna use them to win the game?"

"Ms. Quinn, I play fair. Cross my heart, hope to die." Hazard crossed her heart with her index finger. "If I win, it's just 'cause of my own skills."

Harley put her hands on her hips and leaned forward. "Alright, let's see what ya got…"

*******

While Harley reunited with old acquaintances, Ivy and the other half of Harley's crew were getting acquainted with the casino. They'd lost some of their money while betting on the roulette wheel twice in a row and currently Ivy was debating whether or not to bet on a third round.

Orca held her by the arm and tried pulling her away. "Pam, c'mon, we're just losing money here."

"I've got a good feeling about this next spin." Ivy whispered back.

"Ivy, seriously?" Dr. Polaris sighed. "You're the responsible one. Just walk away."

Ivy paused for a moment and quietly nodded. "Alright, fine. We're done with roulette. For now."

"Thank god…" Orca sighed, putting a hand on Ivy's shoulder and guiding her away. "I thought you'd be more responsible than this, Pam."

"Hey, can you blame a girl for loosening up every once in a while?" Ivy shrugged. "You need to be more like Harley. Don't be so uptight."

"No, no, Orca's right." Dr. Polaris said. "You made us lose good money."

"These games are probably rigged." Orca groaned.

"Please, this is a casino. Not a small town carnival. These are fair games." Ivy said.

"A casino run by a known crime boss." Dr. Polaris pointed out.

"Hmm, I suppose you do have a point." Ivy nodded. "I guess we'll have to be more careful…"

"Do you know where we're going next?" Orca asked. "You haven't really taught me anything."

"How about we play some slots?" Ivy suggested.

"I'm not sure…" Dr. Polaris shook his head. "How about a game that requires actual skill to win. Slots are just pure luck."

"You have a point." Ivy nodded and sighed. "Fine, let's try blackjack."

"Sounds good to me." Dr. Polaris said. "Who knows, maybe this time we'll actually make money."

Ivy stayed quiet as she walked around the Casino, looking for a blackjack table with a free spot. Orca held onto Ivy's hand while Dr. Polaris walked behind the two girls. He seemed rather disinterested in the whole thing. But Ivy didn't care for him that much. His opinion affected her very little.

After wandering around a little more Ivy spotted a relatively unoccupied blackjack table and began to nonchalantly go towards it. But as Ivy got closer she felt Orca stop moving. Orca's size and strength worked to her advantage and Ivy found herself unable to budge.

"Grace, what the hell? C'mon, we're playing blackjack." Ivy tugged at Orca's arm.

"Um, Pam, look who's at the table." Orca tried to subtly point at the blackjack table.

Dr. Polaris and Ivy both stared toward the table to see what exactly Orca was going on about. A quick glance over at the blackjack table revealed the face of someone they'd both hoped never to see again; infamous Irish mob boss Peyton Riley. She was dressed in a white blazer and matching skirt with a white panama hat on her head. In her right hand was Arnold Wesker's old puppet Scarface, apparently having taken on a new Ventriloquist since they'd last seen them.

"Her? Why are you afraid of her?" Ivy asked, smirking at Orca. "She's a nutjob with a puppet."

"Don't you think she'll be mad at us? I mean, I wasn't involved in the whole thing, but Harley made it sound like we kinda pissed her off." Orca whispered.

"She was mostly mad at Wesker." Dr. Polaris spoke up.

"Hear that, Grace?" Ivy grinned at Orca. "She's not going to be mad at us. Let's sit down and play a few hands." She confidently walked her way over to the blackjack table and sat herself down. Orca stood behind her while Dr. Polaris sat beside Ivy.

"Hey, deal and my friend in." Ivy said to the dealer, looking between the dealer and Dr. Polaris. The dealer quietly nodded at Ivy.

Peyton turned her head and gave Ivy a polite smile. From this angle, it was clear that one of Peyton's eyes couldn't see anymore. It was white and glazed over with severe burn damage around the damaged eye. Despite that she seemed happy at the moment. "Say… You're Poison Ivy, right?"

"Yep, sure am." Ivy replied.

"Peyton Riley, pleased to meet you." Peyton reached out a hand which Ivy graciously shook.

"I've heard of you Miss Riley." Ivy casually nodded. "My friend Harley had a run in with you."  
"Harley!" a gruff man's voice roared.

Ivy looked around for a moment and it appeared that Scarface had begun to speak.

"Bah, that no good broad's been nothing but trouble." Scarface growled. "Ya hear about what she did to Black Mask?"

"Now, now…" Peyton stroked Scarface's wooden cheek. "If it wasn't for her, you and I would have never gotten this close."

"I guess you're right, Sugar." Scarface nodded his little head.

"So Peyton…" Ivy smirked. "Ready to play a few hands?"

"Naturally." Peyton chuckled a bit.

"Just keep that Quinn bitch away from us." Scarface added with venom in his voice.

"Don't talk about Harley like that." Ivy frowned, leaning in toward Scarface. "Unless you'd like to end up as firewood."

Dr. Polaris held Ivy by the shoulder. "Hey, Ivy, relax. It's just a puppet."

"Who're you callin' puppet?" Scarface growled.

"Now Mr. Scarface you've been helping me with my anger issues… I'll help you with yours too." Peyton held the Scarface dummy closer to her. "We're going to play a friendly game of blackjack together. Isn't that fun?"

"Fine, sure, whatever…" Scarface looked back down at the floor.

Ivy looked to the dealer and nodded. "Well, I'm waiting. Deal us in."

*******

On the other side of the casino, Harley, Selina and Magpie were in the middle of a card game of their own with Hazard and the Gambler. Things had been going rather poorly for her. She'd lost every hand she played against them but was still enjoying herself immensely. All that mattered was having fun and that was just what she was doing.

She pushed the last of her chips across the table over to Hazard. "Well gosh, that was fun. Who's up for another round?" Harley glanced over at Magpie and Selina and saw that they too were out of poker chips as well.

The Gambler chuckled at Harley and leaned back in his chair. "I appreciate the enthusiasm, you can't play. No chips, no more playing."

"No problem!" Harley replied. "We can do this strip poker style. I'll bet my clothes on this."

Selina took Harley by the shoulder and pulled her towards her. "Alright Harley, you're clearly getting too excited. Let's go somewhere else."

"Aww c'mon, where's your sense of adventure…" Harley giggled and pinched Selina's cheek.

"It comes packaged with my sense of dignity." Selina stood up and tried to pull Harley up to her feet as well. "You're not taking your clothes off just because you had some drinks and are a little excited."

Magpie followed Selina's lead and stood up as well, giving Hazard and Gambler a quick nod. "We'll see you later things, for the game."

"No problem, no problem at all." Hazard chuckled.

"We appreciate having you around." The Gambler nodded. "And we appreciate your money."

Selina shot the both of them a dirty look as she directed Harley away from the table. Magpie straggled behind them, trying to keep up.

"Aww man, I was havin' fun." Harley sighed, leaning herself against Selina.

"I know you were, Harls. Maybe a bit too much fun." Selina chuckled. "C'mon, let's sit down and have a few drinks, how does that sound?"

"Yeah, sounds great!" Harley cheered. "I could go for some whisky."

"I don't think whisky will calm her down." Magpie whispered to Selina.

"I've seen Harley drunk before. It gets her much less hyperactive." Selina whispered back, chuckling a bit.

Selina continued to lead Harley throughout the casino, trying to find a bar counter that they could get some drinks at. She eventually spotted a circular bar in roughly the middle of the casino. The bar counter surrounded a large glass pillar that seemed to have lots of frost inside of it.

These details didn't seem to concern Harley as she took a seat on the barstool at the counter. Selina and Magpie soon joined Harley, sitting on either side of her at the bar.

"Hey, can we get some booze over here!" Harley called out, impatiently tapping on the bartop.

A tired looking young woman in a green vest came over to Harley and her friends, putting on an exhausted smile. "What can I get for you?"

"One shot of whisky for me." Harley smiled before looking at her two friends. "What'll it be for you two?"

"Hmm, I'll take a martini." Selina passively nodded.

"Just a ginger ale. I've had enough to drink for tonight." Magpie told the bartender.

Harley cackled and gave Magpie a playful poke in the ribs. "Looks like someone's stuck in Squaresville!"

Magpie groaned and leaned in towards Selina. "Are you sure she isn't drunk already?"

"No, she's just overstimulated. Too many exciting sights and sounds. Trust me, the drinking should take the edge off her." Selina smirked.

The bartender fetched each girl their preferred drink before going to serve some new customers. Harley struck up some light conversation with her friends while she drank. Nothing too important, mostly pop culture and fun life stories.

But after a little bit more talking Harley became distracted by something. The supposedly decorative pillar in the middle of the counter changed. A handprint became visible from the inside of the glass tube. It made Harley jolt and lean back in the seat. There was someone inside. More of the frost was wiped away and she saw the pale, gaunt face of Mr. Freeze on the other side. She had no idea what he was doing in there but whatever it was it made her uncomfortable.

She took a small sip of her whisky shot to try and calm down and looked back to the bartender. "Hey, barkeep, what's with the iceman?"

"Freeze?" the bartender looked behind her at the glass pillar. Mr. Freeze was tapping on the glass trying to get attention. "I dunno, he's been here since I started working. Heard rumours that the big man, Cobblepot, he put him in there because he got on his bad side."

Harley nodded, taking another sip of whisky while watching Freeze blankly stare out at the glass. "Poor little guy… He looks so lonely."

"Don't engage with him." Magpie whispered. "I tried making friends with him back at Arkham, it did not work out."

"He gives me the creeps." Selina drank the last of her wine. "Tell you what, I'm gonna go find Ivy and tell her to come over here. You two finish your drinks and stay put. I'll be back with the others."

"Don't leave me with her…" Magpie groaned in annoyance.

All Selina did was chuckle and playfully ruffle Magpie's hair as she stood up and walked away. Magpie crossed her arms and scrunched her face, leaning forward against the bartop.

Harley ignored Magpie's dour mood. She was too focused on Mr. Freeze and his small glassy prison. Leaning forward over the counter she looked straight at Mr. Freeze and he stared back at her. "Hey… Freeze… Can ya hear me?"

Mr. Freeze weakly nodded. "Yes…" His voice was muffled and slightly echoey from his chamber.

"What the hell are ya doin' in there?"

"Penguin, I was working for him to make some money. I needed to buy some new machinery for my laboratory. But I tried to betray him… He put me here as my punishment…"

Harley took a big sip from her whisky, finishing it off. "Jeez, that's gotta suck."

"Please help me…" Mr. Freeze pressed his hand against the glass. "I need to get out of here. I need to maintain Nora's vitals…"

"I dunno…" Harley thought for a moment. "Gimme a few more drinks and I'll tell ya how I feel."

Magpie sat up a little bit. "Fuck it, give me a drink too. If I've gotta talk to a psycho and a nihilist I need to be drunk."

"Haw! Now yer gettin' into it!" Harley gave Magpie a friendly pat on the back. She chuckled and glanced over at Mr. Freeze. "So, Freezie, let's chat… Ya see anything interesting? You probably don't got much going on."

"He turned me into a giant snowglobe." Mr. Freeze grimaced.

"I was just thinkin' that!" Harley cackled. She leaned over to countertop to get the attention of the bartender again. "Barkeep! Whisky all around! Give one to Freeze if you can."

Mr. Freeze groaned and leaned back in his cold, glass prison and buried his face in his hands. Magpie gave him a sympathetic nod, desperately awaiting Selina's return.

*******

Meanwhile, back at the blackjack table, Ivy was having herself a pretty good time. She'd managed to win a few hands and, discounting some anger from Scarface, everyone else was enjoying themselves too.

"You know, Ms. Ivy, you are a very charming woman." Peyton smiled at her. "I don't even mind that I'm losing."

"Thank you very much." Ivy smiled back before looking at the dealer. "Alright, hit me."

It was then that Ivy felt someone tap on her shoulder. Distracted for a moment, she turned around and saw Selina standing behind her.

"Hey Ivy, what's up?" Selnia smiled.

"Oh hey there." Ivy chuckled. "What brings you here? I thought you were with Harley."

"Yeah I was." Selina nodded. "But I missed you. Harley and Magpie are drinking over at the bar. Wanna come join us?"

"Sure, lemme just finish another round." Ivy turned back to the blackjack table and looked to her cards. "Hit me."

"Hmm, I never would have figured you for a gambling addict." Selina chuckled.

"I'm not an addict. I just enjoy a good game." Ivy said.

"Sure you are…" Selina smirked. She glanced over at Peyton and noticed the Scarface puppet. "Oh hey… When did Scarface get a new owner."

"Peyton Riley, pleased to meet you." Peyton reached out and shook Selina's hand.

"So nice to meet you too." Selina asked. "Where'd you get the dummy?"

"Who're ya callin' a dummy?" Scarface growled.

"Oh right." Selina nodded. "You don't like that, do you?" She laughed a bit. "What happened to the old man who used to drag you around."

"I ditched the dummy and traded him for this hot piece of ass." Scarface looked behind him at Peyton. "Ain't that right, Sugar?"

"Sure is!" Peyton nodded.

"That's a cute little act you've got going on." Selina smirked. "Would you two like to join us for drinks with Harley."

"Sure thing." Peyton nodded. "I could use a drink."

Orca put her hand on Ivy's shoulder. "Ready to go, Pam? You've won enough for now, right?"

"Hmm… Just let me finish this round first…" Ivy nodded. "Then we can go see Harley."

"Fine, it's a deal." Selina nodded.

"I guess…" Orca sighed.

"Just try not to lose." Dr. Polaris added.

"I won't." Ivy confidently crossed her arms and looked to the dealer. "Hit me."

*******

All the way back at the bar, Harley had downed another two shots while Magpie had started on a glass of beer. Harley had spent the majority of her time at the bar talking to Mr. Freeze. Or rather at him. She'd gone on several long winded, rambling tangents that he just sat there to listen to. There wasn't much he could do in his current position anyway.

"Anyway, that's more or less the story of why I wasn't allowed to join the cheer squad in high school. It ain't like I was too interested to begin with. I just went to tryouts cause all my friends were goin'." Harley slammed down a third shot of whisky.

"I was never into sports in high school." Mr. Freeze remarked. "I kept quiet mostly…"

"Heh, yeah, I can imagine." Harley nodded. "Ooh, wanna hear a secret?"

"Not really." Magpie muttered.

"Wasn't askin' ya." Harley frowned at Magpie. "I'm talkin' to my new friend."

"Sure, tell me your secret." Mr. Freeze nodded. "I don't have anyone else to tell it to. It's safe with me."

Harley leaned in closer towards Mr. Freeze's glass prison. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Sometimes, when me 'n Red are hangin' out together, I wanna kiss her. And not like a friendly little peck on the cheek. I mean like, a big, lovin', romantic kiss. I dunno why… She's got a real kissable face I guess."

Mr. Freeze didn't seem to react to this anecdote, he just stared at Harely and passively nodded. Magpie on the other hand tried her best to ignore Harley's store by chugging down her beer. She leaned forward and waved over to the bartender. "Get me another beer, I'm not drunk enough right now!"

Harley sighed, ignoring Magpie. She stared straight at Mr. Freeze. "Do ya believe in true love Freezie? I used to… I thought Mistah J was my soulmate. But, well, things haven't exactly worked out for us."

"I've never thought about it before." Mr. Freeze's voice stayed calm. "I suppose I would consider Nora my true love. I've dedicated years and years of my life to saving her… God, I'm worried about her in my lab all alone."

Harley leaned in some more. "I know how ya feel… There was a time where I woulda done anything Mistah J told me to. I was devoted to him… It sounds like ya feel that way about your Nora."

"Of course." Mr. Freeze leaned against the glass some more. "Nora… She's my everything. I would gladly die just so she could live. Although I pray it would never come to that."

"Aww that's sweet…" Harley smiled, leaning her elbows against the countertop.

"I need to get back out of here… Go back to the lab, see Nora…" Mr. Freeze looked down at the ground beneath him.

Harley thought for a moment, scrunching up her face. "Hmm..." Her face suddenly lit up. "No problem! I'll break ya out!"

"What…" Mr. Freeze trailed off, seeming confused.

"What!" Magpie suddenly shouted, spitting out a mouthful of beer. "Harley… Did I hear you right?"

"Sure did." Harley got off of her barstool and picked it up. "I'm gonna break him out!"

"Wait, hold on!" Mr. Freeze suddenly stood up. "Just think for a-"

It was too late to warn her. Harley spun around, holding the chair. She let go of the chair, sending it over the counter and slamming straight into the glass tube that contained Mr. Freeze. The glass shattered and Freeze screamed, shielding his face from the shards of glass. As soon as he was exposed to the warmer outside air, Mr. Freeze collapsed forward.

Harley saw this and reached out to catch him, saving him from faceplanting on the table. It was somewhat awkward since Freeze was naked except for a pair of black underpants and his skin was frigid to the touch.

Mr. Freeze weakly looked up at Harley and gasped, dragging himself off the table. "Harley… You… You idiot… I can't survive outside of subzero temperatures…"

"Uh oh… I goofed." Harley nervously grinned. Her mind raced to try and come up with an answer. "Okay, uh, don't panic… Where's that fancy suit you're always wearin'?"

"It's… It's locked up somewhere… Penguin took it…" Mr. Freeze was barely conscious at this point. "It has to be in this building I think."

"No problem… I can find it. I ain't gonna let ya die on me! I got the power of true love on my side!" Harley shoved Mr. Freeze over to Magpie. "Maggie, catch!"

Magpie gasped and caught Mr. Freeze, awkwardly holding onto him. "What the hell is wrong with you Harley! Are you trying to get us kicked out of here? Apologize and put Freeze back in his glass cage before it's too late."  
"No way!" Harley shook her head and crossed her arms. "We're savin' him and takin' him back home! It's all for true love, Magpie!"

"But Harley-"

"No buts! C'mon, let's go!"

Before Magpie had her chance to argue again, Harley dashed off further into the casino, pushing down customers and employees in her way. Magpie let out a resigned whimper and slung Freeze's only partially conscious body over her shoulder and dashed off after Harley.

"Harley, come back! This- This is insane!" Magpie shouted.

"Hell yeah it is!" Harley nodded. "Everything I do is insane! Now c'mon, we're givin' this snowman his suit back!"

Magpie bit her lip and hurried to keep pace with Harley. Carrying around Freeze's body only made things more difficult. But she had no idea what else to do and was too nervous to argue with Harley. Especially when Harley was a little tipsy. So she had no choice but to just follow after Harley, lugging Mr. Freeze along with her.

"Unbelievable… I used to be a master jewel thief…" Magpie mumbled to herself. "Look what I've been reduced to… Working for the Joker's sidekick..."

"I can hear ya, y'know!" Harley giggled maniacally, sounding more amused than angry.

By this point, Harley had attracted the attention of the casino's security but she still didn't care. Several burly, bald men approached her and Magpie but with a few well timed punches, kicks and flips she'd manage to fend most of them off and go deeper into the casino with Magpie right on her heels.

"Ya enjoyin' yourself Maggie?" Harley looked over her shoulder at her.

"Not particularly…" Magpie whimpered.

"What about you, Freezie?"

The only response she got out of Freeze was a weak groan. Harley just kept laughing, getting ever louder and more unhinged. The only thing that distracted her out of her psychotic haze was seeing a familiar group of people a few feet away from her. Ivy, Selina, Orca, Polaris and a blonde woman who seemed vaguely familiar to Harley were all nearby.

"Oh hey, it's Red!" Harley stopped dead in her tracks, making Magpie stumble right into the back of her. "Careful there, Maggie." After taking a moment to clear her throat, Harley began waving wildly to try and get the attention of Ivy. "Hey, hey, Red!" She started running off towards them to which elicited an annoyed sigh from Magpie who struggled to keep pace with Harley once more.

"Tonight was supposed to be fun…" Magpie's voice croaked with pain, partially from the heavy man on her shoulder and partially from just being plain annoyed.

Harley kicked another security guard in the jaw before bounding over to Ivy and hugging her close. "Hey Red! Good to see ya!"

"Harley, why is security after you?" Ivy sighed.

Catwoman raised an eyebrow, noticing Magpie carrying Mr. Freeze with her. "What the hell…" She looked at Harley. "I wasn't gone that long… What did you two get into?"

"We're trying to save Mr. Freeze…" Magpie sighed. "It's a whole thing."

"Dammit!" Scarface yelled, looking back to Peyton. "I told ya Sugar, Harley fuckin' Quinn ruins everything!"

"What the fuck is going on here?" Peyton pushed her way past Selina and Ivy and glared at Harley.

"It's kinda hard to explain…" Harley nervously smiled. "Listen, I just need to talk to my friends. We need to get Freezie boy his suit back before he dies."

"Oh no ya don't!" Scarface pulled a tiny gun out of his suit. "All of ya are goin' down! I told ya we shouldn't have trusted 'em, Sugar!"

Scarface had no chance to fire off his gun. Orca grabbed Peyton by the back of her jacket and effortlessly lifted her up.

"Let me go, you overgrown tuna!" Peyton screamed.

"I got'cha Sugar!" Scarface started pointing his gun over at Orca. But once more Scarface didn't fire his gun. Instead Orca tossed Peyton across the casino floor where she eventually collided with a bank of slot machines.

"Nice going babe, you just attracted more attention to us." Ivy sighed.

"Oh, sorry…" Orca trailed off.

"Alright, c'mon, we're all in this together." Dr. Polaris started focusing his powers, making several nearby slot machines begin to float. "I don't totally know what's going on, but I'm here to help, Harley."

"Thanks a lot!" Harley cheered, pumping her hands in the air in excitement. "C'mon everyone, let's go find Freeze his suit!"

Ivy smirked and shook her head. "There's really no such thing as normal when you're around… Alright, let's go!" She closed her eyes and felt around, sensing several decorative plants littered around the casino. Chuckling to herself, she began willing them to grow.

A large group of Penguin's goons began descending on the group. The leader of the group, a large man wearing a suit began walking towards Harley. "Ms. Quinzel, I'm here to ask you to leave the casino on behalf of Mr. Cobblepot. Do you understand? You are causing quite a ruckus."

"Ah gee, I didn't notice." Harley giggled and put her hands on her hips. Without another word, Harley swiftly kicked the man in his kneecap, making him fall to the ground in agony. "Alright girls, and Doc, let's go! We're here to save a man's life in the name of true love!"

The next few minutes became a bit of jumble mess to Harley. She definitely remember beating up a lot of people hard enough to draw blood. Harley made a mental note to clean under her fingernails when she got home. Thanks Dr. Polaris and his magnetic powers, Ivy and her plants and Orca's enhanced strength, taking down the Birdhouse's security was a cakewalk.

Eventually they forced their way into a back room and after somewhat aimlessly running around the hall found a room full of confiscated weapons. Apparently the Penguin had a very strict no weapons policy at the Birdhouse. To Harley, this seemed like the best place to search for Freeze's suit.

"Alright everyone, let's find Freeze's suit!" Harley cheered. "Spread out and start searchin'..."

Magpie got Mr. Freeze off her shoulder and heaved a sigh of relief. She set him down against the wall and began looking around for his suit just like Harley told her to.

While the others frantically broke open the locked boxes in search of Mr. Freeze's armour, Harley got in front of him and leaned down. "Hey, Freezie, you doing okay?"

"It's… It's all so hot… I can't stand it… Need to cool down…" Mr. Freeze weakly muttered.

"Lemme take ya temperature." Harley put her hand against Mr. Freeze's forehead. It was clammy and warm, like a pieces of raw meat left out in the sun. "Ah jeez, yer burnin' up. We gotta cool ya off and fast!"

"Harley…" Mr. Freeze gasped, his eyes barely open. "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything!" Harley nodded. "What do ya need…"

"If I die, I need you to bring Nora back for me… Tell her I did everything I could to try and save her."

"Ah jeez, you'd better not die! 'Cause I don't know shit about cryogenics!"

Mr. Freeze was too weak to even give a reply. He just leaned his head back against the wall and struggled to keep his eyes open. Harley bit her lip and looked at him. "C'mon… Don'cha quit on me just yet… I'll give ya mouth to mouth if I have to."

But relief came quickly in the sound of Ivy's voice. "Hey Harl, I found it!"

Harley's face lit up and she clapped her hand. "Yay, great!" She grabbed Mr. Freeze by the underside of his arms and began dragging him across the floor. "Hear that Freeze? We're gonna fix ya right up!"

Right as Harley got Mr. Freeze over to the box full of his armour that Ivy was unloading, the door to the room was kicked in. On the other side were about half a dozen angry hired thugs, the Penguin, and his henchgirl Lark.

"Y'know something… I was having a pretty good night until just now." Penguin scowled, looking straight at Harley.

"Red, you put Freezie back in his suit." Harley whispered. "I'll handle Penguin." She stood up and turned around, smiling at Penguin and carefully walking towards him. "Pengy! So great to see ya!"

"You've caused a lot of trouble tonight, Quinn." Penguin pointed his gun-umbrella combination straight at Harley. "One false move and I'll gun you down. All of you."

"Ozzy, please… Let's talk things out." Harley smiled. "How's that sound?"

"Give me one good reason to let you live." Penguin got closer, motioning for Lark and his henchmen to follow him.

"Um, 'cause… Magpie will give you a blowjob if ya do!" Harley quickly blurted out.

"No I won't!" Magpie shouted. "She's lying! I don't do that anymore!"

"C'mon Maggie, play along…" Harley whispered before looking back to Penguin. "Look, you were doin' a pretty bad thing, keepin' Freezie all locked up. I'm a clown, I just wanna make people happy. So I was tryin' to set him free."

"Freeze deserved what he got." Penguin's finger was on the trigger of his umbrella gun. "He tried to double cross me."

"Well I'm sure he had a good reason. Probably 'cause you're an asshole." Harley crossed her hands.

"Boys, and Lark, kill her!" Penguin ordered his henchmen.

Harley yelped and held onto Selina, preparing herself to be filled with bullets. But salvation came to her in the form of a cold blast of air. Apparently while Harley and Penguin were talking, Ivy had managed to help Mr. Freeze into his suit.

Freeze was instantly rejuvenated and sprung to his feet, firing off his freeze gun at the Penguin's men. They were instantly frozen solid by it, he then aimed the gun at Penguin and Lark. Firing off the gun, he froze the two of them from the neck down.

"Now then…" Mr. Freeze stepped in front of Harley and approached the Penguin. "I am going to go home now. You will not stop me. Understand?"

"Go to hell, Freeze!" Penguin yelled.

Mr. Freeze stared down at Penguin and walked past him, leaving the contraband room. After pausing for a moment, Harley stumbled forward and began following him out of the room.

"And you, Quinn! You and your friends are officially banned from the Iceberg Lounge and The Birdhouse! I don't want to see you back here!" Penguin screeched.

"Oh, shut up." Ivy laughed and poked Penguin's nose as she and Harley's other crew members left the room, following after Harley and Freeze.

Harley cackled and blew a raspberry at Penguin as she left. "Up yours, Ozzy!" Still laughing, she hurried along and walked beside Mr. Freeze. "Hey, Freeze, wanna crash with us tonight?"

"I need to get back to Nora…" Mr. Freeze shook his head. "But… I'm afraid I've overexerted myself… It would be nice if I had somewhere to stay for the night."

"Say no more! I'll find a place to set ya up!" Harley cheered, putting a hand on his armoured shoulder.

"Harley, stop inviting people over…" Ivy sighed.

"Ah relax, it'll just be for one night." Harley said.

*******

The following morning, Harley awoke in her bed feeling like she'd just been hit over the head with her own hammer. Clearly the irresponsible drinking and all the excitement of the night had led to some rather negative consequences. Looking down at herself briefly, Harley saw that she'd apparently taken off her jacket and shoes but other than that had fallen asleep in her clothes from last night.

She rubbed her temple and groaned rolling over in bed and hugging a pillow, closing her eyes again. But after giving it a quick squeeze Harley realized she had not hugged a pillow but another person. Her eyes shot open and she realized she was hugging Magpie, who had apparently stripped down to her skivvies before going to bed last night.

The surprise of this made Harley scream and roll over away from Magpie. The sudden noise woke Magpie in the process, eliciting a confused groan from her. When Harley rolled over she found herself touching something cold, hard and metallic. Glancing up slightly she saw Mr. Freeze in bed next to her, making Harley scream again.

"For Christ sakes… Calm down…" Magpie groaned, pushing her head against the pillow.

"Um… Did we have a really weird threesome last night?" Harley nervously asked.

"What… Of course not!" Magpie exclaimed. She sat up in bed and grabbed a pillow, hitting Harley in the head with it. "Don't be stupid!"

"I would never betray Nora like that." Mr. Freeze shook his head. "Don't even imply that."

"Okay…" Harley trailed off. "So what're you doin' in my bed?"

"Well, Selina was too tired to go back to her apartment so she fell asleep on the couch which is also my bed. So I ended up having to sleep here." Magpie explained. "And this was the only place that Freeze could sleep."

"And why don't I remember any of this?" Harley asked.

"You passed out in the car." Magpie replied. "Orca had to carry you to bed."

"Jeez, what a night…" Harley sighed and lay back in bed. "Next time I'm gonna have a nice, relaxin' girls night out…"

"Do me a favour and leave me out of it." Magpie lay back down as well. "Tonight was enough of your brand of excitement."

"It's a deal…" Harley nodded. "Next time, just me, Red and Selina…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this wasn't my best chapter. After the last two action packed chapters I wanted to have something more relaxed so mostly it was just talking. Hopefully you still liked it though! The next chapter is going to be pretty relaxed too. Should be fun. I hope to have the next chapter up fairly soon.


	13. Gotham City Annual Detectives Convention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gotham City Sirens (Plus Magpie) go out to crash an event held in honour of some of the world's greatest detectives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
>  **Slam Bradley:** Samuel "Slam" Bradley, a detective character who debuted in Detective Comics #1 and at one point was romantically involved with Selina Kyle. I admittedly haven't read anything with him so hopefully I don't get his character too wrong.
> 
>  **The Riddler:** Edward Nygma aka the Riddler, a criminal obsessed with riddles and puzzles.
> 
>  **Elongated Man:** Ralph Dibny aka Elongated Man, a detective with stretching powers. Him and his wife Sue go on mystery adventures together.
> 
>  **Angel O'Day & Sam Simeon:** Angel O'Day is a model/detective who works with Sam Simeon a gorilla from Gorilla City who works as a cartoonist/detective. Sam is also the grandson of Gorilla Grodd.

There rarely was a quiet time in the life of Harley Quinn, she kept her life in a constant state of chaos. It was just how she liked things. Made them more interesting. Even a recent supposedly normal night out ended with Harley being banned from a casino. With all the gambling and alcohol and being surrounded by other supervillains she really should have seen it coming. After that incident, Harley and her crew had come to an unanimous agreement to never let Harley plan their outings ever again.

So the following week, Selina came up with a plan for another fun outing. Ever since Selina had come back Harley had taken a brief hiatus from her mission to become the number one crime boss in Gotham. She didn't mind, spending time with her friends was good enough for her.

But it turned out Selina's idea for a night out was just as, if not more, dangerous than Harley's typical plans for a night out. Selina had found out that there was going to be a gathering of some of the world's greatest detectives, sleuths, and mystery solvers right there in Gotham. She figured it would be fun to mingle with them incognito and try to stealthily steal as much as possible without getting caught. It would be her ultimate test as a master thief. Like a lamb walking through a field of wolves unscathed.

So when the big night came, Harley got dressed up in her best red dress and rented a limo to pick them up. She was absolutely giddy with excitement. Orca and Dr. Polaris had both elected to stay home. Polaris because he had no interest in any of it and Orca because she knew she'd be way too conspicuous. Harley hid her inhuman paleness with makeup and after several hours of practice in the mirror, Ivy was able to shift her bright green skin to a more peachy flesh tone. Tonight it was just the Gotham City Sirens against the world. Well, Magpie was there too but Selina and Ivy did her best to ignore her.

The elevator in Ivy's building stopped in the lobby and instantly Harley got out. She started hurrying toward the door only for Ivy to put a hand on her shoulder. "Easy there Harls, keep calm. We don't want things going off the rails like last time."

Harley took a few deep breaths and nodded. "Calm… Right, I can do that." She began walking out of the lobby with Ivy and Selina on either side of her and Magpie trailing behind.

They exited the apartment to find the limousine they rented waiting outside for them. The driver honked their horn to get the attention.

"Here we come!" Harley cheered, rushing up to the car and getting in the back. The others quickly followed her and piled into the back of the car with her.

Ivy leaned over to the divider and nodded at the driver. "You know where to take us." The driver nodded and began to drive off. She leaned back and sighed. "Alright, this is gonna be fun."

Magpie bit her lip and looked over at Ivy. "How is any of this going to be fun? We're walking into a building filled with some of the best detectives in the world. We're doomed."

"But that's what makes it so fun." Selina smirked at her. "You need to learn to blend in. I'm not Catwoman, I'm just unemployed cat enthusiast Selina Kyle. Understand?"

"I guess…" Magpie sighed. "Just do me a favor. If I start drooling over anything shiny, give me a slap in the face. Sometimes I need to snapped out of it."

"Will do!" Harley cheered. "Man, tonight's gonna be real fun."

They stayed mostly quiet aside from the occasional small talk until they arrived at the building the convention was being hosted in. This year the venue was the ballroom at Gotham University. The limo parked out in front and the girls started getting out. Harley looked over at the driver before she left. "Yer gonna come back to pick us up, right?"

"Lady, your friend only rented this limo long enough to drop you off here." The driver shook his head.

"Aw well, good enough for me." Harley sighed, getting out of the car. "Alright, bye now!" She giggled to herself and joined her friends.

"So what's the plan here?" Magpie asked. "How are we gonna get here? We're not just gonna walk in through the front door, are we?"

"No… We're gonna be escorted in." Selina smirked.

Ivy flashed a smile at Selina. "What exactly are you planning?"

Selina pointed over to a man leaning against a wall and smoking a cigarette. He was a rugged looking man in a brown trenchcoat and necktie with black hair. Easily he could've passed as a character in an old noir movie with Humphrey Bogart in the lead.

"That man is Slam Bradley. Me and him used to have a bit of a thing going on." Selina chuckled. "I gave him a call yesterday, told him I was in town with a few friends. He would love to accompany us to this event."

"Ooh, fun." Harley clapped her hands.

"Follow my lead." Selina whispered to her friends. "I'll handle this." She confidently strutted towards Slam. She waved to get his attention.

It seemed to work. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and dropped it to the ground, stamping it out. "Selina! I was wondering when you'd get here." Slam chuckled.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Selina smiled. "My friends took a while to get ready."

"No problem at all." Slam nodded. "I'm just glad you're here." He looked over Selina's shoulder at the three women behind her. "So, who are these lovely young ladies?"

"Old friends of mine. Well two of them are. That one, I just met her a few weeks ago." Selina glanced over at Magpie.

"So ladies, do you have names?" Slam asked with a smile on his face. "You all look a little familiar… Can't put my finger on it."

"My name? Oh my name's, uh, Arleen Quinlan." Harley introduced herself. "Pleased to meet ya."

"I'm Lillian. Lillian Rose." Ivy introduced yourself. "Selina's told me a bit about you Mr. Bradley."

"Please, call me Slam. Everyone does." Slam chuckled before looking about Magpie. "And what about you?"

"My name's Barbara Byrne." Magpie replied.

"Well ladies, great to meet you." Slam nodded.

Selina took him by the arm and began leading him into the building. "C'mon, show me around. This is my first time going to one of these detective events."

"No problem." Slam smirked up at Selina. "I'll show you the ropes."

Slam and Selina entered the party while Harley, Ivy and Magpie all trailed behind. Follow Selina's lead just like they told her. While they walked Magpie leaned in towards Harley and Ivy and whispered. "So, what the fuck was that?"

"What do you mean?" Ivy whispered back.

"Why do you suck so much at coming up with aliases?" Magpie looked up at Ivy. "You used two plant puns…" She then looked over to Harley. "And you just changed the letters in your name. I came up with an actual fake name."

"Jeez, calm down." Harley goraned. "I'll do better next time."

Harley noticed Slam and Selina had stopped walking and took it as a sign to stop. Ivy and Magpie stopped walking as well.

Slam turned to Selina and chuckled. "So, what's the plan here?"

"Hmm, I hadn't thought about that too much." Selina shrugged. "Tell you what, I'm going to talk with my girls and we'll come up with something."

"Take your time." Slam nodded.

Selina gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and went over to Harley, Ivy and Magpie. She put a hand on Ivy's shoulder. "Alright, here's what we do. I need all of you to pay attention."

"Got it!" Harley cheered.

"I need you to act casual. Tonight you are a thief. Not a supervillain." Selina spoke in a hushed tone. "Go around the party, talk to people and get out of here with as many valuables as you can. Understand?"

"Hey, I've been doing this for almost as long as you." Magpie crossed her arms. "I know what I'm doing."

"Perfect." Selina nodded. "Magpie, since you're a veteran thief you can show Harley and Ivy the ropes. I'll handle Slam. He's smarter than he looks."

"Okay, we've got this." Harley nodded, grabbing Ivy and Magpie by the hand. "See ya later, Selina. We'll meet back up in a bit."

"Good luck, girls." Selina nodded and turned around. She returned to Slam and began talking to him.

While she did that, Harley took Magpie and Ivy by their hands and began leading them around the event. "C'mon girls, let's go!"

Harley began exploring the convention with Magpie and Ivy at their sign. It seemed very formal which made Harley slightly nervous. Formal events were never quite her thing. But despite that she did her best to remain calm and collected. She decided the best way to do that was to go out and get a snack.

She made her way over to the event's buffet table and helped herself to some cheese and crackers. Magpie and Ivy decided to get a bite to eat while they were there too. In their haste to make it to the event on time, none of them had eaten a proper dinner.

"You know Harley, I'm not complaining about the food or anything, but I don't exactly see anything to steal here." Ivy looked around, searching for anything that could be of value. "Hmmm… Nothing obvious…" She sighed and looked back to Magpie and Harley. "You girls stay here and let me know if you spot anything. I need to go use the bathroom."

"Alrighty, I'll be sure to give ya a report." Harley nodded and jokingly saluted her.

Ivy chuckled and pat Harley on the top of the head before turning around and beginning to look for the bathrooms. Once she left Harley went back to picking out food from the buffet. She noticed some pastries and helped herself to a mini eclair.

Magpie grabbed an eclair too. "Hmm… This place is nice… Probably some of the best food I've had in a while."

"I dunno, Ozzy's casino had some good snacks. Even if I did mostly just get drunk there." Harley giggled.

"God, don't remind me." Magpie rolled her eyes.

"Actually, that reminds me…" Harley took another bite of her eclair and looked over to Magpie. "When I was drunk at the casino… Did I tell ya anything funny? About Ivy."

"You told me you wanted to kiss her." Magpie bluntly replied and nodded.

Harley nearly choked on her food but managed to swallow it. "Shit… You, uh, you ain't gonna tell anyone, are ya? Cause I didn't mean any of it. I mean, Ivy's good lookin' and all but I'm not into her. And, even if I ain't a fan of her, she's got Orca."

"Whatever you think about Ivy, it's none of my business." Magpie shrugged. "But at least we can agree that Orca's weird. She's kind of a dweeb." She laughed a little bit.

"Ha! She sure is." Harley giggled as she went along the table. She was so distracted with both the food and her conversation with Magpie that she didn't notice the man at the buffet beside her and as a result bumped into him. "Oh, sorry!" She looked and saw she'd bumped into an orange haired man in his mid 30s wearing a black tuxedo.

"No problem at all!" the man's head twisted around like a screw while the rest of his body remained facing away from her. This startled Harley a bit, making her jolt. "Oh, sorry…" His head twisted back around and then turned to face her properly. "Ralph Dibny, Elongated Man. Perhaps you've heard of me?"

"Yeah, you're one of 'em stretchy guys." Harley nodded. "Didn't realize you were a detective."

"Sure am. Me and my wife, Sue, we're kind of a duo." Ralph chuckled. "We used to be with the Justice League. We're kinda on break now. Just enjoying the married life."

"Aww, ain't that sweet." Harley smiled. "I wanna get married one day. I got this ex boyfriend, me 'n him were goin' real strong. Thought he was gonna propose to me. But, well, things didn't work out."

"That's a shame." Ralph sighed a bit. "I know it sounds corny, but with me and Sue, the moment I met her I felt like we were meant to be together. You ever meet anyone like that?"

"Hmmm… I dunno…" Harley thought.

It was around then that a woman with short black hair came up behind Elongated Man and gave him a hug. "Hey there Ralph! I'm back from the bathroom!"

"Well hey Sue!" Ralph chuckled and gave Sue a quick kiss on the cheek. "You washed your hands, right?"

"Ralph!" Sue laughed a little. "Don't embarrass me, of course I did." She looked at Ivy and Magpie. "So Ralph, who're your new friends."

"No idea, this one just bumped into me and we started talking." Ralph shrugged, pointing at Harley. "I guess I'm just a naturally social guy."

Harley felt a hand touching her shoulder just around then and looked behind her to see Ivy. "Hey girls, did I miss anything?"

"Well hey, uh, Lillian." Harley smiled, trying to remember Ivy's alias. "How was the bathroom."

"Fine, fine." Ivy nodded before glancing at Sue and smiling. "Oh hey! Fancy seeing you again."

"You two met already?" Ralph glanced at Sue. "Well, tonight's full of surprises."

"I wouldn't say we met." Sue shook her head and chuckled. "We just ran into each other in the bathroom."

"Small world, isn't it?" Ivy squeezed Harley by the shoulder and then looked over to Magpie. "Er, anyway, me and my friends should be going."

"Alright, you have fun. Maybe we can meet up later." Ralph glanced at Sue again. "Hey… What happened to your earrings?"

"My…" Sue reached up and felt her earlobes, realizing the earrings she'd worn to the event had vanished. "Where'd they go?"

"Oh, I hope you find them again. Maybe check the bathroom." Ivy quickly turned around, ushering Magpie and Harley with her. "C'mon girls, let's go…"

"Wait, where're we goin'?" Harley asked. "I wanted to chat with them, they seemed nice."

"Yeah, well, I don't think we should do that…" Ivy held open her palm and revealed a pair of jewelled earrings in it.

"Ooh, nice! You're a tricky girl." Harley giggled as she watched Ivy pocket the earrings.

"Shiny…" Magpie's mouth dropped open as she looked at the earrings. "I wanna touch them."

"You can get your own earrings." Ivy chuckled. "C'mon girls, let's see what else we can get our hands on."

"This is gonna be real fun…" Harley smiled, her mind overflowing with glee.

*******

Elsewhere at the event, Slam and Selina were still walking around together. They'd encountered a few other detectives such as the faceless Question and the simian Detective Chimp. Currently Selina and Slam had ducked out of the building. They were leaned up against a wall, enjoying the night air. The other reason they stepped out was because Slam was itching to smoke another cigarette and there was no smoking allowed in the building.

Slam lit up his cigarette and took a good long drag from it. "Hey Selina, you want one of these?"

"No thanks, I quit a while back." Selina shook her head. "Thanks for the offer though."

"Hey, that makes you smarter than me." Slam smirked. "These things'll be the death of me." He took another puff from this cigarette. "So, Selina, I've got a few questions… About your friends?"

"What about them?" Selina was slightly concerned when Slam said that but kept her composure.

"Well, two out of three of them pretty obviously had fake names. So I'm willing to bet all of them were aliases. And one of them, that Arleen girl, had a lot of makeup on, like they were trying to hide a scar or something." Slam began.

"What are you getting at?" Selina glanced at him.

"How do I put this…" Slam trailed off. "Your friends, are they, uh, call girls."

"Call girls?" Selina repeated.

"Or strippers or something like that." Slam went on. "I mean, c'mon, Lillian Rose, that's a porn name if I've ever heard one. Listen, I know you and your friend Holly used to be involved in that type of thing. I'm just making assumptions. Sorry if I've offended you or anything."

"Oh, no offence taken." Selina laughed to herself, deciding to go along with Slam's deduction. "I'm guilty as charged, actually. Those girls, they're some amateur pornographic actresses. I took them under my wing, I'm hoping to give them a better life. Tonight was supposed to be just a little bit of fun."

"It's a good thing you're doing, Selina." Slam nodded, taking another drag from his cigarette.

"Thank you." Selina smirked at him.

"Say, d'you know if that other boyfriend of yours is showing up at this event? I mean, this is a detectives convention. And he's supposedly the world's greatest?" Slam leaned back against the wall some more.

"You mean Batman?" Selina chuckled. "No, I don't think he'll be here. He's never been one for big events and parties. Could you imagine him sitting at a bar and drinking a martini?"

"Ha! Now that'd be a laugh." Slam nodded. "So… You and the Bat still an item?"

"Not officially." Selina shook her head. "We parted ways a while back… I do suppose I miss him a bit. But every time we get back together it just feels like the same thing over and over again." She sighed, seeming a mix of disappointed and angry.

"So, I guess that makes you a free agent right now." Slam raised an eyebrow. "I don't wanna be too forward but-"

"Not interested, Slam." Selina shook her head and laughed a bit. "I'm kinda taking a break from boyfriends right now. I enjoy being single."

"I guess. Me personally, I can't stand being on my own. I'm a lonely guy." Slam said. "C'mon Selina, you've gotta get urges, right?"

"Sure I do. But I've got a little silicone friend that takes care of it just fine." Selina winked at Slam.

"Well then…" Slam smirked at her. "Good to know."

The two of them stayed quiet and enjoyed the outdoors for a little while. The night air felt lovely, even for somewhere as bleak as Gotham. While Slam smoked Selina looked up at the sky. The stars were hidden behind a layer of clouds, not giving her much to look at. She looked back down ahead of her at the Gotham University campus. In the distance she saw a small group of people walking towards the building. They were obscured in shadows and walking over toward him slowly and deliberately.

"Hey! Who's out there!" Selina shouted over to the dark figures. They didn't reply and instead continued to approach the building, now beginning to move a bit faster.

"Relax, it's probably just some drunk college kids on their way back from a bar." Slam put a hand on Selina's shoulder to reassure her.

Selina's eyes narrowed and she leaned forward. She realized one of the figures in the dark was carrying something. It was hard to tell from the distance but it appeared to be some kind of weapon. Maybe a crowbar or a baseball bat.

"I don't think so…" Selina shook her head and looked at the approaching men. She raised her voice again. "Hey, who are you guys! Listen, me and my friend were just hanging out. We don't wanna cause any trouble."

The figures got closer, stepping into the light. There were about six of them, they all appeared to be young men in their 20s or 30s. Short hair, stocky builds. One of them carried a baseball bat with him just like Selina had predicted. The most unusual thing about these men was how they were dressed. They all wore identical green jumpsuits and purple domino masks with black question marks on the chest.

"So… Riddler sent you boys… What're you doing all the way out here?" Selina took a few steps closer to him.

"None of your business…" The goon closest to the front of the group smirked. "But the boss wants everyone inside for his big plan."

"Is that so?" Slam began rolling up his sleeves. "Well… You're gonna have to get through me and her first." He glanced over at Selina. "Think we can take 'em?"

"Of course we can…" Selina nodded, sharing a glance with Slam. She lunged at the Riddler's goons with Slam quickly following her.

Several of Riddler's thugs moved toward Selina and Slam in preparation for the fight. One stayed back and took a small grenade off his belt. He threw it down and it burst into a cloud of sweet smelling smoke. The lack of vision disoriented Slam a bit but Selina was used to fighting in the dark. Selina noticed glowing lenses in the masks of Riddler's goons. It appeared that they had some kind of infrared or night vision.

Selina scratched at the face of one of the goons, making the main scream in pain. She was able to land a few kicks and hits on a few of the goons but was distracted when she heard Slam cry out in pain. Apparently the lack of vision was a severe disadvantage for him and two of Riddler's goons were wailing on him.

She turned around and tried to go towards him in order to help him out. But in her haste to do so she neglected to make sure she was safe herself. She was hit over the head with a baseball bat and fell to the ground with an extreme pounding sensation in her head. Slam fell down next to her and he began reaching out to her as the gas dispersed.

"Well now what have we here?" a new voice made its presence known.

Selina looked up and saw the Riddler himself, dressed in a custom fitted green suit with a green bowler hat on his head. He had a perpetual smug smile on his face as he prodded Selina's head with his cane.

"Bring them inside…" Riddler glanced at his henchmen. "I need everyone here inside the building for what I have planned."

*******

While Selina lay on the ground just outside, Harley, Ivy and Magpie were having a great time. They'd been prowling around the party, having some short conversations and lifting as many small items of jewellery as they could get away with. Plus, upon Harley's request, they'd made multiple trips over to the bar and the buffet and had helped themselves to plenty of food and drink.

Harley was never very good at holding her liquor so she was already just a little drunk from the alcohol she'd consumed. She was excitedly clinging to Magpie or Ivy, whichever one would tolerate her at the time, and talking about whatever was on her mind. This did not put her in the ideal mindset for stealing but that didn't matter to her right now. She was in a good mood and wanted to put it to good use.

"Man, this place is real fun!" Harley giggled, clinging to Ivy's arm. "I wanna do this every night!"

"Well, that's kinda impossible since this is a one night event." Magpie muttered.

"Jeez, don't take everything I say so literally." Harley rolled her eyes. "I mean I wanna have more fun! C'mon, let's get another round of drinks!"

"I think you've had enough for now." Ivy playfully poked Harley's nose.

"Nuh-uh, I ain't drunk enough yet!" Harley laughed, shaking her head. "I can have a few more."

"Well, I'm cutting you off for your own good." Ivy shook her head.

"Aww, fine…" Harley nodded. "Y'know what, I kinda need to use the bathroom. You girls wanna come with me?"

"Sure, I need to fix my hair." Ivy nodded. "Magpie, what about you?"

"Hmm… Why not." Magpie sighed. "I hate being alone."

The three girls went over to the bathroom. They got there just in time to see Sue Dibny leaving, seeming upset about her lack of earrings. Ivy couldn't help but smirk when she saw this.

Harley found herself a relatively clean stall to relieve herself in while Magpie and Ivy went over to the bathroom mirrors to check on their hair. Or in Magpie's case her wig. While they fixed their hair Ivy glanced over at Magpie.

"I've got a question for you, Margaret." Ivy said.

"Yeah, what is it?" Magpie looked at Ivy.

"Do you like working for us?" Ivy tilted her head. "I've noticed a lot of complaining coming from you and Polaris lately."

Magpie bit her lip and stayed quiet for a few moments. "I… I appreciate you guys. Without you I'd be a nobody. Probably working for some jackass like Black Mask or Two-Face." She sighed. "The thing is… Harley, she's frustrating sometimes. She's nice but she's just not a leader. I guess I'm conflicted. I don't think I'd wanna leave her though. It's not like I have anywhere else to go. I'm a loser." She stared at her own reflection for a couple moments, scowling at herself.

Harley exited the bathroom stall and went over to the sink between Ivy and Selina. She happily hummed to herself as she began washing her hands. "Y'know Maggie, I couldn't help but overhear ya." She glanced at Magpie. "You gotta be nicer to yourself. I think you're a real great gal and I'm glad you're part of my team."

"I'm glad you like me Harley… But the truth is, I'm pathetic." Magpie sighed. "Look at me, I turn forty this year and I dress like an idiot and steal jewels."

"So what? We're all a bunch of idiots. Look at me, I dress like a clown and spent the better part of a decade romancing one of the biggest jerks in Gotham." Harley giggled. "I just wanna make people happy. Okay?"

"Thanks Harley…" Magpie nodded a little. "I like you."

"Aww, you're so sweet." Harley finished watching her hand and gives Magpie a quick kiss on the cheek. "I promise, I'm gonna make ya feel like part of our family!"

Magpie chuckled and finished adjusting her wig. "Alright, let's go. I'm ready to get back out there. You actually made me feel a bit better, Harley."

"No problem Maggie! I'm just doin' my best." Harley nodded.

"Let's go check in on Selina. See what she's got up to." Ivy took Harley by the hand and began leading her out of the bathroom with Magpie beside her.

It was when the three of them exited the bathroom that they walked onto a scene that none of them were prepared for. It seemed that while they were in the restrooms something had happened.

The lights had been turned down and there was confused murmuring and shouting. A spotlight had been set up and was shining on the middle of the room but nobody was under it. At first Harley assumed that there was some kind of big announcement happening. Maybe a special guest appearance.

But when her and her friends were grabbed from behind by three burly men in green jumpsuits. "We got three more of 'em!"

"Hey! Let go of me!" Harley yelled, struggling against the tight grip of the man holding her.

Out of the darkness and into the light stepped the Riddler, looking as smug as ever. "Ladies and gentlemen! I couldn't help but notice that this so-called detectives convention left out one important person… Me. I'm smarter than everyone in this room put together. And yet you left me out… Why exactly is that? Are you jealous? Afraid I'll upstage all of you?"

"You're a known criminal!" Elongated Man stepped out from the ground, pushing past some of Riddler's goos, slinking out of their arms with his stretching powers. He stretched his body forward toward the Riddler.

"Ah yes, Elongated Man… How do you do?" Riddler took a syringe out of his coat pocket and jammed it into Elongated Man's neck.

Ralph gasped and fell to the ground. His powers started going haywire, falling to the ground like a puddle. "Whasshappnen…"

"Ralph!" Sue rushed to his side to make sure he was okay.

"I anticipated you'd be here Mr. Dibny." Riddler casually kicked Ralph in the face, making him his elastic skin flop over. "I overloaded your system with Gingold extract, the very same substance that gives you your powers. It should wear off… Eventually." He looked up from Elongated Man and to the crowd of other detectives. "I have counters for every last one of you. Why? Because I am the smartest man in the room! And I am going to prove it!"

"What an asshole…" Ivy whispered.

"We gotta get outta here." Harley whispered back. "C'mon, let's find Selina."

"And it was getting to be such a nice night too…" Magpie sighed.

Ivy took a deep breath and glanced at Harley. "Alright, we need a plan here. As much as I love you Harls, we can't just rush into this blind."

"Right… Right… Plan… I can do that." Harley nervously looked around. "Let's just let things play out a bit and I'll let ya know if I've come up with anything."

"Quiet, all of you." the thug holding onto Harley tightened his grip.

"Hey, watch it!" Harley yelped.

While Harley, Ivy and Magpie talked among themselves, the Riddler continued his whole spiel. Casually talking as if he hadn't just horribly injured someone and crashed a major event. "Now, there's no point in escaping. I booby trapped every exit to the building. So you're trapped in here with me until I say you can leave. Understood?"

"Not so fast…" A woman in a red dress with platinum blonde hair struggled her way through the crowd over to Riddler. "You are not getting away with this!"

"Oh, and who are you?" Riddler smirked at her.

"Angel O'Day, model and detective." Angel introduced herself. "And I'm not letting some loser in a bowler hat ruin tonight."

"And how do you expect to do that?" Riddler asked.

"I'm not going to stop you." Angel crossed her arms. "But I've got a friend who will…"

She looked over her shoulder and pushing its way through the crowd came a large gorilla wearing a three piece suit and fedora.

"Meet Sam Simeon, my partner." Angel smirked.

"Hey Riddler, I've heard about you!" Sam pushed over several of Riddler's goons and started going towards Riddler himself.

"I expected you to be here too." Riddler reached into his pocket and pulled out a small tranquilizer gun. He casually pointed it in front of him and pulled a trigger, shooting a small dart into Sam Simeon's chest.

Sam gasped and doubled over backwards, passing out. Riddler chuckled and looked over to Angel. "That'll keep him out for a few hours. Now… I want to play a game. I call it _Are You Smarter Than a Genius_. The answer is, no! You are not!" He laughed for a moment. "Now here's how the game works. I ask you a simple question. If you get it wrong, which you will, you must pay the penalty!" He looked over his shoulder at a small crowd of his goons. "Boys, bring in our first contestants!"

Two of Riddler's goons emerged from the darkness dragging two semi-conscious figures with them. It took her a moment but Harely soon recognized the both of them once they were in the light. It was Selina and Slam. They had been bound and had collars with electric lights affixed to their necks.

"Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Mr. Slam Bradley and Ms. Selina Kyle!" Riddler cheered to which his goons replied with mock applause. "We'll be asking them each a question. If they fail… This happens." He removed a remote from his pocket and pressed a button on it. Selina and Slam both let out a cry of pain and writhed around a little bit. "A small electrical shock is administered. Not enough to kill you… Unless you have a heart condition. But hey accidents happen." He turned to Slam. "Mr. Bradley, let's start with you…"

Harley began breathing heavily as soon as she saw Riddler's thugs bring Selina out. It only got worse when they saw her being lightly electrocuted. She felt tears beginning to well up in her eyes.

Ivy noticed her friend's distress and tried whispering to her. "Shhh… It's okay Harls, everything's gonna be alright…" She reached over and held Harley's hand.

"No it ain't… I'm not gonna sit by and do nothing… Selina's my friend and I don't want her to get hurt." Harley whispered, tears now streaming down her face.

"We can't rush into things." Magpie shook her head and spoke in a hushed tone. "That's a good way to get us killed."

"I don't think so…" Harley shook her head. "See, Riddler planned for all these detective guys to show up. But he ain't got a contingency for the three of us… Me 'n Maggie got our acrobatics, you've got your plants, Red. We can take 'em easy."

"You want us to blow our cover? Are you sure that's a good idea." Ivy raised an eyebrow at Harley.

"I know what I'm doin'." Harley nodded. "We gotta act now."

"Alright." Ivy took a deep breath and nodded back. "I'll follow your lead."

Harley stayed still for a few moments, gathering her composure for what she was about to do. She made a series of swift and decisive attacks against the man holding her. First she stomped on his foot before ramming her elbow into his ribs. This caused the goon to let go of her. With a large grin on her face, Harley jabbed her fingers at the man's eyes and making the man stumble back.

The two men holding Ivy and Magpie became distracted and let go of the women they were holding. This gave the both of them a chance to attack their capture. Ivy quickly broke from his grip and punched the man in his gut and kneed him in the groin while Magpie kicked her captor in the knee and knocked him down with a punch to the nose.

All this commotion drew quite a bit of attention to the three of them. Riddler looked away from his two main hostages and over to them. "Oh dear… Are our guests being naughty? Boys, take care of them for me. And make them our next contestants, will you? Someone needs to be taught a lesson."

A few more of Riddler's men descended upon Harley, Ivy and Magpie. Harley did her best to punch as many jaws and kick as many crotches as she could but she began to be overwhelmed. "Red! Do your plant thing!"

"On it!" Ivy nodded. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to feel around for any nearby plants. After a bit of searching she realized there was a rather large tree growing just outside of the building. It would do just fine. Smirking to herself, and dodging the fists of several men trying to attack and restrain her, Ivy began willing the three to grow.

In just a few seconds, she had achieved just the result she was hoping for. A large tree branch burst through the wall just behind her, sending debris everywhere and people fleeing.

"What the hell is all this!" Riddler exclaimed.

"A friend of mine showing off her party trick." Selina smirked at Riddler.

"You stay down!" Riddler shouted. "I'm going to get to the bottom of all this!"

"God you talk too much." Selina rolled her eyes at him.

"Shut up!" Riddler pulled a handgun from his jacket and pushed his way through the crowd and over to where the tree had just broken through the wall. "I demand to know who is back there!"

Riddler got his answer when one of his henchmen flew past him and tumbled to the ground. The darkness of the rest of the room made it difficult to tell what exactly was going on. But he saw who exactly was causing all the commotion when Harley jumped out of the darkness and kicked him in the chest. Riddler fell over, dropping both his gun and the remote.

"Harley Quinn…" Riddler trailed off, slowly picking himself up from the ground. "What the hell are you doing here!"

"Kickin' your ass!" Harley shouted, stomping down on Riddler's face.

"My nose!" Riddler covered his face. "Watch it!"

"Ain't so fun when yer the one gettin' beat up." Harley smirked and crossed her arms.

"You're a criminal… Like me… We should be on the same side…" Riddler started backing up.

"Yeah, I may be a bad guy. But I draw a line somewhere." Harley shook her head. "Now, I'm takin' my friend and gettin' the fuck outta here!" She kicked Riddler in the face again before picking up the remote he dropped. Looking behind her she nodded at Ivy and Magpie. "C'mon you two, this way!"

Ivy willed the large branches behind her to follow her as she carved her way through the crowd with Magpie by her side. Harley led the charge, punching out another one of Riddler's thugs in his jaw and grabbing the baseball bat out of his hands.

"Here I am, Selina!" Harley smacked another one of Riddler's goons with the baseball bat. She picked up Selina's bound body and slung her over the shoulder.

"Harley… I could have handled myself…" Selina sighed. "But thank you anyway."

"No problem!" Harley nodded.

"Hey, can I get a little help too!" Slam yelled out.

"Alrighty!" Harley looked behind her. "Red, help out Slammy Boy!"

Ivy nodded and reached out toward him, one of the branches reaching out with her. The branch wrapped around Slam and picked Slam up and began to retract.

"Alright, now let's get outta here!" Harley cheered. She turned around and began rushing toward the hole in the wall. After dodging some more of Riddler's goons she made it to the hole in the wall where Magpie and Ivy had already crawled through.

Riddler slowly got up from the ground with a scowl on his face and blood dripping from his nose. "After them! I will not be embarrassed by Harley Quinn of all people!"

Harley stopped under the shade of the tree, panting heavily. "Holy shit… That was great! Do ya feel that adrenaline? Better than sex!"

"Calm down, Harls. We're not in the clear yet." Ivy said. She willed her plant to gently place Slam down on the ground.

"Thanks for saving my skin… Mind untying me and Selina?" Slam requested.

"Of course." Ivy nodded, with a flick of her wrist she made a blade of grass grow inhumanly long and sharp. The grass blade swiftly cut through the bindings around Slam and Selina's wrists and ankles before taking care of the collar around their necks.

"Finally…" Selina sighed, getting down from Harley's shoulder. "Unfortunately, I don't have any way to get back home right now... Slam, do you have a car?"

"Sure do!" Slam nodded. "It'll be a tight fit but I can get you all out of there."

"Then let's go!" Harley cheered. "I got a feelin' Riddler's still angry at me."

"This way!" Slam got to his feet and ran off towards the parking lot. Harley scrambled after him and the other three girls followed her.

In just a few minutes, Slam got to his car and dug his keys out his pocket. He quickly unlocked the door and got in the driver's seat. Selina caught up to him and jumped up onto the car's hood, sliding across. She got around to the passenger's seat and let herself in.

Harley, Ivy and Magpie arrived last and piled into the back with Magpie being awkwardly sandwiched between the two other girls.

Once he saw they were all inside the car and the doors were closed he pressed down on the gas pedal, speeding off. He ignored any speed limits and common sense and tried to get out of the area as fast as he could.

After Slam felt he was a reasonable distance away he began slowing down his car. As he did so, he looked over his shoulder at Harley, Ivy and Magpie. "So… I'm guessing you three aren't really porn stars, are you?"

"What!" Ivy exclaimed, sounding terribly offended.

"Relax Ivy, that was just a cover story I told Slam about you." Selina explained. She looked over to Slam. "And no, they don't make porn. They're supervillains."

"I should've figured…" Slam chuckled. "You really don't change, do you Selina?"

"Afraid not." Selina shook her head.

"Y'know I really oughta turn you guys over to the police…" Slam paused for a moment. "But tell you what, since you just saved me, I'll be nice. I'm gonna drop you all off at home. But next time, you won't be so lucky. Mind telling me where you live?"

"Yeah, Red's got an apartment on the east side." Harley nodded. "You can drop us off here."

"Not me, I've got my own place. I need to take care of my cats." Selina smiled.

"It's pretty late… Think I could stay the night?" Slam winked at Selina.

"Hmm, we'll see…" Selina chuckled.

"Ugh…" Ivy groaned. "Just take us home, okay?"

"Hey, you got it sweetheart." Slam nodded.

*******

On the car ride back to the apartment, Harley fell half asleep. She didn't have any distinct memories of the ride, just bits and pieces. When she stumbled out of the elevator in Ivy's buildings her brain started to form memories again. She got up to the door and tried pushing it open but it didn't budge.

"Harls, you gotta unlock it first…" Ivy dug the keys to her apartment out of her dress pocket. She unlocked the door and pushed it open. "We're home!"

Dr. Polaris was sitting on the couch. He had a plate in front of him with some pasta on it. His eyes were fixated on the TV which was playing an episode of The Brady Bunch. Looking over his shoulder he waved at the girls. "Oh hey there, welcome back."

"Jesus, is all you people ever do watch TV when I'm not home?" Ivy sighed, going over to the couch.

"Hey, I do other things! I was reading a book earlier." Dr. Polaris crossed his arms.

"Aww don't mind Red." Harley giggled, kicking her shoes off and getting more comfortable. "She's grumpy 'cause we had to leave early."

"Oh right, I saw that Riddler thing on the news." Dr. Polaris nodded. "Apparently Batman showed up, didn't catch Riddler though."

"Phew, good thing we missed the Bat." Magpie sighed. She took off her shoes and sighed. Glancing over at Harley and Ivy, Magpie reached under her dress and started trying to get off her bra. "I'm fucking tired, I'm gonna go take a shower and pass out on the couch." She took off her bra, pulling it out from under her dress and dropped it haphazardly on the floor before wandering off to the bathroom.

"I'm gonna go lie down in bed, I'll probably take a shower in the morning." Harley yawned a little.

"I'll probably do the same." Ivy nodded along with Harley. She glanced over at Dr. Polaris. "Is Grace asleep already?"

"No she left about a half hour ago. She's doing a late night grocery run. Said we were out of bread." Dr. Polaris replied.

Harley's face lit up for a moment and she went over to Ivy, hugging her from behind. "Ooh, ooh! Red, can ya please share the bed with me tonight? I know you and Orca got your thing going on, but I always feel extra cozy when I got someone in bed with me. Please?"

"Alright…" Ivy nodded. "You're super sweet. C'mon, let's lie down."

Harley let go of Ivy and happily clapped her hands together. She went off to the bedroom and flopped down onto the bed. Ivy entered the room soon after, chuckling and looking at Harley.

"You're real cute, Harls." Ivy chuckled, closing the bedroom door behind her. "It'll feel good to get some sleep…"

"Oh yeah, totally." Harley nodded. "We gotta have a normal girls night out one of these days…" She yawned a little bit. "But hey, at least this time it wasn't my fault."

"Yes, that's true. We had no idea that the Riddler would be there." Ivy said, going over to a mirror and taking out some hair clips and removing her makeup. "And at least we got out of it with some new jewellery."

"Yeah that's true!" Harley cheered, sitting up in bed and beginning to take off her dress. She shimmied out of it until she was in just her bra and underwear. "Ah, much better. I feel all free!" Giggling happily, Harley skipped over to the mirror next to Ivy and went about getting rid of the excess makeup on her. She happily hummed to herself as she went about wiping her makeup off, revealing the unnatural paleness below. "There we go, all nice and cleaned off."

Once she'd gotten rid of all the makeup she lay down on the bed, happily sighing. "There we go… All ready for bed."

"Wonderful, I think I'm ready too." Ivy smiled and began taking off her dress. The dress dropped to the ground and she had nothing on underneath.

Seeing this made Harley giggle a little bit. "Oh… Do ya wanna change into your jammies?"

"I have my sleepwear in the guest room and I'd rather not give Polaris a little show." Ivy chuckled. "And I'd rather not get that tight dress back on either."

"Ah whatever, we're both girls. We have the same bits. You can get in bed with me." Harley laughed some more. "In fact…" She reached behind her back and unclasped her bra. "I'll join ya!" She dropped the bra over the edge of the bed and got under the covers.

Ivy turned out the lights and lay down in bed opposite Harley. She rolled over and looked at Harley with a smile on her face.

"Ya don't think Orca will get the wrong idea if she sees us like this?" Harley asked.

"Of course not!" Ivy laughed. "Grace knows that I'm very casual about nudity. She trusts me, she knows I'd never cheat on her."

"Hehe, ya sound like a good girlfriend." Harley smiled. She reached across the bed and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"That's very nice of you to say." Ivy nodded. "I do my best… Grace seems to like me."

"You 'n Grace…" Harley trailed off for a moment. "Have you, y'know, fucked."

Ivy laughed a little. "No, no, not yet… Grace is very shy and me, well, I'm still not sure how it would work out considering, well, how big she is…"

"Are you blushing, Red?" Harley smirked, poking Ivy's nose.

"Wh- What? Of course not. I don't blush…" Ivy chuckled and hid under the blankets a little bit.

"You totally are!" Harley moved across the bed and put her arms around Ivy. "Ya like to act like a big tough girl but you're a total softie!" In all her excitement Harley hugged Ivy as tight as she could, nuzzling her face against her friend a little bit.

"Goodness, you're affectionate tonight!" Ivy giggled, a rare occurrence for her.

"I just… I just want you to know I really like ya… You've been spendin' time with Orca a lot and well, I miss spendin' time with you like this…" Harley stared into Ivy's eyes for a moment.

"You'll always be special to me Harley." Ivy smiled at her, staring straight back. "You were the first humans I cared about in a long time... And that will never change."

Harley felt tears in her eyes again and held Ivy close for a couple moments. "This is… This is kinda gay, isn't it?"

"A little bit." Ivy smirked and nodded. "But there's nothing wrong with that."

Harley let go of Ivy and rolled over. "Guess so… But I don't want your girlfriend to get the wrong idea... " She took a pillow from behind her and placed it between her and Ivy to separate them. "G'night Red, I love ya…"

"Love you too Harls… See you in the morning…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being longer than I expected. Probably because I wanted to add that moment between Harley and Ivy at the end. Writing their relationship is interesting. I want to make them a couple but I'm also trying to build up to it. They'll be a couple eventually though. I'll just have to be patient. Anyway, hope to have the new chapter up soon.


	14. Unjustified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Harley hears about a new supervillain team called the Injustice Gang forming, she decides to go check i tout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured character:
> 
> **Bane:** Bane, born in prison on the island of Santa Prisca. Bane spent years exercising and reading since he had basically nothing else to do. Years later he escaped prison and went to Gotham City where he ended up breaking Batman's back that one time. He shows up in the Harley Quinn cartoon as a bit of a comic relief character but I'm using a more serious version of him here. Also, there are some appearances by characters from past chapters in this one. So that should be fun.

It was seven o'clock in the evening and Harley Quinn had just arrived back at Ivy's apartment building after a horribly botched robbery at a mall. It was supposed to be simple but thanks to Ivy and Orca being busy with a date and Selina not being interested in something so loud, it all went horribly wrong. The only reason they got out of there without being arrested was because Dr. Polaris was able to use his magnet powers to get them out of there.

The biggest indignity of all was that Harley had tripped over and fallen into a fountain at the mall. So now she was grumpy and soggy, a very bad combination. She was in the elevator at the apartment building, leaning against the wall and trying not to cry. Harley had a lot of pride in herself and being part of a job that went this wrong was not good for her self esteem.

"It's alright Harley…" Magpie whispered. "Everyone makes mistakes sometimes…"

"I guess…" Harley sighed. "I'm just embarrassed. I don't wanna be a laughingstock anymore… I'm a real criminal, y'know?"

"You've still got it better than me." Dr. Polaris grumbled. "I used to be somebody. But ever since I got kicked out of the Legion of Doom I've gotta take jobs like this. Uh, no offence Harley."

"Ah who needs the Legion of Doom. A buncha losers and stuck up jerks, that's what I say." Harley frowned and crossed her arms.

The elevator stopped on Ivy's floor and Harley got off. She went up to the door and unlocked it, stepping through into the dimly lit apartment. "Red? Orca? Are ya home?"

"We're in the dining room!" Ivy called out. "Didn't realize you'd be back this early."

Harley walked over to the dining room, her posture slouched. She saw Orca and Ivy sitting at the dining room table together. "Hey girls… Sorry if I'm interruptin' your romantic dinner."

"Oh, it's fine." Ivy nodded. "Grace made some delicious pan fried shrimp. You should try some."

"Maybe later, I ain't that hungry." Harley sighed.

"Is everything okay?" Orca asked. "You seem upset."

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Harley quickly turned around and walked away as fast as she could, pushing past Magpie and Dr. Polaris. Starting to cry, Harley entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

She took off her wet jester suit and mask and put them in the tub to dry. Picking up a towel, Harley began drying herself off. Once she began calming down Harley sat down on the toilet lid and took a few deep breaths to help feel better.

Harley removed her wet underwear and put them in the tub with her jester suit. "Maybe I just ain't cut out for this supervillain stuff…" She sighed.

Before she could think about it much more, a knock came from the door. "Harls, can I come in? You seemed really upset."

"Yeh- Yeah, c'mon in Red." Harley quickly wrapped the towel around herself.

The door opened and Ivy entered the bathroom. She went over to Harley and looked at her with great concern. "I guess things didn't go the way you wanted them to."

"No… Not really." Harley shook her head. "Sorry if I interrupted your date night."

"It's fine, Grace understands. She's a very compassionate woman." Ivy nodded and took Harley by the hand. "Listen, I know you're feeling down… But I think I have something that might cheer you up."

"Yeah?" Harley cracked a small smile. "What is it?"

Ivy held out an envelope to Harley. It had a red seal with a stylized letter N on it. Whatever was inside seemed very important. "This came in the mail today. Addressed to you directly, no return address. Seems important whatever it is."

"Hmmm… Wonder who's sendin' lil old me mail." Harley smiled. "Thanks Red… I'll be sure to read it."

"No problem." Ivy nodded and turned around. "Hope you feel better." She left Harley alone in the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Harley stared down at the envelope for several moments. She peeled the seal away and opened the envelope, finding a letter inside. Unfolding the paper, Harley found a letter that appeared to be written by a typewriter. "Hmmm…" She began reading the letter.

_Dear Ms. Quinzel,_   
_You are cordially invited to a meeting on behalf of the Injustice Gang. We are a group of like minded super-criminals who want to start something new. All we ask is for is your cooperation. We are tired of the Legion of Doom's monopoly over supervillain teams. The Injustice Gang is calling a meeting tomorrow night. Meet at the old Gotham Lighthouse. We have a great offer for you and many others, you have great potential._   
_Yours truly,_   
_Leader-4_

"Very interesting…" A big smile spread across Harley's face. She held the letter tight in her hand and excitedly burst out of the bathroom. "Great news everybody!" Moving quickly, she rushed into the dining room. Dr. Polaris and Magpie had joined Ivy and Orca at the table and had helped themselves to plates of shrimp as well.

"Harley… What's going on?" Ivy asked.

"Some guys callin' themselves want me to be part of their group!" Harley cheered, twirling around. In all her excitement the towel wrapped around her fell off. "Tomorrow night we're goin' down to the old lighthouse and seein' what they have to offer."

"That's great Harley…" Magpie did her best not to stare at Harley, waiting for her to notice her own nudity. "But, uh, we can see your, well, everything right now…"

"I know!" Harley nodded. "I'm too excited to care! Someone thinks I'm a big enough deal to write a letter too! Watch out world, Harley Quinn's comin' for ya!"

"We'd take you a lot more seriously if you weren't naked." Ivy chuckled.

"Right, right…" Harley giggled and picked up the towel, working fast to cover herself. "Anywho, point is, tomorrow night, some serious shit is goin' down!" She stared off at nowhere in particular, her head tilted slightly upward. She had no idea what this Injustice Gang thing was or why they'd sent her the letter. She was too excited to think about things like that. This letter meant she was a big deal, and Harley Quinn loved being a big deal.

*******

The following night, Harley made sure to clean her jester suit and wear her best makeup when the time to go out to the lighthouse came. She was happily humming to herself the entire car ride out to the lighthouse with Ivy in the passenger seat beside her. Normally Ivy would have told her to knock it off but seeing Harley this excited was just too adorable. So she decided to let Harley express herself however she felt like.

Harley stopped her RV outside of the old lighthouse and it appeared that several other people had gotten there before her. As she stepped out, Harley recognized a few of the vehicles parked there. Two-Face's vintage car, half painted jet black and half painted shiny white, the Riddler's bright green van with question marks painted on the side and, one that worried Harley slightly, Joker's purple car with his own face painted on the front. The other cars seemed nondescript in comparison but also looked expensive.

As the others departed from the RV, Harley looked back at her crew. "Ya don't think this is a trap, do ya?"  
"What do you mean?" Dr. Polaris raised an eyebrow.

"Well, say, we go in there and a buncha angry gangsters try to blast me to bits. How likely is that?" Harley asked.

"It's a possibility…" Ivy thought for a moment. "If anyone tries to lay a hand on you, I'll be sure to kill them."

"Yeah, we all will." Magpie added.

"Aww, that's sweet of ya." Harley giggled a bit. "Alright gang, let's go! Let's see what this Injustice Gang thing is all about." Taking a deep breath and feeling nervousness bubbling inside her, Harley went over to the door to the lighthouse and tried opening it but it wouldn't move. She was befuddled but only momentarily. Quickly coming up with a solution, Harley knocked at the door.

After a short pause, a slot on the door opened up and a pair of eyes peeked out from it. "Oh, hello." A male voice came from the other side. "Are you one of the invited?"

"Sure am!" Harley cheered. "I'm Harley Quinn."

"Ah yes, Leader-4 said you would be here. Please, come in." The slot shut again and the sound of bolts turning and locks unlocking came from the other side.

After a few seconds, the door opened up revealing the dreary interior of the lighthouse. Standing on the other side of the door was a man in a grey boiler suit and red lensed goggles. On his chest was a large red letter N.

"Follow me please. You were the last one on our list." The man smiled and turned around, beckoning for Harley and her crew to follow him.

"Sorry for takin' so long. I got hungry and stopped for snacks on the way up here." Harley giggled, beginning to follow the man up the spiraling staircase up toward the top of the lighthouse. She started breathing heavily as she ascended the stairs, gripping the railing tighter for support. "Gosh, this is all so exciting!"

"Alright Harley, stay calm." Ivy chuckled. "You wouldn't wanna make people think you aren't a professional."

"Right, right, gotta act calm 'n cool." Harley took another deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I got this." She put on a smile and took on a confident stride as she and her crew made it to the top of the lighthouse.

Once she was at the top, it was clear that someone had renovated the place quite a bit. The entire big light in the centre was removed and instead there were more conventional lights on the ceiling. In place of the large light was a wooden round table with many wood dining chairs set up around it. Curtains were drawn around the room, keeping whatever was going on outside hidden from the inside and vice versa.

Sitting around the table were several people that Harley recognized. Most of whom she did not have positive associations with. Several of Gotham City's most infamous crime lords and supervillains were seated at the table. The Penguin, the Riddler, Black Mask, Two-Face, the new Ventriloquist and her trusty puppet Scarface and finally the Joker.

"Uh, hello everyone." Harley waved at the group. "Sorry if I'm late. Hope I didn't bring too many of my friends with me…" She pulled out a chair at the table and sat herself down. Ivy and Magpie sat down on either side of Harley while Dr. Polaris and Orca remained standing up.

"So nice of you to finally join us, Ms. Quinzel." Penguin chuckled.

Harley kept smiling but she could tell that there were quite a lot of angry eyes pointed at her. She'd done something to wrong everyone at this room at some point in recent history. With her eyes darting around the room, she was starting to think her theory about this being a trap may have been right.

"Alright everybody…" The man who escorted Harley spoke up. "I'm going to bring in Leader-4. He's been very interested in meeting you." He went over to the curtain and opened it slightly, revealing the glass door behind it. There wasn't much to see outside. It was a dark night with storm clouds on the horizon. The man exited out the door and there was a somewhat uncomfortable silence for a little while.

After a couple moments the man re-emerged into the room. "Alright, please welcome Leader-4. But you may know him by another name…" The sound of footsteps approaching became audible.

In through the big glass doors stepped a masked, broad shouldered, muscular man standing at well over six feet tall. His mask was primarily black with red details around the face, it looked like a luchador mask. Going into his back and connecting into his arms were a series of durable plastic tubes. His name was Bane and he was rather infamous in the Gotham criminal community.

He was known as a ruthless fighter and master strategist. He'd made quite an impression when he first came to Gotham from his home country of Santa Prisca. With only the help of a few of his fellow prison escapees, Bane had caused a mass breakout at Arkham and when Batman was worn down from trying to round up all the inmates, Bane broke Batman's back.

Of course Batman eventually came back and defeated Bane but it was quite the first impressions. So his presence in the room commanded a lot of attention from the others.

"Greetings. I am Bane. You all know me, yes?" Bane slowly walked over to a vacant seat and sat down.

"It's been a while since we saw you in town, Bane." Two-Face remarked, sizing up Bane with his good eye. "I was half sure you were dead."

"Not at all Mr. Dent." Bane shook his head. "I've been making all sorts of new friends."

"Ah yes, the Injustice Gang… Do tell me about them, won't you?" Joker chuckled.

"Yeah what makes you so special?" Black Mask asked. "Any schmuck can put together a team."

"Well, I am not just any schmuck, as you put it… I am Bane. But I am not alone either." Bane looked around the table as if evaluating each face at it. "There are seven of us. We form the head of the Injustice Gang. But we can't all do it alone. We are extending our reach out to any fellow criminal who wants us."

"What exactly makes you so special though?" The Riddler raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm doin' pretty okay on my own." Harley added.

"Sure, you do fine by yourself. But with a net as wide as the Injustice Gang you could do anything. And unlike the elitist Legion of Doom where you have to bow to the whims of Lex Luthor and his inner circle, at the Injustice Gang we treat you all as equals." Bane stood up and began to circle the table.

"So you're a buncha commies, eh?" Scarface spoke up. "I'll have you know that I'm a red blooded patriot."

"Sweetie, calm down. This is gonna be real good for us." Peyton stroked a finger against Scarface's wooden cheek. She looked up at Bane with a smile. "Do go on, Mr. Bane."

"Please, it's just Bane." Bane continued pacing around the table. "Now, if you join the Injustice Gang there will be many benefits. Weapons, technology, money and other resources all freely at your disposal. All you have to do is make yourself available to the core group of seven at the Injustice Gang. Should we ever need your personal skills or resources, we shall call on you."

"Hmmm… Seems like a pretty good deal…" Black Mask trailed off, seeming to legitimately be considering Bane's offer.

Bane nodded and sat back down at his chair. "Are there any questions?"

"Thank you." Bane nodded. "Now, is that all the questions?"

"I have one actually." Black Mask spoke up. "Well, really, it's more like a statement."

"And what would that be?" Bane asked.

"I don't think you should let Ms. Quinzel into this Injustice Gang group of yours." Black Mask said.

"What!" Harley stood up and glared at Black Mask. "Why exactly ain't I entitled to the same privileges as the rest of ya?"

"Please, Ms. Quinzel, I'm sure Mr. Sionis has a perfectly good reason for saying that." Bane spoke calmly and looked over to Black Mask. "Why don't you think Harley should be part of the Injustice Gang?"

"To be frank, chaos follows her wherever she goes." Black Mask said. "Not only that but she's impossible to work with, not a team player at all. I tried working out a deal with her recently but that didn't end up so well."

"Oh, is that what yer callin' it?" Harley glared at Black Mask. "Cause I seem to remember ya kidnappin' my friend."

"Please, please, you both have valid points. There's enough room in the Injustice Gang for both of you." Bane stood up, leaning forward onto the table.

"I think Mask is right actually." Penguin spoke up. "She completely trashed my casino just recently."

"Yeah, and she also interrupted me in the middle of a performance just a few weeks back." Riddler added.

"I seem to remember her trying to kill me when I went to the Great White Shark's party…" Two-Face muttered.

"Wasn't she the reason Great White Shark got put back in Arkham…" Peyton remarked.

Hearing all the other people talking at the table cut into her. She felt a sudden sadness come over her and she sank down in her chair, crossing her arms. Looking down at herself, Harley tried to tune out the talking. Ivy put a hand on Harley's shoulder in an attempt to help her feel better. It worked but not very much. Especially when Harley heard Joker talking next.

"She just isn't a very smart girl. Trust me, I should know. I used to date her." Joker chuckled.

"Please, everyone, calm down." Bane raised his voice to try and get a hold on the room again. "Harley Quinn deserves to be part of the Injustice Gang just as much as you. Each one of you has something unique to bring to the table. We will not be excluding any of you."

"Fine..." Black Mask trailed off, still glaring over at Harley.

"Now then…" Bane's eyes surveyed each face at the table. "Who here will accept our offer? Who wants to join the Injustice Gang?"

There was a considerable silence around the table for a moment as each of them thought about their options.

Two-Face pulled out his coin and tossed it in the air. He caught it and looked at the results before finally verbalizing his response. "Alright, I'm in."

"Wonderful." Bane nodded. "Anyone else?"

"Ah sure, why the hell not." Black Mask nodded.

"Fine, I'm in too." Scarface said. "I may have some reservations about it, but Sugar thinks it's a good idea. And if yer good enough for her yer good enough for me."

"I'll also join." Riddler nodded. "Something tells me a group like yours needs some serious brains behind it. And I have just that."

"Hmmph, well, you can count me out." Penguin said. "I've got a good thing going on my own."

"Count me out too." Joker added. "Insanity doesn't go well with teamwork. I prefer being alone."

After all the others made their decisions Harley still remained silent. She felt a pounding in her head as she was pressured to make a decision. Decisiveness was never a strong point for her. She remained silent for a little longer while and Bane took notice of how quiet she was.

"Is everything okay, Ms. Quinzel?" Bane spoke up, tilting his head at Harley. "Have you made a decision?"

"I… I don't know? I mean… Y'know it's a good opportunity, but I'm just not sure." Harley fidgeted around nervously.

"She never was good at making decisions…" Joker chuckled, glancing over at Two-Face. "I don't know why I kept her around for so long."

Harley looked across the table at Bane, trying to ignore the Joker. "Uh, can I talk this out with my team. I feel like that'd help me make a decision."

"Of course." Bane asked. "You may talk with them outside. I shall wait in here for you."

"Thanks." Harley took a deep breath and stood up. She glanced over at her crew. "Alright guys, let's go talk outside." Beckoning for her crew to follow her over to the outside area of the lighthouse.

"Take your time." Bane nodded.

Ivy and Magpie rose from their chairs, following Harley. After that, Orca and Dr. Polaris followed behind the others. As Harley passed by the Joker's chair she felt the palm of his hand gently slap her rear.

"Good luck out there, slugger!" Joker laughed. "I'm sure you'll make the right choice."

Harley was too frozen with embarrassment and fear to do anything about it but Ivy on the other hand reached out and grabbed Joker by the wrist. "Do not touch Harley like that again…"

"What are you gonna do? Feed me to your pet fish?" Joker smirked, looking over Ivy's shoulder at Orca.

"I don't eat people…" Orca shyly muttered.

Still glaring at him, Ivy let go of Joker's wrist. She turned around in a huff and followed Harley over to the exit out to the lighthouse's main area and on to the balcony. Orca, Magpie and Polaris soon followed them.

The scent of the sea hit their nostrils immediately as they stepped out. Magpie left last and closed the curtain and the glass doors behind them. The metal balcony they were standing on was old and seemed to buckle slightly under their weight, but mostly Orca's.

Before anyone had a chance to say anything to Harley, she rushed over to the edge of the balcony and leaned over. Harley made some retching noises and grasped the railing tightly. Ivy went over to Harley and held onto her shoulder, trying to support her as she threw up.

"It's okay Harls… I've got you." Ivy whispered to her.

Harley wiped her mouth, took one more deep breath and turned around. "I'll be fine… I think my nerves got the better of me…"

"Yeah, I'll say." Dr. Polaris nodded. "What the hell happened back there?"

"I… I dunno…" Harley shook her head.

"This is a great opportunity. We'd be idiots to reject it like Penguin and Joker did." Dr. Polaris went on.

"I know that…" Harley put her hands over her ears and looked down at the ground.

"Hey, don't overwhelm her." Ivy glared at Dr. Polaris.

"Yeah, Harley can be sensitive sometimes." Magpie added.

Harley tried to slow down her erratic breathing and looked out to the sea again, gripping the railing hard.

"Is, uh, is everything gonna be okay?" Orca spoke up. "I don't think I understand what's happening." She got a bit closer to Harley and put a hand on her shoulder. "This is a good thing, isn't it? Bane will help us if we join him."

"All those guys in there were makin' fun of me…" Harley sulked, leaning over the edge some more. "I dunno if I wanna be part of the Injustice Gang if it's gonna be filled with people who hate me…"

"It's like I always said Harls, these big supervillain teams are overrated." Ivy placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's just a bunch of assholes thinking they can manipulate each other. You're better off working on your own. I mean, you've been doing fine so far."

"Yeh- Yeah, you're right…" Harley nodded, wiping some tears from her eyes. "I don't need Bane's group. You guys, you're the only team I need." She turned around to face them. "C'mon, let's go in there and tell 'em what we think of their Injustice Gang!"

With a feeling of renewed confidence within her, Harley turned around and began marching back towards the doors into the lighthouse.

"Wait, wait, are you serious?" Dr. Polaris asked, freezing up as Harley and the others made their way to the doors. "This is a serious opportunity we're turning down."

"It's Harley's choice." Ivy replied. "She knows exactly what she's doing."

Harley opened up the doors and pushed her way through the curtains, the seasalt smell wafting in behind her. "Alright everyone, I made my choice!" She had a big smile on her face as all the eyes in the room pointed to her.

Bane nodded and rose to his feet, moving a bit closer to Harley. "I see… And what is your decision?"

"I ain't joinin' your team." Harley confidently crossed her arms. "Harley Quinn isn't a team player. And that ain't changin'."

"Well then. Thank you for taking my deal into consideration." Bane nodded and turned back to the table. "As for those of you who accepted our deal, I welcome you to the Injustice Gang. We are very happy to have you here."

"Hold on, hold on!" Dr. Polaris interjected, pushing his way to the front of Harley's group.

"Ah jeez, what's the matter Doc?" Harley sighed.

"You're throwing away our shot at the big leagues is what!" Dr. Polaris snapped, glancing back at Harley for a moment. "We don't have to be two-bit hoods! We can be real supervillains!"

"Well, maybe I don't wanna be a supervillain." Harley crossed her arms and looked at Dr. Polaris. She tried not to be intimidated by his tall imposing figure. "Maybe I'm fine bein' a two-bit hood, like ya said."

"Yeah? Well, I'm not." Dr. Polaris narrowed his eyes at him. "I used to be a big deal before Lex kicked me out of the legion. This is my big shot."

"Well, too bad. 'Cause I ain't joinin'." Harley stared at him, not wanting to budge on his stance.

"Fine." Dr. Polaris nodded. "In that case, I quit."

"Wait, what!"

"You heard me. I quit. I'm leaving you and joining Bane's Injustice Gang."

Without another word, Dr. Polaris turned around and went over to Bane. "So, what do you say? Can I join your group? I'll be completely separate from Harley."

Bane paused for a moment and scratched his chin. "Yes, I suppose you can join. Welcome to the Injustice Gang Mister, err, Emerson, is it?"

"That's right. Neal Emerson." Dr. Polaris reached out and shook Bane's hand. "I think I'm gonna like it here."

"Fine! Who needs ya!" Harley turned around, facing away from Dr. Polaris with her arms crossed. "I can get along just fine without ya."

There was a bit of an uncomfortable pause as the people at the table observed Dr. Polaris and Harley's very messy separation. The one to eventually break the silence was the Penguin.

"So, uh, whatta we do now?" Penguin asked. "Do we go home or stick around or what…"

Bane nodded and sat back down at his chair. "Black Mask, Ventriloquist, Polaris, Two-Face, you may all stay here."

"What about me?" Scarface spoke up. "Ya mentioned Sugar but ya didn't me."

"Of course, of course." Bane chuckled. "You stay here too Mr. Scarface." He lookeda round the table again. "As for the rest of you, Penguin, Joker, Harley Quinn and friends, you may leave. Those who stay will have additional briefing about the Injustice Gang."

"Ah, very well then. Ta-ta for now!" Joker stood up very quickly. "Good luck with your future endeavours and all that." Cackling madly, he briskly walked away down the spiral staircase towards the exit of the lighthouse.

Once Joker left the room the Penguin began gathering his things to leave. He put his top hat on his head and picked up his umbrella. "Thank you for the offer Bane. I'll take my leave now." He walked away and descended the stairs out of the lighthouse's meeting room.

Harley bit her lip and looked over to her crew. "Um, well gang, you heard him. Let's get outta here…" She awkwardly shuffled herself away from Bane and the new Gotham Branch of the Injustice Gang. The three remaining members of her crew followed her as she made her way over to the stairs.

Feeling like he should say something, Dr. Polaris gave a slight nod of acknowledgement as he sat down around the table. "Uh, see you around Harley. Good luck with whatever you've got next for you."

"Th- Thanks…" Harley stammered as she dejectedly walked down the staircase, trying to piece together what exactly had happened. Things went by so quickly she wasn't entirely sure what had just transpired. She walked down the stairs like a zombie, her mind replaying her conversation with Dr. Polaris over and over.

It wasn't until she heard Ivy's voice calling out to her that she became aware of what was happening. "Harls! Harls, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

Harley paused and looked back and saw Ivy behind her with Magpie and Orca closely following. She looked over her shoulder at Ivy and felt herself starting to cry. "I… I just ain't feelin' like myself right now. I dunno what it is…"

"Harley, here's an idea. How about we go upstairs and kick Doc's ass." Ivy smirked at her. "There's four of us, one of him, and there are some plants growing around the lighthouse I could put to use."

Harley shook her head and went back to walking down the stairs. "Nah… I like Doc. I mean, he wasn't the nicest guy but he ain't all bad. Let him have the Injustice League. I feel like he earned it."

"I still wanna kick his ass." Ivy sighed. "But let's just agree to disagree for now. Let's go home Harls… I just want you to be happy."

"So do I Red, so do I…" Harley looked down at her shoes as she continued down the spiralling stairs of the lighthouse. She eventually reached the ground floor and left out the door she came in from. By the time she got out she was just in time to see the Penguin's black limousine driving away and the Joker beginning to unlock the door to his car.

He took notice of Harley and turned around to address her. "Ah, Harley! So nice to see you. How was the trip downstairs?"

Somewhat reflexively, Harley recoiled as the Joker approached her. Her mental state was not good for handling much right now.

"Hey, stay away from her." Ivy glared at the Joker.

"Hmmph, can't a man care about his ex-girlfriend." Joker crossed his arms.

"Of course he can… But we all know you don't really care." Ivy put an arm around Harley, feeling a need to protect her. "Now we are all going home. And you aren't going to bother us."

"Do as you wish. It's no skin off my bony old nose." Joker laughed and turned around back to his car.

Ivy scowled at him before looking over at Magpie. "Magpie, you drive us home. We'll be in the back."

Magpie nodded and got herself into the driver's seat while Ivy guided Harley into the back with Orca following behind her.

Letting out a loud sigh, Harley flopped over onto the couch. Ivy sat next to her and held onto her for comfort and support. Orca somewhat awkwardly observed all this, sitting across from them while the RV began moving.

"Uh, babe, is Harley gonna be alright?" Orca asked.

"I think she is... " Ivy nodded. "Sometimes I wish I knew what was going on in her head." She gently pulled down Harley's jester hood and ran her fingers through her hair. "C'mon Harls, cheer up. So what if Dr. Polaris wanted to leave. Screw him."

"I dunno… I liked him. I miss Trickster too… How many more of ya are gonna leave? I wanted us to be a big, happy criminal family…" Harley sighed. "And at least Trickster liked me when he left… Did Doc ever really like me? I like bein' loved."

"Just get some rest Harley. You'll feel better." Ivy sighed, still playing with Harley's hair.

"I sure hope so…" Harley frowned and rested her head against a pillow on the couch.

*******

Even after arriving back at the apartment, Harley still felt depressed. Ivy tried to cheer Harley up by giving her a big bowl of ice cream and putting on a cheesy old 70s horror movie for her to watch. It worked a little bit but not entirely. After the end credits rolled Harley still had a strange weighty feeling inside of her.

Ivy and Orca had gone to their room for the night but Magpie had sat down and watched the movie with her. She got up during the second act to take a shower but finished watching the movie with Harley. Mostly because the couch was also her bed.

After it was over, Magpie ejected the VHS and put it back in its case before turning off the TV as well. "Alright Harley, you should get some sleep. I need to go to bed too. So you'd better get off the couch."

Harley sighed a little bit before thinking for a moment. "Uh, actually… Do you wanna sleep with me tonight, Maggie?"

"What do you mean?" Magpie raised an eyebrow.

"I feel so lonely when I sleep alone. And since Orca and Red are sharin' a bed now I ain't really got anyone around." Harley stood up from the couch. "So, uh, you wanna sleep in bed with me tonight?"

Magpie thought for a moment, tapping her foot on the ground. "Yeah, sure."

"Awesome!" Harley cheered, going in and pulling Magpie into a quick hug. "I'll see ya in the bedroom. I'm gonna say goodnight to Red first."

"Alright Harley, see you in there." Magpie nodded and turned around, going to Harley's bedrooms.

Harley nodded and went over to the guest bedroom, knocking on the door. "Hey Red, can I come in?"

"Of course you can, Harls." Ivy's voice replied from the inside.

Harley opened up the door slowly and peeked in. She saw Ivy and Orca sitting in bed together, they were both naked but by now Harley was comfortable with that. The two of them were reading books together. Ivy put hers down while Orca continued reading the mystery novel in her hands.

"What did you come in here for, Harley?" Ivy smiled at her.

"I just wanted to say goodnight." Harley got a bit closer to her.

Ivy nodded. "Are you feeling better now?"

"A little bit." Harley shrugged. "Can I have a hug?"

"Of course you can." Ivy smiled as she watched Harley get closer.

A big smile came over Harley's face as she hugged Ivy close. Ivy smiled and returned Harley's embrace. Harley sighed happily as she hugged Ivy. "I love you so much, Pammy."

"I love you too, Harl…" Ivy smiled. "Get some rest. Everything will be better tomorrow. Take it one day at a time."

"Yeah… Good idea." Harley nodded and let go of Ivy. "G'night Red, g'night Grace. You two have fun, okay?" She giggled and winked at Ivy.

"Harls!" Ivy exclaimed, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"I'm just teasin' ya." Harley laughed some more before leaving the room, closing the door behind her. Happily humming to herself, Harley walked over to the main bedroom and entered. Magpie was already in bed, having just finished changing into her sleepwear. She wore some underwear and a loose fitting shirt. She had removed her wig and set it down on the end table beside her. "Hey Maggie, ya feelin' comfortable?"

"I sure am. This is much better than the couch." Magpie smiled. "I'll have to get used to you in bed next to me. But other than that, I'm fine."

"Yeah, I know, it's kinda awkward. But it can be kinda comforting too." Harley smiled. She went in front of the mirror and shed her jester suit, leaving her in just her bra and underwear. "Hope it isn't too gay for ya." She took off her bra and hummed to herself and went to the dresser, taking out a large t-shirt and putting it on.

"I don't mind. I'm not in high school anymore." Magpie shook her head, smirking as she lay down against the bed. "I was a little bitch back in high school. Everyone hated me cause I always stole everyone's stuff. That part hasn't really changed… I was always calling other girls dykes and getting into fights."

"Jeez, high school sounded rough for you." Harley sat down in bed next to Magpie. "I guess it was alright… I was a pretty girl so I had things easy. There were some perv teachers that liked to stare at my ass though." She sighed. "Jeez, how do ya think we ended up like this? I coulda been a real psychiatrist. I feel like I'm happier now though..."

"I was never going to turn out okay." Magpie frowned. "Best case scenario I have a mental breakdown one day, get fired and work as a prostitute. That seems to be the only job I'm good at…"

"Don't be so down on yourself. Ya fit in just fine here." Harley smiled. "Alright, we'd better get to sleep. It's been a long, crazy day."

"Good idea." Magpie nodded, reaching over and turning off the lamp on the table. "Well, goodnight Harley. Uh, see you in the morning I guess."

"Yeah, guess so." Harley closed her eyes and lay her head against the pillow. Rolling around and attempting to find a comfortable position, she tried to fall asleep.

Magpie closed her eyes as well and yawned a little. She lay in bed, trying to fall asleep. For a while she just quietly lay there with nothing happening. But eventually she became distracted by a sound that sounded a bit like someone crying. After taking a moment to listen, Magpie realized it was Harley making the noise. She opened her eyes and rolled over to look at Harley. "Harley? Is everything okay?"

Harley continued softly sobbing. She hugged a pillow and tried using it to dry her tears. "I should be happy… But I just ain't."

"Hey, you can talk to me." Magpie put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "I may not know you as well as Ivy does but I'll still listen to you. I'm a pretty fucked up person, just like you. So tell me Harley, what's on your mind?"

Harley stayed quiet for a few moments, nervously fidgeting a little bit. She rolled over to look at Magpie. "I'm gonna be honest Maggie… I'm just a really needy girl. The reason I stuck around with Mistah J for so long was because no matter how many times he neglected me or pushed me to the side like trash, I ate up whatever tiny bit of affection he showed to me. It made me feel so good inside." She felt her tears streaming down her face and wiped them, moving a bit closer to Magpie. "And whenever Joker wasn't around Red would always make me happy. She took such good care of me. It felt like I was her whole world sometimes. I know it's selfish but now that Red's got that big fish lady in her life it feels like she doesn't care about me…"

"Harley, of course Ivy cares about you." Magpie reached out toward Harley, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Every day I see her wanting to make sure you feel happy. She can't even remember my name half the time."

"I know Red likes me… She'd do anything for me." Harley nodded. "It's just… I guess I'm jealous of Orca. I dunno what she likes about her. Whenever I see 'em together and gettin' all lovey dovey I feel weird inside. Y'know?"

"Not really, sorry." Magpie shook her head. "Look, is there any way I can help you feel better?"

"Can ya… Can ya hold me tonight?"

"What?"

"I just like affection. I wanna be touched and hugged and held. I know it's weird but I just want ya to do that with me. Okay?"

"Um… Sure. I can do that for you."

"Thanks!"

Magpie somewhat awkwardly put her arms around Harley and held her, pressing their bodies together. Harley smiled and exhaled, she felt happy when she felt Magpie holding onto her.

"Do ya love me, Margaret…" Harley sighed, sounding happier than before.

"Uh, of course." Magpie nodded, still processing the whole situation. "I love you Harley."

"Can ya play with my hair? Mistah J used to do that when I was fallin' asleep. Red sometimes does it too." Harley closes her eyes.

"Sure…" Magpie gently ran her fingers through Harley's hair. She repeated this several times as Harley seemed to start falling asleep.

"I love you." Harley happily sighed again. "I… I kinda wanna do something."

"Huh?" Magpie raised an eyebrow. "What do you-"

Harley rolled over in bed and before Magpie could even react, she kissed her. It was a rather awkward kiss with Harley pressing her lips up against Magpie's while Magpie herself was just confused by the whole thing. Eventually Harley pulled away, seeming to realize how inappropriately she had just behaved. Her cheeks flushed deep red and she rolled over in bed.

"So… Uh, what the hell was that?" Magpie asked.

"I'm sorry Red… I just really wanted to do that…" Harley trailed off. "I don't know hwy, I just did."

"Did you just call me Red? I'm Magpie."

"Heh, slip of the tongue. Um, g'night now Maggie. I'm feelin' a lot better now."

"Good for you…" Magpie wrapped her arms around Harley again. "I'm gonna hold you some more, okay? You deserve to be happy…"

"Thanks Pammy… Uh, Maggie…" Harley felt herself blushing hard again. "G'night…"

"Yeah, goodnight Harley…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit of an odd chapter. I think this is the first chapter I've written where there hasn't been an action scene. Not that it's a problem, sometimes it's nice to have a chapter like this. Also, yeah, Dr. Polaris is not a part of the main cast anymore. I kinda ran out of stuff to do with him. I introduced him early on when I was trying to mimic the show and he was supposed to kinda be like Dr. Psycho. But I started doing my own thing eventually and didn't know what to do with Polaris anymore. So now he's out of the main cast. But who knows, maybe I'll bring him back later. Also, I hope my handling of Harley and Ivy's relationship has been okay. It's a struggle because I want them to be a couple but I also don't want to make it happen too early or wait too long either. Anyway, this was a fun chapter and I look forward to writing the next one.


	15. Fools in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivy and Orca go on a date. Meanwhile, Harley takes Magpie out to the boardwalk to have some fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured characters:
> 
> **Black Canary:** Dinah Lance aka Black Canary, the daughter of a Golden Age heroine of the same name. Has a sonic screech ability. Member of the Birds of Prey.
> 
> **Huntress:** Helena Bertinelli aka Huntress, daughter of a crime lord who eventually became a vigilante to fight criminals. She typically is more violent than other members but still non-lethal most of the time. A member of the Birds of Prey. Previously featured back in chapter 8.
> 
> **Black Bat:** Cassandra Cain aka Black Bat (Previously the 2nd Batgirl), raised by an assassin named David Cain and never taught to read, write or talk. As a result, Cassandra has the ability to read body language very well. Not usually a member of the Birds of Prey but I included her hear cause she's in the Birds of Prey movie (Which I still haven't seen).
> 
> **Lady Blackhawk:** Zinda Blake aka Lady Blackhaw, a time displaced member of a World War II team of ace pilots known as the Blackhawks. Typically serves as the pilot/driver for the Birds of Prey.

For the past few days Harley had been out of sorts. She just didn't know what to do with herself. Things had been rather odd lately. She'd lost two members of her crew recently, one was forced to get out of town and the other just straight up quit. Plus, for as petty as it was, she'd been somewhat jealous of all the attention Orca was getting from Ivy. But lately Harley had been dealing with her anxieties in two ways. First she took a bit of a break from her criminal activity, instead choosing to stay at home and relax most days.

Secondly, Harley had formed a new friendship with Magpie. They were acquaintances before but in a purely professional sense. But ever since Dr. Polaris left the team, Harley had been spending more time with Magpie. At first it was just a proxy or replacement for Ivy whenever she spent time with Orca. But soon Harley found herself legitimately enjoying the time she spent with Magpie. After the initial awkwardness of sharing a bed had gone away, Magpie too found she enjoyed talking to Harley and even sleeping next to her.

On this particular morning Harley awoke the same way she'd woken up for the past several mornings. She lay in bed with Magpie half-awake next to her. Giggling happily to herself, Harley moved over in bed until she was right next to Magpie and pulled her into a hug. She cuddled with Magpie for a few moments, kissing her cheek a little.

"Okay, Harley, that's enough…" Magpie started pushing Harley away a little. "We've talked about this… Try not to get too handsy with me, alright?"

"I'm just bein' friendly." Harley giggled. But nevertheless she relented and let go of Magpie.

"That seemed a hell of a lot more than friendly." Magpie moved away from Harley a little bit. "Listen, I'm not gonna judge you for your sexual orientation. But just leave me out of it."

"What?" Harley laughed a little. "I'm straight too, Mags. Relax. Nothing wrong with some horseplay between two girls."

"Yeah, sure…" Magpie started standing up from bed. "Just don't play with my tits or anything and we should be fine."

"Right, right…" Harley laughed some more, feeling herself blush a little bit. Still happily humming to herself, Harley left the bedroom without bothering to change out of her sleepwear. When she entered the living room she didn't see anyone but heard sizzling sounds and smelled the scent of cooking coming from the kitchen. "Ooh, someone's makin' breakfast."

Harley entered the kitchen where she found Ivy standing over the stove and cooking some eggs in a pan. "Hey ya Red, what'cha makin'."

"Oh, good morning Harley." Ivy smiled. "I'm making some scrambled eggs for everyone."

"Looks yummy! Thanks Pammy." Harley walked up to Ivy and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Ivy was a little surprised at first but just ended up laughing. "My goodness, aren't you in a good mood today?"

"Hehe, I sure am." Harley sat down at the dining table. "I ain't too sure what I'm gonna do today. What about you? Do ya have any plans?"

"I do actually." Ivy nodded. "Grace said she'd be planning some kind of a date night for me and her. She's in our room right now, think she's getting us reservations at a nice restaurant or something."

"How's that gonna work since she's, y'know, a giant whale." Harley pointed out.

"I'm sure Grace has a plan. She's a very intelligent woman." Ivy replied, still looking at the frying pan.

"You're so lucky to have her… I've been feelin' sorta lonely lately." Harley sighed.

"Oh Harls, there's no reason to be." Ivy looked over her shoulder and smiled at Harley. "Don't you realize how much I love you? I would do anything to make you happy."

"You're super sweet." Harley giggled. "How 'bout ya gimme some of those scrambled eggs? That'd make me real happy."

"Sure thing, they look done anyway." Ivy nodded. She turned off the stovetop and found a plate before serving up a helping of scrambled eggs to Harley. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Harley accepted the plate and a fork from Ivy. "So, when're you and Orca plannin' to go out."

"Oh, around sunset. Orca can't exactly get out during the day." Ivy chuckled as she served herself some eggs. "You know, giant fish person and all that. But don't worry, something tells me we're still gonna have fun."

"Ooh you two gonna, y'know, consummate your relationship tonight?" Harley giggled. She winked at Ivy and made a scissors motion with her middle and index fingers.

"What… What does that mean? The little…" Ivy tilted her head at Harley, mimicking the scissoring motion.

"It's like… Y'know, scissoring. Like lesbians do…" Harley blushed a little.

"You're cute when you're embarrassed." Ivy couldn't help but laugh a little. "Look Harls, whatever me and Grace do behind closed doors is none of your business."

"Fair enough." Harley nodded. "Hope you 'n Orca have a fun date. The only question is what exactly I'm gonna do with my day."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll figure something out." Ivy smiled at Harley.

"Guess so. Actually… I'm gonna go ask Magpie about it real quick." Harley stood up from the table. "I'll be right back."

"Your food will be here waiting for you." Ivy chuckles. "I'll get plates ready for Magpie and Grace too."

"Awesome! Ain't that great, eatin' breakfast like a big happy family." Harley giggled and began walking out of the kitchen. "Be back in just a sec!"

Humming happily once again, Harley wandered out of the dining room and over to the main bedroom. Without thinking twice she pushed open the door and found Magpie in the midst of changing into new clothes.

"Hey! A little privacy!" Magpie shouted and quickly covered up her breasts with a bedsheet.

"Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to check on somethin'." Harley giggled. "And c'mon, it ain't that big a deal. We both know what boobs look like."

"Fine, what do you want?" Magpie sighed.

"Well, turns out Orca and Ivy are plannin' to go on a date." Harley began explaining. "And I realized that I haven't really gotten out all that much recently. So I figured, hey, you 'n me can go out and have some fun tonight. No reason for you 'n me to stay home, right?"

"Yeah, it could be nice. I always want a nice day out." Magpie nodded. "Did you have any ideas of where we could go?"

"Hmmm…" Harley thought for a moment. "Ooh! How about the boardwalk!" She put her hand on Magpie's shoulder. "I loved goin' to the boardwalk when I was a little girl! So much fun. It's probably different here in Gotham but it'll still be fun. Whatta ya say? I'll get ya somethin' shiny while we're there."

"Alright, I'm in." Magpie nodded. "Now can you please let me get changed in peace?"

"Sure thing!" Harley leaned in and gave Magpie a kiss on the cheek. "See ya outside, Red made breakfast for everyone." She left the bedroom and sighed happily as she entered the living room again. Making her way back to the kitchen, Harley had a big happy smile on her face. She had a feeling that today was going to be great.

*******

Hours passed and after a day of relaxing at home and getting ready for their date. Magpie and Harley had already left. Ivy remembered Harley saying something about the boardwalk but wasn't fully paying attention. She wished Harley goodbye and spent some time getting ready for her date, applying makeup and putting on a good dress. She wore a white sheer dress, it was completely see-through but Ivy grew herself some leaves to cover up her breasts and groin.

"Ahh, all done." Ivy admired herself in the mirror for a moment. "Mmm, I am gorgeous." With a satisfied smirk on her face, Ivy exited the bathroom. She knocked on the bedroom door and peered in. "Hey babe, you ready to go on our date?"

When Ivy peered into the room she saw Orca in a red dress with some lace around the skirt. She seemed slightly awkward about the whole thing was smiling anyway. "Uh, yeah, I'm ready. How do I look? I feel kinda ridiculous."

"Don't be preposterous darling. You look wonderful." Ivy walked over to Orca and held her by the hand. "So, ready to take me out on this mystery date? I'm very curious. Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see." Orca smiled. "Just be patient and I'll show you."

"Alright fine." Ivy chuckled and held onto Orca's arm, squeezing it tighter. "Can't help a girl for being curious…"

"Don't worry, I'll show you." Orca nodded, squeezing Ivy's hand back. "You've been such a good girlfriend for me. I figure it's only fair that I returned the favour."

"Trust me, you've been doing a great job so far." Ivy nodded. "I can't wait to see what you've got next."

Ivy and Orca left the bedroom side by side. Soon enough, Ivy had gathered up her purse and left the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind her. After she was done with that, the both of them left the apartment together. Orca led the way since she was the who knew where they were going. They were both rather conspicuous since one was green and the other was a giant whale humanoid. But Orca was smart and stuck to side street and back allies to get around. It wasn't exactly glamorous but it got the job done.

While they walked Ivy couldn't help but beam up at Orca. After so many years of isolation with nobody but plants to talk to and occasionally Harley stopping by, it felt nice to have someone to love in her life. "So, Grace, there's one thing I want to know… How serious do you see you and me getting?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Orca glanced down at Ivy.

"Well, we've been doing this for a while… And, well, I hate to be crude but… Are ever going to have sex?" Ivy felt herself blush a little when she asked but tried to ignore it.

"Um, at some point I'm sure. I'm just worried about things being, y'know, awkward." Orca stratched the back of her head. "I've never been with a woman for one thing. And for another I'm a giant whale."

"Oh don't worry, I'll help you ease you into it. I'm a very gentle lover if you want me to be." Ivy paused for a moment. "The, erm, the whale thing will be a challenge for both of us, however. I'm sure we'll figure something out."

"Uh, yeah, guess so…" Orca stayed quiet after that, continuing to walk alongside Ivy and lead her towards their destination.

Ivy made a slight mewing sound and nuzzled Orca's arm. It was uncharastically affectionate and cutesy of her but she found herself enjoying it. She even giggled a little "This must be what it's like to be Harley."

"Don't bring up Harley…" Orca sighed. "I have a feeling that she doesn't like me."

"Oh, nonsense. Harley is a wonderful, kind woman. She's just a bit jealous is all."

"Jealous? What do you mean?"

"She just likes spending time with me. It's like she's an excited, yapping puppy who just wants affection. It's cute… I really should spend more time with her I suppose. I do like her a whole lot."

"C'mon, tonight's not about Harley. It's about you and me. Let's just keep walking and enjoy the night air… Or as much as you can in Gotham."

"Ugh, I know. Damn pollution." Ivy sighed. "You and me, we need to do some big environmental thing. Show those humans who's boss."

"Yeah, I like that idea." Orca smiled. "You plan it though, planning ahead was never my strong suit."

"No problem at all. I just love thinking of fun ways to save the environment and cull the human menace." Ivy chuckled, squeezing Orca's arm again.

*******

On the opposite end of town, a taxi had just arrived at Gotham City's boardwalk. Magpie and Harley had agreed that the RV would draw too much attention so they just chose to taxi themselves over to the boardwalk instead. It was a bit of a long ride but in Harley's mind it was worth it. She spent the whole cab ride over enthusiastically rocking back and forth in her seat and giggling to herself. Once they arrived and paid the cab fare, Harley practically burst out of the cab in excitement. Magpie got out behind her and made sure to keep a close eye on her. The both of them were dressed in casual clothes and trying to appear non-suspicious. Magpie even chose not to wear her white wig today.

"This is gonna be great!" Harley cheered. "I wanna get cotton candy and taffy and pretzels and soft serve ice cream! And we're gonna go on the carnival rides and go to the arcade and go see the wax museum! It's gonna be the best day we ever had!"

Magpie nervously looked at Harley. It seemed like she would start foaming at the mouth any second now. "Are you feeling alright, Harley? If you're over stimulated we can go home."

"I'm fine, I'm fine… Just excited." Harley shook her head. "You 'n me are gonna have fun. I'll even get a shiny for ya!"

"I'm glad you're so happy. It's cute." Magpie put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "And I do love shinies… C'mon, let's go have fun. Where do you wanna start?"

"Hmmm…" Harley though for a moment. "Let's do things simple at first. Let's get some ice cream and hang out on the beach. How's that sound?"

"Sounds perfect." Magpie nodded. "Let's go. I like how this day sounds."

Still giggling with glee, Harley grabbed Magpie by the hand and led her out of the parking lot and over to the boardwalk. She led Magpie down the wooden pathway past shops full of kitschy merchandise and food stands selling burgers and fries. Harley had not felt this full of unbridled happiness in a long time. There was something so nostalgic and whimsical about this place. To her at least.

Eventually Harley found an ice cream stand and rushed up to it. A bored young woman wearing a pink apron was behind the counter. Harley leaned over the counter and smiled at the woman. "Hi there! I want some ice cream, please!"

"Menu's behind me." The employee nonchalantly pointed behind her at a large pair of signs listing everything Harley could get.

Harley held Magpie by the hand, giving it a little squeeze. The two women stared at the menu for a moment. The ice cream only came in three flavours. Chocolate, vanilla and twist. But there were many dips that one could coat their ice cream cone in. Or if you chose you could have a sundae.

After looking over the menu for a bout a minute Harley was ready to make her choice. "One large cone with chocolate ice cream in a butterscotch dip!" She glanced over at Magpie. "What about you, Mags?"

"I'll have a medium cone, vanilla and some chocolate dip." Magpie replied.

The employee nodded and went to work. She put together both the cones and handed them to the girls. Magpie held onto both of the cones while Harley paid for them.

"Mmm, this stuff looks good." Harley took the ice cream cone back from Magpie and started eating it. The two of them began walking along the boardwalk again and enjoying the ice cream.

"So Harley, any idea where we're going?" Magpie asked, taking a bite out of her ice cream.

"I was thinkin' we could hang out on the beach." Harley smiled. "Suns goin' down now so there aren't too many people out there. How's that sound to you?"

"Sure, sounds just fine." Magpie nodded.

"Great, let's go!" Harley smiled. "We can have some fun on the beach and then check out some more fun boardwalk stuff!"

Magpie and Harley stepped off the wooden path and onto the beach as they continued to enjoy their ice cream. The two of them got closer and closer to the ocean. There weren't many people out on the beach now, just as Harley had predicted.

"It is pretty nice out here." Magpie smiled. "Thanks for taking me out here. It's been a treat."  
"Anything for a friend." Harley nodded.

They walked down the beach together, getting closer to the ocean. By the time they reached the water they'd both finished their frozen treats.

"Gosh, it's so pretty out here. Ain't the water beautiful this time of day? I think I'm gonna get my feet wet." Harley casually kicked off her shoes and started going towards the water.

"The ocean looks very sparkly and shiny this time of day." Magpie agreed. She rolled up the legs of her pants and took off her shoes, walking into the water with Harley. The water was cold and took a moment to get used to but it felt rather nice.

Harley giggled happily as she felt the wet sand beneath her feet and water going up to her ankles. "Oh yeah, now this is refreshing!"

"Don't get too excited, Harley." Magpie chuckled a bit. "If you fall over you're gonna be real grumpy and soggy for the rest of the night."

"Don't worry, I'll be careful." Harley got closer to Magpie and held onto her for support. "Y'know what I really wanna do right now?"

"What?" Magpie asked, smirking a little bit.

"I wanna get naked and splash around in the water!" Harley announced, giggling to herself.

"You know Harley, there are some things you could keep to yourself." Magpie shook her head.

"Ah c'mon, it'd be fun!" Harley smiled.

"Maybe, but I'd still rather not do it."

"Yeah me neither, let's just have some fun in the water and try not to get our clothes wet."

"It's probably for the best that way."

Harley giggled uncontrollably and kicked in the water, splashing Magpie a little bit. "Man, I wonder if Orca 'n Red are havin' fun."

"I'm sure they are." Magpie nodded.

*******

Far away from the boardwalk, Orca and Ivy had reached the destination of their date. Apparently, Orca had found a small but high quality restaurant that welcomed supervillains like them. It almost sounded too good to be true but it seemed legitimate. Better yet, Orca had paid the owner quite a bit of money to ensure that her and Ivy would be the only customers there that night.

They were seated at a booth, sitting across from each other. They were waiting for their food to arrive. Ivy ordered a caesar salad and Orca ordered some vegetable soup. While they awaited their meal to show up, they decided to engage in some light friendly conversation.

"So Grace, are you having a good time?" Ivy smiled at her.

"Yeah, I am. I like Harley and Magpie, but it's nice to have some time to ourselves." Orca nodded.

"You're absolutely right." Ivy chuckled. "This might sound a bit sappy but I haven't felt the way I do about you towards anyone else in a long time."  
"That's sweet of you." Orca cracked a small smile. "Um, hey, can I talk to you about something."

"Go ahead, shoot." Ivy nodded.

"The thing is, I don't really like being a supervillain. It just isn't in my nature. Stealing things, breaking into places… I don't like it." Orca sighed. "I want to quit the team. But I don't wanna upset Harley."

"It's all about waiting for the right time." Ivy casually pointed across the table. "Just wait for her to be in a good mood and talk to her all calmly like you're doing to me now."

"Thanks for supporting me on this. I never wanted to hurt anyone…" Orca nodded and sighed again.

"It's alright. You can still be my girlfriend. At least we both care about the environment." Ivy chuckled.

"Yeah, guess so." Orca absentmindedly looked around.

The waiter came out and put down their food in front of them. He nodded at them before quickly leaving. Ivy and Orca both took a few bites of their meal. While they ate, Orca began talking again.

"Pam, there's something I wanna tell you…" Orca nervously swirled around her spoon in her soup. "I… I wanna be a good person, make the world a better place. I wanna be a superhero."

Ivy couldn't help but laugh a little. "I understand the sentiment. But people think of us as monsters. We can never be true heroes. Trust me, follow along with me and we can make the world a better place. It will just be a bit more, well, extreme than other methods." She took another bite of her salad.

Orca paused for a moment and looked down at her meal, eating another spoonful of soup. "Look, Pam, I have something to tell you. I've been, well, I've been making new friends."

"What do you mean?" Ivy tilted her head at Orca.

"The last few nights, when I say I'm taking a walk or doing some last minute shopping… I've been lying." Orca sighed and scratched the back of her head.

"Are you… Are you cheating on me?" Ivy's mouth gaped up slightly.

"What? No, no, no!" Orca quickly shook her head. "I've just been talking to people.. New friends. They're nice to me, don't think I'm a freak. They… They think I can be a hero."

Ivy gripped her utensils harder as her face took on a serious expression. "Grace… I love you, okay. But this is my serious face. You need to stop being cryptic and tell me exactly who you've been talking to."

"They asked to meet us here today." Orca nervously smiled, drumming her fingers against the table.

Ivy's eyes narrowed on Orca. She began standing up from the table. "Grace, I'm only going to ask you one more time… Who have you been talking to?"

"They should be here any moment now…" Orca seemed embarrassed and was intentionally avoiding eye contact with Ivy.

"Grace… I don't like taking this tone with you. But I need you to tell me what you did." Ivy's tone grew harsher as she glared at Orca.

"You'll see… I… I don't know how to explain." Orca took a deep breath and tried to remain calm despite Ivy's increased anger. The two of them remained staring at each other for a few moments with Ivy filling with rage and Orca trying to stay calm. "Look behind you Ivy. They're here now."

Ivy got out of her seat and turned all the way around and found herself facing a group of women she was not in the mood to see; the Birds of Prey. They were a highly trained team of female heroes who answered to a mysterious figure only known as Oracle.

She recognized the three women who had just entered the restaurant. In the middle of the trio, apparently leading them was Black Canary. The daughter of an old hero of the same name known for her sonic screeching abilities.

To Black Canary's left was the purple clad, crossbow wielding vigilante known as the Huntress. She had a reputation for being rather brutal with criminals when working solo but apparently intentionally held back when working with the Birds of Prey. That didn't make her any less of a threat though.

The woman on the right took Ivy a few moments to recognize but eventually it clicked. She was the heroine known as Black Bat. Her origins were largely unknown and her aura of mysterious was enhanced by how quiet and calculating she usually was. There were theories about who she was, mostly from the tabloids. They ranged from her being Catwoman's illegitimate daughter to her being a former Batgirl. Whoever she was she was definitely a threat to Ivy.

She scowled at the group approaching her and saw the lights of a black car parked outside. It must have belonged to Zinda Blake, alias Lady Blackhawk. She was a time displaced member of the legendary aviation team known as the Blackhawks.

"What the fuck are you all doing here?" Ivy snarled. She glanced back over at Orca. "Are these your new friends?"

"I- I know you're angry Pam but I can explain." Orca rose from her chair. "They think I can be a hero. I… I want to make the world a better place."

"Then do it with me!" Ivy turned around and took a few steps towards Orca. "Help me punish the uncaring humans who are killing our planet."

"I'm getting the feeling we came here at a bad time." Huntress whispered to her colleagues.

"You shut up!" Ivy turned around and pointed a finger at Huntress.

Black Canary held her hand out and got closer to Ivy. "Listen, Ms. Isley, we don't want to fight."

"What?" Ivy continued to scowl at them, still preparing for a battle.

"Against our better judgment, Orca here talked us into trying to get you onto our side. She sounds like she cares about you." Canary kept a calm voice. "We think Orca has a place on our team. We're even planning to introduce her to Oracle soon. Would you like to join us, Ms. Isley?"

Ivy shook her head, feeling anger boiling up inside her. "That was never an option. I'm not human like you. I am a plant, a weed. I have no place among you." She glanced over her shoulder at Orca. "I was a fool for thinking I could ever be loved for what I am."

"Pam, you're a nice girl. But I just can't be the bad guy." Orca started moving towards Ivy.

"Should we attack?" Huntress asked, beginning to reach for her crossbow.

"Not yet." Canary shook her head and looked back to Ivy. "Look, I know this must be confusing. But Orca wanted us to give you a chance."

"Rot in hell… All of you." Ivy snarled, beginning to look for any plant life around the restaurant for her to use.

Black Bat had been silent this whole time. Her eyes looked up and down Ivy, as if analyzing her. It was almost robotic. When she finally chose to speak she turned to Black Canary. "She is confused. We need to be gentle."

"Don't coddle me!" Ivy shouted, several decorative plants around the restaurant began to grow involuntarily. "I am not some poor confused little girl.. I know what I am." The plants slithered across the ground and began to converge around Ivy. She felt some roots under the ground as well and urged them to come up through the floor. "I am Poison Ivy… Mistress of the Green, nature's lifeforce runs through my very veins…" It was around then that Ivy realized there were tears in her eyes for some reason but she tried to ignore it. The roots and vines coiled themselves around Ivy's feet, lifting her up into the air. "I will no longer tolerate any of you… I suggest you flee while you have your lives."

"We're not afraid of you." Huntress took the crossbow off her belt.

Black Bat nodded and crouched a bit, preparing for a fight. "Neither am I."

"Fools." Ivy smirked. "You should be afraid. Very afraid indeed."

"Pam, please try to calm down." Orca approached Ivy from behind and tried to place a hand on her shoulder.

"You had your chance!" Ivy shouted. A vine shot up from the ground and jabbed Orca in the stomach, sending her across the room and into a wall on the other side of the room. She groaned in pain and started getting up. Breathing heavily, Ivy turned her head over to the Birds of Prey. "Anyone else want to go for a round with me?"

"Alright girls, we tried the peaceful way." Black Canary looked back at her team. "Let's bring her down before she causes any more damage."

"I'd like to see you try." Ivy smirked, getting the plants to cluster around her for protection.

The Birds of Prey moved in with Canary leading the charge. Black Bat and Huntress followed behind Black Canary as Ivy moved in as well, ready for a fight.

*******

Harley and Magpie's day out at the beach had continued to be a wonderful time for the two women. After wading around in the ocean they rinsed off and dried their feet before putting their shoes back on and exploring the boardwalk some more. At Harley's insistence they bought some more food, in this case a soft pretzel for Harley and some french fries for Magpie. And after all that salty food Harley decided to wash it down with some lemonade. Magpie chose to be a bit more responsible and just got herself some cold water.

After the food, Harley and Magpie played a few of the carnival games. Most of the time they ended up not winning anything. But thanks to Harley's proficiency with hammers, she managed to win a fluffy, pink teddy bear on the test your strength game.

"This has been a lot of fun, Harley." Magpie smiled at Harley. "I can't remember the last time I was this happy."

"I know, it's great! I'm havin' a blast! I feel like I can do anything." Harley giggled, squeezing the teddy bear she just won.

"What do you think we should do now?" Magpie asked.

"Hmm… Good question." Harley thought and began looking around the boardwalk, looking for anything that might be fun to do. Eventually her eyes fell on a large building to the left painted in blue and purple colours. A statue of a bearded man in a robe, likely a wizard of some sort, stood outside of the building. Above the statue was a sign saying Magical Mirror Maze in bright yellow lettering. "Let's check that out! That seems like fun. Ya like mirrors, don't ya?"

"They are shiny…" Magpie nodded. "Alright, let's do it."

"Awesome!" Harley giggled uncontrollably and grabbed Magpie by the hand. She went to the front doors of the building. Once she was inside there was a desk with a young man behind it. A sign below him listed the price of admission to the mirror maze, five dollars per person.

"Here ya go, two tickets please!" Harley cheered, sliding a ten dollar bill over to the man.

"Go right in. Please try not to break the mirrors." The employee nodded and pointed to a curtain that led into the mirror maze.

"Thank you!" Harley cheered and took Magpie by the hand again, leading her though the curtain.

The two women found themselves in a corridor where all the walls were covered in mirrors. Harley laughed happily, looking at her own reflections as she wandered through the winding halls of the maze. "Wow, ain't this exciting!"

"Yeah, it's pretty neat." Magpie nodded. "Look at how beautiful and shiny the mirrors are."

"Glad you're havin' fun." Harley clung to Magpie's arm and giggled some more.

"You're real cute, you know that." Magpie smiled.

"Aww, thanks!" Harley squeezed Magpie's arm. "You're a cutie too!" She sighed happily and rested her head on Magpie's shoulder.

"You certainly seem friendly today." Magpie put an arm around Harley. "I'm glad you're happy."

"Yeah… I'm real happy." Harley nodded and sighed. "Hey, Maggie, can I show ya somethin' cool?"

"Um, sure." Magpie nodded. "What is it?"

"It's a surprise. Follow me." Harley giggled and let go of Magpie, leading her further into the mirror maze. Eventually she found a secluded spot near an emergency exit to the maze and leaned herself up against the mirror. "Okay, we're here!"

"So, what is it you wanted to show me?" Magpie smiled. "Is it something shiny…"

"Well…" Harley trailed off. "It's this!" Without a second thought, Harley grabbed Magpie by her shoulders and pulled her in close. She leaned in a little and kissed Magpie on the lips as she embraced her.

Magpie was surprised by this but didn't fight back, mostly because she was just too shocked to do anything. Harley kept holding onto Magpie and kept kissing her, rubbing her hands against Magpie's back. Eventually Harley pulled away with a big smile on her face.

"Harley… What the fuck was that?" Magpie spoke calmly but still sounded upset.

"I… I just wanted to kiss ya." Harley had a big goofy smile on her face. "I've been really lonely and I just like kissin' 'n bein' touched…"

"That was really inappropriate." Magpie crossed her arms. "The least you could have done was ask me permission first."

"Ah jeez I'm sorry Red. I just… I just wanted a girlfriend I guess." Harley sighed.

"Did you just call me Red?"

"Uh, maybe…"

"Harley… Is there something you want to tell me about?"

Harley made a rather incomprehensible whining noise and looked down at the floor, seemingly embarrassed by something. "Yeah…"

Magpie nodded and put a hand on Harley's shoulder. "Alright, let's go outside and have a talk."

*******

Following the appearance of the Birds of Prey at the restaurant, things had gotten a bit chaotic for Ivy. She'd left the restaurant and used her plants to boost her up onto the roof. The Birds of Prey weren't ones to give up, so they made sure to follow after Ivy. Orca had been too afraid to do anything to hurt Ivy so she'd stayed back at the diner. But Huntress, Black Canary and Black Bat pursued Ivy across the rooftops of Gotham. She had no idea where Lady Blackhawk had gone but Ivy didn't want to count her out just yet.

"Dammit… Dammit…" Ivy whispered to herself, breathing heavily. "This is what I get for being a fool…" She was quickly distracted when she heard a deafening screeching noise coming from behind her. It was Black Canary's Canary Cry. The noise forced Ivy to drop to her knees and put her hands over her ears. "Stop it!"

The sound stopped but Ivy kept holding her ears as Black Canary, Huntress and Black Bat approached. Canary once again took the lead, placing a firm hand on her shoulder. "Alright Isley, c'mon, you need to go back to Arkham now."

"I'm never going back there. I'm perfectly sane." Ivy removed her hands from her ears and looked up at Black Canary. She was never much of a fighter when it came to close combat but she could handle herself in a pinch. Thinking fast, Ivy heatbutt Canary in the stomach. This caught Black Canary off guard and knocked her over.

Ivy got to her feet and turned around, beginning to run away from the Birds of Prey. Breathing heavily, Ivy took notice of the crossbow bolts and Batarangs that were being sent flying her way. She weaved between the projectiles sent after her as she reached the edge of the rooftop. She leaped off of the roof, looking for an open dumpster or some plants below to cushion her fall. But instead she landed far earlier than she expected and on top of something hard.

Looking down, Ivy saw she had landed on the nose of a small plane. She looked through and saw the plane was being piloted by Lady Blackhawk.

"Think you have me cornered, do you?" Ivy snarled. The longer the night went on the angrier she got. She jumped down from the plane and began plummeting down towards the alley below. There were some weeds growing in the cracks in the cement below her. Ivy felt them and urged them to grow. They grew into a cushion and grabbing onto Ivy, safely putting her on the ground. "Thank you babies… Now, go take care of the Birds for me."

The weeds shot up and stabbed themselves through Lady Blackhawk's plane. They seemed to avoid the cockpit but Ivy's hope was that it would distract the Birds of Prey long enough for her to get away. Ivy ran away down the alley and into the street. At first she was laughing, she couldn't quite figure out why but it seemed to calm her. But eventually that laughing turned into crying. She ducked into another alley and leaned against the wall, beginning to cry more openly. She hated people seeing her in such an emotionally vulnerable state.

"Dammit… Grace…" Ivy sobbed, drying her eyes. "I… I need to go home. Don't let them see you like this… Can't be weak… Harley can't see me be weak." She tried to get her breathing under control as she walked down the alley and began making her way back to her apartment. "It'll all be better once I get back home…"

*******

While Ivy recovered emotionally, Harley and Magpie were having a much better time. Things had been awkward after Harley's attempt at making out with Magpie. To make Harley a bit more comfortable, Magpie bought her a large spool of cotton candy to eat. After the incident in the mirror maze, they'd both agreed to go home and called a taxi to get them back home. Magpie had been wanting to talk to Harley about what had happened but was waiting for her to feel more comfortable first.

"So Harley, are you feeling better yet?" Magpie asked.

"Uh, yeah…" Harley nodded, taking a big bite out of her half eaten cotton candy spool.

"Do you wanna talk about what happened?" Magpie did her best to keep her voice gentle and understanding.

"Guess so." Harley sighed, feeling a bit awkward. "Where… Where should we start?"

"Well, we can start with the fact that you kissed me. That wasn't the first time you've done that either." Magpie reached over and held Harley's hand in an attempt to comfort her. "I don't know how to phrase this without sounding awkward but… Are you attracted to women, Harley?"

"Uh, kinda I guess." Harley shrugged. "I mean, girls are cool, right? We have nice bodies that are fun to touch. Nothin' wrong with that."

"Of course, I'm not judging you." Magpie nodded. "When did you realized you were a lesbian?"

"Ah jeez, do we have to put labels on everything." Harley sighed. "Can't I just think girls are hot or somethin'?" This was her first time openly verbalizing her sapphic tendencies. She wasn't repressed by any means, she'd just never considered herself to be attracted to women. "Ah, fine, I'm a lesbian. Are you happy?"

"Sorry, I phrased that wrong. You can be bisexual. I mean, you were definitely into Joker for a while." Magpie let go of Harley's hand. "Seriously, there's no judgment here."

"Bisexual, lesbian, whatever. Does it really matter? Can't I just be good old Harley Quinn?" Harley awkwardly smiled at Magpie and ate a bit more of her cotton candy.

"Look, Harley, there's one thing I need to know."

"Sure, what is it Mags?"

"After you kissed me, you called me Red. That wasn't the first time you did that either. Harley, what does Ivy mean to you?"

"Ivy, she… She's a real great lady." Harley sighed and thought for a couple moments. She dwelled on her relationship with Ivy. They'd known each other for quite a while and gone on many adventures together and had good times. She would even go as far as to say that they were best friends. But ever since her and the Joker had broken up new feelings had been making their way to the surface. "Red's my best friend, she always takes good care of me. Makes me feel safe 'n happy. I… I couldn't imagine life without her." She sighed and ate a bit more candy. It was then that Harley realized that she'd started blushing. "She really is beautiful. She's got that perfect soft, green skin and that beautiful red hair. It ain't just her body though, Red's real special to me… Oh god, Maggie, I'm in love with Ivy."

"Yeah, I kinda realized that." Magpie nodded.

"Whatta I do about that?" Harley turned to Magpie.

"You tell her of course."

"I dunno… Red's got Orca. I wouldn't wanna mess with the two of them."

"So what? At least you'll get it off your chest. If you don't tell her now, you may never."

"I… I just don't know."

Before they could keep talking further the taxi came to a stop outside of Ivy's apartment. Harley paid the cab driver his fare and got out with Magpie. As the two of them rode the elevator up to Ivy's floor Harley felt her heart beating faster. All that talking, possibly combined with all the sugar she'd eaten, had made her very nervous. She felt herself sweating and her hands shaking a little as she stepped off the elevator and walked up to the door to Ivy's apartment. When Harley turned the knob and the door opened.

"Ah jeez, did they forget to lock the door before they left?" Harley looked around the dark living room of the apartment.

"Maybe they came back already." Magpie whispered.

"Red! Orca! Are ya home?" Harley looked around but saw nothing.

"Let's get some light in here…" Magpie felt around and found a lightswitch, flicking it on and illuminating the bedroom.

Once the room was lit up Harley could plainly see that her and Magpie weren't alone in there. Lying face down on the couch was Ivy, making quiet sobbing noises with her face pressed down against the cushion.

"Ivy…" Harley was surprised, unable to make heads or tails of the situation. She took a few steps closer to Ivy. "Are you okay?"

Ivy raised her head from the cushion, moving into a sitting position. "Harley… You- You're home. I didn't hear you come in." She tried wiping the tears from her eyes before Harley noticed but her eyes were so red and puffy by then that it really was no use.

Harley sat down on the couch next to Ivy and reached out, putting one hand on her leg and nonchalantly putting down her cotton candy down on the coffee table. "Red… Have you been crying… I don't think I've ever seen ya all sad before."

Magpie picked up the cotton candy Harley abandoned and slowly started backing away into the kitchen. "I'm just gonna leave you girls alone…"

Harley and Ivy both ignored her as she disappeared out of the room. Ivy kept trying to dry her eyes in a futile effort.

"Is everything okay?" Harley asked, gently rubbing her hand against Ivy's leg. "Did your date go badly?"

"That's one way of putting it." Ivy nodded. "Grace doesn't want to be part of our little family anymore… She was weak… I should have known."  
"What're you talkin' about?" Harley tried helping Ivy wipe her tears away.

"She wants to be one of the good guys now." Ivy tried to calm down in order to explain things. "She almost got me sent to Arkham by the Birds of Prey… I can't believe it. Being in love is for idiots..."

"Don't say that Pammy…" Harley bit her lip, still unfamiliar with comforting her friend. "Ya seemed like ya really loved her."

"I don't know if it was love or just a physical attraction but… I liked her. We cared about the environment. We should have at least been friends." Ivy shook her head. "God I feel so stupid…"  
"Do ya want me to hug you?" Harley asked, still not sure what to do.

"I think I would like that actually." Ivy nodded.

Harley somewhat awkwardly wrapped her arms around Ivy, holding her friend close to her body. She felt her cheeks growing warm but tried not to let it get to her. "You can cry it out now… Go on, it feels good to cry."

Ivy nodded and allowed her emotions to run wild, crying onto Harley's shoulder. "I just feel so stupid… She never was one of us…"

"It's okay Pam. I felt really stupid every time Mistah J kicked me outta the hideout. But you know what, every time that happened you were there to make me feel better." Harley put a hand on the back of Ivy's head and played with her hair a little bit. "So y'know what? I'm gonna do the same thing for you. I wanna make ya feel happy."

Ivy took a few deep breaths to calm down. "Thank you Harley… I needed this." She pulled out of the hug and looked into Harley's eyes. "Um, Harls, there's something I want to tell me."

"Go ahead." Harley nodded. "You can tell me anything."

"I liked Orca because she seemed kind and sensitive and seemed to care about people." Ivy began, seeming to nervously fidget a little. "And well… The reason I liked all that was because it reminded me of you. Grace didn't have your sense of humour or bubbly personality but it was there. And well… Look what I'm trying to say is I love you Harley. As more than friends."

This confession from Ivy made Harley's mouth hang open a bit. She hadn't been expecting this and it was almost too much of a shock for Harley to even process. "Wha- What?"

"I know you don't feel the same way, you've dedicated so much of your life to the Joker. But Harley, I just can't keep quiet about this anymore." Ivy reached forward and held Harley's hands. "I've loved you for a long time. All those times I took care of you I was hoping something more would blossom. It was all just in my head, I knew nothing would really happen. You're very beautiful." She tried to control her breath some more, realizing she seemed nervous. Ivy knew it was ridiculous for someone as powerful as her to act like she was asking out her crush to prom. But something about being so open with Harley made her insides turn to jelly. "Look, I love you okay. I just want you to know that. Even if you don't love me the same way."

It took Harley a few moments but after she was able to process all the new information she tried to speak again. "Red… I… I love you the same way. I only kinda realized it recently but, y'know, when I think about it the time I spend with you… It's the happiest I've ever been. Ya make me feel so good when I'm around you. More than Mistah J. I want to be with you every single day."

It was then Ivy's turn to be surprised. She had not been expecting Harley to reciprocate her feelings. "Harley are- Are you serious? You're not just saying this because you think you have to, are you? I don't want to force you to do anything."

"No, I'm serious." Harley shook her head. "Ya make me feel so good whenever you're around me. I wanna be with ya."

"Oh god please don't be joking, Harls… This feels too good to be true…" Ivy realized her eyes had begun to tear up again.

"It ain't too good… I really feel this way." Harley smiled at Ivy. "I was worried you wouldn't like me either. So believe me, we're in the same boat." After giggling a bit, Harley paused for a moment. "Can I kiss you?"

"Oh god, yes." Ivy quickly nodded. "You have no idea how long I've been wanting you to ask me that."

The two women stayed quiet for a few moments, leaning in towards each other. They were both nervous even though they both knew they had no real reason to be. After a couple seconds their lips collided and they felt a great wave of relief washing over them. All the tension that built up had washed away. To both of them, what they were doing felt right.

Ivy leaned forward, still kissing Harley. Harley lay down on the couch with Ivy on top of her. They continued kissing and looking into each other's eyes, both beginning to breathe a bit more heavily. Feeling a bit daring, Harley ran her hand along Ivy's body until it was touching her butt.

It was around then that Magpie came back into the room, a box of instant macaroni with her. "Hey girls, are any of you hun-" She paused when she saw Harley and Ivy making out on the couch. "I'll come back later." Quickly turning around, Magpie went back into the kitchen.

Ivy pulled back from Harley's lips after a few more seconds, making Harley whine a little. "C'mon Harls, maybe we should take this to the bedroom."

"Good idea!" Harley rapidly nodded.

Ivy got to her feet and pulled Harley up with her. The two of them went over to the main bedroom with Harley giggling the whole way there. Harley flopped over onto the bed, still laughing uncontrollably. Once she was in bed Ivy got on bed atop Harley and started kissing her again. She kissed Harley's cheeks and lips, holding onto her like her life depended on it.

"Oh god Harls, you have no idea how much I needed this…" Ivy exhaled happily.

"I was just gonna say the same thing…" Harley giggled a bit.

Pretty soon Harley began taking off her clothes and she was in bed with only her panties on. Ivy was surprised with how forward Harley was being but wasn't complaining. She began taking off the dress she'd been wearing all night. It felt good to take it off.

"Harls… I think we might be moving too fast…" Ivy spoke, her voice breathy. "I don't wanna pressure you into doing anything…"

"But Red, I haven't had real sex in so long…" Harley whimpered. "God I want you so badly."

"Okay, okay, I- I'm the nervous one. I'm worried about hurting you."

"Don't be silly… Ya ain't gonna hurt me."

"Look, let's not rush things. Just take it slow, do what feels natural."

Harley pursed her lips and was quiet for a moment and then nodded. "I guess yer right, let's just have fun… Maybe cuddle a bit…" She put her hands around the waistband of her underwear and started pulling them down.

"Sure, cuddling sounds fun." Ivy nodded, going back to taking off her dress. She leaned back in and kissed Harley again.

The two of them were soon lying beside each other on top of the sheets and totally naked. They held onto each other, just enjoying the feeling of their bodies against the other.

"I love you so much Harley…" Ivy smiled, tracing her fingers along Harley's face. "You're my girlfriend now… God that feels so amazing to say."

"I know… I love you too…" Harley giggled, playfully poking Ivy's nose and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "This is the beginning of something wonderful."

Ivy smiled and nodded. Neither woman had any idea where their relationship would go next but they both knew they would like that. From now on the two of them would be closer than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Harley and Ivy are a couple now. Hopefully I handled that okay. I'm kinda worried it felt forced or something. But whatever, I hope you liked it. Also, on a more minor note, there are now only going to be 21 chapters instead of 22. I cut one because it didn't really fit anymore. It shouldn't change too much though.


	16. How to be a Girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and Ivy decide to celebrate their newfound relationship by going out to the mall with Selina. Meanwhile, Magpie is visited by a

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No featured characters today! Just characters from the previous chapters. This chapter is also much shorter than the rest. I guess it's sort of a bridge chapter in a way. Also, just so you know, I've once again reduced the number of chapters from 21 to a nice even 20. I decided that one of the ideas I had planned was kinda just filler. Anyway, hope you enjoy this coming chapter!

Rays of sunlight peaked in through the windows in Ivy's apartment and shined on Harley's face, making her groan in discomfort. The world was telling her it was time to wake up but she didn't want to just yet. Whining a little bit, Harley rolled over and pressed her head against a pillow. As she did this, Harley became aware of a soft chuckling next to her.

"Alright sleepyhead, it's time for us both to get up." Ivy's voice made its presence known to Harley.

"Aww… Fine…" Harley rolled over in bed and found herself facing Ivy looking back at her with a big smile on her face. It was then that Harley realized that both her and Ivy were naked at the moment. She self consciously began to cover herself with the blanket before realized that Ivy had already seen everything by this point. "So… I guess we're girlfriends now, huh?"

"I know, I almost can't believe it either." Ivy smirked, moving a bit closer to Harley. "But yeah, we're girlfriends."

"God that feels wonderful to say!" Harley giggled. She reached forward and pulled Ivy into a hug, pressing their bodies together. "Uh, my memory kinda got fuzzy after a certain point last night. Did you 'n me have sex?"

"Depends on how you define sex…" Ivy raised an eyebrow.

"Well, did either of us have a… Did either of us…" Harley had trouble expressing herself and found herself blushes.

"Orgasm?"

"Yeah, that."

Ivy shook her head and laughed a bit. "No, we didn't. But you were very playful last night. We stayed up very late together."

"Mmm, I had a lotta fun." Harley nodded and pecked Ivy on the lips. "We should probably get outta bed now, huh?"

"Yeah, it's about time we did that." Ivy began to get up from the bed. "I'll be honest, I don't even know what time it is right now."

Harley yawned a little bit and got up from her bed. "Way too late to still be in bed, that's what time it is." She picked up the clothes she wore yesterday and put them back on, too lazy to pick out something new. But for her own comfort, Harley chose not to wear any underwear beneath her clothes.

Ivy was even lazier, not bothering to pick up her discarded clothes at all. Instead she got some leaves to swirl around her until they formed a leotard to preserve her modesty. "Ah, much better. C'mon Harls, let's go face the day."

"Right behind ya, Red." Harley got behind Harley and put a hand around her shoulder and quickly kissed her cheek. She giggled a little bit. "Oh yeah, I could really get used to this…"

The two of them left the bedroom and entered the apartment's living room. Magpie was already in the living room, casually watching an interior decorating show on TV. She seemed happy to see the two of them and got up from the couch. "Well hey there girls. How did you lovebirds sleep last night?"

"Heh, just fine." Harley realized she was blushing and held onto Ivy.

"So, uh, is anything gonna change around here now that you two are girlfriends?" Magpie smiled at them.

"Well, me and Harley are gonna be sharing the bedroom from now on." Ivy said. "So you can sleep in the guest bedroom now."

"Fine with me." Magpie asked. "Just don't make too much noise at night and we should be good."

"Don't embarrass me like that…" Harley giggled, clinging on to Ivy's arm some more. "Ah jeez I'm tired… I need some fuckin' coffee." She let go of Ivy and began making her way to the kitchen.

"Mmm, good idea." Ivy nodded and followed Harley into the kitchen. "That's just the wakeup call I need."

Magpie smiled at the two women and sat back down on the couch. "You girls have fun. I'm hoping for some peace and quiet today."

Ivy and Harley went to the kitchen together and started looking for the things they needed in order to make some coffee. While Ivy got the coffee pot and grounds out, Harley sat down on the chair.

"Man… What're we gonna do now? I mean, it feels real good to know that you're my girlfriend." Harley smiled. "But I feel like we gotta do somethin' special now."

"How about we just hang out today. Get to know each other better." Ivy smiled, looking over her shoulder at Harley.

"Ooh, great idea!" Harley nodded, clapping a little bit. "Oh! We should give Selina a call and let her know the happy news. I bet she'll be real glad to hear 'bout it."

"I'm sure she will." Ivy chuckled, continuing to make the coffee. "Maybe we can go out to the mall together. That sounds like a good way to spend our time."

"Yeah the mall sounds great!" Harley cheered. "And maybe we could steal some fun stuff while we're there."

"I like to think I'm above petty crime like that…" Ivy trailed off. "But then again, some nice jewellery could be fun."

"Yeah, jewellery." Harley giggled. "Or… Maybe some fun little toys. Y'know, the kind ya play with in the bedroom now that we're a couple."

"Harley!" Ivy exclaimed, laughing a little and blushing.

"What, it's an idea." Harley giggled like crazy, getting up from her seat and grabbing onto Ivy's shoulder. "Ah whatever. We'll have fun no matter what! You, me and the kitty cat!"

"Think we should invite Magpie too?" Ivy asked.

"Good idea, I'll check." Harley nodded. "Be back in a jiffy!" She let go of Ivy and quickly walked over to the living room where Magpie still seemed to be engrossed in her program. "Hey Maggie! Ya in the mood to come to the mall with me, Red and Selina today."

"No thanks." Magpie shook her head. "I need some time to myself right now. Especially after yesterday at the boardwalk."

"Totally fair." Harley gave Magpie a quick thumbs up..

"It's probably best that someone stays home anyway." Magpie went on. "I got a call from yor landlady earlier, that Jenna girl. She said she wanted to come over and hang out."

"Aww, too bad we're missin' her." Harley sighed. "I like Jenna. Even if Ivy begs to differ."

"Well, if she does end up coming over I'll be sure to let you know how it goes." Magpie glanced back over at her show. "I hope you girls have fun at the mall though. Maybe pick up a shiny little trinket for me."

"Will do!" Harley nodded and turned around back to the kitchen. The coffee pot was in the middle of brewing and Ivy was sitting down at the dining table. "Hey Red, Maggie says she ain't interested."

"That's no problem." Ivy smiled. "Just the three of us going to the mall sounds perfect to me."

"Hell yeah! Just two girlfriends and their best friends!" Harley cheered. "We're gonna have a hell of a day ahead of us."

"Oh, absolutely." Ivy nodded.

Soon the coffee was done brewing and poured out into mugs. Ivy pushed a mug over to Harley and took one for herself.

"Let's have a toast to us." Harley smiled, carefully picking up her hot coffee. "Girlfriends 'til the end!"

"Girlfriends." Ivy repeated, clinking her mug of coffee against Harley's and taking a sip. The two of them looked into each other's eyes, both clearly excited about the day they had ahead of them.

*******

A few hours later, Harley and Ivy had abandoned Magpie back at the apartment to deal with Jenna. Instead, they both went out to a popular mall in downtown Gotham. Deeming the RV too loud and conspicuous, Harley and Ivy took the bus over to the mall. Gotham City's public transit wasn't the most reliable in the world but it got the job done.

The bus dropped them off at Cooke Street, just a few blocks away from where they were supposed to meet Selina. They walked down the sidewalk together, holding hands. Eventually they made it to the mall where Harley spotted Selina casually leaned against a wall and checking her phone.

Harley was suddenly overcome with excitement and let go of Ivy's hand. She ran over to Selina and pulled her into a big hug, squealing excitedly. "Eee! Hey there!"  
"Um, hey there Harley." Selina smiled, beginning to hug her back. "You snuck up on me there."

"So, what's new pussycat?" Harley let go of Selina and smiled at her.

"Oh, not very much. More of the same stuff. Hang out with my cats, commit a small scale robbery, read a cheesy romance novel before bed." Selina gave Harley a quick, playful pat on the head. "What about you? When Ivy called she told me she had some exciting news you two wanted to tell me."

"Oh yeah, we sure do!" Harley nodded, smiling happily.

"Hey there girls." Ivy approached Harley and Selina. "You chatting already?"

"Lil bit!" Harley cheered, putting an arm around Ivy.

"Alright girls, don't keep me in suspense." Selina crossed her arms, looking at the both of them. "What is it that you wanna tell me? What are we celebrating here?"  
"Should I tell her or do you wanna tell her?" Ivy whispered to Harley.

"Can we both tell her?" Harley whispered back.

"Girls, stop being so mysterious." Selina chuckled. "What's the big surprise?"

Not able to contain her excitement anymore, Harley just blurted it out. "Me 'n Red are girlfriends now! Like, girlfriend-girlfriends!"

"As in we're in love." Ivy tried to clarify Harley's exclamation.

"Oh my god, finally." Selina laughed a little. "I'd always suspected there was something more between you too. I'd been seriously thinking about trying to be your wingman, Ivy."

"Well, things happened more naturally for us." Ivy reached out and held Harley by the hand. "Things kinda fell apart with Orca but you know what, I got Harley instead. So in a way, I win."

"Good for you, girls." Selina smirked. "So, are you girls ready to go? I'm ready to have some fun at the mall."

"Sure thing!" Harley nodded. "We can browse around the shops, get some sexy new clothes, get some stuff from the food court. Should be fun!"

Feeling a bit calmed down now, Harley grabbed Ivy by the hand and started leading her towards the mall with Seline right by them.

"It's gonna be interesting seeing you two as a couple." Selina smirked, looking at the both of them.

"Ah, somethin' tells me it ain't gonna be too different. We'll just be a lot more kissy." Harley giggled, quickly giving Ivy a kiss on the cheek. "Aww, yer blushin', Red!"

"No way, I don't blush." Ivy shook her head.

"I don't know Ivy, your face tells a different story." Selina joined in on the teasing.

"C'mon girls, that's enough." Ivy chuckled, trying to make herself stop blushing. "How about we go try on some clothes? How's that sound?"

"Ooh, very fun." Harley nodded. "I love playing dress up!"

"Then let's go find a place with some nice clothes." Selina smirked, looking around. "I'm sure we'll find something good to wear."

"This is gonna be such a fun day!" Harley cheered, clinging to Ivy and giving her another kiss on the cheek.

"Gosh, you're excitable. Not that I'm complaining at all, mind you." Ivy gave Harley a kiss right back. "Today is going to be very interesting for the both of us."

*******

Back across town at Ivy's apartment, Magpie had chosen to get a bit more comfortable. She warmed up some leftover pizza in the microwave and changed into just her underwear and a bathrobe with some fuzzy slippers on her feet as well. Normally she didn't indulge in this kind of laziness but she figured she deserved a lazy day every once in a while.

As Magpie took her warmed up pizza out of the microwave she heard a knock at the door. Presuming it to be the Carpenter, Magpie fastened up her robe and put down the hot plate. She went over to the front door and opened it. Sure enough, Jenna Duffy, the Carpenter, was on the other side.

"Hey there!" Jenna waved to Magpie. "Thanks for having me over. It gets lonely over at my place sometimes."

"Yeah, no problem. Harley and Ivy left to go to the mall so it's just me here." Magpie turned around, inviting Jenna to come in. "Should be nice to have someone to talk to actually."

"I know what you mean." Jenna smiled, closing the door behind her and following Magpie into the kitchen. "Hey, mind if I make some tea? I kinda developed a taste for it after spending so much time with the Mad Hatter."

"Knock yourself out." Magpie nodded, picking up her plate of pizza. "I've got nothing going on today. You and me can do pretty much whatever."

"Cool, cool." Jenna casually nodded as she opened up a cabinet in the kitchen. "Is there a kettle in here somewhere?"

"I've got no fucking idea." Magpie shook her head. "Ivy's the one that buys stuff round here. I kinda just live here. Step up from the crappy hotel I was in before."

"We're both lucky." Jenna nodded, still poking around the kitchen. "Being a supervillain doesn't always work out."

"Oh yeah, that's putting it lightly." Magpie sighed. "Things only turned around for me recently. Before I joined Harley's gang I was kinda in a downward spiral. But now things are looking up."

"Good for you…" Jenna opened one more cabinet. "Aha! That's where the kettle was hiding. Now to figure out if they have any tea bags lying around…"

Before Jenna could continue her search for tea, there came another loud knocking at the front door. This made both Magpie and the Carpenter pause and look at each other.

"Did you invite anyone else over?" Magpie asked.

"Uh no… Did you?" Jenna shook her head.

"Must be a delivery man or something." Magpie sighed. "I'll be right back. Let me know if you find any tea." She walked out of the kitchen, leaving Jenna back in the kitchen. The knocking persisted as she went over to the apartment's front door. "Alright, alright, be patient."  
She went to the door and opened it up. On the other side stood a familiar looking woman with orange, curly hair. "Hey there…"

"Um, hello?" Magpie stared at the woman. "I think you have the wrong house."

"No, I don't think so." The woman shook her head. "This is Harley Quinn's apartment, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Magpie nodded, starting to get a little bit concerned. "She's not home right now."

"Ah, even better." The woman smiled.

"Okay, seriously, who the fuck are you?" Magpie looked over the woman again, trying to figure out who she was.

"You don't recognize me?" The woman chuckled a bit. "Oh, I see. I'm not wearing my costume. That must be it." She leaned in a bit closer to Magpie. "I'm Hazard, remember me?"

"Oh, it's you… You're not angry, are you?" Magpie nervously smiled.

"Not at all." Hazard shook her head. "I'm just here to talk. Can I come in? Trust me, today's gonna be your lucky day."

"I dunno. Isn't it kinda bad practice to let someone with a reason to kill you into your house." Magpie chuckled.

"But I don't wanna kill you at all." Hazard laughed a bit. "Seriously, I want to help you. Don't you want that?"

Magpie thought for a couple of moments before nodding. "Alright, come in. But if you do anything funny, I swear to god, I will beat the shit out of you."

"Thanks for the hospitality." Hazard laughed a bit more. "Trust me, you will not regret this."

*******

At the mall, the girls were still having fun. They'd gone into a clothes store together and browsed around. Selina and Ivy had chosen some rather casual clothes to purchase. Sweatpants and a tank top for Selina and a flannel shirt and jeans for Ivy. Harley on the other hand was in the mood for something extravagant.

Selina and Ivy waited outside of the changing rooms while they awaited Harley to finish putting on the dress she picked out. They were seated outside the changing booth she was in. While they waited for Harley to exit, the two of them decided to chat to pass the time.

"I've been feeling a lot happier lately, is that weird?" Ivy smiled.

"Well, it depends." Selina chuckled. "You usually aren't a very cheery person. What's got you feeling so giddy?"

"Harley, mostly." Ivy happily sighed. "And not just because we're girlfriends now. Ever since she left the Joker for good I've just been glad to have her around. Before that I spent all day talking to my plants. But now that she'd around I just feel so much better. Her personality is just infectious, it makes me feel so good."

"That's real cute, Ivy." Selina put a hand on Ivy's shoulder. "I think you two go good together."

"Oh, absolutely." Ivy smiled. "I don't usually believe in true love or whatever, but it just feels like me and her were meant to be. Know what I mean?"  
"Yeah, kinda." Selina replied. "You two seem to be good for each other."

"I think we really are. I'm going to do whatever I can to be a good girlfriend. Emotions… They're not my strong suit." Ivy sighed a little bit. "But I want to be open with her."

"I think that's really sweet." Selina smiled.

It was around then that the door to the changing room opened up and out stepped Harley dressed in a red dress that went down to around her knees. It was pretty tight and showed off her body pretty well. She did a little twirl around to show herself off to her friends. "Ta-da! Well girls, whatta ya think?"

"You're beautiful." Ivy smiled.

"Aww, you'd have said that no matter what I wore." Harley giggled.

"I agree with her." Selina nodded looking over Harley. "You're probably going to get a lot of stares in that outfit."

"Good! I like gettin' attention." Harley smirked. She took a few steps closer to Ivy. "But ain't no one can touch this except for you, Red!"

"So are you gonna get the dress?" Ivy asked.

"Yeah, I think so!" Harley nodded. "I look super sexy in it!"

"Mmm, you sure do." Ivy smirked, looking over Harley.

"Alrighty, I'm gonna go change out of it and we can go pay for it. Or steal it, whichever works for you!" Harley turned back around and entered the changing booth. She happily hummed to herself and got changed back into her street clothes. Once that was done she exited the changing room, taking the dress she picked out with her. "Okay girls, ready to go?"

"Sure am." Selina nodded as she stood up. "I'm in a good mood today so I'll pay for our clothes."

"Makes things easier than finding a way to steal them." Ivy nodded.

The three women soon paid for their things and left the store together, excited to explore the mall some more. Harley was filled to the brim with excitement and glee, spinning around a little as she walked around the mall.

"We should probably make sure she doesn't end up falling over." Selina whispered.

"But she looks so cute." Ivy chuckled. "Let's let her have some fun."

However it seems that Selina's suggestion was a bit well advised when Harley's spinning ended up with her walking into a bench and toppling over.

"I'm okay!" Harley cheered. "Just a lil bit bruised up!"

Selina and Ivy rushed over to Harley and helped pick her up.

"C'mon, you're gonna be okay." Ivy helped Harley get up from the ground. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Uh huh, think so." Harley nodded, rubbing the back of her head.

"Let's get back home before you have a bit too much fun." Selina chuckled.

"Aww…" Harley sighed. "Can we get somethin' from the food court first? I'm kinda hungry."

"Alright, that's fair." Ivy nodded, giving Harley a bit of a pat on a back. "Come on, let's go find you something to eat."

"Yay! I wanna get a burger and some fries. Ooh, maybe a milkshake too!" Harley giggled.

"We'll get all of that for you." Ivy nodded, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Harley laughed some more as she walked through the mall with Ivy and Selina right by her side. Right now it felt like she was on top of the world.

*******

Hazard had made herself at home back at the apartment with Magpie and Carpenter. Jenna had finished brewing some tea and poured out cups for the three women. They were seated in the dining room together, not really saying much. Hazard had been quiet and both Jenna and Magpie were curious as to what exactly she was doing here.

"This is good tea… Usually I prefer my tea iced but I'm willing to make an exception here." Hazard chuckled and took another sip from her mug. "Oh yeah, damn good stuff."

"Right…" Magpie looked over Hazard for a moment. "Listen, I don't mean to be rude or anything… But what exactly are you doing here?"

"Oh yes, I should explain myself." Hazard nodded. "You know me, don't you? I'm Hazard."

"I don't know you." Jenna shook her head.

"Well, I met her a few times." Magpie said. "You know…. Briefly. I think I beat up your friend. The Icicle guy."

"Oh, let bygones be bygones." Hazard laughed a little bit. "Trust me Magpie, I'm a forgiving woman. I don't hold anything against you."

"What are you doing here?" Jenna asked. "I'm still kinda unclear on that."

"None of your concern. But Magpie, it is your concern." Hazard said. "See, I'm putting together a team right now. Trying to complete a, well, a personal vendetta of sorts."

Magpie raised an eyebrow. "What kind of vendetta?"

"You see… I am a bit mad at Harley. More mad than I let on. She put my granddad in the hospital for a good while and I love him so much." Hazard sighed, stirring her tea a little bit. "So, I figured, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I want to get revenge. Now, I'm assuming you're only with Harley's crew because you have nowhere else to go. Is that right?"

"Well, uh, kinda." Magpie nodded.

"Then perhaps I can give you somewhere better to go." Hazard smiled. "See, I'm still pretty upset with what Harley did to my granddad. And I'm seeking all the help I can get. I want to take you somewhere better. What do you say?"

Magpie didn't even have to think about it. She just shook her head and glared at Hazard. "I'm sorry, no. I may have only joined Harley at first because I had nowhere else to go, but guess what? I like her now. Yeah, she isn't perfect. Far fucking from it. But she's got her heart in the right place. She cares about people and I appreciate that."

"Cares about people?" Hazard repeated, sounded angry. "She hurt my granddad!"

"Didn't you guys try to scam her?" Magpie pointed out.

"That was just business." Hazard crossed her arms. "Look, I'm only going to ask you one last time. So you had better pay attention. Are you in, or are you out?"

Magpie paused for a moment before glaring at Hazard and leaning towards her. "I'm out."

"Very well." Hazard nodded and stood up. "I thought I'd get you on my side. But apparently I was wrong." She grabbed the cup of tea and took a sip from it. "I'm taking this with me by the way." She turned around and began walking away. "Oh, and Magpie, don't bother trying to warn Harley about me. No matter what, I will get my revenge."

Magpie watched Hazard walk away for a couple moments. She glanced over at Jenna and whispered to her. "Excuse me for just a moment." She took one more sip of her tea before putting it down.

Standing up from her seat, Magpie began charging at Hazard. "Hey, bitch!"

Hazard looked behind her and saw Magpie running at her but didn't movie. Magpie leaped into the air and tried to kick at her. But mere moments before the hit landed, Hazard swiftly stepped out of the way. She mimed yawning just to mock Magpie as she crashed into a nearby wall.

"Are you done?" Hazard asked, sipping at her tea which somehow she'd avoided spilling. "I'm going to leave now, okay?"

Magpie groaned, sitting up a little bit and trying to recover. "How did you… How did you do that?"

"Call it good luck." Hazard shrugged. "See you around." She confidently walked out of the house and shut the door behind her.

As Magpie recovered from her rather embarrassing fall, Jenna hurried up to her to make sure she was okay. "So, um, what happened?"

"Jenna, if I'm completely honest, I have no fucking idea. We should probably tell Harley and Ivy about what happened once they get back." Magpie carefully got to her feet. "I think I've got a headache now though."

"Try drinking some more tea." Jenna turned around and started making her way back to the kitchen. "I think that'll help you feel better."

"God, I hope so…" Magpie sighed. "Those girls had better buy something nice for me while I'm out. I put up with way too much bullshit."

*******

The girls left the mall a little while ago after taking Harley down to the food court. She ended up ordering a cheeseburger and a large chocolate milkshake for herself. Selina and Ivy ended up getting some milkshakes for themselves too. They figured since they were having fun out at the mall they might as well indulge themselves.

After going to the food court the three women left the mall and took the bus home. When they disembarked the bus about a block or two away from the apartment, all three of them had more or less finished their milkshakes. Harley was greedy and all she had left were the dregs of her beverage but Selina and Icy were more reserved and had a bit more left to drink.

"Man, what an awesome day!" Harley giggled before taking a few more sips of her mostly empty milk shake cup. "I got a sexy new dress, gotta hang out with my best friend and my girlfriend and I got a milkshake!"

"I'm glad you had fun." Ivy smiled at Harley and leaned in to kiss her cheek, making Harley giggle more in response.

"You're sweet, Pammy. Sweeter than sugar!" Harley giggled, kissing Ivy right back.

"So are you both just gonna be constantly kissing each other now?" Selina chuckled.

"I think we're just excited." Ivy smiled. "We literally only realized we loved each other last night. Once the initial excitement wears off we'll be a lot less kissy."

"But we won't love each other any less!" Harley cheered. "Seriously Pam, I've had this little flutterin' feeling inside me all day."  
"That's cute." Ivy smiled. "If it keeps happening, see a doctor."

"Ah relax, I am a doctor!" Harley started laughing so hard it turned into a snorting typ eof noise.

The girls eventually made it to Ivy's buildings and ascended the elevator up to Ivy's floor. They'd discarded their now empty milkshake cups before reaching the floor. Ivy approached the door to her apartment and took out her keys only to find it unlocked.

"Ah dammit, I forgot to lock the door again." Ivy sighed, opening it up.

"Maybe Magpie unlocked it." Harley suggested, following the other girls inside.

"Now why would she…" Ivy trailed off, spotting Magpie sitting on the catch beside the Carpenter. Currently Magpie was nursing a head injury and pressing a pack of frozen peas wrapped in a cloth rag against her head. "Oh, hello Magpie. What happened here?"

"We had a visitor. She wasn't very nice." Magpie frowned. "Uh, not you Jenna. You've been very helpful." She glanced at the Carpenter.

"Hey girls!" Jenna waved at them. "I was hoping you'd show up soon. I made some tea if you're interested."

"Aww that's real nice of ya!" Harley cheered. "I'm good though, thanks for askin'."

"Um, Magpie, what exactly happened?" Selina asked. "That seems to be the most important thing here."

"Right, right." Magpie nodded, sanding up from the couch. "So, Harley, remember that weird gambler girl, Hazard?"

"Oh yeah, she seemed like an alright gal." Harley nodded. "What about her?"

"Well, she showed up today. And she seemed pretty pissed off at you specifically." Magpie explained.

"Oh…" Harley trailed off. "That ain't good."

"Yeah, I'll say." Magpie replied. "Oh and she said she wants to create a team to take you down. She was trying to recruit me into it but I told her no."

"Good on you, Mags!" Harley pulled her into a tight hug. "I knew I could trust ya to be loyal to me."

"Uh, yeah, no problem Harley." Magpie nodded. "Please let go… Your grip is very tight."

"Heh, whoopsie!" Harley cheered and let go of Magpie.

"Wait a minute, should we be worried about this Hazard girl?" Selina asked. "I mean, she sounds kinda serious."

"I dunno, she didn't seem like too big a threat when I fought her. I think I punched a few of her teeth out." Harley thought for a moment and giggled. "Whatever she throws at us we can counter just fine!"

"For our sakes I hope you're right." Ivy sighed.

Harley flopped over onto the couch with the other girls, sighing a bit. "Feels good to be back home…"

"You girls have fun, I need to get back to my place and check on my cats." Selina waved goodbye to the Ivy and Harley.

Harley waved back to her and Ivy gave Selina a quick kiss on the cheek before they left. After Selina closed the door behind her, Ivy took notice of some mail on the floor that had apparently been pushed in under the door. She picked it up and thumbed through it for a moment.

"Hey Harl, looks like someone sent us some stuff." Ivy casually walked over to the couch.

"Ooh, what kinda stuff?" Harley asked. "This better not be another videotape death threat."

"Nope, no VHS in here." Ivy shook her head.

"Phew, that's a relief." Harley sighed. "So, what do ya got in there?"

Ivy looked over the mail and smiled. "Oh, this one looks interesting."

Harley stood up and got closer to Ivy. "What'cha got?"

"Coupons for a local spa." Ivy smiled. She handed a brightly coloured coupon advertising something called Paula's Spa.

"Ooh, that's neat. I love a good spa treatment!" Harley cheered and looked over the coupon. "Let's see, saunas, massages… Gee, this place seems pretty neat! Can we go? Can we, can we? It sounds super romantic!"

"One step at a time, Harl." Ivy chuckled. She brushed her fingers through Harley's hair. "I do like the idea though." She sat back down on the couch and beckoned for Harley to sit next to her.

Harley giggled and sat down beside Ivy. She snuggled up against her and rested her head against Ivy's shoulder. "I love ya so much, Red… You 'n me, we're gonna go places together. Just watch…"

"Wait, are those two girlfriends now?" Jenna asked, whispering to Magpie.

"Yeah, pretty much." Magpie nodded and whispered back.

Jenna was quiet for a moment before she responded. "Well, good for them. They're cute."

"Aww, thanks!" Harley giggled. She reached across the couch and poked Jenna's nose. "Boop!"

"Uh, you're welcome." Jenna nodded.

Harley laughed some more and cuddled herself against Ivy some more. "Love ya Red…"

"Love you too Harl…" Ivy pressed a kiss into Harley's head.

"You 'n me Red… We'll be together for the end…" Harley felt happy at that moment. She wanted to be with Ivy forever, just sitting on the couch and watching TV with her. It seemed like everything was perfect.

*******

Far away from the cozy apartment building Hazard walked down the streets of Gotham by herself. She hummed to herself, seeming happy. She'd been walking in a circle around the block for a few minutes now as if she was waiting for something.

A black van pulled up on the curb and Hazard smiled, walking up to it as the back doors opened up. Smiling, she stepped into the back only to find her brother Steven Sharpe the Fifth waiting for her in the driver's seat.

"So Becky, how'd it go?" Steven smiled optimistically.

"Not too well. Magpie rejected the offer." Hazard shook her head. "Now Harley probably knows about us."

"Well, it's not the end of the world." Steven chuckled. "C'mon Becky, there's still plenty of other people to check."

"Who should we go for next?"  
"Hmm… How about Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Word on the street is they've got a grudge against Quinn."

"Let's check them out in that case."

Steven nodded and started up the car. "Heh, when we're done Ms. Quinn ain't gonna know what hit her."


	17. Massages and Mayhem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls decide to go to a spa, but little do they know something sinister is afoot there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured character:
> 
> **Scarecrow:** Jonathan Crane aka Scarecrow, former psychologist obsessed with fear turned supervillain. Uses fear gas to commit crimes.

Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy had been officially dating each other for about a week now and they'd been having the time of their lives so far. They'd been constantly showing affection towards each other quite openly. Magpie found their constant cutesy pet names and kissing a little annoying but she eventually grew used to it.

The only thing that Magpie found unbearable was that some nights she definitely could hear the two of them doing something or other in the room next to her. She'd rather not dwell on what it was they were up to so she willingly returned to her old bedroom on the couch.

Harley and Ivy themselves were having a great time as a couple. They both wondered why they hadn't hooked up before. After the initial awkwardness of sex between each other wore off, it really did feel like they were made for each other. The two of them cherished every moment they spent together.

Eventually, they both decided to do something special to celebrate their brand new partnership. Earlier that week they'd received coupons for a local Gotham City spa so Harley came up with the idea that they would go to the spa and have a relaxing time together. Ivy agreed, thinking it would be a fun way to spend some time together.

But Ivy became slightly disappointed when she found out that Harley had invited Magpie and Selina along with them. It wasn't that Ivy disliked either woman, it was just that Ivy was looking forward for a romantic spa day with just her and Harley together. But it seemed she would just have to make do with what she had in front of her. The four girls going to the spa together seemed like it would be pretty fun.

It was a little bit after noon when the girls made it over to the spa with Harley excitedly leading the way and the other three trailing behind her.

"This is gonna be so much fun!" Harley cheered, beginning to giggle madly. "I'm gonna have such nice, soft skin when this is done!"

"Harley, please try not to get too excited too fast." Ivy chuckled, getting closer to Harley and grabbing her shoulder. "You might be disappointed by this place."

"Ah, it'll be fine." Harley shook her head. "I haven't been to a bad spa yet! So this place is gonna be great!"

"I can't say I don't appreciate your optimism." Ivy shrugged as she approached the building.

"I think it's gonna be nice." Selina smiled. "I can always appreciate a spa."

"Hmm, I can't remember the last time I event went to a spa…" Magpie muttered to herself. "Should be good for me. My back has been feeling kinda tense lately."

"Well don't worry your pretty little head! You're gonna feel great after today!" Harley hummed to herself as she approached the front doors to the spa. The girls entered and found a reception desk in the lobby. A perky young blonde woman was sitting at the desk and smiled at the group that entered the spa.

"Welcome!" The woman waved to them. "How may I help you?"

"Me 'n my friends wanna use your spa." Harley smiled as she approached the desk. She dug into her pocket and took out the coupon she got. "We got this coupon too. Can we use it?"

"You sure can, miss." The receptionist nodded, accepting the coupon. "What kind of treatment would you girls like?"

"Well, me 'n my girlfriend are interested in getting a couples massage." Harley giggled and put an arm around Ivy and quickly kissed her cheek.

"I'd like to use the sauna you have here." Selina spoke up.

"Me too." Magpie added. "But, uh, I'm not her girlfriend."

"We'd also all like to hang out in the hot tub!" Harley added.

The receptionist nodded. "Alright. Got it. Follow me please." She got up from behind her desk and beckoned for the girls to follow her.

They followed after the receptionist through a large purple curtain. After following her down a hall the receptionist opened a door which led to a room with a hot tub in it.

"Alright, please fold your clothes up and store them in the temporary lockers we provided for you." The receptionist gestured to a bank of lockers. "There are towels and bathrobes if you'd like. Please enjoy the hot tub while we prepare the rest of the facilities for you." She gave a polite nod and smile to the girls and turned around. "I'll come and get you when it's time." She left the room and closed the door behind her.

Without a second thought, Harley began taking off her clothes. She was too excited about getting into the hot tub to care about the reactions her friends had. Ivy and Selina didn't seem to mind and they casually began taking off their clothes.

However, Magpie seemed very uncomfortable with the whole thing as her friends shed their clothes. She put her hands over her own breasts even though she was still fully clothed.

"Seriously girls? Did none of you bring swimsuits?" Magpie sighed.

"No, did you?" Selina smirked, now fully naked and getting into the hot water.

"Well, no, I kinda forgot." Magpie shook her head.

"Ah c'mon Maggie, it ain't no big deal." Harly got into the hot tub once all her clothes are off. She sighed happily when she felt the hot water touching her skin. "Ooh, that's nice!"

"I know it's kinda silly but I'm just not very confident about my body." Magpie sighed, looking down at herself. "I feel ugly and awkward… God, did I never grow past high school?"

"Ah relax, all of us are hot babes." Harley giggled, reaching out and holding Ivy's hand as she got in the tub. "C'mon, the water's fine!"

Magpie nodded and took a deep breath, slowly removing her clothes. Eventually she got into the hot tub with the others. They were right, the hot water against her body did feel rather relaxing. But Magpie still felt self-conscious about her body and ended up hugging her knees close to her body in order to cover herself up.

"There really is no need to feel shy." Selina glanced over at her.

"I don't like being looked at." Magpie shook her head. "I feel like I don't look right. And I've got all these scars…" She put her legs back down and gestured to a few scars she had all around her body on her chest, gut, back and thighs. "See?"

"So what? You can't be a supervillain without getting a few scars." Selina shrugged. "Here, look at this?" She turned around and showed her back to Magpie. It was covered in scars all across it. "Most of these are from botched robbery jobs. They aren't pretty to look at but there isn't much I can do about them."

"Ya think that's bad? Check this out!" Harley stood up and did a little spin, getting water on her friends. On her back, front and legs were small scars and a few bigger ones. "If we're countin' scars I think I win. Red's the only one who usually gets to see me naked this close." She giggled a bit. "I got so many I can't even remember how I got all of 'em. Most are from Batman. Or Mistah J when he got angry at me."

"I don't have any scars like you girls. My skin's self-healing. I guess I'm lucky that way." Ivy sighed, looking down at herself.

"Oh yeah, real lucky." Harley nodded and sat back down. "I wish I could have beautiful green skin like you."

"Aww, you're so sweet." Ivy smiled and gave Harley a kiss on the cheek. In response, Harley giggled and kissed Ivy right back.

"Hey please try not to make out in front of me." Magpie sighed.

"What's the matter? Two gay for ya?" Harley giggled.

"Uh yeah, kinda." Magpie nodded. "I was kind of a homophobic piece of shit back in high school. Never totally got over it. So yeah, four naked girls hanging out in a hot tub and playfully splashing each other, it makes me uncomfortable."

"Well, maybe we can help ya get over that." Harley giggled.

"No thanks…" Magpie shook her head. "I'm comfortable with being uncomfortable." She semi-unconsciously scooted herself away from the other girls.

"Just try to relax and have fun." Selina glanced over at Magpie.

"I'll try my best." Magpie shook her head. "This takes a lot of getting used to. I always hated the showers back at Arkham… Being naked around other people. Especially the guards."

"Are you kiddin' those showers were awesome!" Harley giggled. "I always liked it when Ivy helped me wash my hair."

"That was fun." Ivy nodded. "But you have no idea how hard it was for me to not just give your ass a slap every time I was staring at it in there."

"Well now you can slap my cute butt whenever you feel like it." Harley giggled, leaning in to give Ivy another kiss.

"Do you girls ever stop being horny?" Magpie sighed.

"Only when you ain't around!" Harley teased Magpie, sticking her tongue out at her for a moment.

Magpie just rolled her eyes at the immature display. "Are you done?"

"Am now!" Harley nodded, laughing to herself like mad.

"Thank god…" Magpie took a few deep breaths and tried to relax herself.

After a couple more minutes of lounging around in the hot tub another woman working for the spa came back around and entered. "Hey there ladies, I've got everything set up for you."

"Ooh, yay!" Harley stood up from the hot tub and scrambled to get a towel to wrap around herself.

"Right this way please." The woman turned around and beckoned for the others to follow after her. The other women got out of the hot tub and clothed themselves in towels and slippers of their own.

They followed her down the hall past several other doors. The employee stopped at a door midway down the hall and gestured to it. "The massage room's in here. So, who's our lucky couple?"

"That'd be us!" Harley cheered, clinging to Ivy by the arm. "Ain't we the cutest!"

"You certainly are." The woman smiled and nodded. "Just step inside and get ready on the massage table. We'll send in our masseuses when it's time."

"Thank ya kindly!" Harley smiled and nodded as she entered the room with Ivy closely following behind her.

The woman guiding them shut the door behind them and motioned for Selina and Magpie to follow after her. She led them down another corridor to another door. "Alright, and here's the sauna. Stay in there for as long as you'd like. Gather your clothes in the hot tub room and wait for your friends by the reception. Which one of you will be paying?"

"Har- The, uh, the blonde one with the dyed pigtails." Magpie replied.

"Ah, wonderful." The woman nodded. "I'll be sure to ask her about it. You girls have a good time now." She turned around and walked down the hall away from them."

"Well, time to relax. This should be good for our poor achy muscles." Selina sighed in anticipation and opened up the door. Before entering the sauna proper there was something of a small foyer where visitors could remove their shoes before entering the sauna or cool off momentarily. Selina and Magpie both took off their shoes and entered the sauna together.

Magpie sat on the far left end of the sauna while Selina seated herself on the right. She poured out some cold water onto the hot rocks, letting more steam out into the room.

"Mmm, purr-fect…" Selina chuckled to herself and undid her towel, exposing herself all over again.

"Do you have to do that?" Magpie groaned.

"I can't help it. I enjoy a good cat pun every once in a while." Selina smirked.

"Not the cat pun. The… The nakedness." Magpie frowned, her body language shrinking up.

Selina laughed a bit and shook her head. "I thought we were past this. How old are you, Magpie? 35? 36?"

"I turn 40 next month…" Magpie shyly muttered.

"Well, happy early birthday. I'm 42 myself. Been at this game for almost as long as the Bat has." Selina chuckled. "The point is, we are two grown women. That's way too old to be embarrassed about your body like you're being. Just own it. You look great and so do I. We can appreciate each other."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right… I need to just be more comfortable." Magpie nodded. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, Magpie undid her towel. She sat there on the bench completely naked. "This still feels weird."

"Give it time, you'll get used to it." Selina smirked. It was almost cute how awkward Mapie was being.

"You're not checking me out or anything, are you?" Magpie self consciously covered her breasts. "If you're gay or bi or whatever, that's cool. But I'm not into that."

"You need to stop worrying. You can admit that other women are beautiful without it being a sexual thing." Selina moved a bit closer to Magpie.

"Yeah, it's kinda like I said… I never moved past high school." Magpie nodded quietly. "I was uncomfortable with this one girl in my class being gay. Called her a dyke all the time. But it evened out because she called me a freak cause I was always stealing her hairpins. I was a really unpleasant girl… Anyway, the point is I'm just not too comfortable around other women in, y'know, sexual situations."

"Well, then good thing there's nothing sexual about this." Selina laughed a bit. "Just two friends enjoying time together in a sauna."

"Tell that to Harley and Ivy." Magpie sighed. "They're a cute couple. I just wish Harley wasn't so in your face about it. I mean, I get that she's excited, but she's gone into a few too many details about their love life."

"What's the matter?" Selina moved slightly closer to Magpie again. "Afraid she's gonna turn you gay?"

"Yeah, kinda." Magpie nodded. "I really need to work on moving past high school. Arkham was supposed to help me with my mental issues but they really only made them worse."

"God, I am glad I never ended up in there." Selina sighed in relief.

Magpie nodded. "Yeah, you're lucky. That place is filled with lunatics… And I don't just mean the patients."

*******

While Selina and Magpie were acclimating to the sauna, Harley and Ivy were waiting for their masseuses to arrive. They'd both taken off their towels and were getting ready to lie down on the massage tables. Harley had been humming to herself while Ivy remained relatively quiet.

"This is gonna be super relaxin'." Harley smiled and lay down on the massage table and sighed happily. "Not to mention romantic."

"Mmm, absolutely." Ivy lay down on the table beside Harley. "It's so nice that we get to spend our ill-gotten money on things like this."

"Yeah it's nice to pamper ourselves with spa treatments. Maybe we can go out to a nice dinner." Harley sighed happily, lost in a fantasy for a moment.

"I'd do anything for you, Harls." Ivy nodded.

"Do ya really mean that?" Harley asked.

"Of course." Ivy smiled at Harley.

"Aww… You're the best." Harley reached out between the tables and held Ivy's hand.

Ivy smiled back at her girlfriend and gave her hand a squeeze. "So are you, Harl… You're so wonderful and beautiful."

Harley giggled and squeezed Ivy's hand right back. "I could just stay with you forever…"

After a couple moments of blissful silence, the door to the room opened up and two young women entered.

"Hello there." One of them women smiled and nodded at Harley and Ivy. "You must be the lucky couple."

"Sure are!" Harley nodded. "Me 'n my lovely girlfriend are happy to be here."

Ivy looked over at Harley and smiled, feeling a warm happy feeling inside of her. She continued holding Harley's hand, enjoying the connected feeling she gave her. It made her feel happy and loved. Two things that, despite her claims of hating humanity, Ivy desperately wanted.

The two women began their work massaging Harley and Ivy, focusing on their backs and necks first. Harley hadn't realized how much tension she'd been holding but it felt great to be massaged like that.

"Holy fuck… That's wonderful…" Harley sighed. "Jeez, you gotta massage me like this some time, Red."

"I was just gonna say the same thing to you." Ivy smirked and looked over at Harley.

"Hehe… If I could, I'd kiss ya right now…" Harley sighed happily.

"I feel just the same way." Ivy nodded a bit. "You're right, we really do need to spend more relaxed days like this…"

*******

While Harley and Ivy had the knots in their backs worked out, Magpie had grown slightly more comfortable in the sauna. She was no longer bashful about her body and was engaged in rather pleasant conversation with Selina.

"You know what, we should team up sometime." Magpie smiled. "I mean, we're both pretty good thieves, aren't we?"

"Yeah, you've got a point." Selina nodded. "As much as I love Harley and Ivy, they aren't exactly the most subtle. I'd love to work with you sometime."

"It's a deal." Magpie got a bit closer to Selina. "Let's shake on it!" She reached a hand out for Selina to shake.

Selina returned Magpie's gesture and shook her hand. "It's nice to see you come out of your shell a bit. When you first got here you didn't even wanna look in my direction."

"It's still weird to be naked around you… But I'm kinda used to it now." Magpie smiled. "Don't take this the wrong way, but, uh, you look very pretty. Especially when all the steam and sweat makes you shiny…"

Selina couldn't help but chuckle. "Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself."

"It's getting pretty hot in here… Wanna cool off outside for a moment?" Magpie offered.

"Sure, I was just thinking the same thing. Some cold air would feel wonderful." Selina stood up from the wooden bench.

Magpie nodded and stood up as well. "Mmm, I bet it would."

The two of them walked over to the exit to the sauna together. Selina reached for the door's handle and tried to turn it but it wouldn't budge. She just thought it was stuck and continued trying to turn the door. But after the door remained shut Selina realized something wasn't right and looked back at Magpie.

"Hey, I think we've been locked in from the outside!" Selina exclaimed.

"Wait, what!" Magpie yelled. "Shit, that's not good!"

"Don't worry, we can find a way out." Selina tried to remain calm.

"Fuck! How did we get locked in?" Magpie started breathing heavily. "We're going to roast alive in here…"

"Don't freak out. I'm sure this was an accident. We're just gonna have to force the door open." Selina took a few deep breaths. "This isn't the first room I've been trapped inside of. First time being trapped naked though. Don't worry, I can handle this..." After backing up a little bit, Selina rammed into the door shoulder first in an attempt to get it opened.

As Selina desperately tried to force the door open, several wooden panels around the room opened up and what appeared to be gun barrels protruded from them.

"Um, Selina…" Magpie held onto Selina's shoulder and tried to point out the new developments to her.

"What is it?" Selina turned around just in time to see an orange coloured gas being shot out of the strange guns that were set up around the room. "Oh no…"

Both Magpie and Selina ended up breathing in the gas before they could react and ended up coughing uncontrollably.

"Shit… What's happening…" Magpie slowly collapsed to their ground, desperately reaching for the wall.

Selina let out a strained whining sound before collapsing next to her. She tried to get up only to start screaming uncontrollably. Normally she wasn't easy to frighten but all of a sudden there were small, filthy, grimy bugs crawling everywhere in the room and on her body.

She let out a loud cry of anguish before losing consciousness. Magpie did the same, passing out right beside Selina. Once they were both unconscious the door to the sauna opened up. Two of the spa attendants, now wearing gas masks, entered the room. Behind them walked a tall, thin man clad in burlap with a hood and hat on his head. He was Scarecrow, one of Gotham's many super-criminals.

"Take them to the lab, will you?" Scarecrow looked over to his assistants. "And give them something to wear for god sakes. I'm not some kind of pervert."

"Yes Dr. Crane." One of the spa workers nodded and entered the sauna with her partner. The two of them worked to pick up Selina and Magpie from the ground.

"Phase one is complete." Scarecrow calmly nodded. "Send the signal to the workers in the massage room."

*******

Harley and Ivy's massage had been amazing so far. The two of them were just making small talk together while the two masseuses worked out all the tension they'd been carrying in them. Being a supervillain clearly worked up a lot of stress because both women agreed that the massage was the best thing to happen to them in ages.

In fact, Harley was enjoying it so much Ivy was almost certain it had gotten to the point of sexual arousal for her. At least it sounded like that from all the gasps and sighs that were coming out of her. Of course Ivy also considered the possibility that Harley was doing all of that intentionally just to tease her. For as much as she liked playing the fool, Harley could be very clever if she wanted to be.

"Jesus Christ, Red… We gotta get these massages more often…" Harley sighed and glanced over at Ivy.

"Mmm, I agree." Ivy nodded. "Only problem is these cost a lot… Even though we got a discount it still cost a whole lot of money."

"Ah who cares, we can get more cash easy." Harley laughed a little bit. "God, Maggie and Selina are gonna regret not getting these messages with us. They're wonderful…"

"I know, the people here really know what they're doing." Ivy nodded, glancing back at Harley.

"Totally." Harley glanced up at the masseuse working on her back. "Hey, mind goin' up a little bit. Right between my shoulder blades… That'll feel great."

"Of course…" The masseuse paused for a moment and looked over at her partner. They shared a nod of acknowledgement. Harley felt way too good to think about what any of that meant. Without any warning, the masseuse sharply jabbed two fingers into Harley's upper back. The sudden pressure made Harley's body involuntarily begin to twitch. Without skipping a beat, the masseuse jabbed two more fingers against the area where her neck met her back, making Harley's body fall off the table completely limp.

Ivy reacted quickly, sitting up on her table and trying to go towards Harley. "What the fuck did you do to her!"

Neither woman responded, instead the second masseuse grabbed Ivy by the shoulder and forcefully held her before jabbing her fingers into her middle back several times. Ivy lost control of her body and fell over on top of Harley. She looked around and tried to move her body but found herself unable to. It was awkward lying on top of Harley like that but it was impossible to do anything about it.

The door opened up again and in stepped Scarecrow, a thin layer of moisture covering his costume thanks to the work he just got through with in the sauna.

"Great work girls." Scarecrow nodded at the two masseuses. "You know how to work wonders with pressure points." He bent down over Harley and Ivy. "Hello girls. Sorry about all this. Don't worry, we'll get some clothes for you in a moment. Just try to relax for now… Of course, I'm sure you feel very relaxed already." He stood up and glanced to the masseuses. "Take them away. I'll be waiting."

As Scarecrow left the room Harley wanted to scream as loud as she could but couldn't manage it. All she was able to move was here eyes. Her mind was occupied with several things. Chiefly how she was going to survive this, what was going to happen next and how she was going to kill Scarecrow when all of it was over.

The two masseuses took syringes out from their pockets and injected the contents into the necks of the two women. Pretty soon they were both unconscious on the floor.

*******

Light came into Harley's eyes again, an almost blinding amount of it. She had a horrible headache and all she could muster out was a groan. A brief wave of relief washed over her when she realized she was able to move her body again. But that relief went away when she tried to sit up and realized she was strapped down to a bed. It reminded her of being in Arkham and not in the good way. Looking down at herself, Harley saw that she was now wearing some kind of a hospital robe. She looked around and lal she could see was a light shining in her face, with no real clue as to where she was exactly.

"Hello? Where is everybody? I'd like some answers!" Harley yelled out to the room, her voice echoing.

The light began to dim and Harley got a better view of her surroundings. She looked to her right and saw Ivy was tied down to a bed beside her, dressed in an identical hospital robe. Looking over to her left she saw Magpie and Selina tied down as well.

"This is seriously fucked up!" Harley cried out. "What the hell is goin' on here?"

A figure slowly approached Harley. She recognized the strange shape of his head and pointed hat as belonging to Scarecrow. "Hello Dr. Quinzel, apologies for all this."

"Hey ya Crane, are ya gonna explain what the fuck is goin' on here? Cause I got some questions that seriously need answerin'!"

"Of course, of course." Scarecrow nodded. "You see, the place you knew as Paula's Spa was a front set up by me. It's a perfectly legitimate spa, but if I ever need new subjects to do my fear experiments on, well then I can abduct someone from my spa. You're actually below the spa right now."

"Why us?" Harley asked. "What did we ever do to you?"

"Technically… Nothing." Scarecrow shook his head. "Although I do believe this one impersonated me." He pointed over at Ivy. "Not really a fan of that."

"Jeez, is that what yer upset about?" Harley scowled. "Ya gotta be kidding me."

"Oh no, I'm not upset with any of you." Scarecrow shook his head. "Quite frankly, I like all of you. Especially you Harley, being a fellow ex-psychiatrist and all."

"Aww, thanks." Harley smiled for a moment. "Wait a minute, why are you doing this then?"

"It's just business I'm afraid." Scarecrow shook his head. "You see, I'm a member of the Legion of Doom. And when I get an order from one of the higher ups in the Legion, I need to follow that order."

"So who's makin' ya do this?" Harley asked.

"Well… Would you like to meet them?" Scarecrow looked over his shoulders for a moment.

"Why not. I wanna know whose ears I should bite off." Harley nodded.

"I'll go fetch them. They're eager to talk to you too." Scarecrow turned around, leaving Harley strapped to the bed.

Once he was gone Harley began to thrash around in bed to no avail. The straps only seemed to become tighter against her body, constricting her movement more. Eventually all the noise Harley was making got the other girls to wake up.

"Ugh… My head… Where am I…" Selina groaned.

"I was just thinking the same thing…" Magpie looked around in confusion. "Ah jeez it's cold in here…"

"Don't freak out… Scarecrow's locked us up in the basement under the spa." Harley explained.

"Uh, that sounds like a reason to freak out as well." Magpie pointed out.

"Don't panic, I just need to focus and find some plants." Ivy said. She closed her eyes for a moment but they shot up again, feeling panicked. "Shit! Why can't I feel any plants?"

Harley glanced at Ivy and noticed a black collar with green lights around her neck. "Red, you're wearin' one of those special collars they give ya in prison."

"A metagene inhibitor… This is gonna be tougher than I thought…" Ivy sighed. "Nobody panic, we can get out of here."

"We're all fucked… We're gonna be tortured to death here!" Magpie screamed.

"Don't be such a defeatist." Selina looked over at Magpie. "Try to break through these straps. Be resourceful."

"I'm trying to stay calm… But it's really hard…" Magpie bit her lip a little bit and looked around the room for any way to get out.

After a couple more moments of silence, the sound of muffled footsteps signalled the Scarecrow's return. He was whistling to himself, sounding far too calm about the entire situation.

"Hello ladies, sorry to keep you waiting." Scarecrow's voice was calm and quiet. "Ah, good to see you all finally woke up. How do you do?"

"Go to hell." Ivy scowled at him.

"Well now, aren't we touchy today?" Scarecrow chuckled.

"Of course we're touchy!" Harley yelled. "Yer holdin' us here against our will!"

"And I said I'm very sorry. But if I want to keep my Legion of Doom membership, I need to do what I'm told sometimes." Scarecrow shook his head.

"Oh, fuck the Legion of Doom! I used to be part of those pricks. You're better off on your own!" Ivy shouted.

"They give me so many resources. I don't know what I'd do without them." Scarecrow shook her head.

"Can ya at least finally show us who's doin' this to us?" Harley asked.

"Of course…" Scarecrow looked over his shoulder. "Alright Becky, come here."

Out from the shadows behind Scarecrow stepped Hazard, dressed up in her red and white mock-blackjack dealer costume.

"Hey girls! Fancy meeting you here!" Hazard laughed and waved at them.

"You!" Harley yelled. "What the fuck?"

"I'm still upset about what you did to my granddad. I was really close with him, you know?" Hazard sighed a bit. "He always took such good care of me and my brother. I know, he was a liar, a thief and a crook. But y'know what, so am I. So I think it all evens out."

"Ah jeez, I'm sorry about beatin' up your gramps." Harley glared at Hazard. "So what, are ya gonna kill us now?"

"No…" Hazard shook her head. "I don't… I don't like killing. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm going to humiliate you. I only want the world to see you as a fool from now on."

"Lady I already dress like a clown, do your worst!" Harley laughed a bit.

"Harley, please do not taunt our captors." Selina whispered to her.

"Ah I ain't afraid of 'em." Harley shook her head and glanced up at Scarecrow and Hazard. "Ya hear that? I ain't afraid of either of you!"

"You shouldn't say things like that to me." Scarecrow chuckled. "I've got about ten types of fear gas that will make you soil yourself and then scream in terror for days."

While Harley was busy running her mouth, Magpie was stuck in silent fear and Ivy was just at a loss, Selina's mind was carefully calculating her next move. She'd been tied up many times before and in ways much tougher to escape than what Scarecrow had for her now. It was just a simple matter of dislocating her shoulder. It would be horribly unpleasant but only for a moment. Then she would have all the freedom she needed to escape.

Selina tuned out the three way argument between Harley, Scarecrow and Hazard. Instead she writhed around under the straps, trying to get herself free while she hummed to herself. The humming helped her focus on the ask at hand.

After a bit more squirming around, Selina heard an awful popping noise and pain in her right shoulder joint. Suppressing a pained whine, Selina wormed her arm out from the straps until it was fully free. Scarecrow and Hazard were distracted long enough for Selina to pop her shoulder back into place.

She began working to undo the other straps around her but by now Hazard and Scarecrow noticed her attempting to escape.

"Damn!" Scarecrow looked away from Harley and scrambled towards Selina. "Hazard, hold the Cat down while I sedate her! Can't have her causing too much trouble for us.

Hearing this, Selina worked faster to free herself. She managed to undo the straps around her upper and middle torso. It was around then that Hazard showed up and held Selina down.

"Oh no you don't!" Hazard yelled, holding on to Seling tightly.

While Hazard did this, Scarecrow ran off to a nearby drawer and started searching through it. "Sedative… Sedative… Where did I put the damn sedative?"

Selina managed to break out of Hazard's grip and scratch her fingernails across the other woman's face. While Hazard grabbed her cheek in pain, Selina sat up straight on the bed and worked fast to undo the leather straps keeping her legs tied to the bed.

Now that she was fully free, Selina jumped off the table. Hazard saw this and waved a hand at her. Thanks to Hazard's luck manipulation powers, Selina slipped when she landed on the ground. But she didn't let that stop her. Selina got to her feet again and did a quick survey of the room. It seemed like all the supplies in the room were old and outmoded. She had no idea if this was a stylistic choice on Scarecrow's part or if the Legion of Doom just decided to be cheap when buying him equipment. Each of the beds they were strapped to looked different. Selina noted that her bed and Harley's bed were both bolted to the ground, Magpie had a regular looking bed and Ivy had wheels on it.

As soon as she saw the wheels something clicked in Selina's brain. Selina bounded across the room and leaped up, showing off a little and doing a flip over Ivy's bed and landing behind her. "Ivy, I'm getting you out of here." She glanced over at Harley and Magpie. "You two hang tight, we'll be back to save you. We promise!"

"What!" Ivy yelled. "We can't leave her alone here."

"Listen, I'm not feeling one hundred percent right now…" Selina began pushing Ivy's bed on wheels. "Once we both make a recovery we can help out our friends."  
"We'll stay strong for ya, Kitty!" Harley cried out. "I ain't lettin' them get to us!"

Scarecrow moved away from his chemical cabinets and dashed towards Selina in an attempt to stop him. "You think you can stop me that eas-" He was cut off when Ivy's bed slammed into him and knocked him over.  
Selina swerved the bed towards a set of doubles doors and went through them and hurrying down the hallway. Hazard tried using her powers one more time which made Selina tripped. However she gripped the bed and managed to keep her balance, continuing down the hallway.

"Selina! We need to go back!" Ivy yelled. "I can't leave Harley… She… She's going to die back there!"

"Harley can handle herself, don't you worry." Selina spoke softly, going closer and closer to the exit door. "We need to get home, recover… Then we can save Harley, kick Scarecrow's ass and make sure nobody ever hurts us again."

"Okay, okay… I've got it." Ivy took a deep breath. "God… I just can't lose Harley."

"You won't lose her. Everything will be fine." Selina kept calm, slowing down as they went over to the doors that led to the exit. She figured they had enough distance between Scarecrow and Hazard that she'd be able to safely free Ivy from the straps now. Selina quickly undid the straps tying Ivy down.

"Oh thank god…" Ivy sighed, getting up from the bed.

"C'mon, let's keep going. We'll be back for Harley, we won't let them hurt her." Selina pushed through the exit doors and found themselves in the back alley behind the spa they'd entered. It was dark outside and had begun raining.

"I'm worried about her…" Ivy sighed, following Selina down the street.

"She'll be okay. We need to worry about ourselves right now." Selina walked fast, holding on to Ivy's wrist. "We're vulnerable, we've only got these robes on. Try not to step on anything. I don't wanna be picking glass out of your foot. Once we regroup, we'll save Harley and Magpie."

"We'd better…" Ivy nodded.

*******

Inside the back of Scarecrow's spa, Dr. Crane and Hazard had recovered from Selina's quick attack on them. Scarecrow had removed his mask and Hazard was helping him bandage up his head.

"Are you going to be okay?" Hazard asked, looking it over.

"Yes, yes, I'll be okay." Scarecrow nodded, putting the burlap mask back on and standing up. "Should we go track down Catwoman and Poison Ivy?"

"Leave them, all I want is Harley." Hazard nodded. "Oh and I guess Magpie."

"Gee… Thanks for noticing me…" Magpie whimpered.

"Shut up!" Hazard shouted. "I don't care about you… Today is all about Harley."

"Yay… I feel so honoured…" Harley nervously sighed.

Scarecrow went back to his cabinet and began searching through it again. "Now then, let's show Ms. Quinn to the others." After searching around a little bit she found the sedative he'd been searching for earlier. "Ah, here we go."

Once he had the syringe ready he calmly walked over to Harley. Her brain still in full panic mode, Harley started screaming as loud as she could hoping someone would hear her or at least it would annoy her captors. She also starts thrashing around in the hope that it would break the leather straps keeping her bound.

"Shhh… Don't worry Harley… You'll get out of this alive, I promise." Hazard whispered. "It's all just for fun…"

Scarecrow walked over to Harley and gently injected her neck. In a matter of moments, Harley's muscles had relaxed to the point of immobility.

"There you go.. All calm." Scarecrow glanced over to Hazard. "Ms. Sharpe, help Ms. Quinn into her wheelchair. I'll do the same to Ms. Pye."

"Forgot Magpie, we'll take care of her later. Right now it's all about Harley." Hazard smirked. She unstrapped Harley from her bed and Scarecrow pushed a wheelchair over to her. He worked to maneuver Harley into the chair and strap her down again.

"Alright, time to go Harley." Scarecrow spoke softly. He began pushing the wheelchair over to a ramp that led to a door.

Harley tried opening her mouth but found her jaw failing her, it just hung open uselessly. All she could do was dart her eyes back and forth. And the sights in the room weren't exactly very interesting.

They wheeled her down the hall to an unknown destination. Harley tried to disassociate from the situation. She could see Hazard talking, likely taunting Harley. But Harley didn't listen, she tried to absorb as little information as possible in the hopes that it would make her situation a little more bearable.

This worked for a while. She felt an odd sense of inner peace for a little while. When she focused on nothing but the thoughts on her head it was relaxing in a strange way. But that strange serenity came to an end when she felt the wheelchair she was in run over a bump which jolted her back to reality.

She saw Hazard opening a door that Scarecrow pushed her through. The room was dark but she could sense that other people were in there with her.

"Alright Harley, it's time for you to meet my brand new friends." Hazard giggled, poking Harley's cheek.

Harley glanced upward at the darkness, detecting a few human shapes but not quite making out the specifics. But she felt a chill run through her spine when she heard one of the voices.

"Hey there Puddin'... I missed you."

Harley was frozen, partially because of the muscle relaxant and partially because of how terrified she was. Whatever Hazard had planned for her Harley told herself she would get through it and that Selina and Ivy would come here and help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the home stretch now. The next chapter will follow off of this one. Hope you don't mind the cliffhanger! I also hope I don't leave you waiting for too long. I'll try to have the next chapter up relatively soon.


	18. Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley has been kidnapped by Scarecrow and Hazard and it's up to Ivy and Selina to save her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No featured characters today, just more familiar faces. This chapter took longer than I thought to make and it's also probably one of the longer chapter's in the story. I hope it was worth the wait.

It had been an hour since Ivy escaped the trap Scarecrow and Hazard put them in and she did not feel well. Selina had taken Ivy back to her apartment to gather their thoughts and formulate a plan to save Magpie and Harley. Currently Ivy was in Selina's bathroom which, like the rest of her apartment, smelled like cat fur. It wasn't pleasant to Ivy, she much preferred things smelling like flowers. She doused her face in cold water from the sink and tried to calm down. Typically Ivy preferred not to show any emotion but right now she was panicking more than she ever had before. Her mind was playing out scenarios of what could possibly be happening to Harley right then and none were pleasant.

"Keep it together, Pam…" Ivy stared at her own reflection. "Harley can handle herself… You are going to go back there and make them regret doing this."

She turned off the water in the sink and left the bathroom, exiting into Selina's living room. Her apartment was small and humble. She could afford a large house in the nice part of town if she wanted but quite simply she didn't want to draw too much attention to herself.

Ivy saw Selina on the couch, writing something down on a notepad. On the couch, two of Selina's cats were nuzzled up against her. Selina had changed into her black, leather Catwoman uniform after arriving at the house. She was gearing up for something big. Similarly, Ivy had clothed herself in her leafy green leotard.

"Alright Selina, do you have any plans?" Ivy asked as she approached Selina.

"I'm putting together a list of people who might be able to help us." Selina looked at her notepad, jotting something down. "Harley's mentioned some of these people." She held the notepad up to Ivy's view.

"Hmm…" Ivy scanned over the list with her eyes. "Calendar Man, Mad Hatter, Mr Freeze, the old Ventriloquist… Not ideal but I suppose they'll work. Trickster? Do we even know where he is?"

"Not where, no." Selina shook her head. "He could be anywhere. But I made a call to an old buddy of his, Mirror Master, while you were in the bathroom. And he gave me Trickser's cell number. Let's see where he is… I'm gonna give him a call and put him on speakerphone."

Selina picked up her landline and dialed a number into it. After waiting for a couple moments, she heard someone picking up on the other end.

"Hello there… Is this James Jesse?" Selina put on a bit of a voice, trying to sound extra seductive.

_"Um, maybe. Who's asking?"_ Trickster's voice replied from the other end.

"A friend… My name's Selina Kyle." Selina kept up the voice, hoping to make him feel secure.

"Dammit Selina, we don't have time for your seductress act." Ivy sighed, sitting down beside her.

_"Who was that?"_ Trickster sounded even more confused than before.

"Poison Ivy, remember me?" Ivy said, her tone dead serious and straight to the point.

_"Ivy? Oh hey, how's it going? Is Harley there too?"_ Trickster's tone changed to a much more relaxed one.

"No she fucking isn't. That's why we're calling. She's been kidnapped and we need all the help we can find to get her back." Ivy explained.

_"Jeez, that's not good. I'd love to help, Harley was good to me. But I can't help, I'm all the way in LA right now."_

"Why the hell are you in Los Angeles?"

_"Hollywood, baby! I'm staying with an old friend of mine, Daniel Cassidy. Well actually he doesn't like me too much. But I like him."_

"Hey James, focus." Selina snapped her fingers to keep his attention. "Harley's in trouble and we need help."

_"I'd love to help her, believe me. Harley's an amazing girl. But I can't help you from the opposite end of the country. Good luck though!"_

"Understandable. Well, good luck James." Selina hung up the phone and glanced back to Ivy. "Alright, let's get to the car."

"Where are we going next?" Ivy asked.

"We're gonna make some more calls in the car and gather up as many helpers as we can. Then we're gonna bring the fight over to Scarecrow." Selina explained, getting up from the chair.

"Alright, let's stop by my place first though." Ivy nodded and followed after Selina. "I need to pick up some clothes for Harley and Magpie."

"Good idea." Selina looked over her shoulder at Ivy. "Okay, we're gathering supplies and gathering allies. Let's go."

"I just hope that Harley's okay…" Ivy sighed, following alongside Selina as she left her apartment.

*******

Harley had stopped paying attention to the world for a little while now. Ignoring everything helped her cope with the rather hard to deal with situation she'd been put in. She knew she was tied down to a wheelchair and in a room with nice furniture with several people around her but the specifics of everything were not quite there for her.

She was brought back into reality when she heard someone snapping their fingers in front of her face. Looking up, Harley saw Hazard standing in front of her.

"Hey Quinn, are you feeling alright?" Hazard asked.

"Fuck no…" Harley shook her head.

"Ah, great! I see the muscle relaxant finally wore off!" Hazard cheered.

Harley looked around to get a better view of where exactly she was. It appeared she was in what could only be described as Scarecrow's personal study. There were a few bookcases around the room, a nice carpet on the floor, and a comfortable looking chair in front of her. Seated in that chair was Scarecrow himself.

She looked around the rather large room and it seemed that Hazard and Scarecrow weren't the only ones in the room with her. Some were sitting while others were standing. She recognized a lot of them. There were the Mad Hatter's two right hand men Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Great White Shark's partner in crime Humpty Dumpty and the brand new Ventriloquist Peyton RIley and her puppet Scarface. Finally, leaning on the back of Scarecrow's chair, was the Joker. Harley's ex boyfriend and current enemy.

"What the hell do ya want from me? If yer gonna kill me just get it over with." Harley sighed.

"I don't kill people." Hazard shook her head. "Those guys…" She looked over at her associates. "They kill people, but I don't."

"We tried talkin' her into it." Scareface turned his little head over to Harley. "She wouldn't budge though. There's nothin' more annoying than a crook with a conscience."

"Now Scarface, Ms. Sharpe was very nice to us. Even when you threatened to blow her head off." Peyton smiled. "Let's just go along with it."

"Can someone explain things to me!" Harley snapped. "I just wanted to have a nice spa day! Not be kidnapped by you assholes!"

"Fair enough." Hazard nodded. She turned around and walked over to Scarecrow's chair. "We're having Dr. Crane here psycho-analyze you."

"We're going to dig into the deepest recesses of your mind." Scarecrow continued. "Find out what makes you tick. And then we'll use it to destroy you emotionally."

"Really? Bring it on. If I could survive livin' with that schmuck, I can survive whatever you got." Harley casually pointed over to the Joker.

"Aww, thanks at lot Harls." Joker chuckled.

"Shaddup!" Harley yelled.

"Hmmm… Possible anger issues…" Scarecrow mumbled to himself. "I'll have to remember that."

"Alright everyone, here's how this works!" Hazard turned around and looked at her associates. "Crane is the teacher, Quinzel is the patient and we are the students. Scarecrow here will lead the questioning, Harley will respond and we can ask any additional questions. We'll be recording this session. Isn't that fun?"

"Recording it? What is that good for?" Harley asked.

"So we can show everyone what a pathetic little woman you are." Joker chuckled.

"Fuck all of you." Harley shook her head, glaring at all the faces in the room. "Go on, hit me with yer best shot Crane."

"Of course…" Scarecrow glanced behind him, over at Humpty Dumpty. "Mr. Dumpler, put on some music. Might lighten the mood."

"Oh, yes Mr. Scarecrow." Humpty nodded and turned around and found a collection of vinyl records in the corner, beginning to thumb through them.

"Now then… Harleen, let's start with your childhood." Scarecrow tented his fingers and stared across the room at Harley. "You were born in New York, correct?"

"Yeah, what's it to ya?" Harley nodded.

"What was it like for you growing up?" Scarecrow asked, keeping his voice at the same disturbing level of calmness. "Were you a happy child?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Harley nodded. "I mean, my dad was a crook and my mom had a smoking problem. But I didn't know about either til I was older. My brother cared about me too. He's a bit of a deadbeat these days, tried to start a band. Didn't go well. I guess I still love them."

"And what do they think of you now? Now that you've thrown your old life away to become a criminal." Scarecrow continued, nodding a little bit.

"Oh, that's real rich comin' from you! Yer just as big a crook as me, wise guy!" Harley snapped.

"Argumentative, I see?" Scarecrow chuckled.

"Answer the goddamn question." Tweedledum spoke up.

Harley pursed her lips and glared at him. "I… I try to keep in touch with my family. My mom's nice to me… She's got a soft spot for me I guess. Haven't talked to my dad or brother in years. I follow 'em on social media though. I haven't seen 'em in a long time."

"Very interesting. Some believe that all future behaviour can be determined by our upbringing." Scarecrow said. "Do you have any unpleasant memories from that time?"

"Sometimes I got worried about the guys from work my dad would have over at the house. They seemed scary. They were with the mob so I was right to be afraid."

"This is shaping up to be a very interesting session, Ms. Quinzel." Scarecrow looked over at Hazard. "Fetch me a notepad, would you? I'd like to make notes on Harleen."

"Can I leave now?" Harley asked, hope in her eyes.

"Not yet. I still have lots of plans for you…"

*******

In another part of town, Selina and Ivy had been driving for quite a while at far above the speed limit. They took Selina's red convertible over to Ivy's apartment already and picked up some clothes for Harley and Magpie as well as some supplies. They had a list of people they needed to meet up with and right now they were planning on visiting the Mad Hatter.

They tracked down his last known hideout and parked outside before entering through a side door. The Mad Hatter was known for being somewhat erratic with his behaviour so they proceeded through his hideout with extreme caution.

"I really don't want to be asking him for help…" Ivy sighed. "Do you have any idea what he's like?"

"Yeah, more or less." Selina nodded. "I've ran into him a few times. Not really a fan. But we're kinda short on allies right now. Harley pissed off a lot of people and right now Mad Hatter is one of the only people who sort of like her. Well, not counting us of course."

"We're not blondes so hopefully he doesn't go all Alice-crazy on us." Ivy rolled her eyes. "Although if he starts calling you Cheshire Cat and me the Queen of Hearts I'm out of here."

The two of them reached the end of the hall and pushed through a set of double doors, leading to a mostly empty room with a large long table in the centre with a large amount of chairs placed around it. The only person seated at the table was the Mad Hatter but there seemed to be a variety of props around the table including a toy pull-along caterpillar, a sea turtle bath toy and a variety of chess pieces. Also on the table was a large variety of teacups and teapots as well as plates with bread, butter, jam and other foods. A mouse scurrying around on the table made these foods a lot less appetizing.

"Jesus Christ, do you really live like this?" Ivy sighed, looking around at the depressing conditions of Mad Hatter's abode.

"Hmm? What? Who's there?" Mad Hatter looked around in confusion. "Alice, have you finally come to see me?"

"Afraid not." Selina shook her head, getting closer to the Mad Hatter. "Listen, we need your help."

"Catwoman? Poison Ivy? What are you girls doing here?" Hatter blinked a few times. He looked down at his teacup. "I thought I left the hallucinogens out of this pot of tea."

"We're not hallucinations, we're really here." Ivy leaned on the table. "What the hell happened to you, Jervis? I know you're a wreck most of the time, but even by your standards you look pretty pathetic."

"They all quit…" Hatter sighed. "Jenna has her carpentry business, Harriet said she wanted to spend time with family, Dee and Dum said something about a new team wanting them… So I'm all alone. Well except for the Dormouse. They'll always be here for me." He smiled, glancing at the mouse nibbling on a blueberry muffin.

"Hey, Tetch, we need you to focus." Ivy snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Right now, we need your help with something."

"What? How can I help?" Mad Hatter raised an eyebrow at them.

"Harley's in trouble and frankly we're accepting any help we can get." Selina explained. "Plus according to Ivy, you sort of owe her one."

"I certainly do." Hatter nodded. "If it wasn't for her Dee and Dum would still be controlling my gang. Alright I'm in. I'll grab some of my hats and we'll be on our way."

"We need to hurry." Ivy tapped her foot on the ground a few times. "We still have a few other stops to make before we save Harley. We need to make it to her before it's too late."

"Oh dear! We mustn't be late!" Mad Hatter nodded and got up from his chair. "Alright girls, let's go then. Wait for me in your car, I'll go grab my things!" He got up from the table and scurried away into the darkness.

"He's a weirdo but those mind control hats of his are effective." Selina turned around and beckoned for Ivy to follow her. "C'mon, let's start up the car and wait for him."

"He'd better not take too long." Ivy crossed her arms and followed after Selina. "I'm still so worried about Harley."

"She's a tough girl, she can handle whatever they throw at her." Selina reached out and held Ivy's hand in an attempt to comfort her.

"You're right… Harley's gonna be okay." Ivy nodded.

*******

Back at the impromptu psychiatry session, Harley had become very annoyed. She wasn't a fan of being kidnapped. And even moreso, she wasn't a fan of people trying to psychoanalyze her. But at the moment she had no real choice other than sitting through the questions Scarecrow gave to her.

"I don't see where you went wrong, Harleen." Scarecrow feigned a sigh. "You were such a good girl. Good grades throughout high school, volunteered at retirement homes, you wanted to help people. Where did you go wrong? What was university like for you? Any bad experiences?"

"I got a degree in psychology." Harley calmly replied. "I was a good student, my teachers liked me."

"Probably because she gave 'em blowjobs after class." Tweedledee whispered to his cousin.

"What was that?" Harley spoke up, glaring over at Dee and Dum.

"Nothing." Tweedledee quickly said.

"Oh no, it was definitely somethin'. Go on big guy, tell everyone what you said." Harley glared at him.

"Well, err, I happened to hear a rumour that Harley here slept her way through university. Her degree is practically worthless." Tweedledee explained.

"I see…" Scarecrow turned his head from Tweedledee over to Harley. "Tell me Harley, is this true?"

"Fuck no!" Harley shook her head "I earned my degree fair 'n square. Maybe I got flirty with one of the cute professors but I never sucked anyone's dick for a better grade."

Scarecrow nodded and took a note. "I see… Do you have any memorable experiences from university that you'd like to tell us about? Anything that strikes you as psychologically significant."

"Nope, I was a serious student. I may not have been the brightest but my professors appreciated my effort."

"Speaking as a psychology professor, I simply can't imagine what having you as a student would be like."

"I choose to take that as a compliment." Harley tried to keep her face cold and emotionless as she stared down Scarecrow.

"I see…" Scarecrow nodded, taking a note before turning to the others. "Are there any questions here for Ms. Quinzel regarding her university years?"

"I do." Joker raised his hand.

"Ah jeez, what do ya want?" Harley rolled her eyes.

"If I recall correctly, you said I was the first partner you ever had." Joker got closer to Harley. "But frankly, I find that hard to believe. Go on Harls, tell them, was there a special someone for you in college?"

"Whoa, I never told ya anything like that." Harley shook her head.

"Hmmph, well, that's how I remember it." Joker shrugged. "Now answer the damn question."

"I had a boyfriend in college, his name was Guy Kopski. We never got past second base and, well, things didn't go well between me 'n him in the end. He… He died." Harley looked down at the floor.

"Ah… That must be it. The death of your first boyfriend must be at the root of your psychosis." Scarecrow nodded, jotting down some more notes. "Tell us more, Harleen."

"I don't wanna. And don't call me Harleen. My name is Harley." Harley glanced up, glaring at Scarecrow.

"Play along Harleen. Hazard will let you go when this is over." Scarecrow stared back at Harley.

"You guys are all the worst…" Harley groaned.

*******

Despite Ivy;s constant worrying, her and Selina had not reached their destination. Selina's convertible sped all across town, ignoring street signs, traffic lights and speed limits whenever she could get away with it. Mad Hatter in the back seat gripped on to the upholstery for dear life.

"Oh dear… Can we please slow down Ms. Kyle? I do believe I'm going to be very ill…" Mad Hatter whimpered.

"Hey, do not throw up in my car." Selina glanced over her shoulder at him. "We're almost at Mr. Freeze's place. Don't worry."

"Oh thank goodness… I wish I brought some tea with me." Mad Hatter sighed. "That would really calm my nerves."

Selina sighed and just kept driving before eventually coming to a stop outside an old abandoned building with an old faded sign that read Kovacs Refrigeration Company.

"Alright, this is the place." Selina opened up the driver's side door. "Let's get in there and talk to Mr. Freeze."

"Freeze isn't exactly the most cooperative." Ivy pointed out, exiting the car. "Are you sure this is a good idea."

"We'll have Jervis use one of his hats if it comes to that." Selina replied.

"I already have them ready." Mad Hatter nodded.

"Wonderful." Selina smiled as she approached the front doors to the old building. "Oh, be careful, it's probably going to get a bit chilly in here."

As soon as they entered the old factory, Ivy realized what Selina had said was a severe understatement. The cold air hitting her body made it feel like it had become winter in no time flat. Ivy regretted not wearing an outfit that covered her arms and legs like Mad Hatter and Selina had done. Furthermore the air was so cold that Ivy had to move very slowly, for fear of the leaves covering her body falling off.

"He'd better be around here somewhere…" Ivy sighed, shivering a little. "I don't like him very much."

"Well, he doesn't like us either. He doesn't really like anyone." Selina replied.

The three of them continued through the frigid factory until they entered a large open room where the walls and floor were completely coated in ice.

"I think we're getting closer." Mad Hatter whispered.

"Looks like it." Selina nodded. "Watch your step, I wouldn't want you to slip."

"Noted…" Ivy began moving even more cautiously than before.

As they continued through the cold icy room, a new pair of footsteps made itself known. The three of them came to a halt and the loud, metallic footsteps got louder. Coming out from a metal pair of doors across the room was Mr. Freeze dressed in his heavy armour.

"Who's there?" Mr. Freeze looked around. "I am not afraid to kill you."

"Victor! Hi, great to see you." Selina awkwardly smiled at Mr. Freeze.

"Catwoman? Ivy? Hatter?" Mr. Freeze looked back and forth between the three of them. "Why are you here?"

"We need help." Selina bluntly said.

"I'm not interested." Mr. Freeze shook his head and began turning around.

"Would you at least listen to us?" Selina sighed.

"No, I don't do favours." Mr. Freeze began walking away. "Right now all that matters is saving Nora."

"We need your help to save Harley!" Ivy suddenly shouted, getting Mr. Freeze to stop. "If it wasn't for her you'd still be locked up in Penguin's weird casino prison."

Mr. Freeze looked over his shoulder at the three of them and raised an eyebrow. "Harley? Yes, yes I do suppose she helped me."

"You owe it to her. Scarecrow and some bitch called Hazard are holding her hostage." Ivy explained. "We need all the help we can get. Why do you think we've got Mad Hatter with us?"

"Hey!" Hatter exclaimed, mildly offended.

Ignoring Mad Hatter, Selina took a few steps towards Mr. Freeze. "C'mon, Victor, will you help us? You'd be doing a good thing."

Mr. Freeze paused for a moment, seriously thinking about things. He gave a slight nod before responding. "Alright, I'll help. I'll gather up my equipment and meet you outside. Don't seek help from me often though. I don't make it a habit." He turned around completely again and began walking away.

*******

Harley Quinn was beginning to get annoyed. Scarecrow had a very monotonous way of talking and by this point the classical music that was playing on the record player had begun to grate on her, now all sounding the same.

"Now, it is widely agreed that the root of your psychosis began when you began working at Arkham Asylum, is that correct?" Scarecrow spoke, looking down at his notes.

"Yeah, it is." Harley was trying to keep her responses short now. She didn't know how much longer she could stand all these questions. "I… I insisted that I interview Joker. The head of psychiatry, Dr. Leland, she told me not to. But she got overruled by Dr. Arkham himself. I felt real special."

Scarecrow took a note and continued passively nodded. "How did you feel about the Joker when you first met him?"

"Well, y'know, I guess I had a soft spot for him from the start…" Harley thought for a moment. "I read about him in the newspapers and thought he was interesting. Figured there had to be a reason a guy like him did what he did. I went into his room wanting to just interview him, get a better picture of what was in his head. But… Well, by the end of our first session I guess… I guess he'd charmed me, y'know."

"Very interesting… Things are starting to make sense." Scarecrow chuckled and glanced over at the Joker. "Tell me Joker, what were your first impressions of Ms. Quinzel?"

"She was an idiot. Still is, frankly." Joker chuckled. "I saw her as an easy mark. Someone who would be fun to mess around with. Figured I'd seduce her, make me go loony… Never expected her to come break me out. Then I just had this stupid kid hanging around my hideout like a confused kitten so I figured, why not? And I kept her around."

"Shut up… I know ya loved me. At least at one point." Harley shook her head, not wanting to make more eye contact with the Joker.

"Let's not get distracted." Scarecrow looked straight ahead of Harley. "We have so much to discuss, yes?"

"Just get it over with. You fuckers have ruined my whole day." Harley groaned. "I'm startin' to wish you would kill me."

"Careful with your word choice, Quinzel." Tweedledum chuckled. "We might just oblige you."

"I told you, no killing!" Hazard snapped, scowling over at Tweedledum. "It's so unnecessary and… And messy."

"Aww thanks, I'm glad ya care about me." Harley rolled her eyes at Hazard.

"Let's not get distracted here." Scarecrow raised his voice slightly, wanting to regain control over the room. "Harleen, tell me about you and the Joker. You were in love with him for quite a while, weren't you?"  
"He was my whole world…" Harley nodded, sighing a bit. "I woulda done anything for him. Loved him more than anything else in the world. But eventually I realized he just didn't care..."

Scarecrow took down some more notes. "You really were delusional."

"Still is." Joker chuckled.

"I hate all of you so much right now…" Harley mumbled.

*******

Selina's reckless tour of Gotham City had finally reached its last stop. She parked her convertible outside of a run down but still functional apartment building on Gotham's east side. Mr. Freeze didn't want to ride with Selina but he was following alongside her car in a large ice cream truck converted into his own personal van. He admitted it was a bit cliche but he liked it anyway.

"Alright, we're getting out here." Selina parked her car and undid her seatbelt. "From what I can tell, Calendar Man and the Ventriloquist are currently roommates here. Harley has had relatively friendly relations with them, hopefully they'll be willing to help."

"I don't think they'll be much help." Ivy sighed as she got out of the car. "Calendar Man's not the brightest and the Ventriloquist is a wreck without his puppet."

"Well, that's why I got that present for Arnold." Selina took a plastic bag out from the back seat. She glanced at Mad Hatter. "Jervis, you and Victor stay here and watch the cars. Me and Ivy are going to check on Arnold and Julian."

"Alright, we'll keep the cars safe for you." Mad Hatter nodded. "Good luck."

Ivy and Selina entered the apartment building and went up two flights of stairs until they found the apartment they were looking for.

Selina made the first move, politely knocking on the front door. "Hello, anybody home right now? Me and my friend want to talk."

After waiting for a moment the door opened and on the other side stood Julian Day, the Calendar Man. "Oh, Catwoman? Poison Ivy? Do I… Do I owe you money or something?"

"What?" Catwoman raised an eyebrow.

"Look, you're clearly here because you want something from me and whatever it is I'm not giving it to you. I barely manage to pay rent on time as is." Calendar Man groaned, beginning to shut the door.

"Hold on!" Ivy blocked Calendar Man, forcing the door to stay open. "We do need something from you, but not your money. We need help. Please, let us in. We just want to talk for now."

Calendar Man paused, clearly skeptical of the whole thing. "Alright fine, but don't try anything funny."

"No funny business Mr. Day." Selina nodded, letting herself into his apartment. "We'll get right down to business. A while back, Harley helped you out with one of your jobs. At least, that's what I hear."

"Uh, yeah, kinda." Calendar Man nodded. "I wasn't really looking for her help but she sorta just showed up and tried to help me. I was going through a phase, trying to reinvent myself. But Harley, she sort of convinced me that I was fine how I used to be. In a way I guess I'm glad she showed up that day."

"So you like Harley, yes?" Ivy asked.

"Yes, I suppose so." Calendar Man turned around to address Ivy a bit more directly. "Why do you ask?"

"Because Harley's been kidnapped." Ivy bluntly stated. "We were too but we managed to escape. Now we're rounding up help to get her back."

"Wel jeez, I can't just leave her hanging I guess." Calendar Man nodded. "Plus I haven't really got much better to do. Alright, I'm gonna go change into my costume and grab some of my weapons." He began turning around while trying to remember where he kept his things.

"Oh, Calendar Man, one more thing." Selina spoke up. "I heard Arnold Wesker, the Ventriloquist, he's been living with you. Is that true?"

"Yeah, it is." Calendar Man replied, pausing to turn around for a moment. "He's, uh, he's on the couch. I don't think he's in the mood to help though." He excused himself and entered his bedroom, preparing to get dressed.

"Do you think we should still talk to him?" Ivy whispered to Selina.

"I say we go for it." Selina nodded. "It could be worth a shot."

Ivy nodded and followed Selina towards the apartment's living room. She was still on the fence about the whole situation but Selina seemed to know what she was doing.

As soon as they entered the living room they instantly spotted Arnold lying down on the couch. He looked much worse than the last time Ivy had seen him. He wasn't wearing his jacket or tie and his white button up shirt had the sleeves rolled up. His hair, what little he had of it, was an unkempt mess and he's grown a bit of stubble that he hadn't bothered to shave.

"Hey, Arnold, you there?" Selina asked.

"Hmmm… Huh?" Arnold slowly sat up on the couch. "Oh! Did you break in here?"  
"No, Julian let us in." Selina spoke softly, sensing that Arnold seemed tired. "Listen, we need help with something. Harley's been kidnapped by Scarecrow and we're trying to get her back and we're rounding up all the help we can get. We've already got Mad Hatter, Mr. Freeze and your roommate all on board."

"Oh dear…" Arnold stood up and tried to straighten out the wrinkles in his shirt. "Harley's a very sweet girl, even if her attempt to separate me from Mr. Scarface was severely misguided."

"Look, can you help us or not?" Ivy asked.

"Oh, I wish I could. I like Harley and wouldn't want anything to happen to her." Arnold got a bit closer to Selina and Ivy. "Scarface, he was always running the show. Without him I'm just a meek old man."

"I thought you might say that…" Selina reached into the plastic bag she'd been carrying around with her. "So I brought you a new friend." From the bag she took out a puppet made primarily out of orange felt wearing a little vest made of black felt. It looked like a rejected Muppet. "His name is, uh, Mr. Snoots! And he loves making friends and going on adventures. And guess what Arnold, he wants to be your best friend!"

"He does?" Arnold reached towards the puppet.

"That's right!" Selina nodded and handed the puppet over to Arnold.

"Hello Mr. Snoots, my name is Arnold." Arnold looked down at the new puppet.

"Well hey ya Arnie! It's great to meet you!" The puppet sprung to life, being manipulated by Arnold.

"So, Arnold and, err, Mr. Snoots. Would you like to help us?" Ivy asked.

"Good golly gosh! That sure sounds great!" Mr. Snoots nodded his little felt head.

"Yes, let's do it." Arnold smiled a little bit. "I just need to get my coat."

"Good, let's go." Selina nodded and turned around, motioning the others to follow. "C'mon, let's go find Harley."

*******

Harley had no idea what was going on anymore. Her throat and lips were dry and she'd just been answering questions for what felt like hours. She wanted to escape but she was too tired to do anything. All she could do was listen to questions and answer.

"Now, Ms. Quinzel, according to your Arkham file you are listed as a sexual deviant. Do you think this is accurate?" Scarecrow asked.

"Ah shut up…" Harley mumbled.

"Please, answer the question." Scarecrow kept talking.

"Sure, whatever, I'm a weirdo." Harley groaned. "Can someone give me a glass of water? I feel like my throat's gonna turn to dust here."

"A reasonable request." Scarecrow nodded. He looked over at Humtpy Dumpty. "Mr. Dumpler, go find a glass of water."

"Oh, right away sir." Humpty Dumpty nodded. He quickly exited the room, now on a quest to find Harley a glass of water.

"Now, where were we?" Scarecrow glanced back at Harley.

"You were callin' me a sexual deviant." Harley sighed.

"Ah, yes. That's right." Scarecrow nodded. "Now, I hate to get all Freudian on you, but I think understanding your sexual behaviour could help understand the rest of you. Are you comfortable answering these questions?"

"Why not." Harley shrugged as best she could in her bindings. "It ain't like I got much else to do."

"Thank you for being so cooperative." Scarecrow nodded. "Now, for the majority of your criminal career you were in a relationship with the Joker. A man who dresses like a clown. Does him being a clown turn you on?"

"Lil bit, yeah. I mean, I usually prance around in a skintight jester costume. So yeah, I got a bit of a clown fetish." Harley nodded. She heard some rather immature snickering coming from Tweedledee and Tweedledum. A quick glare at them managed to shut the both of them up.

"Very interesting." Scarecrow took a note. "Now Harley, from what I understand, you and Ivy are currently dating, correct?"  
"Uh, yeah. Me 'n Red are girlfriends." Harley nodded.

"Right. Now, do you consider yourself to be a lesbian or bisexual?"

"Is this really important?"

"It is if I want a full picture of your mind. So Harley, do you still find men appealing or are you exclusively attracted to women?"

"I dunno, I guess I still like guys. But right now Red's the only person I wanna get all romantic with me. Me 'n her, we're exclusive."

"Aww, that's kind of cute. There's nothing more wholesome in the world than romance!" Hazard cheered. "Don't worry, we'll reunite you with your gal-pal once we finish this interview. And, y'know, make you the laughingstock of the Gotham criminal underworld."

"How kind of you…" Harley rolled her eyes, at this point seriously irritated with the whole ordeal. "Is this bullshit gonna be over soon? I wanna go home and watch some reality TV tonight."

"Be patient, Harley." Scarecrow said. "All in due time."

*******

Ivy couldn't stop fidgeting as Selina's car drew nearer and nearer to the spa that doubled as Scarecrow's secret hideout. She desperately wanted Harley back and would do anything to have her safe and in front of her.

"God, are we there yet?" Ivy asked, swivelling her head around. "It feels like we've been driving around for hours."

"Not yet Ivy. We're getting close though." Selina replied, keeping her eyes looking straight ahead. She continued down the street before pulling into a back alley and stopping the car. "Okay, here we go." She waited for a moment for Mr. Freeze's van to pull up alongside her. Nodding, mostly to herself, Selina got out of the car and her three four passenger's followed suit.

Selina turned around to address Ivy, Ventriloquist and the Mad Hatter and glanced over at Freeze's car as he exited. "Alright everyone, are you ready to go in? Now, I know we haven't had much time to prepare, but I think we can do this. We just need to get in there and hit them with everything we've got."  
"Oh dear… I'm not so sure about this…" The Ventriloquist muttered to himself.

"Ah, don't worry! It'll be fun!" Mr. Snoots giggled.

"Don't worry, everything's going to be fine." Ivy said. "Just follow our lead and you can go home once we save Harley."

"Good, because I've got plans for tonight." Calendar Man crossed his arms.

"In that case bring your A-game." Ivy glared at him. "Because I'm not leaving here until I know Harley is safe and sound."

Selina went around to the back of her car and took out a suitcase. "Alright, I've got us some extra supplies. Let's move in!" She led her eclectic team around the side of the building and to the back, where she'd escaped from only hours before. Cautiously, Selina entered the building with Ivy alongside her and the others behind her. They went down a long hallway until they reached a set of doors at the end of the corridor. She turned around to look at her team, lowering her voice to a whisper. "This is the room they were keeping Harley last I checked. Let's go in ready to fight."

"Sounds good to me." Ivy nodded.

With that, Selina flung open the drawer and looked around with one clawed glove raised. But after a brief scan around the room and it seemed empty.

"Where is everyone?" Mr. Freeze asked.

"Are you sure this is the right building?" Mad Hatter looked around in confusion.

"I'm sure, it has to be." Selina nodded.

After looking around and listening for a couple moments she was able to hear some muffled yelling. "Hello! Is someone out there!"

"That's Magpie's voice!" Ivy exclaimed, running towards the source of the voice. She found a blanket covering what appeared to be the hospital bed that Magpie was strapped too. Once she pulled the sheet away her suspicions were confirmed, Magpie was indeed under the blanket and looking very annoyed.

"Finally!" Magpie shouted, breathing a sigh of relief. "Okay, now someone get these straps off."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Ivy nodded, beginning to undo the straps binding Magpie to the bed. "What the hell happened here? And where's Harley?"

"They took Harley to somewhere else in the building. As for the blanket, that Hazard girl kept having to come in here for supplies and got tired of looking at me." Magpie sat up. "Oh thank god, it feels great to be able to move again."

Selina tossed the suitcase she brought with her over to Magpie. "Here, take this. Your clothes are in there."

"Thanks." Magpie nodded, getting up from the bed with her legs feeling weak. "Uh, mind turning around while I get changed."

"Just go behind a pillar to do it." Selina motioned to a nearby pillar in the room.

"Alright fine…" Magpie awkwardly shuffled behind the pillar to go get changed into some real clothes.

While they waited for Magpie to get changed, Calendar Man approached Ivy and Selina in an attempt to talk with them. "Okay, what's the plan here? We're in the building and we need to wait for the bird-girl over there to put on some clothes. Now seems like a good time to come up with an actual plan."

"You make a good point." Ivy nodded contemplatively. "Alright, here's what we'll do, we're going to split up and search this building in teams of two. That way we cover more ground. It doesn't seem too big so if we run into any trouble just shout and we'll group up and handle it."

"Doesn't seem like the most sound plan but it'll have to do." Selina sighed.

After a few more moments, Magpie stepped out form behind the pillar with her white wig and black costume on.. "Alright everyone, I'm ready to go."

"Then let's go." Selina said, looking over at her crew. "We're going to find Harley and get the hell out of this place."

*******

By this point in her very bizarre day, Harley had just decided to accept the situation she was in and go along with the questions being thrown at her. Hazard seemed young and inexperienced enough to follow through on her promise not to kill Harley and Scarecrow seemed professional enough to honour Hazard's wishes. This gave Harley just enough comfort to keep going. But at the same time, the other people involved in this group seemed more likely to kill her. So she was still making escape plans in the back of her head.

Scarecrow finished taking some notes on Harley and looked at her. "Harleen, can you tell me about your relationship with Ms. Isley? You're romantic partners, yes?"

"Yeah, I already told ya. Me 'n Ivy are girlfriends." Harley nodded. "We ain't really made a big deal about it or anything but it's kinda exciting."

"Would you say your relationship with Ms. Isley is healthy?" Scarecrow asked.

"Yeah, I'd say so." Harley nodded. "I mean, as healthy as a couple of supervillains can be. We support each other, make sure we feel good. More than Mistah J ever did for me."

"Ah c'mon now kiddo, we had some good times." Joker chuckled.

Harley ignored him and made an effort not to make eye contact with her ex-boyfriend. While Joker continued to glare at Harley, Scarecrow took some notes. Once he'd finished scribbling his note down he looked over his shoulders at his associates. "Anyone have questions for Harley? Please, don't be shy."

"Yeah, I do." Scarface spoke up. "For the benefit of yer, uh, psychological profile, how 'bout you describe to us what it's like for you and the plant dame in bed. And don't leave out any details."

"Mr. Scarface, you can't just ask her about that!" Peyton slapped the puppet on the back of her head. "What a woman does in private is her business."

"Now hold on there, I think Harley should tell us." Hazard spoke up. "After all, this is all to embarrass Ms. Quinn. So this should really give us some material."

"Ah jeez, do I have to?" Harley sighed.

"If you want me to release you, then yes." Hazard nodded with a smirk on her face.

"Ugh, fine." Harley groaned, throwing her head back against her wheelchair in annoyance. "Look, I'm still new to lesbian stuff. So I kinda let Ivy take the lead when we're, y'know, doin' bedroom stuff…" She grimaced and looked around. "Can I stop please? If it was just one or two of you here, I might be okay saying this stuff… But with all of you, I'm just not sure."

"Take all the time you need." Scarecrow calmly spoke.

Harley took a few deep breaths and tried to mentally prepare herself. She enjoyed sex with Ivy but had never really discussed it outside the bedroom. But before Haley could discuss any of that, she heard a door opening. Turning her head, Harley saw Selina and Calendar Man entering the room. She was confused about Calendar Man's appearance but still relieved about someone she recognized. "Kitty! You're here!"

"What the hell!" Tweedledum exclaimed.

"Hmm, there are more of you than I thought there'd be." Selina reached for the whip she kept on her hip. "I can take you all on. Especially with my help."

If her hands had been free Harley would have clapped her hands with joy. "You can take 'em Kitty! You too Calendar Guy! Show 'em who's boss!"

Hazard had not quite been prepared for this. After looking around for a moment, Hazard turned her attention to her associates. "Don't just stand there! Get them!" Not being much of a fighter herself, Hazard dove to the ground and crawled over behind Harley's chair for protection.

While Hazard chose to preserve herself, the other members of her group descended on Selina and Calendar Man. Scarecrow led the charge with Dee and Dum, the Ventriloquist and the Joker following closely behind.

Calendar Man and Selina both quickly realized that they were outnumbered and took to the defensive. Jumping to the ground, Calendar Man threw down a Christmas ornament shaped smoke bomb. Selina dove to the ground, still clutching her whip close to her.

The smoke slowed down the attackers by a little and all the commotion in the room was heard by the other members of Selina's search party. In just a matter of moments Ivy had shown up with Hatter, Freeze, Magpie and Arnold soon following.

The fighting was soon split off into quadrants. Mad Hatter approaches his former henchmen at a leisurely pace, digging around in his pockets to find something. Tweedledee and Tweedledum both drew guns on him.

"Hey boss!" Tweedledum chuckled.

"Fancy meeting you here." Tweedledee looked straight at Mad Hatter, ready to pull the trigger.

"Deever, Dumfree… I see you're still wearing those hats I gave you." Mad Hatter calmly smiled at them. "How unfortunate."

"Oh shit…" Tweedledee quickly tried taking off his hat but it was too late.

Mad Hatter took a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button on it, caused blank looks to overtake both Dee and Dum's faces. They both dropped their guns, their shoulders slouching and mouths hanging open slightly. "Now then… How about you two have a battle?"

Tweedledee and Tweedledum followed the instructions given to them. They lunged at each other and each tried to pummel the other with their fists.

While that was going on, Mr. Freeze was confronting Scarecrow. They'd both gotten close to each other but hadn't made their move yet.

"It seems we're at a bit of a stalemate, doesn't it Fries?" Scarecrow chuckled.

"What do you mean?" Mr. Freeze aimed his weapon at Scarecrow.

"Well, I have a large array of fear toxins at my disposal. But if I set off one of my gas bombs in the room it would expose my allies to it." Scarecrow calmly explained. "Similarly, if you were to fire off that gun of yours, it could very well damage some of your friends. Now, we're both men of science, Victor. Perhaps we can talk?"

"Hmm…" Mr. Freeze thought for a moment before coming up with a more pragmatic solution. He simply hit Scarecrow in the face with his freeze gun without firing it. It wasn't the most elegant solution but it worked. "No."

While Scarecrow lay on the ground, quickly losing consciousness, the two Ventriloquists and their respective puppets had encountered each other. Scarface was holding his puppet-sized Tommy gun and Mr. Snoots holding onto a handgun, both with the aid of their respective puppeteers.

"Well hey there Dummy, fancy meeting you here." Scarface glared at Arnold. "Seems that ya replaced me… Who's he?"

"Well hi there! My name's Mr. Snoots and I just wanna spread love and friendship!" Mr. Snoots cheered. "But I'm not afraid to shoot this thing if I have to."

"Ha! You can take your friendship and shove it up your ass!" Peyton laughed. "What a joke!"

"You tell 'em, Sugar!" Scarface's little head nodded. "Now Dummy, I'm gonna be nice to ya. If you and yer weird little friend get the fuck outta here, we're not gonna kill ya. Deal?"

"N- no!" Arnold shook his head. "You- You always pushed me around Mr. Scarface. But I don't have to listen to you anymore."

"So what? Are ya gonna shoot me?" Scarface chuckled. "You don't have the guts."

"Hyuk! He may not, but I do!" Mr. Snoots laughed. The orange puppet's stubby hands pulled the trigger of the handgun he was holding.

Peyton tried to react but she wasn't fast enough. The bullet shot Scarface through the head and by proxy Peyton through her hand. She screamed out in pain and the puppet fell off her hand, his lavender suit now stained crimson.

"Scarface!" Peyton yelled, more concerned about her puppet than the fact that her right hand was bleeding. "Don't worry baby, I can fix you…" Quickly picking up the broken puppet, Peyton began scurrying out of the room.

While Peyton and Scarface fled the scene, Magpie and Selina were teaming up to fight against the Joker. Selina had grabbed on to Joker from behind and had her arms wrapped around his neck, trying to get her whip wrapped around it. Magpie attacked him from the front, slashing at him with her clawed gloves.

Joker moved away each time Magpie made a strike but she occasionally slashed at his jacket and shirt. "Oh c'mon now birdie, try hitting me again! I know you can do it!"

"You shut up!" Magpie snarled, trying to hit him again.

With all the chaos unfolding around Harley she was actually half convinced none of it was real, that her mind had made up this scenario to make her feel better about the real one she was in. At that point she would have been fine with that being the truth. But when she saw Ivy coming up to her and beginning to help undo the straps keeping her confined to the chair she hoped what she was seeing was real.

"Red… Ya came back for me…" Harley looked up at Ivy.

"Of course I did, Harley." Ivy nodded, working on the straps on Harley's arms. "I'd never leave you behind." She worked fast and undid all the straps.

Harley tried getting to her feet but ended up stumbling forward. It was like she'd forgotten how to walk for a moment. Fortunately for her Ivy was there and caught her, holding onto her.

"Don't worry Harls, I've got you…" Ivy held onto her as Harley got to her feet.

"I'm gonna be okay…" Harley sighed, finally getting her footing.

"Ready to get outta here?" Ivy smirked at Harley.

"Just one more thing…" Harely nodded. "I wanna give Mistah J a parting gift."

Ivy chuckled and nodded in return. "Go get him, Harls."

Now giggling madly, Harley bounded across the room to the corner that Selina and Magpie were holding Joker in. Joker was so focused on shaking the other two women off he didn't even notice Harley.

"Stop messing up the suit!" Joker yelled at Magpie, attempting to push her away. "It's expensive!"

"Jeez, I don't remember ya bein' so vain, puddin'!" Harley smirked as she got closer to him.

Magpie and Selina both noticed her approach and wisely scattered away. Still laughing uncontrollably Harley barreled straight into Joker head first, headbutting his gut and causing him to stumble into a wall before falling to the floor.

"Easy there Harley, let's just talk!" Joker exclaimed, seeming uncharacteristically panicked.

"Oh, the time for talkin' was a long time ago!" Harley yelled. She was enraged and pummelled his face with her fists and scratched at him with his face. "Ain't so funny when the jokes on you! Is it?"

"Stop it!" Joker shouted, trying to push Harley away.

"Oh, now this is real funny! The big bad Joker beggin' for mercy!" Harley kept laughing.

Hazard had been cowering underneath a table the whole time. But when she saw Harley attacking Joker a panicked look came over her face. She crawled out from under the table and scrambled over to where Tweedledee and Tweedledum had knocked each other out and picked up the gun belonging to Tweedledum.

She'd never handled a gun before but she did her best to act like it. Hazard got to her feet and pointed it at Harley. "Hey, cut it out! You're hurting him!"

"Yep! That's the idea!" Harley cackled.

"Stop it!" Hazard yelled. "I- I'll shoot you!"

"Ah, no ya won't!" Harley looked over her shoulder and smirked at Hazard.

Without another thought Hazard fired off her gun twice. The first bullet hit Harley's shoulder and the second hit her lower back. She tumbled over to her side, gasping in pain.

"Ah… Fuck…" Harley didn't know how to react. This wasn't the first time she'd been shot and probably wouldn't be the last. But every time it happened it was always so hard for her to process.

Hazard screamed, surprised at herself for actually using the gun. She dropped the pistol and ran forward towards Joker. "Steve! Steve, are you okay?"

"Steve?" Harley muttered, wincing in pain and glancing up slightly.

"I'm gonna be fine… The bitch got me good…" Joker slowly started to stand up, his voice suddenly taking on a slight southern accent. It was then hat Harley noticed his supposedly natural pale face was actually makeup that she'd smeared heavily while attacking him.

"You… You ain't him…" Harley stared up at Hazard and the fake Joker.

"Afraid not darlin'." The imitation Joker shook his head. "Steven Sharpe the Fifth, at your service. When Becky here couldn't get the real Joker on board for this she had me take his place… Didn't expect you to go so crazy on me."

"You shot me…" Harley muttered.

"I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to!" Hazard was still panicking. "Look, I can get you to a hospital and-" She didn't have a chance to finish her thought when two large roots burst out of the ground and wrapped around both Hazard and the Gambler.

"You've done quite enough!" Ivy yelled, tightening the vines around the two of them. She looked behind her at the team her and Sleina had put together. "Start the car, we're getting Harley out of here!"

"Oh, right away!" Mad Hatter nodded, quickly turning around and running off towards the door.

Ivy scooped up Harley in her arms. "Don't worry Harls… You're gonna be okay."

"Am I gonna die…" Harley muttered. "I feel like I'm gonna die."

"You're gonna be okay, let's get you to a hospital." Ivy said.

"No hospitals! I ain't gettin' arrested after all of this." Harley weakly shook her head.

Mad Hatter made it over to the door and opened it up only to find Humpy Dumpty standing on the other side with a big smile on his face and a glass of ice water in his hand.

"Good news, I found a glass of water for Ms. Harley!" Humpty's smile quickly faded when he saw that all of his associates were either missing, trapped or unconscious. "Oh dear… What happened…"

Ivy flicked her wrist, sending a vine over to Humpty Dumpty and wrapping his legs up. "You're either helping us or staying here!" She clung to Harley tightly, ignoring the blood getting on her. "We are saving Harley. I'm not going to lose her!"

"Ya won't… I'm gonna be just dandy…" Harley muttered, trying to be reassuring through all the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to end things on a cliffhanger but that's just how it goes sometimes. The next chapter is the penultimate chapter, so there's that to look forward to.


	19. What's Up, Doc?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being shot, Harley Quinn is rushed to a back alley doctor for help. Meanwhile, a bounty is put on Harley's head by one of her enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's featured character:
> 
> **Professor Pyg:** Lazlo Valentin aka Professor Pyg, an unstable man with an obsession with making people perfect. Unfortunately for his victims his definition of perfect involves a lot of mutilation and mind alteration. Pyg sometimes has a group of circus performers as his sidekicks called the Circus of Strange. Pyg and his henchman Mr. Toad appeared in the cartoon Beware the Batman and he also appeared by himself in Batman: Arkham Knight.

The thoughts going through Harley Quinn's head at the moment were incoherent and jumbled. One moment she was wondering what she'd have for dinner that night the next she was panicking about imminent death. Just a few minutes ago she'd been shot in the back twice by a c-list supervillain known as Hazard. They hadn't hit anywhere vital, at least she thought so. Fortunately for Harley her former best friend and current girlfriend Poison Ivy was there for her.

As soon as Harley was shot she took charge of the situation, incapacitating Hazard and her brother, the Gambler, and picking up Harley. She'd led her crew out of the building Harley was held in and to the parking lot where they had their vehicles. Ivy loaded Harley into the back of a modified ice cream truck and positioned her against a cooler. Mr. Freeze got behind the driver's seat and sped off while Selina, Mad Hatter, Magpie, the Ventriloquist and Calendar Man got into Selina's convertible and followed them.

There was also a new addition after they'd escaped, Humpty Dumpty. He was a rather large, bald man who used to work for the Great White Shark before being recruited by Hazard for her vendetta against Harley. He hated seeing people hurt and Ivy brought him with her in the hopes that he could somehow help the situation.

"Red… Can I have some ice cream?" Harley mumbled.

"Now's not the time, okay peanut?" Ivy tried to mask her panic by smiling to comfort her. "Maybe when you don't have two bullets in your back we can get some."

"That sounds nice…" Harley weakly nodded.

"Oh dear… What are we going to do?" Humpty Dumpty tilted his head, carefully observing Harley. "I hate seeing broken things."

"Can you help her at all?" Ivy turned her head to Humpty.

"I'm afraid not." Humpty Dumpty shook his head. "I do enjoy fixing things. But my track record for fixing people isn't very good. I tried it on my poor old granny and she never woke up when I was finished with her."

"I ain't lettin' fat boy over there operate on me." Harley shook her head.

"Well, we can't exactly pull up to a conventional hospital. We're all known criminals." Ivy sighed. She desperately looked around.

"Err, I may know someone." Humpty Dumpty spoke up. "He's been teaching me how to fix people and he's very good at it himself."

"You do?" Harley beamed at him with hope. "Hot diggity dog! I'm saved! Okay Humpty, go sit next to Mr. Freeze and tell him where to go."

"Oh right away Ms. Harley!" Humpty Dumpty nodded, her stepped past the both of them and held onto the wall as he made his way to the front seat.

Once he was gone Harley winced in pain again and sighed. "Do ya really think I'm gonna be okay, Red?"

"You will Harley, I love you too much to let you die." Ivy reached out and held Harley's hand.

"Aww that's so sweet… And kinda sappy. I didn't know you were so sentimental." Harley smiled a bit, trying to ignore the pain.

"I didn't think I could either." Ivy chuckled. "But here I am."

"Can I have some ice cream now…" Harley gently squeezed Ivy's hand.

"Alright, sure." Ivy nodded. "I'll see what I can find."

*******

It was a rather boring night in the life of the Joker. Of course, the Joker didn't like to admit he was ever bored. He liked to give off the idea that he was having fun no matter what he did. But the truth was tonight he was bored. It had been about a week since he did anything too grand. No bank robberies, murders or kidnappings. Just him and his henchmen hanging out in an abandoned seaside amusement park.

So the Joker passed the time with one of his favourite hobbies, tormenting people. He had his right hand man, a diminutive fellow in a clown costume named Gaggy, hold up a dart board. Joker threw darts at Gaggy without caring whether or not he hit his new sidekick while he casually lounged on his living room couch.

"Gaggy… I'm bored…" Joker sighed, haphazardly tossing a dart at him. "What should we do tonight?"

"Gee, I dunno boss!" Gaggy flinched, the dart zipping by his head by mere inches. "We could rob a bank."

"Too cliche."

"A museum?"

"Maybe… Those always require more planning though."

"We could prank call the Commissioner!"

"Hmmm… Now you're getting somewhere." Joker smirked. "Oh, I know! We can make fun of his crippled daughter! Oh, or his dead wife! Or is that going too far?"

"Ain't you the one who did the daughter crippling and wife killing?" Gaggy raised an eyebrow.

"Oh I know, but there's no fun in joking about an easy target." Joker nodded, throwing another dart.

"I'm sure you'll think of something, boss!" Gaggy cheered, wincing when the dart hit the board dead centre. "You always know what to do."

"Thank you Gaggy, you're such a good little yes-man." Joker smirked at him. He reached for another dart but became distracted when another henchman of his, who he never bothered to remember the name of, ran into the room.

"Boss, boss! Ya gotta turn on the news!" The henchman yelled in a panic.

"Oh what could possibly be so important?" Joker sighed. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

"But boss, it's about you. One of the channels was already walking about it, maybe one of the others is a bit slow..." The henchmen slowed down and tried to catch his breath.

"Me, eh?" Joker chuckled. "Alright, you piqued my interest. Gaggy, put away the dart board."

"Sure thing!" Gaggy heaved a sigh of relief and put down the board.

Joker picked up his TV remote and pressed the power button. After flicking through the channels for a moment he came to the news report his henchman had been indicating. He saw Gotham City reporter Jack Ryder standing outside of a spa in front of a police barricade.

"Neighboring businesses made a call about noise complaints and local police discovered that this local spa was actually a front for a research lab run by infamous Gotham City criminal Jonathan Crane, alias the Scarecrow." Ryder reported. "Other criminals found on the scene were the duo Deever and Dumfree Tweed, known associates of Jervis Tetch, the Mad Hatter as well as a pair of out of town criminals known as Hazard and the Gambler. Bizarrely, it has been reported that the Gambler was dressed as the infamous Joker."

Upon hearing that, Joker couldn't help but chuckle. "Serves him right, there's only one me!"

Jack Ryder looked over his shoulder and motioned for his cameraman to follow him. "Here they come now, let's see if we can get a statement!" He pushed through a sea of other reporters and other civilians with his cameraman right behind him. Once the cameraman was in position the news report showed Hazard and the Gambler, sporting a very messy Joker disguise, being escorted out of the spa by GCPD officers.

"Ms. Hazard, do you have a statement for the press!"

"Yeah I've got one." Hazard craned her neck to shout into Ryder's microphone as she was dragged off. "I am officially putting a bounty on Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy! And I can do that, I have connections! She forced my granddad into retirement and messed up this whole operation of mine!"

"Alright Hazard, let's go!" The officer escorting her pushed her towards the police van.

"Contact the Fiddler for more information! I will be out of jail soon!" Hazard screamed at the top of her lungs as she was dragged into the van.

The report continued but Joker didn't pay attention to it, he just began to laugh uncontrollably for reasons even he didn't totally understand.

"What's so funny, boss?" Gaggy tilted his head.

"Oh, I just feel vindicated. I'm glad somebody hates Harley as much as I do." Joker smirked. "Well, I don't really hate her… I just think she's pathetic. Anyway, let's go kill her." He casually stood up from his spot on the couch.

"Are you serious?" Gaggy raised an eyebrow, following after the Joker.

"Why not! I've got nothing better to do!" Joker started laughing. "Hell, maybe we can get Masky in on it."

"If you say so boss." Gaggy nodded, following after the Joker. "You're in charge here!"

"That's right I am!" Joker beckoned for Gaggy to follow him. "C'mon, let's grab my things! We've got a clown to kill!" He laughed madly as he left the room, not sure what he was going to do but excited for it anyway.

*******

Beneath stately Wayne Manor there was a large cavern that only a select group of people knew about. Currently Bruce Wayne, his son Damian and the Wayne family butler Alfred Pennyworth were the only ones in the cave. Bruce looked into a new lead in a case involving the Riddler while Damian sparred against a training dummy and Alfred brought Bruce some tea.

"Any new leads of the Nygma Case, sir?" Alfred placed the tray of tea down on a small table beside Bruce.

"None yet, I'm working on it though." Bruce's eyes remained fixated on the computer. "I'm scanning through the Gotham Gazette newspaper archives to see if they'll help with solving his latest riddle."

"Good luck Master Bruce." Alfred nodded, turning around. "Try not to let your tea get cold this time."

"Noted." Bruce remained focused on the screen for a couple more moments. But he became distracted when the research he was staring at was replaced with an incoming call alert. He assumed it was important and accepted it. Up on the screen was the face of Barbara Gordon, the original Batgirl and currently the mysterious figure only known as Oracle.

"Hey Bruce, I just found something." Barbara said.

"Is this about Riddler?" Bruce glanced up at her.

"No, not that. This is something new. Apparently a bounty's been put out on Harley Quinn. Wasn't too hard to find out, some lady named Becky Sharpe announced it on live TV." Barbara chuckled. "But I was able to find some dark web postings and it seems like Ms. Sharpe's threat is legitimate."

"Hmm… Interesting." Bruce nodded. "Do you think the police can handle it?"

"Maybe. Quinn's pretty unpredictable herself so putting her in a life threatening situation might cause very chaotic results. I suggest we take her into our protection for the time being."

"But how do we find Quinzel?"

"Well I hacked into some CCTV footage and found an ice cream truck driving erratically on the west end. And it's being very closely followed by a car with a licence plate registered to a certain cat burglar girlfriend of yours." Barbara couldn't help but smirk.

Bruce passively nodded. "Alright, you send someone to investigate that. I'll have Damian help."

"Noted." Barbara glanced down at the controls on her computer. "I'll send Stephanie and Cassandra to the location. Tell Robin to meet them on top of the Breyfogle Community Centre. Oracle out."

The image of Barbara on screen disappeared. Bruce stood up and turned around to see Damian still busy fighting against the Dummy. "Damian, I have some work for you."

"Yes father?" Damian looked over at Bruce.

"You're meeting up with Batgirl and Black Bat. There's a developing situation involving Harley Quinn." Bruce explained. "I need you to take her into our custody until further notice."

"Right away." Damian nodded. "She's only a madwoman with a hammer. I can take her down no problem."

*******

Harley was mostly unconscious by now and completely unaware of the price on her head. All she wanted was the pain and threat of death to go away. Fortunately for her, the ice cream truck came to a definitive stop which she took as a good sign. She looked around confusedly at her surroundings.

"Are we there Pam?" Harley mumbled.

"We sure are." Ivy nodded. "Even if I don't quite know where here is."

Mr. Freeze got out from behind the driver's seat and motioned for Ivy to follow him. "This way, pick up Harley."

"Got it." Ivy nodded, gently picking up Harley in her arms. "It's okay Harls, I got you."

Harley reached her arms up and held onto Ivy for support. "Thanka Red… You're like my guardian angel…"

"Alright Harley, we're gonna get you somewhere safe. Just hold on." Ivy nodded.

"Right this way please, my friend's over here." Humpty Dumpty left the ice cream truck and gestured for Ivy to follow him.

Harley's weight in her arms slowed her down but she followed after him anyway. They'd parked outside of an old run down warehouse, where a good portion of Gotham's criminal population set up their base of operations.

Selina's convertible had come to a stop beside the ice cream truck and Selina got out of her car with Mad Hatter, Magpie, Ventrioquist and Calendar Man following behind her.

"Hey, Ivy, how's Harls holding up?" Selina asked.

"She's taking everything surprisingly well." Ivy replied. "Although she seems to be mostly unconscious."

"Where exactly are we?" Selina looked around. "I was kinda just following you around."

"I don't entirely know either. Humpty Dumpty says there's someone here who can help Harley." Ivy explain as she followed Humpty into the warehouse.

"And you trust him?"

"No, not entirely. But it's the best shot we have right now."

The group entered the dark and musty warehouse with Humpty leading the group. They followed him down a short corridor before emerging into a makeshift living room filled with old and likely stolen furniture.

"Mister Doctor, are you in here?" Humpty asked, looking around. "Hello? We have a patient!"

As soon as Humpty Dumtpy made his announcement a wardrobe set up in the corner started to shake. "I was sleeping in here! Oh dear, oh dear! I hate being interrupted!"

The doors to the wardrobe swung open and out from inside stumbled a sight that was not very comforting to Harley, an overweight man in a pig mask and bloody butchers apron. After staring at him for a second she recognized him as the infamous Professor Pyg. His origins were largely unknown but him and a small group of hired circus freaks made headlines a while back for being behind a series of kidnappings. His sideshow goons were either dead or in jail by this point so Pyg was acting on his own and, if Humpty Dumpty's word was to go by, he now worked as a back alley surgeon.

"Ahh! New patients for Pyg!" Professor Pyg stumbled towards Harley and Ivy. "Welcome, welcome! I'm so happy to see you! Can I get you a drink? Water? Lemonade? Condensed milk?"

"Oh fuck this…" Ivy sighed. "Harls, we're going to a real hospital."

"Yeah, I ain't too sure I got time for that now… Plus there's the whole thing about us being criminals…" Harley muttered.

"You've got a point, but do you really want this lunatic to operate on you?" Selina spoke up.

"No, not really. But I ain't got much of a choice at this point." Harley sighed.

"Follow me, follow me!" Pyg cheered and clapped his hands. "The operating theatre is this way!"

"Oh this is so exciting." Humpty Dumpty smiled and followed Professor Pyg out of the room.

"Are we really doing this?" Calendar Man leaned in towards Selina and Ivy. "I don't trust this guy."

"Yeah, I don't think anyone does." Selina nodded.

"I want everyone to keep a very close eye on Pyg. Make sure he doesn't cut up Harley's brain or try to cut out her tongue or anything." Ivy whispered.

"That- That ain't gonna happen to me, right?" Harley spoke up.

"Of course not, Harl." Ivy nodded. "Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine."

"Good…" Harley nodded and held on to Ivy.

Ivy followed Professor Pyg and Humpty Dumpty out of the room and down a hallway, with the others following her. Harley had become mostly numb to the pain by this point and was holding onto Ivy for all the support she could give.

"It'll be okay… Don't worry Harls… I've got you." Ivy gave Harley a quick kiss on the cheek as she followed Pyg and Humpty Dumpty down the hall.

They arrived in a circular room with a bloodstained operating table set up in the middle. Professor Pyg turned around to properly address Ivy. "Please set the patient down. Pyg will take good care of her."

"You'd better. If you hurt her you'll regret this so much." Ivy got closer to the table before gently placing Harley down on it. It was an uncomfortable surface but Harley didn't complain, she just wanted the pain to stop. "She's got two bullets in her back. We just need you to patch her up and then we'll leave."

"Of course, of course. But first, Pyg needs music!" Pyg announced. "I simply cannot work without music." He scurried off towards another door.

After seeing this, Selina tapped Mad Hatter on the shoulder. "Jervis, you and Freeze follow the good doctor and make sure he doesn't try anything funny."

"Oh, right away Ms. Cat." Mad Hatter nodded, looking over at Mr. Freeze. "Come along now, let's go."

Mr. Freeze quietly nodded and followed Mad Hatter through the door Professor Pyg disappeared behind.

"If he has any meds make sure he takes them!" Ivy shouted after the two of them.

Once they were both gone, Ivy went over to where Harley was lying on the table. "It doesn't look so bad now. Even if you've got a quack like Pyg working on you I think you should pull out of this."

Selina, Ventriloquist, Calendar Man and Magpie all gathered around the table to check on Harley.

"Stop starin' at me, guys…" Harley mumbled. "I'm feelin' all shy now."

"We're just worried about you." Magpie said.

"Ah it's nothin' to worry about." Harley sighed. "Just two more scars for the collection. I'm gonna be fine.."

"It looks pretty bad… Then again I've been shot there before and I'm okay." Selina remarked. She glanced over at Calendar Man. "Hey, Julian, you and Arnold go grab some stuff from my car. I'm keeping Harley's jester suit and hammer in the trunk."

"Oh yay, you remembered!" Harley cheered. "I was worried I'd have to walk around in this ratty old hospital robe all day."

"I'll get right on it." Calendar Man nodded and turned around. "C'mon puppet guy. Let's go." He quickly left out the door they came in from with the Ventriloquist following around them.

Harley felt a bit more comforted once it was just Ivy, Selina and Magpie in there with her. They were the ones who were with her the longest and having her girlfriend, best friend and closest accomplice with her made the pain somewhat more bearable.

But she had little time to contemplate this when Professor Pyg burst back into the room carrying several CD cases with him. "Music, music, Pyg can't work without his music!"

Pyg scurried up to a small station beside the operating table and fumbled with a CD player. While that happened Mad Hatter and Mr. Freeze hurried out from the door Pyg just excited.

"Goodness! For such a fat man he is rather fast…" Mad Hatter was panting heavily.

"My containment suit is heavy. What's your excuse?" Mr. Freeze glanced at Hatter.

"Silence! Pyg needs to concentrate if his operation is going to be a success!" Professor Pyg popped the CD into the player and some 70s funk music began playing.

"Mmm, disco time!" He fumbled around with a tray of surgical implements, trying to decide which to use. "Watch closely everyone! This is a master at work!"

Ivy went over to Professor Pyg and grabbed him by the back of his collar and pulled him close to her. "I swear to god, if you kill Harley or even hurt her I will make you regret it so much. Him too!" She scowled and pointed over to Humpty Dumpty.

"Oh! What did I do?" Humpty Dumpty nervously asked.

"This whole thing was your idea!" Ivy shouted.

"Quiet, I can't hear my music!" Professor Pyg yelled. "Now, I need to get the patient her sleepytime gas."

"My what?" Harley glanced up at Pyg with some concern on her face.

"He means your anesthetic." Ivy held her hand for support. "At least that's what I hope he means."

"Yes, yes, that is what I mean." Professor Pyg glances over at Humpty Dumpty. "Humpty-Man, get the tanks of sleepytime gas!"

"Oh, right away." Humpty Dumpty nodded and dashed off as fast as he could.

Magpie couldn't help but curiously glance over at Pyg. "Does he do this kind of work for you often?"

"Yes, he's my protege. Soon he will be as great as Pyg!" Professor Pyg proclaimed. He then looked back over at Harley. "While we're waiting for the Humpty-Man to get the gas shall we take a look at the damage…" He reached down and untied the back of her now very bloody hospital robe and opened it. He tilted his head as he examined his wounds and scratched his chin. "Oh dear, oh dear… Pyg hates seeing damaged people. But Pyg will fix you." He touched the back of Harley's head. "Just some minor modifications… Shave your head… And you need a mask. Your face is too… Imperfect."

"Hey, no! Bad pig!" Ivy grabbed him by the back of his head again. "We're only doing the necessary surgery here. Patch up the bullet wounds, that's it. Hell, if Harley's pain threshold is high enough she might not even need the anesthetic."

"Um, I'd prefer it. Course I'm used to a lotta pain." Harley giggled a little. "But the sooner you could dig the bullet outta my shoulder and clean the wound, that'd be great."

"Pyg is an artist, and true art must never be rushed!" Professor Pyg dramatically exclaimed. "I shall see what I can do."

"Oh yay…" Harley nervously held on to Ivy's hand for more support.

Across town at the GCPD lockup, the suspects arrested at Scarecrow's fake spa had been delivered to holding cells. Currently, Hazard was sitting on the floor of her cell and angrily mumbling to herself. She didn't like to consider herself an angry or violent woman but right now was her exception. Her brother had taken off most of his Joker costume. He removed the green wig and had the makeup washed off and his jacket was confiscated by the officers.

The Gambler noticed his sister's sour mood and sat down beside her on the floor. "Hey Becky, are you gonna be okay…."

"I miss granddad…" Becky sighed. "All this criminal stuff, I'm doing it because of him."

"Well, maybe we can visit him once we get out of here." Steven smiled reassuringly. "I hear Florida's nice this time of year."

"Yeah but he doesn't wanna pull off big scores or do supervillain stuff anymore. Ever since Quinn took him down all Grandad's done is sit around at his retirement home." Becky scowled down at the ground.

"You never know, he might change his mind about things." Steven tried to smile reassuringly.

"Yeah, guess so." Becky sighed and nodded.

It was around then that a GCPD officer approached the cell. "Sharpe, we're getting a phonecall for you."

"Uh, we're both Sharpe." Steven pointed at himself then over at his sister. "Which one of us."

"The girl." The officer gestured over to Becky. "C'mon, let's go."

Becky nodded and stood up. She went over to the cell door and was let out. The officer was quick and cuffed Becky's hands in front of her before locking the holding cell door behind her.

"This way. No funny business. And don't stay on the phone too long." The officer looked over his shoulder at Becky.

"I know the drill. This isn't my first time in a police station." Hazard sighed. She was led to a bank of phones and handed one. She struggled for a moment in her cuffed hands but managed to get the phone up to her ear. "Um, hello?"

_"Becky, thank god you're alright."_ the voice of her grandfather Steven Sharpe the Third was audible through the phone. _"I heard about you getting arrested in the news."_

"Granddad? Wow it's great to hear from you." Becky smiles.

_"Becky, I need to know what the hell have you been up to. When I saw that crazy, shouting woman on the news I barely recognized you."_

"I- I wanted revenge…" Becky looked down at her feet, seeming embarrassed. "That Harley girl hurt you…"

_"Bah, it was just a sprained ankle. I've had worse."_

"But she made you retire…" Becky mumbled.

_"There ain't many old supervillains Becky. I was gonna have to retire at some point or get killed. Truth is we scammed that Quinn girl and she was right to be angry at us. Look, Becky, I need ya to call off that hit on her. It's like my old enemy Mr. Terrific said, it's all about fair play. And puttin' a bounty on your enemy ain't fair."_

"Okay, okay, I can do that." Becky nodded. "Maybe Isaac didn't put the bounty up yet. We still have some time. I'll make you proud, granddad."

_"I know ya will, Becky. Good luck."_ With that, the original Gambler hung up on the other end.

Hazard was soon led back to her cell where she sat down beside her brother once again. "Psst, Steve…"

"Yeah, what is it?" Steven whispered back.

"We're breaking out of here." Hazard leaned in closer to him.

"How exactly are we gonna do that?"

"Well, these cops haven't read my file yet. They don't know I'm a metahuman. So I say all we need is good luck…"

*******

Atop an East Gotham building known as the Breyfogle Community Centre, two of Gotham's heroines were waiting for the arrival of a third party. The first to arrive on the scene was Stephanie Brown, the current Batgirl of Gotham. She wasn't the first Batgirl and in fact before taking on this mantle she was going around in a different costume and calling herself Spoiler. But Stephanie didn't mind, she just liked helping people. Beside Stephanie, waiting for the third party to show up, was Cassandra Cain who at the moment went by the alias Black Bat. She was the Batgirl before Stephanie but had changed to a newer alias.

"When do you think he's going to get here?" Stephanie sighed. "I'm bored of waiting."

All Cassandra did was shrug, she was never much of a talker. Mostly on account that her dad never bothered teaching her when she was younger. She figured it out eventually but mostly liked to keep quiet. "Should be here soon. He's professional."

"He's a real brat is what he is. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a cute kid but he needs to learn to lighten up." Stephanie smirked. "Know what I mean?"

Cassandra nodded a bit. "I like him."

"He's alright, even if he is a bit annoying." Stephanie sighed.

It was around then that Stephanie noticed a figure standing in the shadows behind her, a short shadow. "Are you two talking about me?"

"Oh, hi Damian!" Stephanie waved as Damian Wayne stepped out of the shadows.

"We're on a mission right now." Damian glared at Stephanie, getting closer to her and Cassandra. "Codenames only."

"But it's just us." Cassandra spoke up.

"You don't know that." Damian glanced over at her. "Someone could be watching us."

"Let's just focus on the job for now." Batgirl said. "We're supposed to be tracking down Harley Quinn and bringing her somewhere safe."

"I heard." Damian nods. "Frankly I think the three of us are overkill. She's just one woman, a very unstable woman. But an inexperienced one with no real fighting style. It should be easy."

"In that case let's spend less time talking and more time looking for her." Stephanie smirked.

"Good idea." Cassandra nodded. "Let's ask Oracle. She can help."

Stephanie put a hand up to her ear, pressing down on the earpiece. "Oracle, this is Batgirl. Have you got any fresh leads on Quinn? We're all grouped up."

"I'm reading you loud and clear." Oracle's voice cracked in through her earpiece. "Let's see… Aha! I've got some security footage. It looks like Selina Kyle's car is parked outside a meat packing facility. No idea what it's doing there."

"Weird…" Stephanie trailed off. "What's the place called?"

"It's called the Dixon Meatpacking Plant. You're pretty close."

"Got it, we're on our way." Stephanie nodded and took her hand away from the earpiece. She turned around to address Damian and Cassandra. "Okay people, we're looking for a place called Dixon Meatpacking. Let's go in stealthy."

Cassandra nodded excitedly while Damian only gave one simple nod.

"You two should hang out more." Stephanie chuckled. "Seriously Damian, I feel like Cass is the only person who doesn't annoy you."

Damian just glared at Stephanie and took out a grappling gun from his belt. "We can have small talk later. And remember, no real names."

"Right, right, I got it." Stephanie nodded. "Let's go!"

*******

On a nearby road, there was a purple van with a big green smiley face painted onto the side. The owner and driver of this van was none other than the Joker. He was working with a full tank of gas, some weapons in the back of the truck, his right hand man Gaggy and some thugs of his that he deemed expendable. At the moment his ultimate goal was to find and kill his ex-girlfriend Harley Quinn. Not for any reason in particular, he was just in the mood for some violence and he'd heard that there was some money in it.

"Are we there yet?" Joker glanced over at the goon he had in the driver's seat.

"Uh, no boss." The goon shook his head. "If I'm being honest I don't even know where we're going. I mean, none of us know where Harley is."

"Well then we'll just have to find her." Joker shrugged. "Keep an eye out for anything that could tip us off to her location. From what I understand, she's probably hiding somewhere. Check for abandoned warehouses, super criminals here in gotham seem attracted to them."

"Are you sure that's gonna work?" The goon asked.

"Hey! Don't question the boss!" Gaggy shouted. "He knows what to do."

"That's why I love you, Gaggy!" Joker cackled. "You agree with whatever I say unquestioningly!"

"Heh! Thanks boss!" Gaggy cheered. "C'mon, let's go kill that Harley bitch!"

"Now, now, no name calling." Joke shook his head, hitting Gaggy on the top of the head. "Women are to be respected. Unless they annoy you, then you kill them. But we do not call them names. Understand?"

"I sure do boss!" Gaggy nodded animatedly. "Can't wait to kill her."

"Neither can I. Should be the most entertaining part of my week." Joker leaned back in his chair, putting his feet up on the dashboard.

"I'm still not so sure about this…" The goon driving mumbled.

"Hey! Don't question Joker! He's the boss!" Gaggy yelled.

"Listen to the little man, he knows what's up." Joker smirked, glancing back at Gaggy. "Oh, what fun we're all going to have!"

The driving goon got the message and shut his mouth.

*******

Back at the Dixon Meatpacking Plant, Harley Quinn's surgery had been going surprisingly well. After some debate with herself, Harley had opted not to use the anaesthetic. She'd originally wanted to but after thinking about it, she realized that being unconscious while a strange man in a pig mask operated on her was a rather terrifying thought. So instead she just bit down on a wad of cloth provided to her while Pyg went about removing the bullets. Thanks to Ivy's constant threats towards him, Pyg was able to complete the surgery without too many problems. He removed the bullets, cleaned the wounds and patched Harley up.

"I still would have liked to improve her. A lobotomy can do wonders." Pyg mumbled.

"Uh, I'm good. Thanks for the offer, Piggy." Harley slowly sat up, still feeling pain in her back but less than before. "Do ya wanna get paid for your services? Cause I ain't got any money. I think Selina might have some though."

"No payment necessary." Professor Pyg shook his head. "Everything Pyg does is for the art!"

"Heh, good for you." Harley nervously nodded before looking over at Ivy. "Pammy, let's get the hell outta here."

"I was just thinking the same thing." Ivy nodded. She turned around to face her crew. "Magpie, Selina, you can come with us. The rest of you, you did your part. You can go your separate ways now."

"Thank you." The Ventriloquist nodded. "It's, uh, it's been a good night. I'll take my leave."

"Yeah, see you later. Hope you can sort out whatever personal drama you've got going on." Calendar Man said.

"Ah, I'm sure we can." Harley nodded. "You all have fun now! If you'll excuse me, I gotta get changed out of these hospital robes."

"Good luck Harley." Mr. Freeze nodded.

Soon enough the other criminals filtered out of the room until Harley was in the room with Ivy, Magpie and Selina. At first she was relieved to be in familiar company, at least until she still saw Professor Pyg and Humpty Dumpty still hanging around in the operating theatre.

"What the Hell are you two still doin' here?" Harley asked

"I live here." Pyg plainly stated.

"I don't know where to go…" Humpty Dumpty fidgeted a bit.

"Well, figure it out later." Harley crossed her arms at him. "I'm sick of wearing this hospital robe. I'm putin' on some real clothes."

Humpty Dumpty nervous nodded and left the room with Professor Pyg following after him. Once they were gone, Harley sighed a bit and turned to face Selina and Ivy.

"You girls brought me a change of clothes, right?" Harley smiled.

"They brought one for me." Magpie chimed in.

"We've got it right here." Selina nodded, holding up a briefcase. "And your hammer's back in the car too."

"Oh yeah, I'm totally back in business!" Harley cheered, pumping her fists up in the air. "Look out, world! Here comes Harley Quinn!" She snatched the briefcase out of Selina's hands. Opening it up, she found her jester suit and mask inside. Without really thinking, Harley took off her hospital robe which made Magpie groan and turn away.

"Can you go change somewhere else?" Magpie whined.

"Sorry, too excited to do that!" Harley shook her head, beginning to put on her costume. "It'll only take a second anyway! Besides, this ain't the first time you've seen me naked."

"Don't remind me." Magpie sighed.

Harley hummed to herself as she changed. After just a few minutes, Harley was back in her jester suit with her mask on. "Okay, let's go!" After happily bouncing around for just a moment she looked around and stopped herself. "Uh, where are we goin' exactly?"

"Well, uh, I figure we all just go home." Ivy shrugged. "I know it seems like a boring way to end the day after all that but I don't think any of us want anymore excitement."

Harley nodded and smiled. "Sure, it works for me! Let's get goin'! And hopefully we ain't gonna run into any more issues." In all her excitement, Harley started leading them out of the factor even if she didn't know how to get out. She'd been too delirious on her way in to remember the layout. Realizing this, Ivy walked beside Harley to help her around.

"C'mon Harls, let's get home… I'm so glad you're safe." Ivy kissed Harley on the cheek.

"Aww, you're such a sweetheart." Harley giggled and kissed Ivy back. She kept being all giggly and happy until she reached the exit. Once she stepped outside, three figures were of particular note to her. Crouched atop the hood of Selina's car was Robin, sitting to his left was Batgirl and standing to his right was Black Bat.

"There you are, we were waiting." Robin's voice was cold and calm, creepily so for someone his age. "We were just about to move in."

"What do you guys want?" Harley sighed. "Was the Bat-Daddy too busy to come see me? He had to send his posse of kids. Christ, gimme a break…"

Batgirl got up and slowly started going towards Harley with a hand reached out. "Harley… We're here to help. Someone has put a hit out on you and we're taking you into our protection."

"Are you serious?" Harley couldn't help but laugh a bit. "Who wants to kill me?"

"You realize you were just held hostage by a bunch of people who probably were going to kill you." Ivy gleaned over at Harley.

"Oh yeah…" Harley nodded at her before glancing back at the three heroes. "Well, I don't care if it's true or not! Ain't nobody bossin' me around anymore! I'm my own woman now and I'm doin' whatever the hell I want."

"You tell 'em Harls." Ivy nodded, giving Harley an encouraging pat on the back.

"I told you they wouldn't listen." Robin shook his head and glanced at Batgirl. "We'll have to knock them out and take them in by force."

"Aww, ya really do like us." Harley said in a mocking tone. She glanced over at Ivy, Magpie and Selina. "Girls, let's kick their asses!"

"Harley, are you sure that's a good idea in your condition?" Selina asked.

"Pfft, I'll be fine." Harley nodded. "Now, let's go get 'em!" Without thinking much more, Harley ran forward towards the trio of heroes.

Robin was the first to react, using his size to his advantage and leaping into the air. He landed on Harley's back and wrapped an arm around her neck, keeping her off balance. While Robin did that Batgirl lunged forward at Selina and came at her with a kick. Selina managed to block it and retaliate by grabbing a whip and moving away, now prepared for a fight. Not wanting to be left out, Magpie rushed ahead at Black Bat with her clawed gloves raised. She soon realized that she was way out of her league when Black Bat pummeled her with her fists in quick succession.

While the six of them fought each other, Ivy dove to a hiding spot. Direct combat was never something she was very good at and she wasn't about to start learning now. Instead she looked for any nearby plants to help. Unfortunately for her they were fighting in a heavily industrialized area which meant not a lot of natural plant life. She closed her eyes and expanded her reach to the Green. She discovered some weeds growing in the cracks in the concrete and some plants growing underground. It would have to do. Ivy tried focusing in order to make the plants around her grow and hopefully help out her friends.

Harley managed to get the upper hand over Robin, flinging him off her back. But Robin was quick to recover. He took a collapsible staff off his belt and de-collapsed it to its full length. Thinking quick, he lunged ahead at Harley and hit her in the chest with the staff, knocking her back.

Batgirl and Selina seemed more or less evenly matched. Each time one of them seemed to get the upper hand, the other one gained some footing. The same could not be said for Magpie and Black Bat. Magpie was losing quite a bit against the more experienced fighter with Black Bat having given Magpie quite a few bruises and a bloody nose by now.

Some plants in the margins of the Dixon Meatpacking Plant parking lot started to creep closer to the three battling parties. But before the plants could do anything, something distracted all the fighters from their current quarrel. The sound of a loud engine became audible and bright headlights shone as a big purple van barreled into the parking lot.

When it showed no signs of slowing down Robin leaped out of the way with the others following. The back doors of the van swung open and two of the Joker's goons wearing heavy clown makeup jumped out of the back and fired wildly at the scenery with machine guns. The fact that they weren't hitting anything didn't get them to stop. They continued to empty their clips until there was nothing but clicking noises left. Once the guns had quieted down, loud laughing became audible. Footsteps slowly became audible as the Joker came into view, exiting the passenger's side of the van with Gaggy following behind him.

"Now that is how you make an entrance!" Joker kept laughing. "Oh Harley, are you here? I have a surprise for you!"

Against her common sense, Harley got out of her hiding place and approached the Joker. "Puddin'? What the hell are ya doin' here?"  
"I'm going to kill you." Joker shrugged as he got closer to Harley.

"What! Why?" Harley asked, taking a few steps back.

"It's a few factors, actually." Joker casually went on. "Firstly, I don't like you very much. You're rather annoying. Two, I've got nothing better to do today and I'm bored. And three, word on the street is there's a price on your head."  
"Wait, what! When did that happen!" Harley exclaimed.

"Just earlier. Some angry lady dressed like a casino dealer made an announcement." Joker explained. "I don't know how valid it is but I'm going to kill you anyway. Because like I said, I'm bored."

"Oh yeah, I'd like to see you try." Harley crossed her arms.

"Yeah, that's the idea." Joker nodded and took a pistol out of his jacket pocket. "Bye now!" He started firing off his pistol at a rapid pace.

Harley jumped to the side and hid behind some crates that Magpie was also behind. Looking around, Harley saw that Selina had gone to hide over with Ivy.

"So, uh, what's your boyfriend doing here?" Magpie asked, glancing at Harley.

"Ex-boyfriend." Harley corrected. "And I got no idea. But I'm gonna kick his ass just like I did with that brat Robin."

"I think he was beating you." Magpie mumbled.

"Well I'll win the rematch against him too!" Harley declared. "We can do this, everyone! I ain't afraid anymore. Not of Joker, not of Batman, not of anyone! C'mon Maggie, let's go get 'em!"

"Oh boy… I've got a bad feeling about this." Magpie sighed.

*******

Closer to Gotham's downtown area, there was a rather hectic police chase going on. Hazard and the Gambler had escaped from the GCPD precinct quite miraculously and stolen a police car. The Gambler got behind the wheel and sped off as fast as he could while Hazard collapsed in the passenger's seat. She'd exhausted herself using her luck powers to get this far and wanted a rest.

"Becky, I'm starting to think this was a mistake." The Gambler remarked, looking behind him at the other police vehicles chasing after them.

"Too late to turn back now Steven…" Hazard looked out the window and started fishing through her pockets. "Keep driving, never look back."

"Alright, alright... " The Gambler sighed. "I have got a real bad feeling about this… We're gonna end up back in that cell, mark my words."

Hazard ignored him and felt around in her pocket. Soon she found what she'd been searching for, a hidden pocket sewn to the inside where she kept a backup cellphone. She took out the phone and dialed a number into it, putting it up to her ear.

"C'mon… C'mon… Pick up…" Hazard whispered, biting her lip a bit. After a bit of waiting Hazard heard a clicking on the other end.

_"Hello? Becky? Is that you?"_ the voice of the Fiddler made itself known from the other end of the phone.

"Isaac! Great to hear from you!" Hazard cheers.

_"Are those sirens I hear? Where the hell are you?"_

"In a cop car, going down the highway. I'm in the passenger seat though, don't worry. We're doing fine."

_"Becky, why are you calling?"_

"Did you, um, did you do that bounty thing I was shouting about on TV?"

_"Uh, yes I did."_

"Dammit! Can you call it off."

_"I… I can try. Why?"_

"Granddad convinced me that I might be overreacting."

_"It's not as easy as hitting an off switch. I'll see what I can do."_ with that, the Fiddler hung up on the other end.

"Crap…" Hazard sighed and sank down in her chair.

"Not good news, I take it?" The Gambler glanced over at his sister.

Hazard shook her head. "Let's go find Harley. Right now, it looks like they're all pretty screwed over 'cause of me…"

"I'd hate to be them right now." The Gambler chuckled a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, another cliffhanger. But don't worry folks next issue is the grand finale to this story! I'm kinda sad to end it but I've also got a few other ideas for future DC Comics stories floating around in my head. So finishing this story opens up all sorts of new doors! Should be fun to finish this off. I'm kinda surprised I wrote this many chapters this fast.


	20. On the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and her crew has to deal with the Joker, Batman and a few other threats once and for all.

Harley Quinn was stuck in a bit of an awkward position at the moment. There were two parties of people after her, one which wanted to kill her and one which was likely going to imprison her. Both options were things Harley did not want. Currently, Harley had hidden behind some rather weak wooden boxes while the Joker fought with the three heroes that had been sent to find her. Magpie was with her, both laying low before the moment.

"C'mon Maggie, stop bein' such a wuss! Go out there and get 'em!" Harley tried encouraging her friend, pulling on her by the arm.

"This is a bad idea!" Magpie shook her head. "If we leave our hiding spot we're gonna get shot in the head!"

"Ah, no we ain't!" Harley insisted, still pulling on Magpie. "Stop bein' so stubborn!"

"I'm not being stubborn, I'm being smart!" Magpie argued, pulling away from Harley.

Harley ignored Magpie and peeked over the box they were hiding behind only to be confronted by a very short man in a clown costume. He was Joker's latest sidekick, Gaggy. He'd worked with Joker before and he didn't seem to like Harley very much.

"Gotcha!" Gaggy laughed, leaping forward and tackling Harley. "Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha!"

"Get offa me ya weirdo!" Harley pushed Gaggy off of her.

"Okay, maybe staying here isn't such a good idea either." Magpie sighed.

"Now what do we do?" Harley asked.

"Find a better hiding spot, I guess!" Magpie exclaimed. She scrambled up to her feet and hurried over to the spot Selina and Ivy were hidden right behind Selina's car. Harley saw Magpie running and went after her, not wanting to be left alone with Gaggy.

"Wait up!" Harley yelled. Moving as fast as she could, Harley got behind the car with the other girls.

"Thank god you're okay." Ivy sighed, pulling Harley into a quick embrace. "Oh, uh, you too Magpie."

"At least you remembered my name this time." Magpie shook her head. "Look, can someone please come up with a plan? I feel like a sitting duck back here."

"Well it seems like Robin, Batgirl and that Black Bat are keeping Joker and his crew distracted for the time being…" Selina peeked up over her car for just a moment. "Do you think we can make a break for it?"

Ivy peeked over the car too and thought for a moment. "Hmm… Maybe. But we'll have to be smart about it."

"True." Selina nodded. "We can't just rush out there, we're outnumbered."

"We could just wait for the Bat Crew to take down Mistah J's boys and make a run for it." Harley suggested.

"Maybe…" Ivy nodded. She thought for a moment, trying to concentrate. "Okay, I've got it."

"Alright, shoot." Selina smiled at Ivy.

"I make a quick attack with my plants. Harley, you grab your hammer and popgun from the trunk. After that, we all retreat into the factory." Ivy explained.

"Is that such a good idea?" Magpie asked. "Sounds a little risky."

"It is." Ivy admitted. "But if we get the building there are more places to hide and ambush our enemies. Plus lots of items we can improvise into weapons. If we get lucky maybe even Pyg might wanna help us out."

"Alright, let's do it!" Harley cheered. "Here we go, do or die time!"

"Goodness you're excited." Ivy chuckled. "Alright Harls, let's go!"

Harley nodded and let out an excited squealing noise. She rushed off to do her part of the plan. Moving swiftly, Harley made it to the trunk of the car and popped it open. In it she saw her trusty red and black hammer and her comically oversized popgun. "Oh yeah, time for some real fun!"

While all of that was going on, Ivy used her powers to summon up what little plants she had to attack both Joker's gang and the heroes that had been sent after them. They were weaker than her usual plants but they did the job, distracting both groups while Ivy, Harley, Magpie and Selina all got away.

As they fled into the factory Joker spotted them getting away. He shot the small vine coming towards him and aimed his pistol at Harley. "Oh no you don't! You think you're so clever! Well, you aren't!" Right as Joker tried to fire a shot Black Bat tackled him from behind, getting him to the ground and making the shot miss by a wide margin.

Harley would've thanked Black Bat her if she hadn't been fleeing at the time. In a matter of seconds, Harley and her friends were back inside the abandoned meatpacking plant they'd just left. They hurried down a hallway together with Selina taking the lead.

"C'mon girls, let's find a good spot to hide! And maybe an emergency exit too." Selina beckoned the girls to follow her.

"Oh god, it's days like this I regret joining this crew." Magpie sighed.

"Ah don't worry, we'll be fine." Harley giggled a bit. "Ya got me on your side! And I never give up, no matter what!"

"That's one of the reasons I love you, Harls!" Ivy smirked at her girlfriend. "Your optimism is infectious."

"This way!" Selina beckoned the girls to follow her as she ducked into another room. "Those guys outside are probably trying to find us now. It's best we find a hiding spot!"

The girls followed Selina into the other room which turned out to be a now-abandoned meat locker. Although apparently for whatever reason Pyg was using the place as his personal pantry and large pieces of raw meat still hung from hooks.

"Ugh, this place is creepy…" Ivy sighed.

"Well, it's where we're hiding for now." Selina said in a hushed tone. "Trust me, I'm not a fan of it either."

Magpie heard a vague, high pitched sound in the distance that was progressively getting closer. She grabbed Harley by the arm and tugged on her. "Hey, Harley, do you hear what I'm hearing?"

Harley listened and it became clear what the noise was. "Shit! Cop sirens. Now the police are part of this party."

"We'll find a way out." Selina insisted. "For now, let's find a hiding spot in here. If anyone comes looking for us, we'll jump them." She motioned for the other girls to follow her and they hid around the corner near some more slabs of frozen meat.

"Jeez, I really need to get some rest when I'm home." Harley sighed. "Today was supposed to be nice…"

"Well, the spa was kinda relaxing before Scarecrow kidnapped us." Magpie remarked.

"Shh! Please be quiet girls." Ivy whispered. "We need to stay focused."

Harley nodded and made a zipping motion over her lips. It turned out Ivy's request to keep quiet was well-timed since right then the sound of the heavy metal door the room opening.

"C'mon boss, they gotta be around here somewhere!" The voice of one of Joker's goons was heard.

"You'd better be right. Otherwise I'll cut your ear off and feed it to the dogs." Joker chuckled a bit.

Ivy glanced over at the others and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Alright, let's split up girls. See if we can ambush him."

"Alright." Harley nodded. "I'll be the distraction."

The girls split off from the area, each carefully going in a different direction. Harley had the easiest job, instead of slinking off to a hiding place like the others she jumped right out into the open and waved at the people coming after her. It seemed like Black Bat, Batgirl and Robin took down quite a lot of Joker's henchmen. Right now it just seemed to be Joker, Gaggy and a miscellaneous goon coming to look for her.

"Hey ya Puddin'!" Harley cheered. "How's it going?"

"Get her!" Joker shouted, pointing at Harley.

Joker's henchman pointed a machine gun at Harley. Thinking fast, Harley leapt behind a large hanging slab of meat. All the bullets hit the meat and absorbed the impact, keeping Harley safe until she heard the clicking of the gun out of ammo.

"Such a clever girl…" Joker laughed a little bit. "Alright Harley, you can come out now. You've survived long enough. We can talk this all out like civilized adults."

"How do I know ya ain't gonna shoot me?" Harley asked, still clinging tight to the cold meat.

"C'mon Puddin', have a little faith." Joker tried to keep his tone of voice calm and reasonable.

"Alright I'm comin' out. Don't shoot me." Harley stepped out from her hiding place with her popgun holstered on her hip and hammer dragging behind her. "We ain't gonna fight now, right?"

"Of course." Joker nodded, getting closer to her. "All I want is to talk. The truth is Harley, I miss you."

"Oh no! I ain't fallin' for it!" Harley shook her head and started to back away.

"Harley, please, be reasonable." Joker holstered his pistol. "I… I love you."

"No ya don't yer lyin'!" Harley kept backing away, now clutching her hammer tight. "And even if ya aren't, I got someone else now."

"You do, eh?" Joker chuckled. "Well that's news to me! Who's the lucky fella and where does he live? I wanna kill him once I'm done with you!"

Before Harley could get a response the branch of a tree just outside smashed through the wall and warped around Joker's waist. Just then, Poison Ivy stepped out of her hiding spot behind some boxes.

"That's lucky lady, to you!" Ivy smirked, looking at Joker as the tree lifted him up. Although the cold temperature of the meat locker made it weaker.

"So you're Harley's new partner?" Joker smirked. "Hmmph, I really should have seen this coming." He glanced back at his team. "Gaggy, whats-your-face, don't leave me hanging here! Get them!"

The goon panicked when he realized his gun was empty and went to reload it. But his reflexes weren't fast enough to account for Selina. She leaped out of a spot she'd hooked onto on the ceiling and whipped him. The gun fell out of his hand and a quick kick to the face from her broke his nose and knocked him to the ground.

Gaggy took out a pair of small knives and lunged at Harley but he too was countered. This time by Magpie. She got out of her hiding spot behind a hanging cow carcass and lunged at Gaggy. She slashed open the front of his costume with her clawed gloves and knocked him down. To add insult to injury, Magpie kicked the little man in the head.

With his two henchmen seemingly defeated and he himself stuck in a tree, Joker reached into his pocket and pulled out a small white handkerchief. He waved it around in an act of surrender. "Oh I just wanted to talk things out! Can't we just get along!"

"Shut up!" Harley yelled. "I- I'm sick of you! You treated me badly all these years and- And I ain't gonna listen anymore!"

"Fine, I was a bad boyfriend. Sue me!" Joker cackled. "You always annoyed me anyway."

"Well guess what Pud- Joker! I got someone who really loves me now!" Harley put an arm around Ivy.

"Aww, good for you sweetpea." Joker mockingly chuckled. "Now can you and your gal pals do me a favour and let me go."

Ivy smirked and walked over to Harley. She put an arm around her girlfriend before looking at the Joker. "What do you think, Harls? Should we kill him."

"Nah, it ain't worth the hassle." Harley shook her head. "I'd rather just embarrass him. It's more fun that way. Hey Red, how's about you get your plant to throw him against the wall?"

"With pleasure." Ivy nodded. With one swift hand motion, the branch holding on to Joker lurched around. It moved a bit slower thanks to the cold but in just a moment Joker had been flung against a wall and was locked out. With that done, Ivy turned around to face Magpie and Catwoman. "Well girls, I think our work is done. Let's get out of here while we still have a chance."

"Good idea." Magpie nodded. "I wanna get home and take a nice hot shower."

"Same here." Selina sighed happily, thinking about her apartment. "Plus my cats are probably lonely. They miss their mommy."

"Then what're we waitin' for? Let's get goin'!" Harley turned around for a moment and rather immaturely blew a raspberry at Joker's unconscious body. Turning around again, Harley hummed to herself as she went to the large hole in the wall Ivy's tree created. "C'mon girls, let's get the hell outta here!"

Harley giggled madly as she ran away and Ivy found herself laughing a bit as she ran after her. "Wait up, Harls!"

Magpie just sighed a bit and Selina quietly smiled to herself but the both of them soon joined the other girls.

"We're home free, c'mon!" Harley giggled uncontrollably as she climbed through the hole in the wall Ivy made. She nearly tripped in all her excitement to leave.

The other girls soon left through the hole in the wall as well, staying close to Harley. But once they left, they realized their freedom wasn't as close as it seemed. They found a small group of GCPD cars, about three or four, parked in the area with a few officers nearby.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about the cops…" Harley trailed off.

The officers tried to react quickly, drawing their weapons. "Freeze! You're all under arrest! No sudden moves!"

The girls all shared a look between each other for a moment, all trying to silently formulate a plan. Now that she was outside, Ivy had more control over her powers. She flicked her wrist and sent the small but now growing fast tree towards the cops.

The cops started getting out of the way of the upcoming plant but a saviour for them, and doom for Harley and company, jumped down from the roof of the building. It was none other than the Batman himself. He threw a series of sharp, metal Batarangs at the tree. They embedded themselves in the bark before exploding, completely destroying it.

"My baby!" Ivy exclaimed in horror.

"It's over for all of you. Come with me and nobody needs to get hurt." Batman walked towards them with his hand reached out. He looked directly at Harley. "Harleen, you are not well. Spending time with these people is not helping you."

"Ah shuddup!" Harley shook her head at him. "I ain't listenin' to you! Ya don't know what you're talkin' about! Ivy's the best girlfriend ever and my friends know what I want."

"Harleen… I want to help…" Batman talked slowly and calmly.

"And my name ain't Harleen! It's Harley!" Harley yelled, her eyes narrowing in on him. "Just let us go!"

It seemed Harley's protests fell on deaf ears as soon Robin, Batgirl and Black Bat came out of the shadows behind Batman.

"We ain't afraid of ya! We- We're gonna fight ya!" Harley declared. "Ain't that right, Red?" She glanced at Ivy.

"Harls… At this point, we're tired and they're all better fighters than us. I say we run." Ivy whispered to her girlfriend.

"No! I wanna fight!" Harley yelled, grabbing her hammer harder.

"Harley we need to go…" Selina tugged on Harley by her arm.

Harley glanced over at the girls. "You go… I wanna stay and prove I'm worth somethin'. Bring the car around for me."

Ivy paused for a moment and got a bit closer to Harley. "I'll stay with you. Selina, Magpie, you get the car and we'll keep the Bats busy."

"Deal!" Selina nodded. "Good luck!" With that Selina dashed off around the corner with Magpie right on her heels.

Batman saw them fleeing and took a similar strategy. He looked over at Damian and gave him a nod. "Damian, follow me! We're going after them! Batgirl, Black Bat, stay here and detain Quinzel and Isley!"

"I see how it is, we ain't a big enough priority for the Bat!" Harley giggled, lifting her hammer up. "That's okay, I'm always up for a little girl-on-girl action! And yes, I know exactly how that sounded!" Without thinking out a plan, Harley charged forward at Black Bat and Batgirl while Ivy remained more methodical and stayed back. Her tree may have been destroyed but there were still weeds and bits of grass she could use.

Black Bat was a master of reading body language. She could see exactly how frustrated and confused Harley was at the moment and how she was swinging her hammer around with no real thought behind it. It made her rather easy to pick off. Black Bat glanced over at Batgirl and nodded. "Follow my lead."

"Got it!" Batgirl cheered.

Black Bat ran at Harley with Batgirl running right beside her. Harley was too full of emotions to think of a real strategy and just opted to wildly swing around her hammer until she hit a target. This proved to be a mistake when Black Bat nailed her in the chest with an expertly timed kick and knocked her back a bit. Batgirl came at her with a kick to the back and pulled on the tails of her jester hat to knock her off balance.

"Hey, she isn't so tough!" Batgirl remarked.

"I'm plenty tough! Let go of me!" Harley shouted as she was knocked to the ground by a roundhouse kick from Black Bat.

It was around then that Ivy's plants came in. The once weak and puny weeds had grown into mighty vines. They wrapped around Black Bat and Batgirl by their ankles and pulled them away.

"Phew! You're a real lifesaver, Red!" Harley cheered as she got back to her feet.

"Don't mention it." Ivy nodded as she got closer to Harley.

Timing seemed to be on their side since at that moment Selina's convertible pulled around the corner with Selina driving and Magpie in the passenger's seat. Selina honked the horn a few times to get their attention.

"Get in! We got room in the back!" Selina shouted.

"And hurry before Batman and his kid catch up!" Magpie added.

"Ya don't hafta tell me twice!" Harley nodded, quickly hopping in the back seat with Ivy following after her. Once they were both in, Selina pressed down on the gas pedal without waiting for them to put on their seatbelts. Of course Harley rarely wore her seatbelt to begin with.

"So, uh, can this thing outrace the Batmobile?" Ivy asked.

"No probably not, he's got the faster car." Selina admitted. "But we have one thing on him."

"What's that?" Magpie asked.

"Batman tries not to rack up too much collateral damage, so he'll be holding back." Selina began to explain. "Us on the other hand, we can be as reckless as we want. As long as I don't crash the car." And with her explanation done, Selina pressed down on the pedal and sped away.

Magpie seemed a bit terrified by the high speed she was travelling at but Harley and Ivy enjoyed themselves immensely. Selina glanced in her rearview mirror and saw the Batmobile following behind her. "Hmm, looks like my boyfriend wants to play rough. I can do that."

Selina drove around erratically, through alleys, past red lights, in the wrong lane. Batman did these things too but took greater care when driving than Selina did.

It seemed that Selina's theory about Batman's driving style proved correct. After several minutes of driving Selina was able to lose the Batmobile while driving through a storm drain. Of course that didn't get her to slow down or stop.

"Looks like we're free!" Selina cheered.

"Thank god…" Harley sighed. "I wanna relax."

"Same here…" Ivy nodded, resting her hand on Harley's shoulder for a moment.

"We should pour out some champagne to celebrate." Selina looked back at Harley and Ivy for a moment.

Magpie too began to relax until she saw something in front of her that made her disposition change from calm to panicked in a split second. "Girls! Look out!"

Selina looked straight ahead and saw a cop car with its lights out headed straight towards them. She swerved out of the way but the police car hit the back of her convertible anyway, sending Selina's car spinning out. Slamming down on the brakes, Selina was able to stop the car before it crashed into anything.

"Shit! Is everyone okay!" Selina shouted out.

"Yeah… Mostly…" Harley muttered. "C'mon, hit the gas again before the cops get us!"

The police car came to an abrupt stop and the doors opened up. Before Selina had a chance to speed away she heard a familiar female voice. "Don't go! We're not cops, we wanna help you!"

Slightly curious, Selina paused but remained ready to speed away in case anything went down. Two figures became visible leaving the cop car and soon the group recognized them. It was Hazard and her brother the Gambler, the two people who got them in this mess to begin with.

"What the hell do you want!" Hraley yelled at the two of them.

"We- I- I'm sorry!" Hazard called out to them. "I just want to help you!"

Harley glared at Hazard and got out of her car, taking out her popgun. "Oh, ya got some nerve! You kidnap me, do that weird psychiatry thing, put a price on my head and now ya wanna help!"

"I was upset and confused… I just wanted my granddad to be proud of me!" Hazard shouted. "I didn't want any of this, you gotta believe me!"

"Sounds to me like ya got some serious daddy issues." Harley laughed a little, keeping her gun pointed at Hazard. None of Harely's friends chose to intervene, they were curious about what would happen. Of course they also stood by just in case things turned ugly.

"Sure, maybe I do…" Hazard approached Harley a bit, remaining cautious. "But Harley, I need you to listen to me…"

"Alright, I'm listenin'. What do you wanna say?" Harley asked.

"Mostly I just want you to know that I'm sorry about all the trouble I caused… Maybe later down the line we could be, y'know, friends." Hazard got a bit closer to Harley.

"Yeah, kinda doubt that after the shit you put me through." Harley glared at Hazard.

"Look, I'm trying to get the bounty on you taken down! But it- It's harder than it sounds and I don't know if I can even do it!" Hazard tried to explain. "I just wanna give you some advice. For the time being, get out of town. Just stay out of Gotham until the heat dies down. Okay?"

"Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind." Harley nodded. "Now if you'll excuse me, I should get outta here."

"So… So you forgive me?" A hopeful smile spread across Hazard's face.

"Fuck no!" Harley cackled. "I'm mad as hell at you!" She pointed her popgun at Hazard and pulled the trigger. Hazard flinched but suddenly found herself being showered in a rain of confetti. "Hehe! Fooled ya! Now stay outta my sight before I decide to kill ya for real!" Laughing like mad, Harley ran off back to her car and hopped in the back seat. "Alright Selina, floor it!"

"With pleasure." Selina nodded before speeding off as fast as we could.

Feeling exhausted, Harley leaned in and put an arm around Ivy. "Jeez, what a day… I just wanna get home and relax…"

"Same here, Harls… Same here." Ivy ran her fingers through Harley's hair.

*******

The following morning, Harley awoke in her bedroom beside Ivy. It seemed that the both of them were incredibly exhausted after the previous night's events and neither of them had changed out of their supervillain outfits. Harley yawned and looked around before noticing Ivy lying next to her, seemingly half asleep. Giggling to herself, Harley moved over to Ivy and hugged her tightly.

"Mornin' Pam…" Harley yawned a bit more.

Ivy shifted around a bit, looking back at Harley. "Well hey there Harls… Man, yesterday sure was crazy..."

"Definitely… C'mon, let's get into some more comfy clothes and go get breakfast." Harley gave Ivy a quick peck on the cheek and got up from bed. She went to the dresser and found some pajamas in it. "So Red, how're you feelin'?" She casually stripped out of her jester suit and slipped into her pajamas.

"I feel alright I suppose." Ivy yawned a little and got out of bed. "I am a big anxious, I suppose." She went over to the same dresser as Harley and searched through it until she found some underwear and a t-shirt.

"Anxious? About what?" Harley turned around to face Ivy.

"That bounty Hazard put on you." Ivy explained as she got dressed. "I guess we could lie low here, but that never was your style. Have you thought about what Hazard said? About leaving town?"

"Yeah a little bit." Harley nodded. "We've caused a lotta trouble in the past few months. And after last night, it would be nice to go somewhere else for a little while."

"Have anywhere in mind?" Ivy went over to the door of the bedroom, beginning to exit.

"Not really." Harley shook her head. "I've never been much of a traveller. You got any other ideas?"

"Hmm… Maybe." Ivy nodded, making her way to the kitchen with Harley following her. "Selina and I gave Trickster a phone call yesterday, we were hoping he could help us out. He couldn't, but he mentioned he was currently living in Los Angeles. Could be fun to pay him a visit."

"Ooh, I like that idea!" Harley nodded. "I always wanted to visit Hollywood!"

The both of them entered the kitchen where they saw Magpie enjoying some buttered toast. She lay the butter on extra thick because she always loved how pretty and shiny it was.

"Well hey girls, glad you're finally up." Magpie smiled at them. "Help yourself to some breakfast. We don't have much in the fridge. We should probably go on a grocery run."

"Actually, we may not need to." Harley giggled.

"What do you mean?" Magpie asked, taking another bite of toast.

"We need to get out of town until all the heat on Harley dies down. So we're thinking of taking a trip out of town. To LA." Ivy explained. "How does that sound?"

"And I'm invited!" Magpie smiled at the two of them, sounding like she didn't believe it.

"Ya sure are!" Harley cheered. "You're part of the gang, ain't ya? And you've proven yourself to be loyal."

"Wow, that's great!" Magpie stood up from her chair. "When do we start packing?"

"As soon as ya can." Harley replied. "We wanna move outta here fast."

"No problem! I haven't got much to pack. Just some spare clothes, a toothbrush and some tampons." Magpie nodded. "I'll start getting my things together." She scurried off to her bedroom in excitement."

"We should make some phone calls." Ivy glanced over at Harley. "We want Trickster to know we're dropping by and we'll have to invite Selina on this trip. Oh and we should let Jenna know that we won't be around for a little while."

"Good idea!" Harley nodded. "You give your landlady a call while I get Trickster on the phone."

"I'll jot down Trickster's number for you." Ivy nodded. "I'm sure he'll be glad to hear from you."f

Harley nodded and giggled to herself as she entered the living room and wnet over to the landline. Ivy grabbed a notepad and scribbled down Trickster's number before handing it to Harley. "I'll go call Jenna. Good luck with Trickster."

"Thanks!" Harley giggled some more as she picked up the phone. Rocking back and forth in excitement, Halrey dialed the number given to her and waited for a response. After a while she heard someone picking up on the other end.

"Um, hello?" Trickster's voice on the other line seemed cautious.

"Trickster! How's it hangin'?" Harley casually struck up a conversation. "It's your favourite gal, Harley Quinn!"

"Harley! Great to hear from you. I was worried about you. Got a call from your friends yesterday, they said you were in trouble."

"I was. But I got out of it just fine."

"That's a relief." Trickster chuckled a bit. "So why exactly are you calling?"

"Well, word is you're hanging out in LA right now." Harley leaned back on the couch, still pressing. "See, things have gotten a bit too crazy here in Gotham and we're hopin' we could hang out with you for a while."

"Sure thing! I'd love to have you over. I'm staying with an old friend of mine right now."

"Great! We'll be over in a week or two. We're probably gonna be driving the whole way there."

"I look forward to having you over. I'm getting involved in the movie business. Maybe that's a business venture you'd like to get involved in too."

"Ooh sounds fun! How'd that happen?"

"I may or may not be blackmailing a producer at a major movie studio."

"Ha! Don't you ever go changin'!" Harley laughed. "Alright, I gotta start gettin' my stuff together. I'll give ya a call later though."

"It's been a pleasure, Harley. Bye now!" Trickster hung up and Harley put the phone back on the receiver.

Harley got up from the couch with a big smile on her face. She went to her and Ivy's shared room, humming to herself the whole way. "Hey Red! How'd things go with Jenna?"

"Got sent to voicemail. I left a message about us going away. I'll be sending her rent still. This is a nice place." Ivy said.

"In that case let's get packed up." Harley said. "We should give Selina a call too. She'd like this trip we're going on."

"Oh absolutely! Just us girls having fun. Just like the good old days." Ivy smiled at Harley.

Harley laughed to herself some more before pulling Ivy into a big hug and planting a big kiss on her lips. "This is gonna be great!"

*******

Just a little later that day, Harley, Ivy and Magpie had gathered up their belongings, piled into their RV and had driven across town to Selina's apartment. Harley was behind the driver's seat and humming to herself the whole way there. The idea of a vacation to Los Angeles with her girlfriend and two of her best friends was wonderful. Selina had sounded very excited when they phoned her with the idea which only made Harley more enthusiastic to get over there and meet up with her.

"Alrighty! We're here!" Harley cheered as she parked the car. "Ready to go?" She glanced at Ivy and Magpie in the back.

"You bet Harls, I'm sure Selina is excited to see us." Ivy stood up and made her way to the door.

"Oh yeah, she sure will be!" Harley got out of the car and got closer to Selina's building. She entered the lobby and found Selina sitting on some stairs with a pet carrier and suitcase beside her.

"Hey girls!" Selina cheered, beginning to stand up. "So, is this roadtrip for real?"

"As real as ever, Kitty!" Harley nodded. "So, are ya bringin' your cats with you?"

"You know I can't bear to be separated from my babies for too long." Selina smiles, picking up the pet carrier. "Ready to go?"

"I sure am!" Harley nodded, turning around and beckoning Selina to follow her. "Man, this is gonna be great!"

"I've been to LA before, it's nice. Not a fan of the heat though." Selina remarked. "Should be nice to have you girls around though."

Harley got back into the driver's seat while Selina got into the back of the RV. She looked back at Selina as she set down the pet carrier and her suitcase. "You two ready to go?"

"Sure am." Selina nodded. "This should be exciting."

"Definitely." Magpie smiled.

"Alright, let's get goin' in that case!" Harley cheered as she started up the car. "It's gonna be a long ride. We could make a few stops along the way though. How's that sound?"

"Sounds wonderful." Ivy smiled. "I've always wanted to go to New Orleans, maybe we could stop there."

"Great idea!" Magpie cheered from the back. "Oh and maybe we can go to Vegas too! Everything's so shiny too."

"We got plenty of places to visit on the way." Harley nodded. "You two just sit back. I'll drive for the first leg but we'll all be takin' turns." She started driving a bit faster while Ivy put coordinates into the RV's GPS.

"This is exciting. I don't really get excited that much but I feel this weird fluttering feeling inside me." Ivy admitted, glancing over at Harley.

"Aww, I'm glad I'm rubbing off on ya." Harley smiled, glancing over at Ivy. "We make a real great pair, don't we?"

"Absolutely. I know this sounds sappy, but I can't imagine life without you right now." Ivy leaned over and kissed Harley's cheek.

"That ain't sappy at all." Harley glanced. "I feel the same way. You 'n me Red, girlfriends 'til the end."

Ivy smiled and leaned her head against Harley's shoulder, resting it there. Harley glanced back at Ivy and grinned. Right then she felt happy to be alive. She was leaving Gotham City behind her for a whole new world of adventures just beyond the horizon. And right beside her she'd have the most wonderful woman in the world to help her through it all. Whatever happened next, Harley welcomed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was a satisfactory ending! I had a lot of fun writing this story. Harley's a fun character and it was great to write her and the various other villains and heroes of Gotham City. I've got some other ideas for future stories, mostly DC Comics related. So I guess keep an eye out for that. It was fun writing this and I'm almost sad to end it. But that just means I can focus on newer projects now.


End file.
